


Bourbon

by ThunderGreen



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Choking, Drugs, M/M, Mafia NCT, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Organized crimes, Romance, Scent Kink, Scenting, Smut, Violence, mafia, mention of prostitution, mention of sex trafficking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 154,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23726053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderGreen/pseuds/ThunderGreen
Summary: When Taeyong's husband dies and he becomes a target for every mobster a mile radius, his only hope at survival, at protecting his son is the alpha drug lord Suh Johnny who seems to be more than he shows.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 416
Kudos: 1222





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! I'm so sorry to most of my readers but I deleted Golden Boy because I didn't have inspiration for the story anymore. This plot has been bugging me for weeks now, keeping me from updating my other stories so I aboslutely had to write it down. Hope you'll like it and follow it to the end! Hope it helps you cope with the boredom of quarantine somehow, cause it really helps me cure my blank page syndrome to write something else different from what I always do. Enjoy!

**Prologue**

  
  


“Have you ever heard of a man,”

She stops stirring her latte. Never did she imagine sitting here, in front of Lee Taeyong himself, and even if it is the case, she has expected the omega to not answer. He didn’t answer, he kept silent for the past thirty minutes, just replying to her indiscretion with barely visible smiles. Park Minyoung, confident beta, gained her journalism degree just three months ago, and nobody believed it when she landed an interview with Lee Taeyong. Everyone has long abandoned the idea, having been rejected even before the request was made.

It has not been long since she left school, but she still remembers her psychology course and maybe it is far fetched, but she sees through the man and understands why it is hard to reach him. For someone who has lost everything, who has disappeared from the surface of the Earth two years ago, she is surprised to see the diamond on his finger, or the obvious VLTN carved on his purse that he didn’t bother hiding and is sitting comfortably next to his cold sugar free coffee. But she doesn’t miss his pupils shivering, or the way he bites his nails sometimes, avoiding her questions. 

Do you still live in the country? How is your son doing? Do you have business projects for the future? Are you still in contact with the Lees? Lee Taeyong stayed quiet for long minutes and one by one, Minyoung removed each unanswered questions from her tablet until one was left. She hesitated at first, it was too risky but she is already there, taking a cup of coffee with a man that everyone thought was a ghost now.  _ “Two years ago, your lawyer revealed that you lost your assets and went bankrupt. You’ve been the victim of an almost fatal car accident. What happened? What happened during the last two years?” _

“A man,” the first words aside  _ hello _ she heard him speak ever since they sat down “so wealthy that he owns a private gate in each airport he steps in, so wealthy he can put any diamond on your finger?” A chuckle, almost akin to a sob leaves his lips. Minyoung can’t see where this is going, but as she stares at him and the odd look in his eyes, as if looking through her, lost in the void, tells the journalist Lee Taeyong knows exactly what he is saying. 

“Have you ever heard of a man so powerful that a snap of his fingers would bring anyone to their knees, a man so powerful that a simple promise from him washes you of all of your sins and mistakes?”

“I… God?” Is all the young woman can ask, feeling ridiculous as Lee Taeyong gives her a soulless but gentle chuckle. 

The omega tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ear before nodding, and she knows that the next words he will say, he won’t believe them, just spoken to please her.

“I guess, yeah. God is the one who saved me.” He smiles again, and this time she is on the verge of buying it, he is convinced of what he is saying this time. “I didn’t want to believe it either but I guess he is real.”

“So you mean,” Minyoung hesitates for a second, not sure of how to put this without offending the omega. After all he is Lee Taeyong. Minyoung is not a believer but if the man really has  _ God _ on his side, then he is the last omega on Earth she wants to mess with “that your benefactor is someone who may not exist, and is as powerful as God?”

Her sentence seems to pull him out of some stupor and Minyoung doesn’t miss it. First, another courteous laugh but this time the man is laughing at himself and his absurdities. Second, the bottle of anxiolytics peeking a little from his purse. That is one of the two realities, the only ones she has seen with her own eyes and can write about. Lee Taeyong is alive and in front of her, and he is not in his right mind, a junkie of medications and anxiety. 

“Forget about it.” He shrugs politely before standing up and hanging his purse on his shoulder. “Forgive me. Minyoung, was it? Those are just words from a mad man. Please, feel free to write whatever you want.”

He gives her a polite bow before leaving the table. There is nothing she can take from this interview, and she will not write about his obvious wealth, she will not write about his anxieties and medications. Those are superficial, nothing that can justify or even tell her about what happened two years ago. The omega stops a meter before turning around, giving her some hope. He just says as he points to the coffees “Don’t worry, it’s all paid for.”

And Minyoung knows there is only one thing that can convince her the past minutes were real. It is the name written on the bill as the waiter brings it to her,  _ Suh Taeyong _ . 

  
  
  
  


**Two years and six months ago**

Funerals usually happen on rainy days,

That is what Taeyong thought. But it is not raining today even if the autumn air is about to let spring take the throne. The omega has imagined this, a lot of times before. He has imagined himself standing amongst his family, he has imagined friends crying for him, faces contorted with compassion for his loss. He has imagined the trees turning orange against the grey sky, and he has even imagined the clothes he would wear. Only two of his relatives, two betas, are there, on the opposite side of the hole. His family is here indeed, but he has never loved them anyway, not how he wants. And friends? His only friend is Yuta, an alpha, and Taeyong realizes they would never be good friends if fate hasn’t decided he needed an assistant and a bodyguard. And Yuta’s face mimics everything but compassion.

At least the sky is grey, but the omega is surrounded by strangers, people he has never seen before, or only behind the screen of his television. Almost none of them were omegas, and Taeyong feels lonely, but not because his husband is being buried. 

“I knew it.” Yuta murmurs beside him as some men fill the hole with dirt. Taeyong looks around discreetly, his assistant has mentioned it before. “The man to your right, he is the Yoon’s family head, last year he got away with murder. He can bribe his way through anything.”

Taeyong nods, hinting that he heard and he does his best to not meet Mr Yoon’s eyes. The latter is trying to catch his gaze, to show him how sorry he must be, but a man who can get away with murder, is a man who can convince with lies. 

“The one in front of us is Guo Biming. He has been found guilty of trafficking sex workers, but of course all charges dropped.” After that information, Taeyong clears his throat to tell Yuta he has heard enough. 

It was never a secret to Taeyong. Jongin has never been a righteous man in their seven years of marriage. The omega’s wealth, inherited from his now dead father was nothing but a step ladder to Kim Jongin, hence why he jumped on the opportunity to marry Taeyong as soon as his family decided he needed an arranged marriage. And look at the consequences, Taeyong standing before the grave of his assassinated husband, surrounded by faces he doesn’t want to see. How ironic is that the men in black are at their place, and the widow is the odd one… 

The burial is a blurry memory to Taeyong. Someone prayed, he doesn’t remember who, was it before or after they put the coffin in the ground. Someone came to him, no, a lot of people came to him, preaching their condolences and all he remembers are nods and thank you’s. And soon the men in black are leaving one by one, Yuta and Taeyong are walking towards the car. But he remembers whispers. He remembers when “Who is he?” is being pronounced among the leaving strangers. He remembers seeing the beta for the first time, another stranger among the others but this one is different. 

“Good evening, Lee Taeyong.” The man greets with a bow of his head. “May I talk to you alone?”

The beta is young, maybe too young to be here in the middle of grey stones. After all, Taeyong too, is too young to be a widow. He nods at Yuta, telling him to wait in the car. The alpha does and just like in the movies, wind blows to give them space. 

“My sincere condolences.” The man starts. “My name is Kim Doyoung, and I am here on my boss’ behalf.”

“On your boss’ behalf?” Taeyong scoffs already knowing what it implies. His family have made mistakes. One of them is deciding a young omega would never run a business smoothly, the second one was giving Kim Jongin a condition. “He didn’t even have the decency to attend before approaching me.”

Kim Doyoung seems surprised for a second. The Lee’s only child has always been erased. He is an omega, and his family believe it is not his place to be someone. Doyoung has thought, after hearing that, that he would face a docile and gentle man. Yet he is facing an opponent he isn’t ready for.

“I won’t talk too long, I guess you want a rest.” The beta announces, and his conviction hints that he is an honest and strict man. “We heard that when the Lee’s company was given to Kim Jongin as well as your hand, there was a condition. If he dies, all of his assets will be given back to the Lees. That is you-”

“And I am not planning on giving them to anyone, by force or not.” Taeyong defies. The confidence is missing from his voice, Doyoung notices. It is the exhaustion and frustration speaking, Taeyong, deep inside, fears betas and alphas the same. 

“You don’t seem to understand the situation.” It sounds like a threat. “All of those who showed up here today didn’t do so to share your compassion or because they wanted to see your husband one last time as a friend. They came to make sure the lid of his casket is nailed correctly. And a will with your name on it is not an issue for them if they want to own the assets that are now yours.”

There is no need for Taeyong to hear aloud what he already knows deep inside. Kim Jongin has never been a loved man, far from that. There is enough dirt in his files to cover his hole and cover another one. And that is why, as one of the man who works for the Lee and not because he is greedy, Taeyong refuses. 

“Tell your boss I am not interested.” He will clean every dusty corners Kim Jongin left on what his dear father gave him, and he will live a decent life away from this world he has never wanted in the first place. 

“Unfortunately, the man I am working for is interested. And so are those who came today.” Kim Doyoung insists. “The difference is that they will take it from you by force. My boss is offering to buy all the assets to a high price, legally.”

“You are all vultures,” Taeyong would rather be buried next to Kim Jongin than let any of those criminals touch what his father has built for years. He would rather die today, than going to work every monday morning knowing he works for one of his dead husband’s enemy. “At least, the other vultures had the decency to come and honor the corpse before eating it, your boss didn’t.” 

The omega brushes past Kim Doyoung, knowing fully well he will regret not giving up a wealth that will bring him wars. But he will fight to protect what has always been his but was used by Kim Jongin as a simple step ladder.

The rest of the evening after passes by in a blur, just like the funerals. Dinner with Yuta was alright but his exhaustion took over and he bids his friend good night but not without an order. “Could you do some researches on Kim Doyoung? Who is he and who does he work for?” 

When Taeyong enters his apartment that night, nothing feels different. People say that when you lose someone, you feel lonely, the walls are not the same anymore, you will hear their voices in the emptiness of your home like a ghost from your imagination. Taeyong scoffs as he takes off his shoes without turning on the light. It has been a long day and this apartment has always been empty anyway, and dead or alive, Kim Jongin will always be a ghost breathing down his neck. 

The television in the living room is the only thing offering some light and Taeyong shrugs his coat on the back of the couch, eyes catching on the late night news. 

_ “The funerals of Kim Jongin, chairman of Lee Holdings and major shareholder of Kim Co. have been held in secrecy and privacy as his family demanded. The alpha was found in his Gangnam residence three days ago by his husband Lee Taeyong, reportedly with two bullet wounds to his chest. The lock of the apartment has been broken and the weapon nowhere to be found. Seoul’s Police Services have acknowledged it as a murder and further investigations will be held silently to respect the mourning family’s privacy-” _

“Daddy?” Taeyong quickly gets a hold of the remote to turn the screen off before turning around and reaching for a light switch. “You’re home.”

The babysitter probably forgot to turn it off before she left and his arrival must have woken the child up. Lee Haechan stands at the door leading to the bedrooms, hair disheveled, in his rocket patterned pajamas. Something swells in Taeyong’s heart at the sight, feeling sorry for waking the bundle of joy up. 

“I’m sorry, darling. Did I wake you up?” He crouches down to let the six years old climb into his arms and the smell of his hair -strawberry and watermelon- is the final straw that brings tears to the omega’s eyes. 

He is sorry for keeping Haechan away from everything that happened the past three days, he is sorry for not being by his side enough, he is sorry for everything. And above everything else he is sorry for what will happen from now on. The young father tries to suffocate his sobs deep inside his throat where it will not be heard but Haechan has always been a sensitive kid, more perceptive than the other omegas his age. 

“Are you crying because dad is gone?” Haechan detaches his head from the crook of his father’s neck. 

Even with a blurry vision filled with tears Taeyong can see so many promises in his son’s eyes. Despite not being close to his son, his husband was still a father, and Haechan still lost him. There is nothing that can tell Taeyong his son has been crying or not. And if he did or didn’t, Taeyong doesn’t resent him for it. Haechan has been kept at bay, far from everything those past days. Six is too young to understand everything that is going on. 

“Don’t cry.” The child catches Taeyong’s fat tears with his small thumbs, and for a second the father believes that everything will be alright. “I will be the one protecting you from now on.”

It is enough to make Taeyong bawl louder then his own son does when he is throwing a tantrum. 

  
  
  
  
  


“You took off your ring.”

It has only been a little more than a week since the funerals but Taeyong doesn’t find it necessary to wear his ring anymore. Junmyeon didn’t have to call him out about it, but his brother-in-law has always been a little too intrusive, and it is no secret they do not appreciate each other. So help Taeyong, why did he allow the man in his office? Maybe the company of an enemy is better than the lack of friends. 

Taeyong puts his hand on his lap to hide it with the desk, not knowing why the man’s remark makes him this nervous. He isn’t married anymore and it is his right to be free. But is it really his right when he is still seen as a widow omega? 

“Why did you want to meet?” It has only been five minutes since Junmyeon arrived and Taeyong already wants him out. 

Life is almost the same as before for Taeyong. He is coming to work at Lee Holdings as the financial director as usual, and sometimes the other omegas, the receptionists or his secretary would give him sorry glances. He is still drinking his coffee black with no sugar, taking Haechan to school every morning and picking him up every evening. Life is the same, except now there is no more Kim Jongin, and he has an unimaginably priced will on his back. What a pity Kim Junmyeon is still there, that his existence didn’t vanish from Taeyong’s life like his brother. 

“I am sure you know.” Kim Junmyeon is a cunning beta. On the list of those who wants what his brother used to own, he is sitting at the top, and Lee Taeyong is his only obstacle. “Everything my brother owned will be of no use to you, unless you are planning on quitting Lee Holdings and start shipping weapons and cocaine in the country.” 

Taeyong hates the way Junmyeon crosses his legs on his leather sofa like he owns the place, like he even has the right to be here right now. 

“Everything your brother had was built from my father’s wealth.” Taeyong goes back to reading the files on his desk, yet he can’t focus. He just refuses to look at the man. “I will not allow your family to dirty it one more second. It began with Jongin, and it will stop with Jongin.” 

Junmyeon laughs at that, a sound that unbeknownst to Taeyong, will haunt him for a long time. 

“You know why Jongin was murdered?” The question makes Taeyong stop his reading, the question takes his entire attention even if he doesn’t show it. “Because what he owns is priceless. The shorelines, the plantations, the labs, every single weapon factory has only one price. No one will buy it with money, they buy it with blood.”

Taeyong has heard it from the officers and investigators who have been coming and going in his office for the past days. There are too many suspects to his ex husband’s case. Enemies are not something the kingpin lacks. And on that long list, too many powerful names. Haechan will graduate high school before they close the case at this point, and it is not like Taeyong is in a rush. The murder case is the least of his problems today.  _ “There are chances the culprit was just a man hired to do the job. Now, to find the brain behind it would be the issue.”  _ One investigator once told him and all Taeyong found to say was that he was tired and that they could take their time. 

“You are a smart omega, Taeyong.” Junmyeon continues. “You don’t want to be dead. The Kims are the closest family Haechan has left. And when he’ll be under our wing, you don't want to know how underground syndicates raise omegas.” 

The beta is not wrong on that aspect. If Taeyong has to perish protecting Lee Holdings, and everything under its name, then so be it. But alas, even dying is not an option. With his parents off the equation, his parents both only children, there is no Lee who would take Haechan in. His son being the next in succession will have the assets under his name, if it is easy to get rid of Taeyong, it will be easier to get rid of a child. But what has Taeyong’s skin crawling is the simple thought of leaving his baby in the hands of the Kim family. Just thinking about it rises the bile from his guts to his mouth. 

It would be so easy to hand over everything to Junmyeon like the good omega he expects Taeyong to be, but easy comes with a heavy price. The day he gives his last breath, Taeyong will wish for hell, because he will never have the courage to face his father in heaven. The omega is about to protest, to tell Junmyeon his honest thoughts but the ring of the intercom on his desk, signaling that his assistant wishes to see him, interrupts their discussion. 

“Let him in.” Taeyong orders. He could have waited for Junmyeon to leave to ring Yuta in. He could have asked to meet Yuta somewhere else but he didn’t. The matter about Kim Doyoung was never supposed to be secret anyway and he wants his brother-in-law to hear, to hear how he is not the only one defying Taeyong and that whoever it is, the omega won’t fold. 

Yuta stops in his walk when he catches a glimpse of the beta. The tension in the room is heavy, the alpha can feel it immediately and he shows with a glare he doesn’t appreciate seeing the Kim in here. But Taeyong quickly rushes his friend to tell what he has to tell before more animosities are spat. 

“Nothing came up about Kim Doyoung.” Yuta declares as he sits across his friend, ignoring the other presence in the room. “The man is invisible, no criminal record, no past college enrollment form, no property under that name, not even a plane ticket has been bought under it in the past.”

“Have you watched the cemetry’s cctv? No face corresponding to his in the files?” Taeyong is not surprised, people like him always live without a trace. But Yuta is hardworking and intelligent, it sounds almost impossible that anyone would go under his radar. Everyone leaves a fingerprint somewhere.

“Every rush of cctv this year that have his face in it must have been erased, nothing.” 

“Why would you care about Kim Doyoung?” Junmyeon cuts in and all the eyes in the room turn to him. “He works for Suh Johnny.” 

That’s a name Taeyong and Yuta has never heard before. And it is surprising, giving that Yuta knows everything there is to know about the underground world. When Taeyong got married, his best friend made it an oath to keep himself informed in case the omega needs protection, which is the case today. Having a blind spot sounds too reckless. 

“Care to elaborate?” The assistant finally takes an interest in the Kim.

“Nothing you have to worry about.” Junmyeon nonchalantly says and nobody knows if it is true or if it’s the Kim’s pride talking about a rival. “I’ve heard about Suh Johnny here and there. He is just a powerless drug lord around the city, selling his weed around to get by. A small fish like him wouldn’t dare to go against any of us.”

Taeyong watches as the beta shrugs again before leaving with a promise to get in contact again if the omega makes up his mind. He is skeptical, Kim Doyoung has clearly said that his boss is ready to buy the properties at the highest bid, the standard price being billions, he wonders where a  _ small fish _ would find such money. But again, something Junmyeon is not is a liar. If the mention of Suh Johnny didn’t even make him flinch, then there must be nothing to worry about. And the fact that Kim Doyoung is invisible must mean their syndicates have never done anything too out of lane. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Two years and five months ago**

“Lee Haechan, stop running around!”

The child stops on his way to throw himself on the couch, a little bit too disappointed. He turns around, a sheepish look on his face as he takes a good look at his daddy walking down the stairs. If one asks the six years old what his dearest dream is, then he would answer to grow as beautiful and as strong as his father. And said dream becomes a craving when he sees his daddy walking down dressed in a glamorous burgundy suit, his hair styled to perfection. 

Taeyong can’t help but chuckle as his son praises him.  _ “You look like a prince! So pretty!” _ The father pinches the child’s cheek with fondness to which the latter whines, complaining he is now too old for this. 

“You are prettier, my darling.” Taeyong compliments the kid who is now dressed for bed, but seeing his rowdiness, he isn’t ready to sleep yet. He then turns to the omega standing not far from them, watching the interaction with tender eyes. “Don’t keep him too long in front of the TV, Yeri. I’ll be back before one so you can leave when he is asleep.”

The babysitter politely tells him she will wait until his return just in case Haechan gets up and needs something and the father approves. Taeyong doesn’t like leaving the child at home alone giving the current situation but he has no choice tonight. Lee Holdings are holding a gala to welcome the new chairman, one of Taeyong’s uncle whom he never even spoke to, someone so far in the family branch he shouldn’t even be allowed the position. But he is an alpha, and the shareholders found it natural to not trust Taeyong, giving him the position right under. 

The omega spent the past month moving out from their old apartment in Gangnam to a more secluded house in the hills. The area is inhabited by other political figures, making it secure in a way and here, Taeyong is sure none of the vultures would dare to touch his son or himself. Yuta has helped with the boxes, complaining every step of the way but Taeyong knew he needed to do it. The bodyguard needed to gauge the house himself so he could plant security around. Taeyong didn’t refuse, giving Haechan’s safety comes first before his privacy. 

“I am leaving, sweetheart. Can you behave for me?” The father crouches to Haechan’s eye level and is rewarded with a hug that melt his heart.

“Promise, daddy.” 

The first thing Yuta does when he sees Taeyong step out of his car is blowing his ears off. The assistant is the one in charge today and apparently there has been a slight breach in the guest list, some drinks haven’t been delivered yet, a waiter broke a priceless vase, something that the omega shrugs. It always happens in those kind of events, under the classy surface, the organisation is always a mess. Taeyong brushes off Yuta who walks just behind him, still reporting what he can report, directing his friend where he should go and towards who he should greet. 

It is something Taeyong used to do with Jongin by his side, and now he is by himself. For him nothing has changed, it is not like Jongin and him were ever a good team. And the omega is thankful nobody talks about the loss. Music is flowing smoothly in the background, gowns and tuxedos waltzing under the golden light and Taeyong mingles easily in the crowd. The hours see him greeting politicians and partners, shareholders and even his uncle who only acknowledges him with a  _ good evening _ before finding someone else to talk to. 

Taeyong is tired but less anxious. Here, everything is superficial. Every faces know nothing about the past investment his ex husband have made under the Lee Holdings name. That part was only for Taeyong and Yuta to know, as well as a bunch of kingpins but none of them are here. As soon as Taeyong moved out from his old apartment, he froze Jongin’s many accounts, blocked every Lee Holding’s mensual investment that goes into underground deals. The omega has expected to be killed right after, giving that most of Jongin’s individual assets are co-owned by other men, to a small percentage, barely ten, of course. So he is surprised that nothing happened yet. He has expected Guo Biming, who was present at the funeral, to send him a threat letter, asking why the shorelines are closed. He has expected the Yoon family to visit him, to force him to open the labs again, a gun against his forehead. But silence, and he knows in their world, silence is never good. 

“Go take a rest.” Yuta approaches him after hours, mentioning for him to go to one of the private lounge. “I’ll send some security up to keep an eye on you.”

Taeyong wants to laugh, his assistant is probably more exhausted than he is and yet he cares more about his friend’s well being. They both know it is the alpha in him that worries about the omega in Taeyong, it is only natural. The lounge is situated far from the party’s roar, tucked in a dim lit corner where Taeyong can appreciate some silence and privacy. He realizes that in seven years, from the day he got married, until today, there has never been a day for peace of mind. After the murder, it should have been silent and calm for the omega, but it is now quite the opposite. 

He throws himself into an armchair with a glass of lime juice, he has never liked drinking. Maybe here he can allow himself to sleep peacefully for five minutes amongst all the chaos and the fear of dying tomorrow. The omega allows the quiet to lull him for a second, eyes closed as he throws his head back against the velvet armchair. When will life be peaceful? Maybe he has taken the days his father was alive for granted-

_ Click _

His eyes fly open and fall on the man who has just disturbed his peace. It is an alpha, his scent is stronger than anything Taeyong has ever smelt before, a whiff and Taeyong swears there’s a drop of vodka in his glass. Taeyong is not dumb, he knows what it means. Some people are easily turned on by an alpha or an omega’s scent, just like colors, everyone has a favorite one that immediately attract the eye. The alpha’s scent is enticing and Taeyong has to keep himself from groaning. Something that he never found in Jongin.

He takes a good look at the man, tall, fit and beautiful. How unlucky taeyong must be, the man is like a piece of art in his own navy suit, and Taeyong doesn’t have the time or the motivation for such a game right now. A simple glance as the alpha takes the seat in front of him and Taeyong knows he is expensive. From his perfectly styled dark hair to the silver watch on his wrist. The first thought that comes to Taeyong’s mind is that he must be one of the entrepreneur the company is investing into regularly. 

It doesn’t go unnoticed that the omega is having an effect on the man too, his eyes never leaving the petite body tucked in a too big armchair. 

“This lounge is occupied.” Is the first thing Taeyong finds to say. For a second, he even forgets that Yuta has promised him security so how did the man get inside? The alpha responds to it by leaning back in his armchair and crossing his legs. What a sight…

“Bravo, it’s a wonderful party.” If his scent is exactly to Taeyong’s taste, his voice is better. Husky, dripping with honey but deeply aggravated, probably by the bourbon sour in his left hand. 

Taeyong has in mind to tell the man to leave him some privacy but the alpha tugs on the button of his suit jacket, revealing a thin, disheveled white shirt under, and the sight of that collarbone is just about to make Taeyong salivate. Did the alpha walk in just because he knew they’d be turn on by each other’s scent? 

“Lee Taeyong.” The next thing Taeyong does is introducing himself. He doesn’t mean to sound so condescendant but he cannot trust his voice right now, it barely manages to leave past the lump in his throat. He wants this man, he is no prude omega, has never been, and if he is going to slip off tonight, might as well know with who.

“I know.” The reply isn’t satisfying, but it doesn’t need to be. Hearing that voice only makes Taeyong forgets he is here to be alone in the first place. “You don’t have your ring on anymore, I see.”

The omega restrains a groan when the stranger softly takes his hand that was resting on his thighs. They are both burning and Taeyong hates that he is the only one being so obvious when the other seems so calm. Like any other omega, Taeyong has needs and desires, and when he was married, spending most of his heat cycles alone was the only time he could give in. But this man, right here, triggers so much repressed desires in Taeyong, seven years of repression to be exact. 

They have known each other for five minutes, and Taeyong already wonders how he lived without that scent before. Where was this man before his hand was sold to an unloving husband? The alpha’s remark has been the only thing he heard related to Jongin tonight, and yet, every memory of the man is blurred by this alpha. Something that should have annoyed him excites him beyond limit, now.

Maybe it is the intoxicating smell of the stranger’s drink, or Taeyong’s tired mind, maybe it is the warm hand against his. Maybe it is none of that, maybe it is just Taeyong and the stranger and nothing else, just the desire and the craving of basking into the other. Next thing Taeyong knows, he has his moist lips on the man’s and god, the drop of alcohol on the alpha’s tongue tastes so good. 

The alpha doesn’t back off, and Taeyong knows he has been waiting for this, the cunning man knew it was coming. Their lips dance slowly, contrasting with the rhythm in Taeyong’s chest, the omega in him begs for dominance, to be touched and caressed for the first time in his life. A second thought, the voice of reason and Taeyong stops, leans back and the alpha smirks under the dim light. This is going too fast and too far. He just kissed a stranger, an alpha, in a formal event a month after his husband’s death. He could excuse it by saying he is just confused and lonely, but it is not true. Taeyong has never been more sure of himself and blooming in his life than after Jongin’s death. But this is too much, even if he is burning with lust, this is not him and this is not what an omega should do. 

“I came here with a question.” The alpha leans back too, acting like they weren’t just all over each other a second ago, an almost genuine curiosity in his voice. “Why would Chairman Kim be murdered?” 

If the kiss cut Taeyong’s breath short, the question just shut off his brain. He squirms in his seat uncomfortably, shaken by the other’s boldness. The alpha finally lets his glass rest on the side table next to him. The smaller notices the ice have long melted, making him wonder how long they’ve been in this situation. 

“I mean, he is a righteous man.” At those words, the man’s eyes stare directly into the omega’s, searching for a contradiction in them. “Unless he has things to hide?”

There’s a loud gulp coming from the now half terrified Taeyong. He understands where this is going, and the sudden tension hints at the man’s identity. 

“Who are you? What do you want?” For a second, he remembers Yuta briefly talking about a breach in the guest list, which is obviously this man, which obviously is one of his current enemies. Taeyong feels stupid for not minding more about Yuta’s report, especially in those days and ages. 

“What do I want?” The  _ guest _ is amused, it shows, playful like a cat who knows it has a mouse trapped. And the omega reminds himself that it shouldn’t turn him on like it does right now, it is not the time, not the place, not the right person. “Not a lot, really. I want everything Jongin left.”

The way his stare travels down Taeyong’s body, up and down, at the word  _ everything  _ has the latter’s toes curled in his expensive shoes. But more than a suggestive remark, it starts to sound more like a threat and Taeyong has in mind to call for help, right now. But his voice and movements die, fading into nothingness in front of the dominant man. The party is roaring outside, nobody will hear him. If the stranger got in, it means the security Yuta has planted were outplayed, and by the time Taeyong calls his bodyguard, who knows what this man will do. 

“I won’t give you anything.” His tone betrays his words, trembling, scared, and in that instant, in which he can die for defying an enemy, in that instant where anything could happen to him, he prays interiorly to be safe, Haechan’s face appearing in his clouded mind. “Over my dead body. Tell that to whoever wants to try.”

The man scoffs, purses his lips as if he is wondering deeply about something then speaks.

“Do I have to kiss them for you too, or am I an exception?” He teases nonchalantly, Taeyong doesn’t know if it’s still lust or anger that’s boiling in him. Perhaps a deep embarrassment. 

“Depends, are you all this rude?” 

The alpha laughs at the new found confidence, a real laugh that drips into Taeyong’s arteries like drying honey that’s meant to stick and stay in there. When he is done, his face becomes serious again and he finally stands up. Taeyong almost believe he will pull out a gun but the omega’s involuntary submission seems satisfying enough. Instead, he buttons his vest neatly, ready to leave. 

“Forgive my rudeness, fortunately I don’t talk with guns. Suh Johnny,” Taeyong’s eyebrow raises almost in confusion as the name rings in his ears. He has thought about the man this past month from time to time, and he has imagined him, but nothing came close to the reality. “Next time we meet, I’ll try to be more of a gentleman.”

With those words, he closes the door behind him and Taeyong is left alone in the silence and peace he longed for, except now he is overthinking and the lounge doesn’t feel so safe anymore. His eyes fall on the glass of bourbon sour left behind, remembering its taste on his lips. 

When Taeyong comes back home that night, still shaking from the encounter, Yeri leaves with a good night but the man is on autopilot. He takes a warm shower and instead of going back to his own room, he slips beside a sleeping Haechan, fingers shivering as he strokes the kid’s soft dark locks. He is terrified, scared. He remembers Junmyeon’s words, that Suh Johnny is just a small fish. So if a  _ nobody _ like him can reach Taeyong in a safe place, who knows what the others can do…

  
  
  
  


The factory manager’s voice is drowned by the chaotic background noise,

None of the men remembers what has been said during the factory tour, only some snippets of how much more investment is needed in producing, how Lee Holdings have changed their contract, and some cling clang from the workers hammering on steal. Yuta and Taeyong finally breath when they step out of the suffocating factory. It used to be a lovely place when he was just a teenager, Taeyong remembers, probably because he didn’t come here to work. 

_ Mr Lee suddenly grips at his son arm as Taeyong stumbles, almost knocking his head on an electric lever. The young omega, sixteen, turns around with a sheepish smile, ignoring how the alpha shakes his head at his son’s clumsiness. They have been in the factory since morning and Taeyong is starting to get tired, but it was one of the rare times he could spend watching his father working so he isn’t going to complain.  _

_ Mr Lee has raised him as a single father all his life, and the only two things that are precious in his eyes are Taeyong and Lee Holdings that he has built from scratch. The chairman is different from his cousins and relatives. Being born in a prestigious family, most of them desire for alpha sons. Society have long taught them that alphas are made to lead and be dominant, that omegas are meant to follow. But Mr Lee have always told Taeyong he will be the successor, that him being an omega meant nothing, that just like his mother, he was strong and competent.  _

_ Taeyong brushes himself off as they walk through the factory, his father bantering with the manager and the omega marvels at everything, knowing one day he will be the one caring for all of that. Lee Holdings fed him in time of hunger, Lee Holdings paid for his scholar fees, his travels, his roof, everything his father has given him wholeheartedly. And Taeyong will make sure to protect what his father cherished.  _

_ Well, that’s what he thought until Mr Lee gave in to cancer and he was left alone against his family’s judging eyes. Enters Jongin, and with his husband died his dreams and confidence.  _

“-about?” Taeyong snaps out of his thoughts and looks at his assistant perplexed. “I asked, what are you thinking about?” 

The omega shrugs. The memories he has with his father are meant for him only to know, as much as he respects and loves Yuta. 

“Yuta, I have a favor to ask.” The alpha turns towards his friend, listening. “I met Suh Johnny, he is the one who trespassed at the gala. And from what I saw, I don’t think he is as powerless as Junmyeon makes him to be.”

The bomb drops a little too hard for Yuta. Taeyong knows perfectly what his friend thinks, after all they’ve known each other for life and right now guilt is spreading through the alpha’s body. He always reminds Taeyong that if anything happens to him, he won’t be able to live with himself. So Taeyong quickly reassures him that the man didn’t harm the omega at all. Purposely leaving the kiss out, it is a detail that his bodyguard doesn’t need to know. 

“I didn’t expect him to make an appearance.” Yuta admits, biting his inferior lips, thinking. “I’ve done my researches on him. Unsurprisingly, just like Kim Doyoung, nothing.”

“It starts to make me nervous.” Taeyong feels bad for scaring his friend with his feelings but both of them know the situation is urgent. It is only a matter of time before Taeyong gets ripped into pieces in a tug of war. “Could you tighten the security around Haechan?”

Taeyong doesn’t need to ask twice and the next days, Yuta has a strong beta named Seulgi looking after the six years old whenever Taeyong is not nearby. Seulgi is polite and discreet, she never leaves Haechan alone, from the moment the child leaves the house for school, until Taeyong comes to fetch them up. And the child himself seems to appreciate his new company, maybe a little more than his classmates and small friends. 

The omega feels reassured, but never enough, after all he is a father. He is very aware of all the kingpins roaming around, trying to hurt him, they are all probably in their own offices, conspiring to bring him down to his knees. But for some reason, Suh Johnny, the  _ nobody _ , is the one who occupies his mind. Not only does Taeyong spends sleepless nights thinking about his scent, but also his persuasion and place in all of this. Who is he and where is he from? 

The rest of the week sees Taeyong twirling in his office chair, googling Suh Johnny as if google is more competent than Yuta. He has checked, double checked every financial report in the country containing the name Suh, or any other name that sounds alike. Nothing. The man is a ghost, the only proof of his existence is the image of his face and words engraved in Taeyong’s mind. At some point he thinks he might have imagined it all. 

And just like that, the omega thinks the man has faded to not be heard of again. For days on end, the thought of Suh Johnny starts to disappear, as if the threat has been erased. The only moment when he appears in the back of Taeyong’s mind is when he smells alphas whose scent are almost familiar, and it is torturing. Like smelling cigarette and not being able to smoke it. 

That is until he is stuck in traffic one late afternoon, biting his nails in complete fear. He is running late, so so late. The school has called previously, saying Seulgi ended up leaving with Haechan, as they waited long for a Taeyong that never showed up. The omega trusts Yuta’s judgement, he trust whoever the alpha trusts, he trusts Seulgi to take care of his son. But every second that separates Taeyong from his baby when he shouldn’t be makes him so anxious. 

As soon as the road clears up, Yuta floors it towards home. Taeyong’s gut feeling telling him something went wrong, telling him something is going on. It is like those nights when he wakes up in cold sweats and runs to Haechan’s room only to see he is sleeping peacefully.

He doesn’t even wait for the car to completely stop and takes off sprinting into the house. 

The first thing the father does as soon as he is inside is thanking Seulgi who shares confused looks with Yeri, both worried at their employer’s state.  _ “Don’t worry, nothing happened, we are safe and sound.”  _ Seulgi reassures him and he fakes a smile. Deep inside he knows a father’s instinct is never wrong. 

He runs to Haechan’s room, throwing the door open and only then he can breath. His son is sitting on the carpeted floor, playing with his toys. Taeyong almost falls to his knees when Haechan, adorable small Haechan runs to him screaming  _ Daddy! _ with a big smile. The omega crouches down and kiss the crown of his son’s forehead, promising himself he will never be late again. 

“I am so sorry, baby. I’ll never be late again.” Taeyong murmurs, his worry oblivious to the little bundle of joy. Haechan is just excited to see him and nothing else should matter. 

“It’s ok.” The kid comforts, jumping up and down, ready to tell Taeyong everything about his day. “Seulgi noona played with me!”

The omega coos. And for those peaceful instants, he forgets about the threat looming over his head. As hectic and special his days are, nothing compares to the mundane life of a six years old to Taeyong. He listens as Haechan rambles about his teachers, his new friend from Canada, his lunch, all of that as Taeyong ushers him into a warm bubble bath. 

Haechan’s cheeks puff out as he blows bubbles in his father’s direction, and even if Taeyong struggles to wash the rowdy kid because of it, he says nothing. The moment is so innocent and naive Taeyong likes to believe he too is six. The father pulls the wet chubby treasure out of the bathtub and proceeds to dry the small omega with a towel, humming from time to time when Haechan tells him something exciting. Until something catches his attention, Haechan speaking about the moment he waited for his father. 

“Even when Seulgi noona went to the restroom and left me with the teachers, I wasn’t lonely.” The kid’s eyes shine bright recalling the memory. “A nice hyung stayed with me at the playground.” 

The omega’s blood runs cold. His hands stop ruffling the towel against the child’s wet hair, Taeyong can barely comprehend the rest of what Haechan is saying. Every possible scenarios play in his mind, who is that person, what if Seulgi came back even a second late, what has been told to his baby, what if Haechan got kidnapped and isn’t actually in front of him. He knows it’s absurd, his son is there, smiling at him, his little head under his hands, but he can’t help it. A father’s instinct is never wrong. 

“Daddy, are you ok?” He fakes a smile. “The hyung said I am as pretty as you. And he gave me a letter for you, wait here!”

Haechan is already sprinting towards the bedroom in his bathrobe and his father can barely register what is happening, he is still shaken and a little traumatised by what he just heard when a bubbly Haechan comes back and hands him an elegant white enveloppe. 

Fingers trembling, knees still glued on the cold tiles of the bathroom, the father takes it cautiously as if such a thin object could explode in his face. And he opens it carefully:

_ Good evening, Taeyong-ssi. I didn’t want to be rude again, I planned on calling you. Getting your number seemed so easy and boring. This is the only way I found to make sure the letter would reach you and that you would read it. Do not worry, I did not approach your son, my nicest man did. To apologize for my rude behavior from last time, what do you say about dinner at -xxxx- Jongno on friday? I think from what you saw today, I can humbly say there is no need for me to threaten you anymore. _

_ Suh Johnny.  _

  
  
  
  
  


Jongno doesn’t seem as busy as usual tonight,

or maybe it is but the anxiety bugging Taeyong’s mind makes him paranoid. The night light of Seoul’s Four Seasons reflect into the car, dancing patterns on Taeyong’s pale skin and he gulps once, then twice, but the lump in his throat still won’t allow oxygen to pass through. They’ve been parked for ten minutes now, waiting for Taeyong to dare step out. Friday came too fast for his liking, and with every passing second separating him from meeting Suh Johnny again feels like a blessing. 

Taeyong smooth down the wrinkles of his navy button up, makes sure his vest is fitted well and nothing is out of place. It has been age since he dressed up with jittery feeling in his stomach, getting ready for a dinner. Except this time, the jitters are not good ones. A part him likes to believe he made himself pretty for confidence, this time to stand against Suh Johnny’s seduction with his own. And a part of him wants to deny it, rejecting the truth that the man did have an effect on him. 

“I won’t leave your side, I have some men on standby not far from here if anything happens.” Yuta says from the driver’s seat, looking at his friend through the rearview mirror. Aside from that statement, the only thing reassuring Taeyong is that he will meet the mobster in a public place, and nothing too fatal would happen, right? 

Taeyong tightens his wool cape around him as soon as the cold city air hit him. He tries not to think about it when they are walking towards the entrance, that is until they come across several men dressed in tuxedos at the front. It is not hard to guess why they are here, looking around cautiously as if a single cat moving is danger. Taeyong instantly grabs his bodyguard’s arm, clenching discretely to signal his wariness. One of the men, slightly younger than the rest stands out the most, tall, fit and as intimidating as a rock looking over the ocean. And one thing is sure, this one won’t let any wave touch the shore. 

“Good evening Mr Lee, I am afraid your friend will have to stay outside.” The man politely greets, a hand out in front of Yuta. He is an alpha, Taeyong can smell him from miles, his threatening scent scaring away even the night. The guests share glances.

“And I am afraid I have to refuse.” Yuta retorts, a small frown paints offense on the man’s face and Taeyong suddenly wonders if he ever smile. “Understand that I would be a fool to let him in without protection.” 

The stranger is well about to answer, he seems to be a patient man, but it is easy to guess a few wrong words can set him off. Yet he doesn’t have the opportunity to fight Yuta on this as the door opens, letting out a very familiar alpha. Taeyong scoffs inside, even dolled up, he easily loses the game of seduction. Suh Johnny’s dark grey suit makes him look better than last time and Taeyong didn’t even know it was possible. 

“Well well, gentlemen,” Johnny interrupts his men before eyeing the omega up and down and Taeyong hate this, this man gauging him like he is some sort of business contract. “Let’s not scare our guests.”

The omega would love to add that he didn’t need the men in black to be scary, but his pride and desire to survive makes him quiet. Alphas are like animals, they feed on fear, and the more terrified you are, the shortest the road to death will be. 

“Unfortunately, this is too decent a place to crowd with my men.” Johnny speaks again, but Taeyong can’t say if he is lying about being alone inside. “So I’d appreciate it if you don’t outnumber me. Let this be a fair game.”

It will never be a fair game. Taeyong has seen Jongin messing people over for seven years, and he knows that people like them always have something up their sleeve. The omega has clearly seen that Johnny’s eyes haven’t left him ever since he walked out. He is exactly the same man Taeyong has seen in his nightmares the past days, and he hopes he will wake up from this one soon. They aren’t that horrible, but Taeyong desiring the man in each one make them a bad dream. And nothing differs in the reality. Taeyong’s omega is screaming inside at the sight of this man, but every other part of him want the alpha dead. 

“Just stay nearby, please. I’ll be alright.” Taeyong ends up sighing, and he knows too well Yuta is disappointed in his choice. But it’s not like they can walk back now, and he feels like forcing would end up in a blood bath. 

“Perfect,” Johnny claps his hands once and his men scatter farther before he turns to the beta, “Jaehyun, why don’t you show Mr Nakamoto to the private bar? And treat him like a guest.” 

It doesn’t come as a surprise to them anymore that Suh Johnny knows perfectly who Yuta is. As Taeyong mentioned before, he is certainly not just a nobody. 

“Understood, hyung-nim.” Jaehyun stays his polite self as he invites Yuta to follow him to a second door not too far from there, but far enough to not be reached in time if something happens. Taeyong will be at a disadvantage, and he knows too well to not trust Johnny’s words, claiming he is alone in there. 

“After you.” Once they are alone, the fear in Taeyong still not settling down, the alpha let him in first. 

There is nothing out of place inside from what they can see. Couples, probably young office workers, nothing that looks like a underground world. Taeyong reminds himself this is a very public place, that Johnny probably chose it to keep his part of the deal on not harming the omega. And for some sick reason, Taeyong trust that. 

A waiter takes Taeyong’s coat before guiding them across the room to a table. It is a bit far from the rest of the crowd, enough to not be heard and it is exposed, very exposed and Taeyong breathes, finally. Johnny won’t be able to harm him without a witness. The table is positioned in front a large bay window giving them a night view of Seoul and the omega almost forget the situation at hand when Johnny pulls his chair for him to sit on, smile sheepish as if he is not about to make Taeyong sign his wealth away. And the omega let himself fall in the dining armchair like a small puppy in a too big basket. 

The first minutes are sat in an agonizing silence for Taeyong, it makes him wish he stayed in the car and drove away. He feels naked, blushing madly under the alpha stare. Johnny circles the top of his Grand Marnier glass with the tip of his finger, and Taeyong can almost feel the touch on his collarbone. Has the lemon floating in his sparkling water always been this interesting? 

“Dulwich college,” for a conversation starter, it sure steals Taeyong’s attention, recognizing the name of Haechan’s school. “Great choice. Was it yours or chairman Kim’s?”

The omega glares across, fully aware he can’t possibly scare the alpha, but at least his message is clear. But his eyes are contradicting his body, left fingers fidgeting with his napkin, and the gesture amuses Johnny. 

“I’d appreciate it,” he means to sound assertive but the trembling of his voice betrays him, “if you don’t bring up my son, or my personal life with Jongin.” 

Though he doubts there was anything personal between him and his deceased husband. He wonders if there was even something personal between Jongin and anyone, maybe the hotel maids he’d fuck when he was travelling. 

“My bad. I have been rude again, haven’t I?” Johnny’s smile is always too courteous, too practiced to look genuine. And it is sick, so sick how it still manages to turn Taeyong on. “Why don’t we enjoy dinner first? We’ll talk about business later.” 

Taeyong can’t agree more. Dinner is the best he had in years, the finest and most delightful he has had in his life, but unfortunately he can’t enjoy it. Maybe it is the man’s stare and unsubtle glances on him. It makes Taeyong self conscious, even about the way he chews. But the man makes no comment, the silence is almost peaceful, making the omega almost forget this is not just a mundane date. Yet the peace is short lived because dessert is over. Taeyong usually have a sweet tooth, always expecting this moment but again, he doesn’t even remember what he had. Maybe it is him putting his fork down that signaled matters are to be more serious now, or maybe it is the waiter bringing them two coupes of Moët. 

“My mind hasn’t changed, I won’t sell my properties.” The weight of the situation has become too unbearable for the omega. He has too cut this short, he feels like he will die tonight anyway, even if he won’t go without a fight. 

Something in him hopes Johnny understands, even if it seems impossible. Lee Holdings are still investing monthly into Jongin’s dirty asset, selling them means selling the contract covering them up. And Taeyong can’t do that to his father’s empire again, never again. He has unfairly been sold against his will, married off to a stranger, seen his father’s hard work being dirtied as he stood powerless, and this time he won’t let it happen. Johnny is a mobster. Loyalty and honor are familiar words to him, right? If he finds a little bit of humanity in him, he’d hear Taeyong, right? 

“You see,” just by seeing his expression, Taeyong can say this man doesn’t know what humanity means, “Lee Holdings is the best scapegoat for me to make money. But that’s a detail.” He marks a break in his speech. “Meth labs, weapon factories, those are just a bonus. What I want are the lands and the shoreline. And for them, I am ready to offer a generous amount.” 

Taeyong scoffs in his glass, this man is unbelievable. Who doesn’t want them? Those damn, cursed assets are the reason why can’t sleep with both eyes closed anymore. Jongin has easily acquired five miles of shoreline with the Lee’s name, with its own port, its own warehouses, unregistered, activities completely free from the government's eyes. A small bush in the gigantic forests of everything Lee Holdings invests in. Taeyong wouldn’t even dare mentioning the acres of lands that are scattered all around the country. 

“So you can wheel and deal humans and weapons under my family’s name too?” 

Johnny’s smile drops, almost amazed at the small omega’s harshness. And when Taeyong thinks his insolence led him to his doom, the alpha erupts in a small laughter. This one seems genuine, making Taeyong a little warm but he can’t afford to let his guards down now. 

“You think so low of me.” The mobster shakes his head in fake disappointment, teasing the other. “I don’t do such things, maybe weapons sometimes. I am not a monster.” The sarcasm swirls around his words. 

“Why do you think they want me dead?” Playing it confident sounds foolish at that moment, but among the soft chatter in the background, Taeyong thinks that maybe Johnny is bluffing indeed. Up until now he hasn’t attempted anything dangerous, and the adrenaline of standing up against this alpha is making his head dizzy. “You wouldn’t be able to afford it all.”

“State your price.”

Johnny doesn’t even hesitate. He holds Taeyong’s stare with as much confidence, even more than the omega. This could be a bluff, this could be not but his eyes, his way of sitting oh so elegantly, the small smirk at the corner of his lips hint that the smaller is probably losing this game. 

Without breaking eye contact, Taeyong fetch a pen from his purse before pulling a napkin towards him. He is about to scribble the standard price Lee Holdings has set for the properties, but instead, he rises the amount a tiny bit, hoping it will be enough to scare the alpha away. If he believes Junmyeon’s words, Johnny wouldn’t even be able to afford half the original price. 

When he is done, he defiantly slides the ink stained napkin towards the alpha. He tries not to lose his confidence, if he breaks down now, Johnny wouldn’t understand he is talking about billions here. He sees the man glancing down at the humber and maybe, maybe he is not bluffing after all. There is no sign of surprise on his face, not even a frown or a slight shiver of his lips. There is nothing, as if he is used to see such numbers on a daily basis. 

Taeyong gasps a little, his heart jumping in his ribcage when Johnny gently takes the pen from his hands, and he immediately tries to erase the light feel of Johnny’s fingers against his. This is not the moment. This is definitely not and the omega hates himself for thinking the gala was the perfect moment and he has missed it. Oh how he wish he touched Johnnyj, that Johnny touched him too before he knew who the alpha is. If only he could have drowned in ignorant bliss a little longer. 

The smaller has been too focused on keeping his breathing calm he didn’t even catch the alpha scribbling onto the napkin and sliding it back to him. And unlike Johnny, embarrassingly, Taeyong gasps again, not bothering to hide his surprise. Maybe it is the champagne that makes him see more digit than intended. Just seeing the number has Taeyong dizzy, chuckling at how unbelievable it is. Johnny has not only bod higher, he doubled a twelve digits price. 

“Impossible. Nobody has that much money in Korea.” Taeyong trusts so much in his statement, eyes hinting at Johnny that he is talking to a financial director, that he knows what he is talking about and that the alpha’s bluff has been busted. “The assets are worth so much less than this, why would you pay this amount?” 

Johnny leans over the table, attitude still not wavering, making Taeyong doubts again if he is the fool here for not believing what he is seeing. The alpha rests his chin in the palm of one hand, and him getting close by barely an inch already spreads his scent around the table. This bastard is playing with his pheromones to make Taeyong insane. 

“Because even if I wrote one more zero, you would have refused anyway.” Taeyong doesn’t know exactly who this man is. But in the tiny hours he has met him he can say that this man has more balls, more boldness, more brain cells than Jongin ever had in seven years. “But I am willing to pay more. The price for not killing you like the others would. The price for you to run away and keep yourself safe somewhere else, maybe start a new life? After all you are just an unlucky omega involved in all of this.” 

Perhaps he knows what humanity means… But no, Taeyong knows the man is messing with his head. As soon as he signs, he will wrapped up in this world again, maybe Johnny will just stab in out of mercy instead of drowning him in concrete. 

“You are bluffing, I have heard about you.” Taeyong always seem to choose the most hot-blooded option, that makes Johnny raise an eyebrow, almost amused. Almost. “I have heard you are just a small drug dealer, you are a kid in an adult game.” 

It boosts his adrenaline to see Johnny stays silent. It is maybe inconvenient to qualify the mobster as a kid when he is obviously older than the omega. But it is a detail, right now, Taeyong seems to have trapped him. 

“I don’t know how you managed to erase your name off every record,” the omega continues, “or how you found informations about me and my family, but compared to what I have seen in my life, it is nowhere near threatening.”

Lies, all lies. A simple death threat written from news paper cuts, by an anonymous source, and Taeyong would be trembling in his boots. But that’s the issue with fear, it must be concealed inside for it not to bite. 

The alpha looks shocked, Taeyong hopes he is. The man stays silent. Right in the middle of the target, Taeyong shoot his arrow the right way. So much that the drug lord doesn’t look like he can conceal the blow. But his professional facade quickly comes back. Something tells the omega he was more shocked by the boldness than the “veracity” of the facts he has been spewing. 

“Quite a theory you have there.” If he doesn’t agree with it, Johnny doesn’t deny anything either. The omega wonders if it’s because he can’t betray his lies, or if he is trying to keep his identity secret. 

_ Knock, knock.  _ Twice. The alpha knocks on the table twice with the back of his hand, eyes never leaving Taeyong’s confused ones. Alright, on a wiser note he should have shut his mouth. As the sound resonates, every single soul in the restaurant, from the waiter who served them to the customers stand up in an almost burlesque synchronization. No chatter, just silence as they all empty out, leaving one by one and soon only a flabbergasted Taeyong and a still impassive Johnny are left. 

Taeyong instantly feels fear freeing itself from where he has been keeping it. Johnny is not just any small drug lord. Taeyong has never heard of one who write twelve digits numbers without a tremor of hand, or even one who has control over any Four Seasons. Suddenly he prays for Yuta to not be dead somewhere in the pacific ocean, because whoever he is, Suh Johnny is nothing like anyone has ever seen. With a little bit of luck, the man will shot him between the eyes and get it over with fast. But before that, Taeyong is ready to beg him to not touch his son, to maybe have pity and hide the kid somewhere. So many thoughts are crossing his minds right now, but the loudest one is  _ Junmyeon is a fucking ignorant. _

“I have heard quite a lot about you too, Lee Taeyong.” The alpha leans back, and Taeyong hates to admit the scent decreasing is a disappointment. Johnny looks so at ease in the middle of all this, as if he just didn’t empty an entire five stars hotel floor with a simple gesture. The most Taeyong can do with two knocks is open a door. “Omega, 27, graduated from SNU with incredible grades. Impressive for someone who married at 19.” 

The silence after that reminds the younger again that they are alone and anything can happen now. But the most unnerving part of it all is that there is nothing else he can focus on than Suh Johnny now that there is only two of them. He doesn’t even flinch away when the alpha playfully traces the veins of his hand on the table with the tip of his fingers. He feels so warm, so vulnerable, but most importantly, wanted. Johnny obviously lusts for him as much as Taeyong lusts. 

He doesn’t know what gets into him, but when the taller retreats his hand, Taeyong suddenly grabs his wrist desperately. He is out of his mind, this man will kill him now or one day, so why does he needs to feel his skin so much? If it bothered him, Johnny says nothing of it, and if he likes it, then he hasn’t shrugged the omega’s grasp yet. 

“Why don’t you come fetch the rest yourself.” Johnny provokes, he knows what he is doing to the smaller. “I know things about yourself that nobody else knows.”

Johnny leans back again, as if offering himself to the omega and it is enough. Taeyong can’t contain it anymore, a simple touch from the alpha and his brain has stopped functioning. The slick between his thighs, leaking like honey is enough a proof. He rubs himself against the chair, completely uncaring if he is humiliating himself in front of Suh Johnny, he wants him so much it hurts. 

“We are alone, no one will judge you.” Taeyong doesn’t think twice before making his way to the other side of the table, ungracefully straddling the alpha. 

The satisfied smirk on Johnny’s lips be damned, the negotiation be damned, dignity be damned, Taeyong feels hot all over his body, pale skin all so rosy Johnny feels like he can jump the omega right now. Johnny’s strong thighs underneath him, the bulge in his pants against Taeyong’s, it is all so dirty yet so sensual Taeyong wants more. His trembling hands finds their way softly on Johnny’s shoulders to keep him from falling into the strong chest. 

Taeyong likes to believe that this has nothing to do with the assets anymore. The way Johnny looks at him hungrily yet so charismatically, the way Taeyong is shamelessly grinding down on the man, just an omega and alpha giving in to their primal desires, to the attraction that was obviously there from day one. 

Precome is staining Taeyong’s pants, as well as the slick from his now probably gaping hole, he is so ready to take Johnny as his lips opens in a moan, over sensitivity making goo out of his brain. 

“Look at you, omega.” Johnny’s lips are now against his neck, not kissing, barely even caressing the skin but breath oh so hot and oh so close Taeyong wishes it were his hands, choking him, cutting the air from reaching his brain until he passes out. Oh god, and when he does, he wants Johnny to do anything to him, whatever as long as he has his alpha cock up his ass. “All needy for me.”

“Touch me.” It is barely and order, more like a plead and Taeyong shamelessly free his cock from the restrain of his slacks before doing the same for Johnny.

The alpha smirks, so unnerving, so annoying that smug look on his face, but so, so exciting, so handsome. Johnny is so much bigger against him and even if Taeyong loves the feel of their members touching, just imagining this humongous dick penetrating his hole almost makes him come. 

“You have no remorse for your dead husband.” Johnny says, hot breath fanning his neck again as he starts stroking both their members. Taeyong throws his head back in a silent cry, it is too much, Johnny’s hands playing with the head of his sensitive cock, he feels like exploding. Just the thought of Johnny’s classy white shirt dirtied by his cum has him totally forgetting what is his husband name again. “He didn’t even mate you in seven years.”

Taeyong ruthlessly grind the gap of his ass down on Johnny’s lap, probably staining his pants with slick but who cares, the man is literally spreading precum on their cocks. For a lucid second Taeyong knows Johnny is referring to the absence of bite mark on his neck. Jongin never wanted to mate him anyway, and Taeyong has never allowed him to. But it’s quickly forgotten, because he smells no other omega either on Suh Johnny and it turns him even more to know that what’s happening right now doesn’t belong to someone. 

_ Mine _ , Taeyong dares imagining even if it’s a lie, oh how he wishes Johnny calls him his too right at that moment. 

“So hard for me, little omega.” The alpha murmurs, and even if his stare is clouded with evident bliss and want, Taeyong hates that he is so oversensitive as of he is the only one so riled up by this. “How does it feel to be touched by a  _ small drug lord _ .”

“F-feels so good…” Taeyong pants, not caring that he sounds desperate, that his grinding has gotten so desperate too. “So so good, please make me cum.”

At this point, only release is in his mind. But not any release, an orgasm given by Johnny, something he has so secretly dreamt about, even he himself didn’t know he needed it this much. And it’s blissful beyond words when he and Johnny come simultaneously, semen mixing in Johnny’s palm and if Taeyong didn’t gain consciousness so fast, he would love to get a taste of it. 

“So pretty for me, little omega.” Johnny pets his back as Taeyong turns into jelly, falling into the alpha’s chest, drool staining the older’s shirt. 

“Now tell me what you know about me.” After a few seconds, Taeyong looks up again, not forgetting what Johnny has said before this. But his energy is still lacking and involuntarily, his forehead falls softly against Johnny who smiles at him, this one, he can’t say if it’s a genuine one, his mind is cloudy. 

Just like at the gala, they find themselves lips locked again as Johnny tucks them both back in their pants and Taeyong likes it. He hates the man but he has never felt this fitting in a man’s arms, as if he has always belonged there. And when they part, he feels jittery at the way Johnny stares at him, as if his body existed only for that purpose, to be seen by Suh Johnny. 

“I am offering you a visit of my activities so you’ll know what I’ll do with the assets once you sell them to me.” 

Ok, here we go again. Of course, how could he forget, he didn’t come here for a good dinner and a quicky. His life and his wealth were still on the line. He parts from Johnny, who helps both of them on their feet. At this distance, Taeyong can really see how tall the man is, and that makes him even more intimidating. 

“Just because we fooled around doesn’t mean I’ve changed my mind.”

Taeyong gulps when he realizes himself what he just said. What just happened crashes in his brain like tidal waves. He, Lee Taeyong, widow for almost two months now, just had a sexual encounter with a drug lord like it is normal. 

“What do I know more about you?” Johnny asks almost playfully while Taeyong is in a complete confusion about what he just did. 

The omega unintentionally looks up when Johnny brushes off imaginary dirt from his shoulder before holding his chin to look up. Taeyong gulps once, not liking the knowing look Johnny is giving him, as if he really knows everything the omega is hiding. And the latter knows, that whatever will come out of Johnny’s mouth next, he will despise it more than anything else the man has ever said. 

“Why don’t you come to my office next week? We can talk about business and about why you killed your husband.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait hihi. mm something I have to precise and I forgot in the first chapter is that this fic has been heavily inspired by Narcos and The Gentlemen. Like those are my fav show and movie of all time, I'm a sucker for noire and mafia shits, so I thought I'd give them credit because they made this duh. Enjoy hihi!

_ Has the cafeteria been this cold before?  _

_ On a more lucid note, he can’t even tell if he is cold or hot. If only the temperature was the only issue… Tik, tik, tik, tik, that damn clock. It must be about twenty feet away from him, hanging above the door reminding every student it is too late already for anyone to be wandering around the campus. Yet, the beta is here because the temperature of his dorm room seems to be worst, varying one second to another from Arctic cold to Equator hot. And like the damn clock, every sound is intensified, his senses going overdrive. The clank of a young lady putting her glass down on a table, the chatters of two students by the coffee machine, the surge of electricity travelling in the walls, and the strong smell of petrichor coming from the winter rain outside.  _

_ The beta’s foot is restless, tapping an irregular rhythm, sending the table into vibration until a hand rests on his shoulder. He turns to his left, and he guesses the symptoms of withdrawal are clear on his face as his dorm mate, another beta like him gazes at the bags under his eyes, worried.  _

_ “Kun, you should go back to the room, have a rest.” There is no sympathy in Doyoung’s voice. Doyoung has never known sympathy anyway. He talks about everything so mundanely like he is talking about his calculus classes. The only way one have of guessing his concerns is to know him personally. Not like Kun does, they both met five months ago.  _

_ “Fuck,” the young student rubs his eyes with his hands. Doyoung knows they can’t go back until Kun has seen what he is looking for with both of his eyes. “Fuck, what in hell is he doing? He is taking his sweet time.” _

_ Doyoung leans back in his plastic chair, shoving his hands in the pockets of his sweater. Well, it must be cold then, at least Kun has the answer to one thing now. Midnight is soon on the clock and it has been more than an hour the two betas have been sitting there, in a far corner of one of KAIST’s cafeteria. Some students must have identified them now, clearly guessing they are not from this department.  _

_ They could care less, they need answers, especially Kun whose lungs and mind have been way too clean for five months now. He barely slept ever since he heard the rumors, which are not even rumors. “There’s a student from the medical and biological science department who can help you.” It was a fact, a secret akin to reality, whispered during a break between the ladies restroom and the science lab.  _

_ “I think he won’t deal tonight, let’s go back.” Doyoung finally reasons and Kun is about to give up, but a look at his bitten nails, a look into his phone screen reflecting his sunken cheeks and he knows he can’t. He can’t go on one more day facing a forced withdrawal.  _

_ “I-” his sentence is cut short when another rare student enters the room, the flip flap door louder in the beta’s ears than anyone else’s. _

_ It is an alpha, so has Kun heard. Tall, lean, and the beta can easily see through the play pretend of his attitude. The beta has grown long enough into aristocracy to see when someone tries to blend in. But again, it is a trait only a trained eye can catch. The alpha strolls in casually, maybe a little too much for them to be sure it is their man. But then again, Doyoung too doesn’t seem to doubt the alpha is blending in among the high profile students a little too much.  _

_ Their man approaches the two students by the coffee machine with the ease a friend would adopt, or the ease a man with a deal would. The chatting students stop, and the betas witness a quick greeting they barely hear. Their impatience grows along with the tapping from Kun’s feet as the three males chat some more. _

_ “Hurry up, fuckers…”  _ _ he murmurs behind the thumb he is biting on. _

_ He doesn’t have to curse twice and the alpha takes a small book from inside the pocket of his wet denim jacket - certainly from the rain - and hands it to one of the student who in exchange, shamelessly hands the alpha several banknotes that the latter pockets. The transaction shouldn’t have been witnessed, obviously, as only five students are inside, most of them minding their business. Luckily for Kun, the alpha’s business is also his.  _

_ “There’s your man.” Doyoung whispers and that night, Kun manages to sleep for about six good hours.  _

_ It only takes two weeks for Kun to bid his farewell to Doyoung as a roommate. One sunday evening finds him unpacking in his new room, even though unpacking is not his priority as he is pacing in the main sitting room of the dorm impatiently. This change has taken a whole day to negotiate, longer than it took his scum of a father to send him here at KAIST. Acing his last exam have been the main prop to convince the man than he wanted to be moved into this specific room. “Don’t ask me why, just pull any rope.” He has yelled through the phone the eleventh time his father asked why.  _

_ The door opening has the beta stop his pacing and his relief settles in when the man he has been waiting for finally arrives, the rise of an eyebrow as a greeting.  _

_ “Kun, nice to meet you.”  _

_ The alpha is exactly how Kun remembers him from the cafeteria two weeks ago. The man drops his bag next to the door before taking long strides towards his new roommate, arms crossed as he is gauging the beta.  _

_ “I know you.” He states and Kun just scoffs. _

_ Who doesn’t? His story have travelled mouth to mouth around the campus, more than he would like. The junkie son of a conglomerate owner, sole heir to the biggest pharmaceutical company in the continent, sent to the very monitored dorm of the most prestigious university in the country after his old man found a stash of powder in his bookshelf. Long story short, one Kun doesn’t like bragging about.  _

_ “What makes you think I’ll sell anything?” Oh. So the man doesn’t waste his time. _

_ “And what makes you think I want to buy anything?” Kun defies, already guessing their cohabitation is going to turn rocky at this rate. But he is desperate, if the withdrawal symptoms are of any indication, symptoms the alpha must have already noticed from the first sight. He stays silent for a second before speaking. _

_ “Maybe your indiscrete stalking in the cafeteria or the fact that my former roommate suddenly packed his bags this morning?”  _

_ As expected from a student in his department. After all, only the bests are allowed in this faculty, and there is no doubt this alpha is one of the bests. Kun already likes him.  _

_ “Listen, man,” Kun decides that a front attack is not a wise move with an alpha like this one. Threatening him to reveal his secret business will do no good, it is the only getaway Kun has right now. “I have money, I’ll pay whatever the price. And if it’s not enough I’ll get you whatever you ask for, just name it.” _

_ His new roommate seems pleased to hear that. He strides to his desk and leans against it, gaze never leaving the beta.  _

_ “You’ve been clean for five months, that’s a progress. Are you sure you’ll dive back in?”  _

_ The beta scoffs. Of course, it is not like he wants to be clean in the first place. They say the sweet sweet snow increases drastically your chances of having a cardiac arrest. A sudden death, one snort, and you’ll be knocking on heaven’s door before you even have the time to wipe the powder off your nose. But Kun is still here. His father banged the gardener shamelessly in front of him, he is still here. His coward of a mother overdosed on pills, he is still here. Life fucked him in the ass, came deep inside his guts before he even had an orgasm and he is still here. Kun is still here, playing with the odds, having fun lighting a match above a puddle of gasoline but feeling fireproof. And with confidence, he looks into the other’s eyes.  _

_ “Through it all, whenever there was doubt-” _

_ “I ate it up and spit it out.” his new roommate finishes his sentence, and in the universal language it means approval. “Sinatra, my favorite.”  _

_ Whatever he went through, Kun can tell by just seeing the man he had it worse. But it is not what made them bond, not the way they relate to each other, not their delightful taste in music. They bonded because the alpha saw benefits in Kun, and Kun saw salvation in the alpha.  _

_ “You’ve got yourself a deal.” The man finally stands straight, extending a hand for his new acknowledged roommate to shake. “Johnny.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Two years and four months ago**

  
  
  


It is nothing like in the movies he has seen before. 

It is not a grey cold room, with the light hanging by a rope, swinging around to the clock beat, slowly, to set the mood. It is not an officer walking around the table, smelling like tobacco and nine o’clock coffee. Who is he trying to convince with his lies? It is exactly all of that. 

Taeyong can’t say how long he has been sitting in the interrogation room, maybe an hour, maybe two, probably one entire day went by. His mouth is dry, a desert, he glances at the metallic cup of water in front of him, empty. The other man in the room, unlike the omega, is free to walk around as he pleases, and every footstep is one more pound of pressure on his mind. 

“I know it can be scary, the sentence.” The beta’s voice as well as his tone is gruff as he finally stops opposite Taeyong. “But nothing compares to the punishment of having it on your conscience for a lifetime. Now is the opportunity to confess. Did you kill him?”

The officer’s disheveled state for having been locked in here as long as Taeyong reflects the omega’s. But his stare, waiting for an answer, a final word to finally close the case, shares some sort of empathy and Taeyong is thankful for it. He would take any sign of warmth right now. 

He too, wants this over. The nightmares are keeping him up at night, the accusatory voices in his mind haunt him during the day. And he will have to go a lifetime lying to his son, whenever he’ll look into his eyes with tenderness it will be one of a murderer. He will never forgive himself, maybe his place is to be buried next to Kim Jongin for an eternity. How does that sound as a punishment? Bitter, bitter and unfair but perhaps well deserved. 

“Can I please ask a favor?” The omega’s voice, strained by hours of silence and anxiety comes out low and shivering. The officer doesn’t say a word, hinting he is listening. “When I’ll be locked away, could you please look after my son? I have a close friend in Bangkok who would take him in, please-”

“We can’t make that decision, I am sorry.” The statement is definitive, leaving no place for hope and the tears gather under his eyes, heart stopping at the idea of what’s to come his baby’s way. “But I promise we’ll do our best. So, did you kill him?”

Silence. One that lasts almost long as the interrogation itself. One during which the omega tries to remember what has led him to this decision, to this hell hole, all the wrong turns he didn’t chose for himself… He would like to scream, to rip his hair off, at how unfair this is. But he is not the 19 years old who throws tantrum because of a wedding anymore. He is an adult, a father, who must own up to his mistakes no matter the cost. 

“Yes,” And the breaking of his voice is the final straw that breaks the dam of his tears. “Yes, I did.”

“Take him to his cell.” The officer sighs, signing the end of an exhausting work. 

Two other agents come through the steel door of the room, handcuffing Taeyong to take him to his doom. The omega believed foolishly that if he says it, his mind would be clear and at peace no matter what the sentence waiting for him. His mind is anything but clear. It is muddy, blurry with the vision of a crime he shouldn’t have committed but doesn’t regret no matter how much he looks for the human part in him. That is probably why he will never be at peace, because he wanted it, because he had to do it… 

He is led to the door, one step at a time as the police officers calmly follow his pace, not daring to rush the omega who now seems void of any soul. It is an odd process for anyone involved to see a man falling down to his knees before the wall of his sins. It is a one way road, the remorse that comes with it. Those men will go back home to their family tonight, go on with a simple life, and Taeyong? He doesn’t even know what he will do tomorrow, if he’ll be able to choose between grief and rage between the four walls of his cold cell. 

“Daddy?” The omega stops in his steps. Of everything that happened in here, there is the little bit of warmth he has dreamt of, his baby’s voice. 

But Taeyong isn’t proud of himself when he turns around. Haechan is in a corner of the interrogation room, one of his pajamas on, eyes wide at the handcuffs around his father’s wrist. Taeyong wants to run to him, tell him it is not what he thinks, but it is exactly what Haechan thinks. Isn’t it sad, a six years old witnessing the death of a hero. 

“My baby, I am so sorry.” Of all the apologies he has said in his life, nothing come closer to the sincerity of this one. 

It won’t cut it. In this unfair world sorry means nothing. Especially when Haechan looks at the man just stepping out of the darkness to take his hand. It is when Taeyong knows he should have shut the fuck up, he should have lied, he should have never let himself be caught. 

“Junmyeon, don’t fucking touch him.” There is nothing more the omega can do as the officers drag him away. 

“I’ll take care of him.” The Kim is lying, Taeyong just knows it is not true. He has lived with a Kim for seven years and he knows it is not true. To care means nothing to that family, especially not for a Lee omega.

“Don’t touch him!” Taeyong yells but he is taken further, he doesn’t even know if he has crossed the door yet, all he can focus on is the image of his son and Junmyeon in the far distance. The disappointment in his son’s eyes, the sickening smile from Junmyeon, they might as well rip Taeyong’s skin off his bones, it would hurt less. “No! I beg of you, please no!”

  
  


Whenever he wakes up from a nightmare, it is usually still dark outside. For once in a long time, Taeyong’s eyes snap open to the sound of his alarm blaring from the side table. Unsurprisingly, the nightmare has left his mind numb and tongue bitter, too early for such feelings. A small form stirs next to him, all covered up by the navy sheets of his bed before a chestnut bundle of hair emerges, certainly due to the bothering ring of the alarm. 

Taeyong’s heart skips a beat when Haechan rubs his eyes open, it is the only reality for now, Haechan is alive, safe, right next to him. The father spends long seconds just watching as the child mutters complaints about needing more sleep, snuggling into the pillow half awake. He surely gets that trait from Taeyong, who also has great troubles waking up, even if lately the lack of good sleep makes that easier. 

Loving Jongin was a hard task, Taeyong isn’t even sure if he managed. They have never been good acquaintances, less friends, when they weren’t hating each other, they were invisible. And the memory of all he went through in his years of being married still haunts him to this day, as if Jongin was still alive… Taeyong knows that he is, whispering somewhere in a corner of his mind  _ “I’ll make you pay.” _

Yet, there had been a positive outcome to it. Taeyong was barely twenty when he learnt about his pregnancy. Getting Jongin to touch him, or even getting himself to touch Jongin was in itself a miracle. And it happened during an uncontrolled drunken night, like every cliche story. But Taeyong would repeat the mistake if he had the choice, for Haechan. His only happiness, his joy, his pride, the only person he lives for today…

“Daddy, you’re crying…” 

The omega snaps out of his thoughts, maybe a little too carried away by the memories. The tears were too warm for him to feel, he quickly wipes them away with a small laugh to reassure Haechan. 

“It’s nothing, muffin.” He ruffles the soft brown locks and Haechan, too excited for a morning, climbs on his father’s tummy. “I just had a little nightmare.”

Haechan is not heavy, per se. He is barely as heavy as a grocery bag for Taeyong but for his sleep ridden body, a jumping Haechan is perhaps too much right now. To make himself more comfortable, he sits up, receptioning the child who giggles seeing his father’s discomfort as he falls into his chest. 

“Was there a bad witch in your dream?” The boy asks with a high-pitched voice the omega can’t help but melt to.  _ If only it was only that. _

“A very very bad and mean witch.” Taeyong nods, and Haechan frowns a second before rising his little hands to his face in mock shock. It lasts two second before he latches himself at his father’s neck again.

“Don’t be scared, I’ll chase her away next time.” 

To which he proceeds to explain in detail what kind of potions are used to fight black magic. Maybe Taeyong should cut TV times shorter, but again, it is too endearing for him to complain. The father is sure next time he’ll need someone against black magic, he’ll call Haechan and his seemingly vast and suspicious knowledge about it. But for now, Taeyong is the one doing the protecting. 

“You’re such a strong omega.” The praise has Haechan giggling more like he just didn’t wake up ten minutes ago. “But you know what will make you stronger? A good breakfast and a lot of fruits!”

“And a lot of pop-tarts!”

When the duo is ready for the day, Taeyong adjusting the cufflinks of his pastel pink shirt and smoothing the wrinkles of his white jeans before helping Haechan into his bright yellow hoodie  _ “Markie likes so much!” _ , Yuta and Seulgi are already in the kitchen, devouring the breakfast Yeri has so generously cooked for them. 

“I should give you a raise for feeding this kid.” Taeyong teases as he takes his own cup of coffee, making his bodyguard wonder why would Yeri not feed Haechan. “I am talking about you Yuta. What’s on the schedule?”

After rolling his eyes exaggeratingly, the alpha brings out his phone, reporting everything on the clock to his boss. 

“You have a meeting with the board and your uncle this afternoon. And this morning…” Yuta stops hesitating, making Taeyong raise an eyebrow, rushing him to continue. “Given the circumstances outside, I guess you will meet Suh Johnny earlier than we thought.”

The statement has Taeyong finishing his breakfast in a blink. Given the circumstances outside? It is not like Yuta to be vague unless he knows Taeyong won’t like something, prefering to let the omega discover it by himself. The latter glances at a clueless Haechan, then at a worried Seulgi. Every second passing by, ever since Johnny left him speechless at the restaurant, the father knows that the mobster can easily harm his family unless he cooperates. 

“Seulgi, I want you to never leave Haechan’s side today, not even for a second.” 

“Understood.” The beta answers, and Taeyong knows he can trust her even with his own life. 

“Let’s go, Yuta.” Are the omega’s final world as he fetches his vest and bag, exiting his house with his bodyguard on his tail. He has accepted the idea that for now, he is to follow Suh Johnny’s order if he wants to survive, and also if he wants his secrets safe. 

So this is what Yuta means by the  _ circumstances outside _ . Black sedans are parked at his gate and in front of it, a very familiar man Taeyong can’t say he is happy to see. It is nothing alarming, though, now that he knows the extent of Johnny’s questionable power. Well, he can’t put his finger on it yet, but the man apparently knows where he is living now, and has decided to send not only one of his men, but a dozen of them. 

“They arrived before me, sorry.” Yuta whispers in his ear, thinking he is discreet but eyes have never left them ever since they stepped out. 

Taeyong can’t blame his friend, Yuta has other obligations than being by his side days and nights. Until now, except Suh’s uninvited presence, Yuta has done a good job at keeping him safe. 

“Good morning, Mr Lee.” Jaehyun, if the omega remembers correctly, greets him before opening the car door for them to step inside. “Please allow me to take you to my boss.”

“I have my own driver, my own car, what gives him the right to terrorize my neighborhood this way?” The omega is well aware that he is outnumbered by a large amount, but those men wouldn’t dare lay a hand on him behind their boss’ back. If there is one thing Taeyong is sure about the latter, it is that he isn’t the type to use any barbaric methods unlike his peers. 

“We mean no disrespect.” Jaehyun stays courteous despite the omega’s obvious hostility. “Understand that it is in our interest to escort you and make sure you get to the destination safe and sound. As for the men, they will follow your son for the day, making sure he stays safe.”

“You must be kidding me.” Unbelievable, Taeyong scoffs, not hiding his disapproval and distaste for the idea. “I want you and your men as far from my son as possible.”

Jaehyun seems to ponder for a second, persisting to hold the door open for as long as Taeyong is standing stubbornly before it. And an omega this stubborn, he can say he has never met one, and giving the way all the men are staring at the petite man, none of them either. 

“Unfortunately, the orders are from Mr Suh himself, and no words from me will stop it.” Jaehyun tries a sympathetic smile that looks a little bit too crisp. Seriously, has he ever smiled once before? “So if you will, please get in the car.”

Taeyong crosses his arms for long seconds. The idea of letting his baby being followed by Suh Johnny’s men are giving him goosebumps. But again, the man has no interest on threatening his son this directly in front of him. If any harm was to be done, it seems logical it would happen behind his back. And instantly the omega gets it, this is yet another bargain for his cooperation.

“Fine.” Taeyong sighs. Yuta gets in right after him but not before sending a text message, surely asking his own men to track them just in case. Jaehyun says nothing of it and it somehow reassures Taeyong that for now, there is no apparent plan to kill him. 

The ride is long and spent in silence. Jaehyun is definitely not a talkative man, not like they doubted it before. He could probably knock his toe against a corner and shrug it like a bug bite. It is no use for any of them to identify the road, as much as Yuta is analyzing the passing landscape. They have left the inner Seoul for a long time now and the only hint is that they have been following the seaside for long minutes. Taeyong thought he could recognize the road to Incheon but as soon as he could confirm it, they took a road down south. 

Soon, the landscape changes from a urban one to only trees and sand spreading on kilometers. If the omega trusts his instinct, they are not too far after Anyang, a good forty minutes by car from the next agglomeration. The landscape is still too desertic to be sure of it. Wherever Suh Johnny has decided to hide at, he does it well.

The wait almost gets unbearable when finally Jaehyun pulls up to a gate overhanging rocks and waves, leading to a higher cliff. The asphalt is certainly cared for for such a remote place, and again Taeyong is not surprised for a man who wants to buy his properties twice the price. 

A long alley brings them to a building in front of which Jaehyun finally stops. It is nothing uncommon from all the luxuries Taeyong has ever had the privilege to see. But the location is what makes the gigantic glass and concrete building exceptional. It is simple, a rectangular four walls grey building, akin to a gigantic granite bloc, untamed, except the glass travelling from the ground to the top on each corner. And just like its owner, it is sober, discreet but intimidating and withhold a wild beauty. 

“Neo Pharmaceuticals.” Yuta reads the inscription at the entrance. 

“Please follow me.” Jaehyun guides them inside, which the duo complies to easily, eager to escape the violent ocean wind outside. 

“Isn’t Neo Pharmaceuticals-”

“The Qian’s property, I know.” Yuta cuts Taeyong before he can finish. 

Jaehyun shows no sign of catching their discussion as they follow him through the lobby to a reception desk, across various staffs in white lab coats who don’t seem surprised at their presence at all. 

The Qians, alongside the Lees and other noble names are well known families who lead the industries across the continent. Taeyong have met some of their directors across the years at different events, and it is needless to say their presence here have him questioning everything he knew until today. 

“Mr Lee, Mr Nakamoto, Jaehyun.” Taeyong was starting to wonder what became of the man who welcomes them. 

Kim Doyoung seems to be doing fine, glass perched on his nose and attire more formal than what Taeyong saw at the funerals. He hasn’t lost his strict and tactless look. He gives a barely visible smile to Jaehyun who for the first time responds with an acceptable one and leaves them. The guests greet him with nervous nods. 

“Unfortunately, Mr Suh is a little caught up in another meeting right now, so please allow me to take you around our facilities.” Doyoung, despite being as polite as Jaehyun, doesn’t hold the same gentleness. But both men are obviously unmatched when it comes to loyalty and respect. 

“I would like to know why we are at Neo Pharmaceuticals.” Taeyong asks as they travel to another wing, Doyoung always walking to a moderate pace to accommodate the guests. 

The man is so at ease, certainly knowing every corner of the building by heart. And if the way every staff bows at his sight is any sign, Taeyong can tell without a doubt the Qians aren’t as clean as he made them to be. 

“As you already know, my boss likes to work from behind the scene”, Doyoung stands before a door, gracing a pad with his fingerprint before it opens. Taeyong is not only amazed by the standard of the facility, but also at the way nothing can tell this isn’t a simple laboratory. “This is just one of those scenes.”

Even if the extent of Suh’s wealth becomes clearer, there is still a veil of fog on the questions Taeyong wants to ask. Where is he from? How did he acquire all of that and why does he want the omega’s assets? Doyoung stops in what seems to be a white room hovering above the sea, boards filled with statistics and chemical formulas surrounding them. In the center, an island displaying various samples of very familiar medications Yuta and Taeyong have seen in generic stores before. 

“Neo Pharmaceuticals is just one of our covers,” Doyoung let them wander around the room. “But I guess you already know that.”

Taeyong listens attentively as he eyes the displays.

“How did you-”

“Manage to put them in our pocket?” The beta anticipates his sentence, follows it with a smug smirk that Taeyong guesses is just a trademark for Johnny and whoever obeys to every of his words. “I guess we just got lucky, you are a number expert, you would know how to connect the dots.”

With that statement, Taeyong is left with more questions than answers. The only dots he can connect go back to nine years ago, when the pharmaceutical company suffered loss in value and shares due to an error in their chemical production, putting them on the verge of bankruptcy. It is the only gap for anyone to squeeze their investment into such a corporation. But even then it is not easy to do so, the Qians wouldn’t trust any meager entrepreneur, and even less a mobster. 

“And why would they trust a drug lord’s investment?” Taeyong asks and Doyoung, who has been typing away on the island tablet looks up for a second with a knowing smile. Lee Taeyong is indeed as smart as he has been told. 

“A drug lord, never,” a  _ click _ resonates in the empty room and the island is dislocated from its anchor on the ground, the beta slides it across easily, revealing a passage right under that has the guests astonished. “But a valedictorian from the medical and biological department of KAIST, as well as a good friend, yes.” 

Yuta and Taeyong share a questioning glance, how did they not find Johnny’s file in the faculty archives? The man certainly has a way to erase himself from the world, which now seems to be his less impressive achievement. Taeyong vaguely remembers from a quick discussion with Jaehyun in the car that the mobster just entered his thirties. How competent must have he been at a very young age for the Qians to trust his pharmaceutical advice to recover their productions. 

There must have been a catch. An institution of bright chemists don’t just hire young graduates to recover from a financial crisis. And being a witness of Johnny’s skill at manipulation, Taeyong is sure that his grades are not the only factor that pushed any sane man to leave a billion dollars company in his hands. 

“Follow me, gentlemen.” Doyoung leaves the room. Impatience and curiosity push the guests to be hot on his tail as they borrow the newly revealed passageway, this time reaching another floor from where the sea which was omnipresent isn’t visible anymore. 

The well lit and modern setting is taking the three men several feet underground. The new environment they step in is fairly different from the bright and white walls of Neo Pharmaceutical above their head. They are led through a clean and dimly lit corridor and on the way, through several doors, Taeyong can see other staffs and cold storages. 

“You must doubt my boss didn’t just approach the Qians out of sympathy.” Doyoung continues, tickling Taeyong’s curiosity even more as they walk for more minutes. “You see, graduating KAIST is not free. Some finds part time jobs, some get scholarships. And the luckiest ones are from wealthy families. Mr Suh is none of them. But he found a way to make much more money than needed to pay his fees.”

They stop in front a final door, this one is less guarded than the rest, letting various staff walk in and out but Taeyong isn’t surprised given the numerous security plan they already went through. He can’t even retrace how they got here anymore even if he tries to rummage his memory as much as he can. 

“Mr Suh’s prime source of income,” Doyoung pushes the doors open and their eyes could as well fall out of their sockets. Taeyong have seen many things he never wished to see with Jongin, but what is hidden under Neo Pharmaceuticals looks like an urban legend nobody would believe. Hundred of square meters of cannabis pots. “Drug, as simple as that.” 

“Tell me I'm dreaming.” Taeyong half whispers to an equally flabbergasted Yuta. 

“I see it too.” The bodyguard answers, barely keeping his surprise confined.

Certainly, Taeyong have seen worst and heard worst. From men being murdered by his former husband to rumors of human trafficking among his peers. Illegal substances are certainly the softest crime he can encounter but it doesn't lessen the amazement he is feeling, and he can't say if he is relieved Suh Johnny might not be the criminal he made him to be or if he is negatively shocked for such a choice of activity. It is an odd mixture of disdain and astonishment.

Everyone has heard of weed plantation, and for the most twisted, has even fantasized about owning one. But Taeyong is practically sure nothing compares to the infrastructure of this one. This is another scale, another level one can’t achieve without having mad knowledges and finances. 

“We have the best horticulturists in the country. An ounce of this skunk easily reaches four hundred bucks.”

Taeyong feels himself shaking as they walk in the middle of the vast artificial field making sure he doesn't break a pot on the way. No words are uttered and Taeyong can see Yuta is as ill at ease as he is right now, but they remember where they are and why it is wise for them to not say a thing or protest. 

They follow as Doyoung guides them to an adjacent lab, this part looking more like the main wing of the building, albeit holding the same secretive aura as the former room. Something about the white walls and men in lab coat almost makes everything about this ethical. Taeyong have expected a foul smell, too many TV shows and prejudice have made in believe a lair of narcotic chemists would smell like burnt tylenol and fumes. Or maybe it is the sight of the large experimental paraphernalia around the room that has his brain thinking so. 

“That looks expensive,” Yuta comments, extending a hand towards an illuminated glass case where various crystal-like stones are lined up.

“You don’t wanna touch that,” a new voice stops Yuta from even grazing the case with the tip of his fingers. “That’s the purest form of methamphetamine you’ll find on the market, and it’s indeed very expensive.”

The warning is sure enough for the bodyguard to keep his hands to himself. The man smells like a beta, but he looks nothing like it. Taeyong would have bet he is an omega if not for his scent. He looks docile in his own lab coat, the welcoming smile he offers them and an angel like face none of them doubt hides more. After all, he is working for Suh Johnny. 

The omega finds some familiar traits in him, but he wouldn’t be able to pinpoint where he has seen him. 

“This is our  _ cook _ , Qian Kun.” Doyoung introduces and Taeyong remembers, the past headlines year ago when the young man took over after his father. Apparently his place is taken now, trading his throne for a more discrete role in the undergrounds of his now corrupted company. 

“Mr Lee, nice to finally meet you.” Taeyong will have to admit that albeit their very questionable way of living, there is a thing this whole syndicate doesn’t lack and it’s manners. One wouldn’t even question if those men have blood on their hands at a first glance. “What brings the Lees son in our humble labs?”

“An investment that is not your business.” Doyoung replies in lieu of the guests, and the latters don’t miss the hint of hostility in his voice. Luckily, before any of them could talk some more, a soft ring of a pager interrupts them. “Well, let me take you to Mr Suh.”

On the way back, Taeyong is still unable to shrug what he just lived, feeling Kun’s insistent stare on his back. But then again, he has been swimming in this lifestyle for some times now, though involuntarily. The bottom of the pool seemed too far deep with Jongin and the omega has spent his time trying to stay afloat, but this new situation has him thinking this time he could at least hold onto the borders. He is nowhere close to trust those men, but let’s say it is just a long detour before he can clear things up, and the safest one he can find. 

Unlike the hidden part of Neo Pharmaceuticals, Johnny’s quarter is at the last floor from where the view contrasts magnificently with what is actually going on inside. The spreading of the grey blue ocean to the horizon where even waves are hard to distinguish, letting the immensity of the water blend the landscape into nothing but blue, blue everywhere. And even though he is marvelling at the beauty of it, Taeyong doesn’t forget even one second what may unfold in the following hours. But isn’t it how the world works anyway? The most unveiled beauty are only allowed to cocoon those who are vile and rotten from inside? He has seen so much of this principle it is hard to believe otherwise, and that thought saddens him because it may predict an ugly ending for him. But it is ok, because he is here to make sure the happy ending isn’t his but Haechan’s. Isn’t it how the world works too? A person’s happiness requires another’s sacrifice?

“I’ll ask you to wait here.” Doyoung cuts his train of thoughts and Taeyong comes out of his stupor, noticing they are in a waiting room. The beta leaves them with a small bow to reach a desk further away.

The prisitin rosewood door facing them seems to signal a new page to turn for the omega. It makes him anxious, nervous and terrified but Yuta is holding his gaze in a comforting gaze, telling him that if anything happens the alpha will get him out of here and Taeyong is fully aware his friend would take a bullet for him. 

The door opens silently, but enough to catch their attention. The men are expecting the kingpin to appear but instead, it is a woman, another omega, way younger than anybody present, who walks out. Something is off, it is not her long black bangs sticking to her forehead, or the untamed beauty of her face, it is not the way she seems to stumble a little as she is walking, giving them a quick glance with her sunken eyes. It is the evident smell of heat emanating from her skinny body. A lump settles in Taeyong’s throat as the young omega leaves out of sight. He doesn’t know how he feels about an omega in heat walking out of Suh Johnny’s office, ot if he is even allowed to feel anything at all. The alpha owes him nothing, it is not his place to feel jealous. 

But from an omega to the other, he could at least admit it, it is only natural for not only the alphas are territorial when it comes to desire. And her disheveled state screams the worst scenarios in Taeyong’s head, what just went on behind this door is nothing orthodox. 

“It’s the Yoons daughter.” Yuta murmurs as the young omega disappears from their sight. Taeyong recalls the name. The man has been there, during Jongin’s burial, and if he remembers well, he has been his ex husband’s long-time partner. And if remembers even better, Mr Yoon is one of the men who wants the assets, and her presence here as well as her apparent closeness to Suh Johnny has Taeyong suddenly doubting if he should be here, if he is not diving head first into a well elaborated trap.

“Taeyong-ssi, please come in.” The omega has no time to ponder longer, the man he came to look for standing in the doorway as sophisticated as ever. 

He glances at Yuta, telling him he will be ok and that his friend can rest assured nothing bad will happen, albeit not being sure himself. But there are discussions that are meant to be heard only by Taeyong and Johnny. A secret is well kept only if two persons know about it and the other one is dead. And in this cold case scenario, he sure hopes he’ll stay alive. 

He can see impatience in Johnny’s courtesy and doesn’t wait longer before finding himself alone in the drug lord’s office. The scale doesn’t impress the omega that much, he has seen enough of the same modernity and luxury throughout his visit. Yet, like a child waiting for permission to steal in the cookie jar, he stands unsure at the door when Johnny pours a glass of sparkling water for him and a glass of scotch for himself. The omega can’t even appreciate the attention given to his preferences, it is yet another of the many things the alpha must know about him. It wouldn’t even be surprising at this point if the man knew his brand of shampoo. 

“Take a seat.” The man instructs, somehow his authoritative facade exchanged for a more relaxed one. It must be how one acts when they have the upper hands, and ever since they met, the man always had the upper hands. 

Taeyong can’t tell what bothers him the most, the left stubs of blunt in the ashtray on the desk, the traces of white powder living a ghost line next to it or the omnipresent scent of another omega’s heat in the room. Whatever it is, it doesn’t look like it bothers Johnny and Taeyong allows himself to cross his legs on the way too comfortable leather armchair facing the alpha. 

“I can see you’re taking office hours seriously.” He allows himself to mutter, catching the attention. 

Every time Taeyong catches himself stepping out of line, he expects backlash but his bold words never seem to annoy the man. In fact, the drug lord shows he appreciates it more than when the omega stays silent. It is so deranged, yet it has its charm for the omega, how Suh Johnny is the sadist but also the masochist. Everything about Suh Johnny is a paradox that intrigues the widow more than he shows. His gentle manners mixed with his violent way of just existing, his polite smiles hiding the barbary behind his words and intentions… 

“Oh, excuse me,” Johnny confronts the matter like it is no big deal, the way a housewife would feel guilty for not offering coffee. He points to the stubs in the ashtray, “How rude of me, would you like some?”

“You know enough stuff about me,” The omega feels himself getting bold as Johnny leans against the desk in front of him, the proximity enough for Taeyong to admire the wonderful expanse of his body, lean, tall, the perfect text book of an alpha. “To know that unlike you, I don’t… smoke… snort?”

And to that, Johnny executes an elusive laugh that travels from Taeyong’s toes and ends only at the tip of his dark locks. He shrugs it away as fast as it comes, because the thought of what he is here for cannot leave his system. This man has his life in between his hands, a simple and one sentenced secret, that if manipulated the right way would have him behind bars. And there is no doubt the drug lord will manage to do that with the same talent he used to have Taeyong sitting in this very armchair. 

“Oh no, no,” Johnny comes down from his laugh, shaking his head gently as if he is being forced to deny anything, “I don’t do snow. I am more of a… purist?” 

He finds an intact joint from one of the inner pocket of his vest, presenting it in front of Taeyong with the playful rise of an eyebrow before tossing it on the desk carelessly where it will certainly face the same destiny as its mates in the ashtray, but later. Is it pure foolishness if Taeyong relate to the blunt? Was the omega before him a consumed stub, Johnny the ashtray, and Taeyong another disposable entity that is just willingly waiting to be burnt? In any case, his life was already too pathetic for him to find any form of dignity in it. And once again, he is not here to save himself but his child’s. 

“What do I make of the fact the Yoons daughter just walked out of here?” Taeyong waits no longer, another hour in here and he’ll be sure he lost of himself for good. “How do I know this is not a death trap?”

“I am not asking you trust me.” There is no bluffing this time. Johnny fetches a brown file from behind him in a swift movement and Taeyong takes it with hands that acts confident in their shivering. 

The omega opens it but without glancing at the alpha first, impatient for his guest to unravel the surprise.  _ Lee Taeyong, murder case _ . Needless to say the words have his blood ice cold as soon as he reads them. What a fool he has been for thinking that only his conscience would be involved in this? But is a fool for not knowing a man like Johnny Suh exists? 

“How did you find out?” The omega closes the file, too much of a coward to read what’s inside. 

“I have my own investigators.” Of course, at this point Taeyong wonders what he doesn’t have. Yet, sarcasm is the last thing he wants to play with right now. “The police was stupid enough to rack through chairman Kim’s enemy, but the Yoon and Guo Biming would never risk that. They failed to see that the worst enemies are the closest.”

Taeyong has at least read through the first page and it is enough for him to know the proofs Johnny have could throw the investigation onto him.  _ With the massive protection around him, nobody would have managed to breach in to murder Kim Jongin, less breaking a lock without alerting attention. Guo and Yoon owns ten percent of the assets each, killing Kim would have resulted in a war between the two of them, which they can’t afford right now when their business used to need Jongin’s assets to even function. The investigators never succeeded in retracing the gun, not expecting it to be one Kim Jongin owned in his residence- _

“You disgust me,” Taeyong cuts his own train of thought, and for the first time in here, he means what he is saying. He knows perfectly what Johnny is trying to do. This is not even a threat, beyond that, this is a guarantee of life. The man knows the stake for Taeyong, years behind bars and a pup he’ll never see again. And he has no shame using it against the omega. How cruel to use a child’s safety just for the purpose of expanding a drug business… “How old was that omega? Barely twenty? Yet she has her scent all over you. Taking advantage of that woman’s heat, having her taking your shitty cocaine, using my son as a threat, Suh Johnny the powerful drug lord? You are nothing but a low-life…”

This time, Johnny is not amused, for Taeyong’s boldness seems to have crossed the line of insolence. Unlike the charming audacity that until now put him in a good mood, this stab is one drop of vinegar too much in the pickle jar. Taeyong sees his gaze shifting from a constant eyes smile to a fire burning, and not a fire you’d find warm on the beach during a summer night. It is a fire that doesn’t need a spark to burn, a fire so consuming and terrifying, that just the sight of it has Taeyong wishing he was in hell instead. 

“Why do you think you are still alive,” Johnny leaves the comfort of his own space, leaning over Taeyong, both his hands steadying him on each side of the omega’s head, gripping at the armchair back like it is Taeyong’s pale skin he wishes to bruise. “The Yoon’s men have been on your ass for a month now, my protection-”

“I don’t need your protection.” The omega spits but his submission holds another speech. 

“You’re entitled enough to think I am protecting you for your pretty face?” Taeyong feels himself crying more at the fact that Johnny finds him pretty than the metaphorical blade against his throat. “I am protecting you for your hands, baby. When I am done with Yoon and Guo, I’ll need them to sign the papers.” 

Just like a victim begging for his life, with the burning will to do anything to not end up behind bars, or the burning will to have Johnny just repeat again that he is pretty, Taeyong nods. He is probably no different from the Yoons daughter right now, seeking for attention from a  _ low-life _ even in the most inappropriate situation just because Johnny is breathing a little too close to him. 

“And whatever you assume happened between me and that woman,”  _ I want you to do it to me too, you can even call me by her name if you want _ .  _ Hurt me. _ Is all Taeyong can think of, with the deepest regret, but also the deepest desire he has ever felt in his life. “Is none of your business. So now, since you are smart, we’ll play by my rules.”

After all, Taeyong is nothing but an omega in this new kingdom, and in here, whatever the king says is absolute. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! First of all, thanks a lot for all the amazing comments and all the kudos! I read all of your comments even if I don't reply one by one and they are really warming my heart and giving me motivation to write! So I hope my chapters are enough an answer to your support, I truly thank you all! Also as you see I add more chapters as I go because I never thought this would be long, but I guess I have a lot to tell haha. hope you like this one!
> 
> find me on instagram where I post poetry: @prompt_it_up
> 
> and I also just started a curious cat, not sure how it works but join me!: [ curious cat ](https://curiouscat.qa/ThunderGreen)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the long wait, enjoy!! (PS: sorry if there is some typo left, edited this in the whee hours of the night, so tired)

**Two years and four months ago**

  
  
  


Despite the landing going smoothly,

the landing gear touching the wet asphalt acts like a tiny earthquake to Taeyong’s sleep deprived brain. The drowsiness is messing with his mind, contracting the concept of time. It feels like the flight lasted minutes, before he knows it, the rainy weather of Hong Kong is already welcoming him. He blinks his eyes open to the worried smile of a flight attendant, asking him if everything is alright and he shrugs her away with a faint nod. Next to him Yuta is still snoring like the toddler he is and Taeyong is obliged to shake him awake. 

The light blue curtain separating the first class with the rest of the plane opens discreetly, letting in a perfectly awake Jaehyun who strolls to the two of them and the omega can’t help but wonder if the alpha ever feels tired. It is not long before they find themselves with the sky above their head, driving towards where “hyung-nim will be waiting.” 

This time, Taeyong actually smells him before even seeing him. The entire lobby of the hotel to the leather of the chair he is waiting on, smells like the alpha he dreads to meet again. Their last encounter has been playing in his head for days, and he would be lying that behind all the aversion hides a secret desire, that to see the man again. 

And yet there he is, in his tall glory, every of his steps resonating on marbles, or is it in Taeyong’s mind only? Yuta and Jaehyun don’t seem phased by his presence, and maybe it is the omega in him who senses the male more than he should. With the drug lord’s omnipresence all around him, Taeyong barely noticed the two familiar faces following him. It is Doyoung who greets them first as they take their seat. 

The lukewarm welcome barely touches Taeyong, his mind completely confused only on Suh Johnny’s voice, on the way he crosses his legs, so comfortable everywhere like the world is his to own. Kun takes a seat to his left, Doyoung to his right. The omega feels that tingly feeling starting from the tip of his toes, but he shrugs it away, it is not the time yet. And Johnny seems to notice it, giving the tiny grin threatening to break his professionalism. 

“Mr Lee, are you with us?” 

Taeyong wakes up from his reverie miserably, realizing all the eyes are on him, and he has been caught staring at Johnny. The embarrassment draws a shy blush across his face, pushing him to ignore Yuta’s questioning glance and Kun’s smirk. 

“Excuse me, please repeat,” He sheepishly asks Doyoung whose impatience is probably due to his own trip. 

“Tonight,” he starts again, making sure Taeyong is listening this time. The scent of pride and smugness from Johnny reaches his nose and he has to keep his eyes away; afraid that if he catches the alpha’s stare, he’d be distracted again. “A premium auction will take place. As we all know, Mr Yoon is in the favorite place to be elected as the Economy Minister in a week. His plan is to commandeer the assets under the government name, in which case it can’t be stopped unless we want an investigation on our back.”

“And what is our plan?” Yuta interferes and Taeyong is a little bit surprised by his assistant’s determination. But when he thinks about it, getting rid of the others the Johnny’s way is the best option. They’ll think about what to do when they end it. 

“We’ve got a place at one of the auction table where Mr Yoon will be seated at.” Doyoung then turns to the only omega who shrinks under the look, “More precisely, we got Mr Lee a place.” 

“Not under my watch,” Yuta protests without missing a beat. “Yoon knows his face. There is no way I will let that man near Taeyong.”

Taeyong dares lift his eyes to Suh, expecting offense against Yuta’s insolence, or a frown but instead, the alpha gives him a smug grin. That same tingly feeling disturbs his toes, and something tells Taeyong they are both more focused on that than the matter at hand. 

“A lieutenant from North Korea will be present.” Doyoung ignores Yuta’s objection. It is one trait that they all admit is awestrucking, Kim Doyoung could easily pass as an alpha with his dominant attitude. “Yoon will auction weapons, all you have to do is wear a microphone and record the exchange. We have a journalist willing to buy the recording, selling weapons to the North is enough to take him down. He will have to sell away his shares of the assets to avoid investigations. That’s when we jump in and buy it all.”

“And why does it have to be Taeyong?” 

It is almost funny, the way everyone turns to Yuta as if he has grown another head. As obvious as it sounds to the mobsters, it is not for the other two. Johnny has not said a word yet but his silent preeminence is enough to tell the omega he is the brain behind it all. Taeyong turns to his best friend, hands squeezing his forearm in reassurance. 

“I will do it, it’s okay.” 

Taeyong is not a saint, and his volunteering act isn’t born from bravery or responsibility but more from fear. He wishes to tell Yuta, if I don’t do it, I’ll end in jail and it will be over for us. Unfortunately, there are secrets that are never meant to be said. There are secrets that are only meant to be shared between eyes, like right now. And Johnny’s eyes tell Taeyong all about it, about that invisible string of threats the omega’s life is hanging on. 

“There is a reason why you couldn’t find anything about us.” Kun finally interrupts. Taeyong has seen him only once but the beta’s tone and faux arrogance sounds like another story. Or is it the obvious nervous tap of his fingers against his knees? “We would like to keep our identity secret.”

“If Yoon sees you at the auction table, he will make sure the weapons don’t go to you, securing our plan of him selling it to the North,” Johnny finally speaks for the first time. 

Taeyong may be crazy, hoping that the first words spoken to him would be some sort of greeting at least, or even anything that doesn’t involve the matter at hand. Anything that doesn’t involve Johnny selling him to the enemy like meat on a silver plate. 

“What if it goes south?” The tremor in Yuta’s voice have Taeyong feeling guilty. 

“Well, aren’t we all grown ups?” The drug lord’s sickening courtesy, that odd mix of honesty and chivalry, is back again as he leans back in his seat. 

The hidden meaning behind that is as clear as the warm bubbles rushing from Taeyong’s knees to his stomach. If anything goes south-

“It’s every man for himself.” Doyoung ends it for him.

He has never expected to matter to anyone after his father’s death. When he was sent to be married, as he slowly drowned in the life Jongin’s has molded for him, he wasn’t waiting for any type of care or comfort from anyone. And today, to care for him is the last thing he expected from a bunch of mobsters. But hearing it like that, especially when Suh Johnny is staring him dead in the white of his eyes with no hint of contradiction, a tiny pinch makes itself noticed in his heart. 

This life is not for the faint heart, Taeyong remembers Jaehyun telling him as he settles in his hotel room. Nor the cold shower he takes, nor Yuta’s pacing is making anything better. He is not weak, at least he tries not to be. But he is playing his life tonight, and there is no safety net. This is not those times he could hide in the shadows and live as if there weren’t several syndicates wanting his death. 

“We can leave,” Yuta tells him, half whispering as if anyone could hear them in entirety of the private suite. “You don’t have to do this. We’ll sell the assets to someone else and I’ll-”

“I’ll be alright, Yuta,” Taeyong cuts the panic short, adjusting his suit in front of a mirror.

The alpha stops a second, wondering if Taeyong has lost his mind, wondering why the man he has so cautiously followed all his life is choosing the reckless path. 

“If anything happens, just bolt out of here and go find Haechan.” There is no place for arguing in the order. Sometimes the omega is the friend Yuta wants to protect with his life, and sometimes, much to his dismay, he is the boss. 

And that is something Yuta will never dare to go against. Being an omega is a sensitive subject Taeyong has fought against all his life, and any sign of protest, is a protest against the man’s values. There is two men within Taeyong, the caring omega, and the ruthless, fearless heir of Lee Holdings. And right now, it is up to Yuta to guess who he is. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


A private room is overlooking the main venue,

alongside many other lounges where magnates and newly self made businessmen are gathered. It is nothing Yuta isn’t used to, having worked in the field for years now ever since he was hired by Lee senior to protect his son. But before Kim Jongin, the bodyguard has never once thought there could be anything secret behind it all. If all the adjacent rooms are ordinary lounges to entertain the riches, the one they are in right now is different. 

The glass panels on the main wall is giving a perfect view on the auction venue, tinted enough to not give anything to the outside world. Doyoung, who he has now learnt to not anger, Kun, and Jaehyun are seated the closest to the glass, monitoring the microphones and listening devices. And in an armchair, at the head of an oval table sits Suh Johnny. If he wasn’t surrounded by the enemy, Yuta wouldn’t even hesitate a second to plant a bullet through his skull. 

“Can you hear me?” Doyoung speaks through a phone and it isn’t long before a low hum comes through the speakers. 

“I am in the room.” Taeyong’s voice is clearer than expected despite the grainy background. 

From where they are, it is hard to say if the omega is nervous, and to be honest, most of them don’t care. And if he is, it doesn’t show in his tone, rather in the subtle way he breathes in the mic, audible only to the trained ears. Through the window, they see his slim figure navigating between the guests and staffs, confidently walking towards his designated table where three other men are already seated. 

“The lieutenant will be at your left.” Jaehyun is the informant this time. “Mr Yoon and his right hand man will be across. Do not speak a word except greetings. We do not want you to be involved in the recording.” 

“He’s already balls-deep involved in this anyway,” Yuta mutters to himself but the sarcasm doesn’t go unnoticed. 

Taeyong hears nothing else, eyes setting on a table in far corner. His hands are clammy, but he avoids wiping them on the expensive material of his slacks. Men and women alike are at ease around him and he is not meant to stand out with his nervosity. He has learnt so many time to put on a facade, and nothing differs from his usual meetings except this time he is risking his life. 

That thought weighs down on his mind when he finally reaches the table where five other men are already seated, the last chair left for Taeyong. Mr Yoon is exactly as he remembers. He looked older at the funeral, perhaps because of the weather’s gloom state or Taeyong’s lack of acknowledgement. Tonight, he looks almost better, and Taeyong almost imagines what kind of man he must have been younger. All eyes turn to him as he takes his seat, offering a neutral “good evening”. If the lieutenant and the two other businessmen quickly shrug him away, probably gauging the young omega unable to compete, Mr Yoon is surprised to see him, on the brink of amusement. 

What an odd coincidence, he must be thinking. The man he was expecting to kill, sitting at the same table. It is too big, too obvious as long as Taeyong is concerned. They didn’t think this through, there is no way Yoon haven’t guessed their scheme, it shows in his wicked smile and the immediate attention he gives the omega. 

Taeyong prays inside, daring a small glance at the tinted glass separating them from the rest of Johnny’s men. Under the fear Taeyong is feeling, there is also the desire to do this right. He can almost feel Johnny’s eyes on him, he can almost smell the drug lord’s presence despite the abundance of betas and alphas surrounding him. 

“Lee Taeyong,” Yoon greets, fingers strumming a subtle rhythm on the mahogany table, as if counting down the seconds until Taeyong finally breaks down. “Long time no see, I didn’t know a man like you was interested in weapons. I guess chairman Kim had an influence on you?”

“Just nod, do not answer,” Doyoung dictates through the earphone in his right ear. 

He does as told, wondering if his opponent has noticed the device. The chances are that he didn’t, as Taeyong’s hair is doing a good job at hiding it. The other guest clears his throat, offended that the attention is not on the deal. 

“The bids will start,” Yoon’s hand man declares. Taeyong glances at the others and sees no sign of stress or discomfort. “Please check the starting price.”

There is a small pamphlet in front of him and Taeyong opens it with trembling fingers. He knows he is not here to buy, but the numbers have him gulping nervously. Is this the usual price Jongin used to spend on his tools? If it is, then Taeyong is glad it is over now. 

The first guest raises his hand and the price increases with it. It goes on for some minutes, banters of numbers and what Taeyong would call a cock show off between alphas. The targeted lieutenant as well as the omega haven’t started yet. And as the latter guessed, the other guests will soon slow down and it will be his turn to enter. 

His silence may be too suspicious as Yoon has his gaze constantly fixed on Taeyong, making him incredibly uncomfortable. A single wrong gulp, a dissonance in his breathing and there is no doubt Yoon will understand. The young heir puts his hands under the table, hiding the slight shiver he feels whenever his eyes meet the mobsters. 

“Raise the bid.” He hears through the earphone and his breath catches in his throat, perhaps a little too loud as Yoon gives him a questioning look. 

It is Johnny who speaks, for the first time ever since he entered the venue. That uneasy feeling in his stomach is back again and there is no doubt this time. It can’t be-

“Ten hundred dollars more for Mr Lee,” The hand man announces when Taeyong raises his hand, trying not to dwell on what he is feeling through his body right now. 

Is anyone behind the glass noticing? Can anyone smell him right now? Is he paranoid for thinking their attention is on him? It is the moment when technically only Taeyong and the lieutenant are able to afford biding more. So the targeted guest does, but he can’t think about it now. Why can he smell Johnny from this far? Why does it feel like the man is talking right in his neck… This is an unmistakable feeling, Taeyong has lived long enough to understand why pearls of sweat are forming in his nape right now. 

“Is there anything wrong Mr Lee,” Yoon asks, purposely stressing on each word, making it certain they can smell it, the start of Taeyong’s heat. 

He is not stupid, this isn’t supposed to happen and it is just his luck it is happening right now. Taeyong’s heat has never been triggered by anything before, but ever since he arrived at the hotel this morning, several hints were pointing to it. He should have taken suppressant, he should have listened to Yuta and ran away, he should take that freaking earphone off when any moment now Johnny could speak through it again. 

“-Yong. Taeyong!” Yuta has been yelling for what seems like a good minute now and Taeyong snaps out of his daze. 

“Raise the bid.” Doyoung sounds impatient, and the omega gulps. 

This is too risky, every eyes are on him, every eyes are following the small droplets of sweat descending from his forehead to the crook of his neck, and there is no doubt he is fucked. He can smell the pheromones emanating from all the alphas at the table. He is done for. He has to get out of here, right now.

“Mr Lee?” He can’t tell who is speaking, the voices are blurred and his mind is screaming.

_Find relief, leave, protect yourself… Johnny… Johnny… JOHNNY!_

“S-sorry…,” He whispers, to who? He doesn’t know. 

His thighs are aching, his back is on the point of giving up and forcing him to bend over the table in agony. He can hear panic and ruckus in the earpiece, he fucked up, he is fucked. He can’t care less, the heat is pooling under his stomach and he can feel the slick about to soil him. Mind is blurry, everything is blurry, he needs relief. Right now. 

Taeyong stands up, his only thought is to get away somewhere safe where every alphas a mile radius don’t oggle him with their hungry eyes and instinct to screw. He doesn’t know what is said any more behind the glass door but he hears Yuta screaming at everyone to do something, he hears the trigger of a gun being activated and all he can do is guess. Chances are Yuta tried to go out and get him but someone has the barrel of a pistol pointed at him to stop his plans. 

“Hyung-nim, what do we do?” It sounds like Jaehyun, or maybe Doyoung, or Taeyong himself. Maybe he is imagining it, imagining that the others care about him and that they are thinking of a rescue plan. 

_If anything goes south, it’s every man for himself…_

It is going south as Taeyong stumbles through the crowd towards the closest restroom. He catches a snippet of a deal being concluded between the lieutenant and Yoon behind him. When he is finally far from it all, he lets himself fall against the door of the empty restroom. His hole is soaked in slick and his member painfully restrained by his tight pants. His whimpers and subtle moan sounds way louder than they probably are, echoing against the marble and Taeyong tries not to cry. 

He wants an alpha, he desperately wants one but not anyone. The cold tiles of the bathroom do wonder to his overheated back, and it is so lewd of him to seek comfort in the dim lit restroom. He has never been this desperate during one of his heats. It were usually calm nights, filled with his own fingers during small waves of excitement. He has heard of omegas needing more than simple comfort, but those have been fairytales for those who found the right alphas. 

His small moans echo on the walls and he prays no one walks on him squirming on the floor like a vulgar omega asking for it. What a sight, the widow heir of the Lees, in such a position, that would make headlines. The omega can’t help it anymore when he unbuttons the first row holding his collar closed. 

It is borderline frustrating, the clean smell of detergent and purity. Right now he is dreaming of musk mixed with that faint touch of whiskey and leather and in his mind flashes the image of a sharp jawline and sturdy chest. He revives that moment in the restaurant when a firm grip was torturing his member and the omega almost catches himself slipping his hand in his pants. But he can’t, not here, and he is too weak and hot to even stand on his feet properly. 

The click of a door opening reminds him of the situation at hand. He remembers the earpiece and how it has gone silent on the other side. The connection has been cut, there is no sound of breathing, no sound of talking, complete void and he knows at that moment he has been abandoned. 

“I could smell it as soon as you sat down.”   
  


Taeyong wishes for anyone else to witness but him. The squirming stops and and he restrain a well launched moan in his throat, closing his eyes to not choke on it, or just to act as if this is not happening. Yoon’s smell invades his private space, the man’s footsteps getting close echoing loudly into his ears. There is no use trying to hide, the senses are never wrong. 

When Taeyong opens his eyes, Mr Yoon is crouching in front of him with those same eyes, dilated pupils telling the omega he knows things. Just like a camera lense zoomed in on in, there is nothing that can be hidden. From the beads of sweat now soaking his shirt, the smell too dense that it could create a fog in the small space, the gulps, Mr Yoon knows. 

At this point, naturally, as an act of desperation any alpha would excite him, any dominant scnet could have him begging on his knees, hence why most omegas just stay locked indoors during waves of heat. Yet Taeyong has to stop the bile from raising to his mouth. Nothing can do, he has to have Suh Johnny and nothing else could stop his heat. Even if his mind finds it immoral, his body knows what it wants. 

It has been planning this since the first day, it has been planning this with those stares and subtle tingles, it has been planning this with the universe ever since it came to life. It is a given fact anyway, that every omega has an alpha out there that fit them like a puzzle piece, that quench their thirst better than any drink could, whose arms are made to hold them, whose hands are made to touch them, whose eyes are meant for the sole purpose of seeing them. 

And maybe Taeyong is delusional for thinking it might be Suh Johnny but the body doesn’t lie, and for now his body is trying to blend into the wall as much as possible to avoid Yoon’s wandering hand on his leg. 

“You think I didn’t know?” The buzz in the small omega’s head ceases for a second to hear clearly. The hand travels from his leg to his chest like a feather teasing him, to stop flat against his neck, just right under the earpiece. 

He is dying today giving the man’s vile grin. Of course he knows, this was too big to be subtle. Taeyong’s life offered on a silver plate as a sacrifice while Johnny and his men get to live. What a joke, pretending to protect him and to keep him alive by having Jaehyun following him, all a dirty play to gain his trust. Taeyong has always thought it was all his fault anyway. If only he stood up against his family’s decisions he wouldn’t be here. If only he had been more vocal about his values, he wouldn’t be here. If only he just gave it all up…

“Look at you little lamb, cowering in this big world.” Yoon is speaking too close to his face, his breath reeking of cheap rum. “Of course I knew of your plan. You think coming here to seduce me with your heat would soften my desire of killing you?”

He assumed to fast. Actually, Yoon knowing about the real plan would have been better than this. Taeyong utters a small _“help”_ hoping someone on the line would here but nothing. What did he expect? Chances are they killed Yuta and all left him here to die. After all he sabotaged the plan unintentionally, he is the weak link and in this world he shouldn’t even be alive. 

Yoon’s hand grips harder at his neck, probably already forming a bruise and his other hands falls heavy against Taeyong’s clothed member, having the omega trash and fight. He lacks strength. Why now? He is persuaded to be strong, an omega with his figure can at least land a correct punch so why is his muscles failing him now? Did his body really just give up on him just because it is this affected by another man? 

“Then I shall unwrap the gift thankfully…” 

Before he knows it, his zipper is ripped open. For a moment it feels like relief until Taeyong remembers the hands placating him down. His fist thumping against the bigger body do nothing but enrage Yoon even more. 

“L-Let me go.” With one last resort he manages a well aimed kick that sends Yoon stumbling back but not far enough. 

Maybe it is his blurred mind that messes with his perception of time, but it goes in slow motion. Yoon raising his right hands to strike him across the face, his head screaming that he has a nanosecond to dodge and get to his feet, get the fuck away from here. Impossible, he is not that strong now, he is not that clear now, and the blow comes like a tidal waves against rocks. The slap echoes louder than their ragged breathing and Taeyong finds himself falling flat on the floor with the bitter taste of blood on his tongue. It hurts, but nothing hurts more like the memories rushing with it. 

“Fucking whore.” _“Fucking whore.”_ Yoon crouches down again to get a hold of his hair. The earpiece have crashed somewhere far from them but nobody noticed. 

Taeyong wants to scream, do it more, hit me, I am used to it anyway...

“Know your place, omega.” _“Know your place, omega.”_

_Get out of my head, fuck off… You are dead, I saw you in that coffin, you are not real._

When the alarm blares, Yoon lets go of his head. He probably thinks Taeyong is dead, he look like it if not for his irregular breathing. But what is going on in the omega’s head is keeping him from staying lucid. The alarms blare loud and Taeyong wonders if it is all in his head or if the other man hears it too.

“Fuck, the fire alarm…” Oh so he hears it too, they are back to reality. 

What happens next happens too fast for Taeyong to comprehend. _“Mr Yoon, we have to get you out of here.”_ Probably his men, or security, but in any case it is someone who doesn’t care that the man is assaulting an omega in a bathroom. 

“This is not over, Mr Lee.” 

Taeyong can’t help but scoff. This is over and not in a good way. He doesn’t even know how he will get out of here, or even get to his hotel room in this state. With no more protection he can’t tell if he’ll make it out of Hong Kong alive. But Yoon rushing out is already a small success in itself. 

Another set of footsteps disturb the newly found peace, someone he takes as a security guard at first. But there is no mistaking the scent this time. Is this another hallucination? His deranged mind is probably playing tricks on him again, because among the deafening noises and the heat pooling south, the thought of _every man for himself_ resonates in the farthest corner of his brain. 

“Can you walk?” 

He is not dreaming, he hopes he is not because the hands cradling his face feels so real and rough. Oh God, he must look so pathetic right now, smiling like a fool when his weak bones can barely help him up. For whatever reason, Suh Johnny came for him, for whatever reason, even if the image is blurry, Suh Johnny is looking at him like he matters. And those hands, he dreams of them being somewhere else now. 

“Are you real?” He perhaps is a fool, wishing the alpha would say yes, he is real, he is here for Taeyong, and he is going to take care of him. After all he is just a tool to Johnny.

A very lucky fool, a fool who thinks he is flying above the world when the alpha picks him up like a feather off the bathroom floor. Taeyong’s perception of boundaries are inexistent during heats, like any other omega, a curse of Mother Nature. So he dares to hold onto Johnny’s neck, and buries his head in the sturdy chest, inhaling the musky scent as much as he can as it may be the only comfort he will get tonight. 

“You smell so nice, alpha.” At this point every ounce of shame has been left behind the doors when the drug lord dashes out to nowhere, at least somewhere Taeyong doesn’t know and doesn’t care about. Johnny could take him in the backstreet and fuck him between the trash bins, for all he cares.

The low groan coming from the alpha is unmistakably real, and the calloused hand squeezing around his thigh is enough a gesture to erase all the nightmares he had those last months. 

He is tossed in the passenger seat of a car and he barely has the time to make himself comfortable before Johnny floors it. If he has to wait, then he should be allowed to wait while just staring at the alpha, dream about how easily he picked Taeyong up, about all this strength hiding under those classy suits. It seems so evident that Johnny could break spines like Kit Kat bars, but also be so sensual that he must hide it under a veil of unequalled diplomacy and grace. 

The frown on his face as he violates traffic lights makes the omega want to soothe it with a touch of a finger. And the veins popping on his hands as he squeezes the steering wheel reminds Taeyong of overflowing rivers. Oh may Heaven have mercy on Taeyong, Suh Johnny is the epitome of masculinity. 

Did he blink? Once or twice? Barely had the time because next thing he knows he is back in the alpha’s arms. Once again he has the time to take one smooth sniff of his cologne before he is tossed on a bed he doesn’t recognize. 

It is so painful when Taeyong grips at the sheets, mouth half open in agony over the fire consuming his body. But he is ready to set himself ablaze if it means Johnny would spare him a single glance. What a shame, he never thought he’d be so pliant for an alpha one day. He deemed himself as a prideful omega, as someone with a good grip of reality and dignity. 

He guesses he got ahead of himself, him poor mortal omega, now wavering and squirming shamelessly in front of the one and only alpha that can make him submissive. He is so weak that a more sober Taeyong would have slapped him at this point but he is obsessed by one thing only, Johnny ruining him. 

He hears a subtle click and sees the alpha halfway through the door, ready to leave. No, no he can’t. He can’t just leave when he is the one who made the omega like this. You are not a gentleman, Taeyong is about to yell. You are not as well mannered as you think you are, you are a beast and you want me too.

Did Johnny come to save him because he really needs him alive as a tool, did he came because he heard the call of help, or did he come because he smelt Taeyong too? Because every of his night is filled with the image of a naked Taeyong, because his senses don’t want to smell anything anymore unless it is the omega? But instead, in his trance he whispers-

“Don’t go.” 

The voice is so soft the silence itself drowns it but Johnny stops in his way like it is the only signal he has been waiting for. Don’t go, he repeats, another push, another begging, one of hundreds Taeyong is willing to do. 

The alpha turns around under the dim light, face stoic but pheromones all over the place, so thick and dense Taeyong could almost grasp it if he waved his hand in thin air. But for now, his eyes are the only things he can grasp something with when his fingers are turning white at how tight he grips the sheets. So he grasps what he can, the small drops of sweat already forming on the alpha’s face, glimmering against moonlight like sparks in the dark. The bump of his adam apple contracting when he gulps and groan above Taeyong. If there was any intention in him -even an ounce of it- of forgetting the omega and not touching him, then it disappeared as soon as he heard the plea. 

If they are blinded by carnal desire, they are not blind in their judgement. It is only natural that Taeyong is triggering the beast in Johnny. When morning comes he can delude himself that way, two men, only responding to their instinct. And tonight, Taeyong can imagine he is cared for, he can imagine that the glimmer in those hungry eyes are for him and not because Johnny responds to lust. After all, in the shades of the moon, everyone should be dreaming already, they can be pretend this is just one dream. 

A dream too real, as real as Johnny unbuttoning his shirt while latching his lips to Taeyong’s, so devoted like he is smoking one of his damn joints. There’s hope in the omega that he might get just as high. Perhaps one day, he’ll have an underground room full of Taeyong flavored shits. 

Just like he wanted, the lips are soon against his neck while hands roam furiously to tear his shirt apart. Just that is enough to make him orgasm once, the slick of his hole making his pants more and more uncomfortable. And from the way the alpha is sniffing his chest and licking a long way down to his crotch, he smelt it too. 

“Alpha…,” Taeyong moans shamelessly, hands losing themselves in the older’s dark locks, like Johnny is the Alpha, the only one allowed to bear that calling, the only one deserving to exist. 

The man stops right before the clothed bump of Taeyong’s member begging to be let free. Their eyes meet for an instant, just confirming this is something they both desperately want. If they die tonight, they’ll die one inside the other. Johnny stands back up, discarding his suit and shirt before unbuckling his trousers. 

“On your knees, darling.” Just like the addictive smell of the bourbon he so often drinks, Johnny’s voice hits Taeyong with a hot punch to the guts. “Obey. On your knees.”

There is no questioning anymore at this point, he could tell whatever and Taeyong would follow as long as he gets fucked silly. His brain, his nerves, every hair on his body only listen to the alpha right now, they are his to control, to dirty, to own. 

Taeyong is more ashamed that he is making Johnny wait than the fact he is practically drooling from his lips and down there. Johnny gives a small smile of appreciation when Taeyong gets on his knees, impatient, begging for attention as the older scoots to stand at the foot of the bed. Nothing is more gratifying to Taeyong than when the drug lord pulls down his zipper to free his member. 

The omega has a crazy and pretentious thought in the moment, to even dare that cock is his tonight. One can be hungry, one can be thirsty, but they should be happy with that. Because they wouldn’t know what real hunger and thirst is until they see this sight without tasting it. There is no other words in Taeyong’s vocabulary to describe it than _massive_ , everything about Suh Johnny is massive. 

“Ask nicely,” Johnny whispers in the dead of the night, as if reading exactly in Taeyong’s eyes. 

Sober, Taeyong would be ashamed, he would hate himself. Or maybe not, maybe this is just sober him finding a chance to have what he always desired so secretly. This is sober him tackling down the boundaries and the dignity. Who cares about dignity during heat anyway? 

“Please, please,” He mewls to the rhythm of his breathing.

He doesn’t even wait for an approval, they both know it has been given as soon as the omega stopped Johnny from leaving. It starts with an hesitant peck, a small touch of lips against the head of Johnny’s, one that provokes an impatient growl and Taeyong feels the vibration on his mouth, it travels down his throat until it reaches his own member. That connection, oh so satisfying. God knows what awaits him once he’ll have Johnny inside. 

He licks a long stripe along the base, just like he would love if he was sucking himself. And just like that he finds his lips taking it all, so delicious, so exquisite he wants nothing else than this to reach nirvana, just Johnny’s big cock in his mouth, making it its territory. Taeyong gives it all he has to give, obsessed with making it amazing for Johnny, not very hard when he tries to milk it out like it’s the best lollipop he’s ever had. 

Taeyong moans at the bitter taste of precum mixing with the drool dripping down his chin. Eyes up, he sees Johnny’s head thrown back and thanks his newly discovered skill for allowing him to see this image of the drug lord. Or perhaps it is not a skill, he is convinced it is a given that he is so perfect for Johnny, it is bound to be. Maybe anything that touches this god given cock can only be pleasurable.

It feels like a game, a challenge against himself to have some flesh in every part of his mouth to the depth of his throat just like what Johnny deserves. It’s a game with Johnny’s orgasm as a prize and Taeyong wants to win it so bad. It’s so sudden but not unwelcome when the alpha thrusts violently against the back of his throat and Taeyong wants to apologize for almost gagging, for moaning in pain, but a good pain. 

“Come on, baby.” Johnny still keeps his voice low but dominant at the same time, soft but rough at the same time. He finally look into the omega’s eyes with a satisfied smirk as he traces thumb under his lower lips, gathering the drool and precum there. 

Taeyong almost comes there and then when Johnny shoves it in his mouth alongside his cock, pressing against his lower lip filthily. 

“Don’t lose a drop.” 

When the vein of the base pulses against his tongue, he knows Johnny is close. It took long for Taeyong’s jaw started to ache and he chokes at how swollen his throat is but he gives more because damn he wants it all. It takes a tug of lip for Johnny to tug his hair back, enough for Taeyong to admire his orgasming face but not enough to pull him away. And it fills his mouth like warm water, but sweet, oh so sweet and salty at the same time. Just like his authority, Taeyong could drink all of his cum without a single second of hesitation, none of it going to waste. 

“Swallow, princess, swallow,” Johnny praises and Taeyong loves the plethora of pet names he gets when they are so close. He could give his body to Johnny again and again just to hear them. 

Taeyong obeys again, loving the feel of warm cum falling down his throat. He knows better than to resist when he gets pushed against the mattress, after all this is the goal, this is what he has been waiting for ever since he first sets eyes on Suh Johnny. Never in his life did he think he would be such a whore for a man, less someone that he despises but wants. 

All he wants is the alpha’s attention when he shimmies out of his sweaty clothes. At last, finally, he is naked and breathing, his pink cock slapping against his navel. Johnny feels himself coming alive again, and the sight before him has him salivating. A delusional thought crosses his mind, he wants to cover Taeyong in diamonds and gold, in silk and cotton and fuck him like the precious little thing he is, have him moaning under the most expensive shits on this Earth bearing in mind he is the most valuable. 

“Where did he touch you?” There goes the dominance again, and Taeyong wants to believe Johnny is obsessed with owning him, he wants to belong, he wants it to be protectiveness and not just lust talking. He’d give his life just to hear Johnny moaning his name tonight. 

There is no question, Taeyong knows who he is talking about and it gives him a spark of satisfaction to know that Johnny knows, that he saw and that maybe it angered him. 

“Everywhere…,” the omega breathes out and it is a lie. A big fat lie, but he wants Johnny to erase every trace of every hands that ever touched him before. He needs rebirth and offer his body as a blank canvas the alpha can dirty. 

It starts with a rough hand gripping his cock and it is enough to send Taeyong into overstimulation, mewling shamelessly with eyes rolled back. It gets better when Johnny caresses him and strokes him, kisses and worship him. 

“Alpha, more,” And more he gets when Johnny sucks on one his nipple, hands still playing his cock like a joystick. 

His back arches off the bed, hands pulling Johnny’s head even closer to his skin, as if it could get any closer. He is so wet down it is surprising the room isn’t flooded yet. A pressing thumb traces down to his balls, teasing and playing, taking time to remember every line of his manhood. For a second, Taeyong fights against his principle to believe this is what an omega is made for, this is what an omega deserves, pleasure, to be used. 

“On your tummy, puppy.” 

Taeyong didn’t even get to cum yet, but it is okay, he can be patient for what’s to come. What’s to come is a scream inside the pillow, fists painfully grasping sheets when Johnny doesn’t even hesitate to thumb his slick and shove it back in his hole like he did previously with his lips. The alpha takes great pleasure to circle the digit inside, breathing against Taeyong’s spine, as if hesitating between a bite or a kiss. _Bite down_ , Taeyong thinks aloud and Johnny slides down to graze the soft skin of his bottom with his teeth, biting hard enough to feel but soft enough to leave only a pink trace. Taeyong does the same with the pillow when Johnny gives him two digits, judging he is open enough for too much prep. 

In and out, like the omega’s sanity. 

“Please, please,” Taeyong pleads, fingers not enough anymore. 

Johnny scoffs behind him, probably over the moon at the fact that he has got Lee Taeyong so pliant. He feels his ass being parted and the tip of Johnny’s cock sliding in between, teasing him oh so good. Taeyong ruts against the sheets the same way Johnny’s rutting in between his ass cheeks, the friction of the tight skin above his hole giving him a vague image of what it would be like inside him. That thought has him pressing his bottom against Johnny, silently begging him to do it already. 

“Alpha… heat… I can’t, please,” 

“Look at you,” he feels the weight of Johnny’s chest fall against his back when the older whispers in his ear. “A little hoe for my cock.” 

“Yes, please alpha,” Taeyong wants to be Johnny’s cocksleeve and nothing more, fuck dignity. 

One swift move and Taeyong gives a silent scream, tears pooling at his eyes, head thrown back in pure pleasure, at the same time Johnny growls loudly in his neck. 

“So good, so good,” he turns stupid, barely articulating his words. 

He is so full, so satiated, his heat finally settling. Johnny is so warm and big inside him. The alpha makes sure the omega clenches around him, guaranteeing he is ready and one violent thrust sends Taeyong to his grave. He is no teenager anymore to be this shameless and open for a man, yet here he is, wanting nothing more than to be fucked into the mattress. 

“Mo’ alpha…,” He hopes the walls are soundproof because even Kim Jongin could hear him begging like a slut from his grave. And he sure hopes he hears just so he can know how a real alpha gives it.

Johnny pistons in and out without a break, having Taeyong moan his name over and over again like it is the only word he knows. 

“Johnny, Johnny,” like a mantra, like a prayer to the only god he knows. 

He doesn’t even know where it comes from when he grips at Johnny’s arm, asking him to take a tiny break as he turns around. Maybe it was the immense pleasure he felt of having Johnny’s cock breaking his throat, or maybe the fact that Johnny ruining him is such a beautiful thought. When their eyes meet for the nth time, Taeyong takes a hold of the man’s hand, guiding it with a caress from his belly button to the side of his neck. 

Johnny gets it, and it seems so fucked up, so absurd but right now nothing makes sense anymore but each other’s pleasure. 

“Alpha,” Taeyong says his first command of the night. 

Johnny feels his cock swelling inside as he grazes the vein on the side of the omega’s neck, tasting the rhythm of his pulses… A thrust in his tightness and Johnny presses down his thumb against the vein, stopping the next pulse of oxygen from reaching Taeyong’s brain. He circles the delicate and beautifully pale neck with the rest of his hand while keeping his thumbs where it is strangling the vein. 

Taeyong barely registers what is happening when with every thrust and the air cut is vision gets blurry. But he feels so good, his brain is high, feeling every movement inside his body more intensely. His hand reaches around Johnny’s, not to stop the choking but to make him press harder. He doesn’t want to breathe, he doesn’t want oxygen, he wants to stay alive from Johnny’s care and dicking only. 

The heat finally fades a little, pooling at his stomach for one hard release. And it comes when Johnny finally releases his hold, Taeyong’s drool wetting his hand. One big breath, feeling his lungs just as he empties himself of his cum. It is so delectable, so incredible there is no words that comes to his mind than a loud scream of _“Knot me”_.

The member in him swells so much there is not even place for Taeyong’s own walls anymore. Johnny’s knot is expectedly fulfilling, big, satiating, more than what the omega expected to make the waves of his heat fade. As if it’s not enough, as if Johnny wants Taeyong to remember he’s been in there, warm and hot cum fills him, the trace of the drug lord coming undone before the grace that Lee Taeyong is. 

“Good baby,” Johnny falls breathless against his neck.

Tomorrow he has time to dwell and to think about his mistakes, about how his uncalled heat sabotaged everything, about what just happened. But tonight he just wants to fall asleep, keeping in mind it has been ages he didn’t feel that unusual thump of heart and Suh Johnny, almighty Suh Johnny warm and tightly embraced inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, II'm back! Ok, this got dirty I'm sorry. I was writing trying to make the plot go further but it ended in a long smut... Not guilty. Anyway hope you like it, hope it keeps you patient while I am working on the next chapter. Have a nice summer everyone and don't forget to keep cautious and take care of yourself in those delicate times! (Also thanks so so much for the feedbacks and the comments, keep them coming it makes me so happy hihi)
> 
> Here you can find my instagram and curious cat!: 
> 
> @prompt_it_up
> 
> [ curious cat ](https://curiouscat.qa/ThunderGreen)


	4. Chapter 4

Dreams don’t occur often in his nights. 

If he ever sees anything behind closed lids, those are either long walks down memory lanes, or short snippets of terror he crawls away from. Those have never bothered him much before until he is not strong enough to crawl further and they catch him by the ankles. He is weak behind closed lids, in the lands of the uncontrollable. Being weak is something he isn’t proud of, he hates the weaks, just like he hates the night. Suh Johnny doesn’t dream so he doesn’t sleep. 

When he doesn’t sleep -which is more often than he would like to admit, just like tonight, he pours himself a glass. He pours himself a glass and lights up a joint. Back in the days, when he was making himself a name and a notoriety, Hong Kong wasn’t this… alive, and it used to be warmer in the wee hours of the night. He leans against the railing of the balcony, squinting when the smoke blurs the blue lights of the city under. There used to be a time when those buildings were just blocks of concrete in the making, like him. And today they are looking over him just like he is looking over them. 

The faint rustle from behind takes him out of his overbearing thoughts, bringing the realization that it is almost seven yet the sun is not up yet, or are the city lights too blinding to distinguish any sunray? 

He doesn’t bother looking back through the open glass door leading to the balcony. Lee Taeyong is probably up, since the scent of heat has faded several hours ago and his muscles are sore and comfortably numb. If he doesn’t bother looking, the omega doesn’t bother approaching him and the only hint he has to guess what is happening are the sounds of footsteps and the rustling through fabrics. 

Alphas are not unfamiliar to this kind of situation, the heat leading to the ambiguous question of  _ “Now what?” _ . Johnny, though, never disturbs his mind with those projects for two. He has no anchor except ambitions and goals, after all, feelings and thoughts are shallow, one should not dwell on it and just move on. 

_ “Good morning, my baby.” _ The omega’s faint voice travels through a morning phone call from the depth of the room to reach the cold air that whispers in Johnny’s ears. He crushes the half consumed joint in an ashtray, mind hazy enough to appreciate the view. 

_ “You had something else than pop tarts, right?” _ a light chuckle.  _ “Daddy will be with you soon, behave in school… I love you, little prince.”  _

Indeed, feelings are shallow, people are shallow, fleeting faster than his glass of scotch, fleeting faster than life itself. So Johnny doesn’t waste time thinking about others because others don’t think about him. He moves on and decides that friends, lovers… family are luxuries that are too expensive to be owned and he doesn’t do debt. 

  
  
  
  
  


Taeyong wakes up early afternoon,

for the first time since he started working, Taeyong wakes up late. He groggily rubs the sleep away from his face, and two seconds after he panics a bit seeing the bright sun, afraid that Heachan is probably still sleeping and very late for school. Quickly it dissolves when he realizes he is not home and that his son is probably already in school, as confirmed by the memory of an early phone call this morning. A new kind of panic settles as the rush of images from the night before invades him. The bed is empty and it is quiet, quiet is never good when it’s around him. 

Taeyong feels no regret, and as he rolls in bed admiring the high ceiling and foreign room, he finds excuses he used to hate.  _ I am an omega, so it was bound to happen. The heat did the talk. He is an alpha, so it was bound to happen.  _ And he finds himself drowsily laughing on the pillow, one of those bitter laughs he keeps to himself most of the time. Look at what has become of him. When is he even thinking for himself nowadays? Taeyong has no voice, no brain, no mind of his own anymore. He is but a piece, another number in a world he cannot control anymore. But to be honest, he would rather be used by Johnny as painful as it sounds for his pride than anyone else. And he asked for it, he begged for it…

  
  
  


“Taeyong, are you alright?” A frantic Yuta welcomes him as soon as he steps out of the room all showered and dressed. In his hazy mind, the omega almost forgot everyone else's existence. 

He eyes his assistant up and down, and the absence of injuries have him releasing a breath. Yuta is fine, Johnny seemed fine, meaning everyone probably is. Then he remembers last night's deal and his mind is sent in a whirlwind again. He fucked up, he ruined it. 

“I am fine, super fine…” He doesn’t sound very convincing and seeing Yuta backing off a bit makes him realize that maybe the smell of the past heat is still lingering. “What happened?”

“You smell different,” the alpha notes, brows scrunched up in confusion. “Anyway, I couldn’t find you last night, but the others brought me here in the morning saying you were safe. I didn’t believe them at first, I was really scared-”

“Hey, stop, calm down.” Taeyong rubs his temple for a second, effectively hushing a rambling Yuta. “Johnny brought me back-”

He stopped dead in his tracks. Yes, Johnny brought him back and then what? Yuta is not an idiot, and there are things he would rather keep to himself. It all sounds absurd. He has never underestimated his friend’s capacity at understanding. But Yuta wouldn’t understand this silent and secret attraction he feels for the mobster. How could he possibly admit that his heat was triggered by the man, he is thankful enough that Yuta isn’t questioning him about it. 

“A car is waiting, we need to leave.” Yuta drops the subject, and one can clearly see that he isn’t satisfied with the information he has. 

“L-leave…?” It is not like the omega wants to stay either. What would wait for him? Johnny’s men are probably waiting to butcher him for what he did last night. Speaking about it, “What happened last night?” 

Yuta stays mum and the sighs he gives are no good sign. Taeyong knows enough to not want to know more so he doesn’t push. There is no option left than for the syndicate to get rid of him now that they know he cannot do one thing right. And when he is in danger, there is no choice than to follow his alpha friend blindly. Said man just silently mentions for him to follow.

The omega has been to Hong Kong once or twice before so when they find themselves in front of the building, he can’t say exactly where they are. The flock of black cars waiting in line just reminds him he is not in a good place now. The anxious feeling that he is being judged raises in his throat like bile, and he is right to feel that way. Who he presumes are Johnny’s men look at him from their respective spot. Yet Taeyong only cares about one pair of eyes.

Johnny and his closest men are standing on the sidewalk, waiting to get into their vehicle, talking about something the omega doesn’t want to know. Their stare stops on him and he guesses what happened marked them all. Lee Taeyong, the one who ruined everything. Lee Taeyong, the defenseless omega. Lee Taeyong, hating prejudice as much as he hates being weak. But there is no way for him to fix the damages anymore when they all look like they want him miles away. At least they are not murdering him. 

“Mr Lee, it’s time to go.” It is Jaehyun who reaches out, opening a door for him. “I am taking you back to Seoul.”

So that’s it. That’s all he is, another prop, another disposable man they can get rid of when he fails. Funny how those things would have rejoiced him weeks ago and now it tastes bitter in his mouth. He looks at Johnny, searching for something to say but what can he say? He hopes for some sympathy in those eyes, something that hints to the right answers. Something to tell him that it is okay, that he did his best, that last night meant something. 

“Mr Lee, it is better if you leave.” The disappointment in Doyoung’s voice is evident. And even that stirs the bitterness in him. He shouldn’t care, he really shouldn’t but here he is, pleading Johnny silently to say something, maybe not comfort or affection, just a word that would sound like a hello. “Hyung-nim, miss Yoon is waiting, we’ll be late.” 

That statement does it. Taeyong restrains a pathetic scoff. Johnny says nothing, shows nothing, he just boards his car and the door closes behind him. It is not even disappointment or hate. It is pure coldness and indifference he shows to the omega and it touches Taeyong more than he’d like to admit. It has never happened before, their encounters used to be made of fire, and now it is just ice. 

Of course, what did he expect? He is not the only omega Johnny manipulates, he is not the only omega Johnny saves or flies around to Hong Kong. He is just an omega, an unfortunate one like this world creates so well, one among many others that have probably crossed the mobster’s way. And that thought obsesses him even in the confine of the plane taking him back to where he belongs, misfortune. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“... They lived happily ever after.”

When the book flaps closed, Haechan’s small head is already falling heavy against his arm. Taeyong shimmies away discreetly, making sure his son’s head falls softly against the pillow. Haechan has never been a difficult kid, and bedtime isn’t usually a long protocol but recently it has been a hassle for the father and the son. The former guesses his apparent nerves and constant fears are reflecting against the six years old. Haechan has always been too observant and sensitive for his age, leading Taeyong to bribe him in different ways just so he can fall asleep peacefully. And tonight it was one of those old school fairy tales only lucky ones can relate to. 

When the omega stores the thin book on the shelf between Polly the dinosaur and a spaceship he doesn’t remember purchasing, he wishes he didn’t close it. He wishes the ending wasn’t the actual one. In life, there is no happily ever after. And if there is one, it is always followed by suspension points and long sequels. The type of sequels that make you say “the first book was better”. Taeyong doesn’t want to feed his child false hopes about life like promises bound to be broken, but in those days and ages, he wants his son to grasp onto those dreams for the both of them. 

It is much needed that at least one of them keeps an eye on the realm of ideals while the other keeps the villains of reality out. Parenthood is a team work where only one plays to make the other forget it is indeed a work. Just as he is about to exit, Haechan squirms with a small groan, catching back his attention and under the dim light of his cloud shaped lamp, his small eyes are half open.

“Will you leave on a trip again?” Haechan mumbles, voice muffled by his blanket and Taeyong isn’t even sure he is awake enough to hear the reply correctly, but he speaks nonetheless, hoping his voice will reassure the child in his dreams. 

“I’m not going anywhere, darling.” 

Haechan hums, quickly falling asleep again and Taeyong offers a small smile into the darkness, refusing to leave his son with a frown. It is hard and almost painful to close the door on a lie, and what if he doesn’t come back? Would Haechan believe that he disappeared on a business trip forever, never doubting once that the reason why he is stuck with the Kims is that Taeyong failed to be a good father? He is capable of the unthinkable to protect his son, and he will do it twice, and a third time, and a million times more-

“Holy shit!” The omega jumps in shock when turning a corner towards the kitchen he collides against a taller body. He almost forgot about the other man. 

Jaehyun apologizes as he steps back to let the other some space. Taeyong knows it wasn’t in his intention to scare him, but anyone who works for Johnny, no matter how inoffensive they look, just has that effect on him. And the pistol safely tucked in the holster belt is not helping. 

Yet there is a striking difference between the man and his boss. Jaehyun is smaller in stature and drier in his way of talking, at least what Taeyong has witnessed up until now. But the man is polite and well mannered in a way that Johnny is not. Where Jaehyun is reserved and silent, Johnny is unforgivably territorial and direct, the same way he is right now in the omega’s mind. It has been a week and he still thinks about it, how ridiculous. What happened means nothing, the lack of contact, the indifference proves it all.

Taeyong strays to his main goal, breathing out as Jaehyun follows him. 

“You know, you don’t have to follow me everywhere like a shadow, I won’t run away.” The omega breaks the heavy silence, and the soft tremor of his voice disturbs the relaxing sound of two cups of tea being poured. 

“I know you won’t, sir.” Taeyong can hear the restraint of a smile without even looking. “I was tasked to protect you, and I am just doing what I am usually doing with hyung-nim.”

He feels flattered for a second. No doubt Johnny has many enemies, and probably not even because he is a drug lord but simply because of his pretentious attitude. He thinks he is mild compared to the man and receiving the same amount of protection is somehow an honor. 

“Please, call me Taeyong. How about getting some sleep? Aren’t you tired?” Taeyong invitingly slides one of the warm cups of jasmine towards Jaehyun. And in the man’s eyes he sees courtesy and hesitation, but mostly no intention to close his eyes. Alphas can be stubborn sometimes and Taeyong can’t do a thing about it but offer some tea and let them cool their head off. “Could you at least sit down? Seeing you standing all day makes me dizzy.”

The innocence of his jab is not enough to chase away the placid facade of the stoic man. It was hard to agree at first but Taeyong knows he has no say in this. Suh Johnny apparently thinks Yuta is not enough for his safety as he is busy with other workloads, and the only reason none of them is dead yet is because the drug lord’s minions have been following them around for months now. And one second to the other he found himself stuck with Jaehyun. If Johnny cared, he should have told it back in Hong Kong… But then he remembers he cares just because he needs the omega. Taeyong has protested as well as Yuta, but they have to admit it, with what is to come after the stunt he pulled on Yoon, they won’t be cocooned anymore. 

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Taeyong takes the seat in front of the alpha knowing fully well that the question is asked out of pure civility. Anyone can see it, a man like Jaehyun doesn’t do small talk, but the night will be long until he finds sleep and he isn’t even sure he can close both eyes with one of Suh’s men around him. 

“I won’t be able to.” 

Jaehyun’s eyes tell him it is a bad decision but he doesn’t voice it. After all, it is clear for whoever crosses his path that Lee Taeyong is not fragile. Hence why he is here, sitting in his kitchen with a mobster supposed to guard him and his child, one who could plant a bullet through his skull in his sleep if he wants to.

For a second, he sees Jaehyun’s gaze travelling to his neck and when he doesn’t find what he is looking for, it falls on his wrist then on any patch of visible skin. The omega keeps in a chortle. He is thankful Jaehyun keeps the remark to himself, he has heard it way too much. The questioning looks and hushed wondering. It is not impossible that a married omega is not mated, but it is still uncommon. But having been married to Kim Jongin and to not be mated seems pitiful and sad in many people’s eyes. 

Taeyong does the same and unlike Jaehyun and his dense image, he has noticed. Taeyong noticed it the first time he saw Jaehyun. Usually beta don’t leave scent on their mate, if they do, it is never as strong as an omega’s scent. But he caught it, the faint, very faint smell on the alpha. That same faint smell Kim Doyoung left behind at the funeral. Maybe they have decided to keep their territorial side to themselves for professional reasons. Taeyong has never been mated, but he wonders if Jaehyun is longing for his other half when their work always seems to keep them apart… Will he ever one day be missed and longed for? 

“How did you end up working for Johnny?” Taeyong decides to change the train of his thoughts. He honestly expects Jaehyun to say  _ money _ , because by now it seems to be a tool Johnny doesn’t lack. Isn’t that the reason why most of them follow this wrecked path? 

Unfortunately for Taeyong, he is too easy to read. Jaehyun can sense his attempt at cornering him condescendingly, to make him admit his sins just to minimize and justify the fact he is here today. 

“Allow me to give you a tip, Taeyong.” Jaehyun’s fingers lightly strum against the porcelain, giving a rough beat to what he is about to say. “Money is not a currency for hyung-nim.”

“What?” Taeyong scoffs, the answer unexpected. “So you mean to tell me he is above all of that? Oh so wise and charitable Suh Johnny?”  _ The one who is haunting me and breaking me right now. _

It was meant as a harmless little joke, and the combination of those words even make Jaehyun smile a little, an almost visible smile. 

“Did he promise you money out of this?” Jaehyun questions and it suddenly sits with Taeyong, like a joint cracking into place. 

After all of this, there isn’t even a single penny for him to touch. And he understands what Jaehyun means. Johnny doesn’t buy loyalty with money. He holds people in the palm of his hands because they probably owe him something greater than material goods. And in this case, his son’s life depends on the drug lord’s will. Bank notes have no value when the currencies you are dealing with are life, fear and desperation. Oh how smart, so smart it is terrifying, and Taeyong starts to really ponder about what he is diving into. How many secrets and favors does Johnny hide in his pocket that even people as powerful as the Qians obey to his words… And who else is bound to fall into the trap? 

Dealing with the mobster is not a volatile situation with an exit as simple as money. It is a room without a door, until the man himself decides to release whoever is inside. 

“If you cross his path,” Jaehyun breaks the inquisitive silence, “It’s because you have nowhere else to go. It may not look like it yet but the worst roads lead to salvation.”

The relentless rhythm of his fingers stops and Taeyong finally provides the scoff he has been holding in. It sounds like those messages written on pamphlets in exchange for cheap preaching. But it has been long he stopped being a believer. And one thing he is certain of is Suh Johnny will never be his Christ. Yet, for the rest of the night, those words plague his mind even when he finally closes his eyes, the ghost hands of an untouchable alpha on his cold skin. 

  
  
  
  
  


Just like the past week, 

Jaehyun follows him and Yuta everywhere like a shadow. A man of few words, presence ghostly and as discreet as a spy but none of the men can ignore it. They know that every move and talk is reported to Johnny, second by second, words for words. Even absent, Johnny seems to be everywhere around Taeyong. And one thing is also the smell. Taeyong is not stupid, Johnny has scented him, coated every parcel of his skin with his alpha scent. 

Yuta has remarked countless times that he smells different ever since Hong Kong. Some of his colleagues have asked him if he already found someone, acting happy for him. But he doesn’t let it bug his mind. Johnny is a selfish man, a master of manipulation, obsessed with marking what can be marked as his, Taeyong doesn’t doubt all those flaws are real. He probably scented that other omega too, because that is who he is, pretentious and arrogant. His uncle notices it too when he scrunches his nose that afternoon. 

“You have a meeting with the chairman.” Yuta called him minutes prior when he was working in his own office. 

What a rare occurrence. Ever since the man, a fifty years old alpha, condescendant, smart in all the wrong way, dominant, has been appointed as the chairman, he has never kept too much contact with his nephew. Maybe is it his inferiority complex in front of an omega or his consuming love for power. Either way, he bears no esteem for the young omega, and Taeyong doesn’t see him as a family figure too. 

The man is not very tall, but his rough looking hands and the way he sits hints to an athletic routine. Probably hitting the gym when he is not injecting botox. He sits behind his desk, stare softer than usual. Is it because his strict facade gave in or is it the other guest in the room? Yuta gives Jaehyun a hard glance, signaling that he can be everywhere but with them in the room, no stranger to the company is allowed to hear whatever the chairman and his director have to say. The bodyguard doesn’t object. 

Taeyong’s steps are hesitant when he takes his seat next to the guest. It is a beta, dressed in civil clothes, a little bit neglected for the company standards, probably not someone from the elite circle. The guest has the decency to greet him formally with a respectuous smile when his uncle barely addresses a nod. 

“Taeyong, how are you doing lately?” The chairman expects him to talk about his grief, his daily life, maybe a sudden interest in knowing how haechan is doing? The omega doesn’t respond, they are barely acquaintances and behind office doors they are just colleagues. “Well, this is officer Park.”

Another investigation. It is no surprise to the omega anymore as long as they don’t come close to the answer. Of course it has to be about this or his uncle would have never bothered to contact him. He sees Yuta shifting nervously behind him. They are both exhausted from this game of push and pull with the police. 

“I’ll go straight to the point.” The chairman’s tone is almost empathic but they know better. “After investigations from the company lawyers, we found out that former chairman Kim stole into our investments for underground marketing, as well as illegal assets, lands, shorelines and God knows what. Were you aware of that?”

Taeyong’s blood freezes. If he is aware? He is now a part of it. A single affirmation and not only his credibility before the police and his place in the company will be threatened. Almost seven long years of secrets and shame, seven long years of keeping silent have made him an accomplice, why must it come to an end today in the worst timing? 

What to say? Lying would bring him misery if they find out later, telling the truth would end it all now… He looks for answers when his eyes wander nervously, looking for answers in the heavy silence waiting for him, looking for answers in the way Yuta is breathing, anywhere… He shakes his head, an act he is sure to regret later… But now he needs to survive, he needs to stop trembling by clenching his jaw… 

“I did not know. I wasn’t aware.” The lie seems to work as none of the men questions his response. 

“Mr Lee,” The beta officer says, eyes full of compassion for a man whose life changed today. Except it has changed years ago, today is the day he realizes it more than any other day. “I think this might be a delicate subject for you, but I need you to listen and please be strong.”

He nods vaguely, mind blurry, plagued with whispers of guilt and anxiety. 

“It must be disappointing, destroying even, to discover your loving husband is not who he pretended to be.” The chairman leans back, studying his nephew, mistaking his nervousness for shock as the officer continues. “But you are not anyone, you must have noticed something, anything, even a pass to your personal bank account would help us. He might have used it without you knowing. Anything can lead us a step closer to his murderer. In this case, since you are just a potential witness we cannot force anything but your cooperation is important.” 

Taeyong stays mum, he chooses to. The anxiety dissipates and is replaced with pragmatism. It is not the first time he encounters this scenario, but it is the first time they are so close to the truth. And if he plays his cards well, he can at least get out of this office without breaking a sweat. 

“Chairman Kim,” his uncle interrupts, “has many enemies, certainly. You are allowed to be scared. But I care for you, my nephew. If you cooperate, the government will be on your site. Help with this case, we’ll send you abroad, you and Haechan and you’ll benefit from a witness protection program, you’ll be totally safe.”

“It would be wise,” officer Park adds, and in those words, Yuta’s hand lays on his shoulder. Do it, it means. Tell them everything and you’ll be safe. “Were you aware?”

It lasts long in his mind, the time he took to answer. At least in his mind. It lasts long like those five seconds, five lost seconds one takes when hesitating between taking a road or stopping. The hand squeezes around his right shoulder. Alas there are parts of reality that would cost him more than a witness protection program. Whatever the road he choses, it will lead to his doom, but only one of them gives him hope.

If the police reach Yoon and Guo Biming, they would easily understand the mobsters would never dare such a move. Leaving them with the list of closest relatives… the omega doesn't even dare to think about it. They don't know, they don't even think a single second it is him, and that advantage is the worst disguise hope can take. Johnny knows, whatever the outcome Johnny beholds a truth he can use to either end Taeyong or keep him safe. The drug lord wins too either way. And that guarantee is the one Taeyong will choose, because Johnny is open to something the law will never be, bargain.

“I was not aware,” he says, more convincing this time. He will think about the hand on his shoulder retracting later. “T-that news is a bit overwhelming. May I get a bit of silence for now? You must surely understand I don't feel good right now.” 

The befa doesn’t object, how naive can one be before power and money? The omega is not blind, the only reason he is left off the hook right now is because he is Lee Taeyong. 

_ “It must be disappointing, destroying even-” _

The officer’s first words. Quite subjective and empathetic for a man whose job is to treat all suspects with the holy scale of justice and equality. Taeyong knew, like a sunray hitting eyes early in the morning, that he had the man in his pocket. 

But it won't last long, he can see the squint and gleamer in his uncle’s gaze. 

He feels it on the side of his face when the older man escorts him to the end of his floor. Nothing out of courtesy, certainly just to make his nephew understand that he strongly recommends his solution.

“Listen, Taeyong,” the man cuts their trip right before the elevator. The chairman gives a glance to Yuta who knows very well the meaning as he steps a few feet back. “I have nothing in my interest but the greater good of our name.”

“I know, uncle.” 

Albeit Taeyong sometimes despises what he is, he sometimes finds benefit in it.  _ Do omegas really need college? It’s true that you are pretty but it’s better with your mouth shut. Being aggressive with your words makes you less attractive.  _ He has heard it all, on TV, in the media, among his colleagues and certainly in his family. Today he finds it convenient, convenient for giving the chairman the false advantage. The one belief _ Taeyong is an omega, therefore he is stupid _ . 

“Now that the police know, it’s only a matter of time before the papers do too.” With those words the chairman fiddles with a small piece of paper from his pocket. And with a tap on his shoulder, dissimulating his next action, he discreetly slips it in his nephews breast pocket. “Can you imagine the consequences it will have on my position? That’s Officer Park’s number. I will not involve more agents in this so I advise you to cooperate, do not compromise Haechan’s safety.”

“I understand perfectly.” 

“Also, since it’s an urgent matter,” there, those words he wanted to hear, the only ones he will open his ears for. “I hope to sell the assets as fast as possible, it will lessen the mediatic detonation and loss when this will go to court, probably in a year or so. I hope you’ll join us tomorrow, only you can approve of the transaction. The most discreet and trustworthy of investors will be there, personally handpicked and invited by me.”

“I’d be honored to.”

Taeyong offers a well-practiced smile, a skill he has acquired at an early age. Being born in a world of money and power doesn't often make an omega a spoilt and passive child, as most omegas like to show it. In the rarest case, Taeyong’s, it makes an omega cunning and ambitious, a very preserved makeshift weapon for survival. 

The chairman looks rejoiced, leaving him to join his own office. 

“How dare he, for a second think that I’ll depend on him?” The omega finally bursts furiously as he and a silent Yuta walk down the corridor to his office. “A witness protection program just to have me far away and let go of my stocks and assets?”

Taeyong continues ranting about his accusations, about how the humiliation of being rivaled by an omega is what strokes the chairman's ego the most. How he will not let himself be trampled or ran over. Yet through all that Yuta stays silent and it’s only when he closes the door that Taeyong notices.

“What is this about?” The alpha let his worries out when Taeyong goes silent, asking him subtly to speak his mind. “Why didn't you tell the truth in front of them? Am I the only one in this room who thinks you’ve lost your mind right now?”

“Yuta, can't you see?” Taeyong incredulously looks at his friend. Of course, he might get where Yuta comes from, but there are things the alpha doesn't know, things that he must not know, because when he does, he won't love Taeyong anymore. “Uncle is going to sell the assets. Can't you see it is our chance to make them clean?”

Yuta is hesitant to say what he has to, afraid that his next words would caress the line between familiarity and insolence. 

“This is not about those freaking assets, you are totally under Johnny's control, can’t you see that,” the alpha half yells, to make sure his message gets across yet quiet enough for any eavesdroppers to be confused. Especially Jaehyun who must be guarding the door right now. “What happened?”

“I, of all people, want his death the most.” Taeyong counter attacks, blind to his friend’s concern. He is not lying, he would get rid of the drug lord if he could. “We will pay an average prized investor, whoever is thirsty enough to stay discreet about this. Have him buy the assets under his name, but we’ll have them transferred back into my personal accounts. This way we won’t have to wait for Yoon’s and Guo Biming’s shares-”

“For fuck’ sake.” Yuta rubs his face in total disbelief. Something inside Taeyong stirs. This is not the reaction he has been waiting for from a cherished one, one who would trust him and agree with him. One who would see his child’s life before his. “I should have known this is for Johnny-”

“-This is my plan, this has nothing to do-”

“-You are scared!” Yuta finally breaks his usual calm aura; sending Taeyong into a speechless fit of hesitation and shock. “You are freaking scared of Suh Johnny and you’d do anything. You proclaim to be this omega activist who is smart, fearless and ambitious, then act like it!”

Oh no, Taeyong leans his back against the desk, scoffing incredulously. Him who promised himself to always be made of steel, to be a businessman unswayed by feelings, different from all his peers. With Yuta, it sure sways, it waltz! Maybe it is because of their deep brotherhood, or the fact that he is the only alpha aside from his father that Taeyong trusts with his life. Either way, it touches too much for his cold heart. 

“And you know what,” Yuta adds, blinded by anger to even notice the rising tension. “You can be scared, that is normal. But right now, you are. Stupid.” 

_ -touché. _

“You are,” the omega raises his voice, interjecting Yuta’s rant. “just my bodyguard. You have been hired to obey and protect me. Stay in your lane, alpha! If you are so wise go call the smartest investors. Now!”

That’s it. Just like an empty vase, falling off a table, their apparently deep friendship shatters to the floor. The thing with porcelain is, it doesn’t heal with time. Somewhere there, the traces, the cracks will mark it. It is a bit too late for Taeyong to realize what he said. Just a second of tardiness. It is in the way Yuta shakes his head with a sad smile that he notices. Probably pain and disappointment.

_ You’ll never understand. You’ll do when you’ll be a father _ . In those words, way too prideful words, Taeyong loses the will to apologize. After all, after a decade of never fighting, this is bound to happen when a wild ocean meets an immovable rock. Taeyong is not just any omega, and Yuta is an alpha, one who, back in the days, was made to lead a pack. Maybe even back in the days when soulmates were a common thing, Taeyong is sure Yuta would have been his. And in this universe, this fucked up one, he just broke them. 

“If you are going to that dinner,” Yuta says calmly this time, all the tension in his body leaves, like a balloon deflating because it bare too much. “I will do the research for it but I am not going with you-”

“-Yuta-”  _ I am so sorry but you have to trust me. _

“-You know what, I won’t be going anywhere with you either for a while.” Oh no, please no, Taeyong cries through his eyes. Yuta backs away to reach the door. “I need some days off. I’ll leave my men with you, they’ll manage. Just some little days so you can cool off and miss me a little.” 

And with those words, the door closes on a page of their relationship. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Daddy!”

The sudden call pulls Taeyong out of his stupor. He hasn't been himself recently. True to his words, Yuta didn’t show up this morning, leaving him with some subordinates and an ever so stubborn Jaehyun. God knows how slow time moves when someone is missing from the frame. For now, Taeyong’s worry is the tiny human being pulling his sleeves to get his attention. He allows himself a small break, closing the laptop he is working on at the kitchen counter. 

“Sorry, darling. What were you saying?” 

Even a child like Haechan notices the sudden gloom that coated the house since yesterday. The six years old played less, as to avoid noise. For him, it is just one of those days when his father is preoccupied by work, when he thinks during long hours and needs tranquility. And it is better he believes that. It is that innocence and that purity he cherishes so much that push Taeyong to be so…  _ stupid. _

“Can I play with uncle Jaehyun?” 

_ Uncle Jaehyun? _ Since when did such a familiarity exist?

The alpha, who has been standing next to the entrance, has at least the decency to look guilty and embarrassed. Though he is probably more embarrassed by the fact that his secret has been found than the fact a child addressed him like that. Taeyong, in disbelief, shakes his head. How long has this armed man been playing with his son on a regular basis? 

“I always leave my gun out of his sight,” Jaehyun adds, sounding like he is joining Haechan’s pleading. 

“Daddy, please.” Taeyong could never resist those big eyes and that small lip jutting out. “I am bored, you are always working.”

True, he is aware that he has been neglecting his father duty a bit those days. But it does not mean a mobster was ever allowed to play with his son in secret. Jaehyun could have been plotting a kidnapping. But then again, if something was to happen to Haechan, the kid wouldn’t even be in front of him right now. Look at him, little vixen, using the neglect card. 

“Fine, go play.” Taeyong gives in, knowing his son, the brat would have found a way anyway. After all, he is his. “Jaehyun, come here a second.” 

He shoos Haechan away with his hand when the kid stops to wait, telling him to go ahead. Jaehyun looks well rested those days, different from when Johnny is the one he is following around. Taeyong prides himself in being a good host, anyway. And certainly because protecting Johnny is a harder job. 

“About yesterday, the fact that I met officer Park,” Taeyong starts, struggling to read Jaehyun as usual. “I don’t think one of you can fight ten of Yuta’s men right now. I don’t think you should inform your boss about it.”

Taeyong doesn’t know what offends him more, the amused chortle Jaehyun lets out, or the fact that he is not being taken seriously. 

“Playing the villain doesn’t suit you.” The alpha gives him that stare one gives to ask if they are serious. And Jaehyun often gives it to him when he is questioned about his new smell by his entourage and he denies the facts. 

“You already told him, right,” Taeyong sighs. Jaehyun nods. Great. “It was worth trying.”

The omega sits back at the kitchen counter. Of course, he has been seeing that consequence from miles away. That is not so affairing, investigations are a common thing now in his daily life, it doesn’t mean Johnny knows what has been discussed behind walls. 

“About Hong Kong-”

“Nobody hates you,” Jaehyun interrupts. Taeyong doesn’t admit it releases a burden. A sudden relief, a stupid relief but an undeniable one, is lifted out of his body. “Not like we even affectionate you to begin with.” 

“Thank you, it helps a lot with self-esteem.” The omega half jokes.

“We knew your chances of dying or sabotaging it were high.” Taeyong almost speaks but Jaehyun interjects before he can say anything. “You’re a number guy not a mobster, we couldn’t possibly expect you to do this right.” 

“It’s incredible, the way you all have such a way of hiding vicious words behind so much manners.” Taeyong realizes that right now, he could have been found dead in some casino restroom. “You knew I was dying. You knew Yoon would spot the red flag.” 

“And it worked to your advantage,” Jaehyun shrugs.

“How so?” 

“We knew, that’s why Johnny was prepared to save you.” They knew, and they trusted him. And in the case something went south, they were ready to save him. “We don’t like you, we don’t hate you but we trust you. If he saved you, you are one of us. Though he scented you too so I don’t know what that makes of the rest of us.” 

The blush is instant and Taeyong pretends to look into the cup of coffee that has gone cold next to his laptop. Truth be told, he is thankful Jaehyun has never mentioned it before today. Maybe to avoid embarrassing Taeyong... or his boss.

“The only reason I am letting you near Haechan is because you are not Johnny.” Taeyong tries to change the subject, shooing away the alpha like he did with Haechan. “Don’t ever, I beg of you, break that trust. It’s not my money we’re talking about, it’s my son.”

“I don’t like you, but I like him.” Once again that trademark shrug, only Jaehyun’s. 

“Now leave, don’t make him wait.” Jaehyun offers him one of the most gentle and nicest smiles Taeyong has ever seen on his alpha face. “Oh, Jaehyun. Being a villain might not suit me, but you know what suits you?”

The confusion is clear on Jaehyun who is not playful by nature. One can say he is developing the skills nowadays. 

“Uncle Jaehyun.” 

Smart, oh so smart Lee Taeyong. His boss might not see it yet, but Jaehyun can definitely see what made Johnny take a u-turn in Hong Kong, right before their car was ready to depart from the casino. Doyoung is just a proof of Jaehyun’s suspicions, he knows when two halves find each other. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! Sorry for the long wait!! Exams and all those bring adult stuffs *rolling eyes*. Now I will try to update at least once a month! Look foreward to JaeYong new friendship!! Also thanks a lot for all the feedbacks, all the kudos and all the nice comments I love reading so much!! See you at the next chapter!! Tell me what you think, guys!!


	5. Chapter 5

It is one of those posh and refined places,

if Taeyong remembers well it used to be one of those blind tigers during the imperialist occupation. There are so many of them nowadays, establishments claiming post-war stories to attract customers, to give the range of their expensive menus a reason to be. Taeyong bets his fortune that there are more  _ speakeasies  _ in the modern days than there really was back then. 

The omega knows this one is not one of those tourist traps. The decrepit concept of the facade seemed to cost more in care than the mid-century interior. It reminds him so much of his family. Hence why he is not surprised by the Chairman’s choice. A perfect sordid place for such a sordid family in this sordid story. 

Said man is already sitting at the table, surrounded by most of his investors, proudly welcoming his nephew with playful open arms. As if it was how he is usually treated, Taeyong knows better. He plays along, Seulgi leans from behind him, murmuring the names of each person and Taeyong nods along, hiding the act behind courtesy. 

“As you all know, my nephew who is also our precious financial director,” Chairman Lee introduces, a bit too flattering if you ask the omega. 

Sneaky, Taeyong tells himself while scanning the assembly. A bunch of betas, all as dull as an omega would be perceived as. Alphas have the tendency to think that if they are the minority of the crowd, then they are the crowd. If the assembly was bribed into this affair, it is only natural the dominance was never theirs. 

“I owe it to my father,” Taeyong says not without emphasizing his last words. “Well, why don’t we start?”

Seulgi has carefully handpicked some of them too, meaning that half of those investors bear his name in utter discretion tonight. Taeyong will be the one approving the purchase, he can only win at the end of this dinner, his uncle unsuspecting. 

But, there is always but; he should have guessed seeing the scheme of his life up until today. The chairman’s laugh sounds too convinced, too proud, too pretentious. As if he knows that nobody here will benefit from this. 

“Ah yes, I changed the list just this afternoon.” Taeyong should have known. It sounded a bit too easy when his uncle approved his choice of investors too. “A good friend of mine, who is also a prodigy in investing (the man taps his shoulder to enforce and incite his argument), will try his luck tonight. An alpha, whom I met at KAIST when I was a teacher-”

Taeyong tells himself it doesn’t matter, it is not like the chairman has accomplished anything. Only him has the last say in this and their statute of alpha means nothing-

“-Ah, there he is! Mr Suh.” 

“Forgive my tardiness,” That damned voice and false mannerism he has learnt to despise so much. “I hope I didn’t make you wait, gentlemen?” 

How naive he was this time. Of course, there he is. His sole arrival has managed to make the assembly gulp so loud that the next three tables around heard it. Suh Johnny, in all his elegant glory, as per usual, that winner grin on his face. You know what, Taeyong wouldn’t even be surprised if this place was his too. 

Suh Johnny who never gave any sign of life after their night, Suh Johnny who always seems to be one step ahead, Suh Johnny whom he whilts before every time. And tonight is no different. If Yuta… If Yuta was here he would have seen it coming, and he would have had a back-up plan. This is how we realize we are less than half of ourselves once alone. 

“Taeyong-ssi, nice to see you here.” 

The thing with false pretense is that it always seems to have a familiar face. Taeyong believes himself to be warned and vaccinated. Yet, like a bell ringing, he sees the release in it and not the warning, and once again he falters. Perhaps because of the feelings he wants to deny, perhaps because Suh Johnny is a winner and he fears losing again, perhaps because he has seen it before, the way the universe conspires against him. False pretense is a familiar face, the face of a man who wants to bring him to his knees, the face of a dead husband, or just his own.

“Do you know each other,” the chairman asks and the omega swears he can see an imaginary tail wigging just behind him. 

“An old friend.” The omega hopes to stir something in Johnny. Something that would remind him of the man he had in his bed. But none, nothing even akin to acknowledgement. Just because it has been said doesn’t mean it has been heard, and with Johnny if it is heard, then it is never a good thing when he doesn’t act like it. 

Indifference is not an enemy to the young widow, but once it is a friend, it hurts. He looks away from the piercing alpha eyes studying his face and hopes the fact that he takes a seat is enough to say he doesn’t want to talk about it. 

“Is that man a problem to you, sir,” Seulgi murmurs from behind him. “Should I have him removed from the meeting?” 

“It’s fine.” He whispers the next words for only him to hear, “You can’t even if you want to.”

To the untrained eyes and to those who the deepest secrets are hidden from, the crowd, the investors around this table, his deceitful uncle, the entire country and countries beyond the seas, Lee Taeyong is one powerful man. In the most imaginative tabloids, he holds the ministers by the collar, his demands are an order by the snap of a finger. 

In the confines of a dimly lit lounge, of a dark hotel suite in Hong Kong, even the proudest men are the weakest, puppets of those who hold the threads in the shadow. That is one reason Taeyong convinces himself of when Johnny takes his seat right across, at his uncle’s left. 

“Mr Lee.” The chairman mentions for him to open the night. Under his professional character, Taeyong can see he is rejoiced that Johnny and him are acquainted. 

“As you know,” the omega starts, ashamed that his voice wavers. “For juridical reasons, I am obliged to liquidate my assets. So you must understand that if you wish to invest…”

Taeyong looks around the table as the flip of papers from the files in front of each person attracts the ear. Something he should have thought about before he looks at Johnny who has his file open but he is definitely not reading. Not the words at least, he is reading through every crease of Taeyong’s face, every of his moves and the sea of restlessness in his eyes. 

“...It’s all or nothing.” The words die on his tongue, everything he has to say already absorbed in Johnny’s mind. Johnny may be a drug lord but he is also a strategist, knowing exactly what his opponent will say and do at which second. And Taeyong is awful at playing pretend. He wonders if in that moment, Johnny sees through his urgent desire to kiss him with the alpha’s hands around his neck.

Throughout the dinner and discussions, from the first course to the tea, Johnny lets the others do the talking. Taeyong is in dilemma from looking at his cup of verbena and the alpha’s calculative eyes, pupils subtly wavering when numbers are brought. Verbena is not enough to distract him from the man. The omega is fully aware Johnny has the money, and the quirk of his eyes is just evil excitement. 

That confidence is so overwhelming it sends a shiver down his spine. Johnny is by himself tonight, no Doyoung or Kun trailing behind him. There is no back plan this time because there is no reason for it. And if there is one, then Johnny is certain to be able to manage it by himself. That is how screwed Taeyong guesses he is.

“So, have you made a decision or do you need some minutes?” The chairman addresses him.

He didn’t even listen to the conversations. Looking around the assembly, he tries to remember who his investors are again and almost fails. There is one banker, probably one trader, or was he a professor… He loses all markers.

“Taeyong.” His uncle leans to speak for him only. “You should go with Neo Pharmaceutical. The way Mr Suh saved it from scratch is enough proof to the trust we owe him.”

Trust is a subjective term to use. Taeyong looks up at the man sitting across him, and he understands, he guesses and he bends. He hates that look, that one who says he should have seen it coming, that one who says he was doomed from the start. 

“But do we know him from somewhere?” Taeyons is launched in one last sprint to the finishing line. “Just because he owns something doesn’t explain why we should trust him.”

For some seconds, the chairman seems to hesitate on what to say. Taeyong thought he would say something about how he knew Suh Johnny in the past, of how brilliant of a student he was, something about how he is a capable alpha. Instead, in an attempt at boldness, he speaks the unfathomable. 

“Listen, he is the one who directed the police into investigating the assets.” 

Taeyong wonders if it was obvious, the way his hand flinched hard enough to knock his cup, sending it to the floor, shattering in pieces. Behind him, Seulgi hushers a waitress over before overwhelming him with more questions about his state, if she should escort him outside for a minute, if he needs everyone gone.  _ Oh Seulgi, if you knew how to bring me back before the wedding, I’d be grateful.  _

“Taeyong,” the chairman says again. “Without him, we would have never known and our image would have been destroyed. You have to trust him.”

Trust is a subjective term, he thought he made it clear by now. Almost a decade with a monster is enough to understand that, and two bullets through his chest is enough to be certain; Taeyong can’t even trust himself. How funny he drove the only person he trusts away. 

And Johnny, the irony. He has never asked once for Taeyong’s trust. Yet the omega gave it unconsciously out of survival. Johnny never said he would not use the murder to his advantage, he never said he would protect Taeyong from the law. But he never said he would bring him so close to defeat either. The omega finds himself getting angry at a feeling he has no right to own, deception. 

A flick of Johnny’s wrist asking a waiter for another glass of bourbon and Taeyong allows himself a nod that makes his neck stiff. As usual, a demonstration of the mobster’s unbounded power.  _ See how close I got to expose you, it will not be half assed next time. _ The omega’s mind travels back to his son who is probably binge watching cartoons at home right now. With a snap of finger, or two knocks on the table the way Johnny does it so well, his baby, the air he breathes, the apple of his eyes would be gone in a second. Ain’t it unfair, nine months of happiness and suffering to bring a child in the world, and a simple  _ no _ to erase them. 

_ “You have no remorse for your dead husband.”  _ Johnny told him once. And for once, Taeyong -albeit a bit late- has the urge to answer.  _ “When you’ll look into the mirror and see his reflection in yours, send him my greetings.”  _

Taeyong despises posh places that remind him of his family, and especially those reminding him of himself and the papers he signed tonight.

  
  
  
  
  


It takes approximately twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes during which he bids the investors goodbye, makes a trip to the powder room to wash off his anxiety and finds himself in front of his car. There, on the screen of his phone, an email from his bank informing him of five cheques with massive amounts written on them waiting for his approval and explanations, in only twenty little minutes. Well, at least he’ll pay the house mortgage faster than he thought. 

“Are we ready to go,” Jaehyun questions from where he is holding the car door open. 

“Why don’t you ask that to your boss,” Taeyong sighs to which Jaehyun only responds with a sympathetic shrug. 

Perhaps he should have let Seulgi push him softly into the car, he should have told her to floor it. That way, he wouldn’t have to see Johnny casually strolling to his own car a few meters away. When Taeyong walks over, Jaehyun closes the door understanding that no, they are not ready to go. He really did come alone, so certain that Taeyong is that inoffensive omega they make of him. He should have come more guarded. 

“Congratulations, now you have what you want.” The man turns around, his face showing he saw that coming. “Is it how it ends? I was just a prop you could save and then let down again?”

“Not many businessmen, especially omegas, see themselves as props.” If he knew Taeyong sees himself as less than that now that his ambitions have been crushed. “Usually they think we are friends. But that’s why you are Lee Taeyong, you are not that slow.” 

It is how it is, he gets manipulated, fucked and then thrown away. There comes a point in life when nothing hurt anymore compared to what you already went through. One would think those times are the sunny ones, when the heart is numb and warned. Numbness is pain, anyway, and it lasts longer. 

“You knew how much those properties mean to me,” the omega loses his patience. His desperation barely caresses the void where Johnny’s heart is supposed to be. “My child’s safety is on stake and you sold it off, are you that heartless?” 

Johnny stuffs a hand in the pocket of his black slacks, face impassive, stoic. 

“I only fixed a mistake I am ashamed to admit.” They both know he is talking about Hong Kong and how it was probably impossible to sell the recording as proof of Yoon’s deviance. What a smart and well woven web, to push Taeyong to the edge of insanity. 

Look at him, he was so keen on discouraging Johnny to buy the assets by doubling its price, and now he has sold them off to the same man for what it is barely worth. He wonders if that poor and compassionate Officer Park knows he was just a tool for Taeyong to finally sell his assets, he who dreams of justice only. 

“A mistake? Do you think I provoked my heat on purpose-”

“Oh, but I wasn’t talking about that.” The alpha shifts on his leg, and the gesture gives Taeyong a sight of that body he missed, that body he smells like. “It was a mistake to involve you in my plans.”

Something beats in Taeyong’s chest. He tries to suppress it, to not let himself sway by what he wants to understand. There’s no place for affection in this man’s life, he just knows it. If there was even a second, it wouldn’t be directed at him. 

“You scented me,” he launches boldly hoping to at least get something he can hold onto to fall asleep. And he gets what he asks for, a hint of Johnny’s confidence stumbling under the lamppost of the parking lot. Unless that gulp was just him swallowing back his heart. 

“Jaehyun will stay around for a little more, Yoon and Guo need to believe you still own the assets.” He hides the tremor of his voice by turning around, opening his door in a sign of ending. 

Before he could open it further, Taeyong finds himself with his hand pushing the door back closed, standing firm with trembling lips, face closer to the alpha’s. Oh how he dreamt of this proximity, but alas not in this context. 

“Don’t tell me it meant nothing to you,”  _ because it means too much to me.  _ “Look me in the eyes, I am not your Miss Yoon or whoever you fucked too. Tell me it meant something.”

“Don’t let those useless feelings eat you out.” Useless feelings, what a meager way to express what goes on inside his chest. “Make sure you don’t die, I won’t be running to you this time.” 

Yeah, of course he has no reason to, now that he has what he wants. He opens the door the way one would close a curtain as Taeyong stumbles back, limbs numb and heart broken. It takes just a few seconds and some cold words to realize that he is way past saving, he is in love with a man who doesn’t know what love means.

  
  
  
  
  


**Two years and three months ago**

  
  


“Daddy, look it’s a mermeb!” 

Haechan comes running to the camera, his chubby little finger pointing towards a moving wave in the calm ocean of Jeju. Yuta’s familiar laugh echoes behind the camera and ricochets on the walls of his home office. Haechan was only four at the time, barely understanding why the adults are laughing, barely understanding what reality is. 

“A mermaid, darling.” The lense falls on a disheveled Taeyong, hair stiff and dry from a dip in the ocean. “And those are just waves, baby. But we can’t rule out that a mermaid made them.”

Taeyong chuckles, the smell of dry tobacco from his slim cigarette making him cough a little. It has been so long, the last time he allowed himself to smoke. He has kept the pack hidden in a drawer for years, and was surprised to find it where he put it after a long day of work. He thought they’d be thrown away during the moving. Just one, he told himself, the exhaustion talking louder than his determination at stopping. He picked up the bad habit when he entered office life. It has been a long month. 

He watches himself wrapping the bundle of joy in a towel. Haechan shrugs the comfy towel away and takes off running in the distance towards a rock. Yuta doubles in laughter again when Taeyong just gives up. When Haechan is excited, it’s always hard to get him to calm down. As tiring as it is, Taeyong misses those moments. His baby is growing up so fast, catching up too fast on the situation. His light has dimmed. 

“Tae, you’ve got a bruise on your arm.” Yuta zooms on the crouching father, towel limply hanging off his hands. 

The Taeyong from the video looks at where his friend is mentioning. It is not very visible on the screen, under the rolled up sleeve of his shirt, but it is sitting there on his arm like a chalk stain that has been rubbed off. It is vivid in Taeyong’s memory, though. 

“I must have hit something while swimming.” He smiles at the camera.

Yuta hums. So many lies he has told his friend. So many fabricated truths that the alpha has to gulp down for the sake of his privacy. Taeyong wipes off a stray tear before crushing the half consumed cigarette in an ashtray. He misses Yuta like the day misses the night. So much it hurts at the most random times, when he cooks, when he sleeps, sometimes when he just breathes, especially when he calls and gets the answering machine. 

“Tae it doesn’t look like-”

Three knocks on his door snaps him out of his little bubble. He takes his feet down from where they were propped on his desk and with a flick of a finger on the remote he turns the TV off. He smooths down his shirt like it matters and wipes off his red eyes before yelling a “Come in!”

Jaehyun appears at the door, looking more disheveled than Taeyong in the video, shirt all wrinkled and vest probably lost somewhere in the living room. The father easily guesses why, not a lot of people on this Earth manages to put all of them in that ridiculous state. That little vixen, Jaehyun is lucky he never had to take care of him in Jeju. Well, not like wrestling the kid is a better choice. Taeyong would take the beach anytime. Haechan got into UFC a lot those months, trading rockets and talking animals for the thrill of the ring. He should have forbidden television before sleeping when he saw his son placating Junior the bear on his carpet. It’s Jaehyun today, it could be him tomorrow, who knows?

If Jaehyun sees the ashtray and the empty glass of scotch, he stays quiet about it. 

“Haechan is in bed.” Must have been tough, Taeyong thinks. It is not the alpha’s job to take care of his son, but he lets it slip sometimes, the price to pay for taking a liking to a little fox. “I am going to guard outside now.” 

“Thank you for your services,” Taeyong jokes, standing up, ready for bed too. Yeri must have already left giving the hours, and his eyes are too tired to bid everyone goodnight, anyway. 

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun calls, not moving from his spot. The father looks up from where he is gathering his phone and papers, and for the first time he sees something akin to concern crossing the alpha’s face. “The kid misses you. Maybe you-”

“You talk a lot, lately.” 

He knows, and he doesn’t mean to sound so mean and cold. He may be strict and hard headed, but he is never mean, this is not him talking. It is the omega who is tired of hearing he should be a father, the omega who is tired of hearing that he is supposed to be a family man. Maybe he just wants some time to be just Taeyong, to be just a man behind four walls recollecting himself from a fall. Jaehyun is an alpha and he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t understand what an omega like Taeyong would do for his son, would go through for his son.

“I don’t think we are close enough for you to talk to me like that.” At his severe words, Jaehyun loses the concern for a face that says  _ “I am just saying.” _

“Got it,” the alpha nods curtly. “Goodnight, then.”

  
  
  
  


It looks like the confrontation hasn’t affected Jaehyun that much for the following days. Taeyong doesn’t find the will in him to apologize. His mind is too preoccupied to care for anything else than what he has to do now. He is so bad of an actor, lying to himself like nothing matters. His late night trips in the backyard or his indiscreet lingering outside of his office all to catch Jaehyun talking to his boss is a testimony of his hypocrisy. 

Nothing came close, not even the muttering of a name that haunts his sleeps.  _ I won’t be running to you this time.  _ When Taeyong lets the stove on for longer than allowed, or when he has the stupid idea of driving recklessly… Maybe he just wants to be in danger, to see if Johnny has really abandoned him. And when he counts the sheeps at night, by the thousandth sheep, he starts counting backwards to avoid overthinking. 

Now that the drug lord owns the assets, he has no use for Taeyong. There’s no use for Jaehyun to still be around, Taeyong could die, their enemies would know and Johnny will certainly have a plan B, like he always does. So why does he fill glasses of bourbons on his bedside table just to smell them? 

Eventually, the longing and anger fades into routine after days, and like the omega he pretends to be, he stands back up on his feet. 

“So you’re quitting,” the man who just appeared at his office greets early one morning. 

Junmyeon is lucky Taeyong has tried to call Yuta all morning or else he would already be done packing and the beta would have missed him. One of two boxes stands on his almost empty desk, a full one laying at the foot. It is one of those rare days Taeyong doesn’t want to argue and fight with Junmyeon. 

Erasing a lifetime of work and devotion doesn’t leave the place for bitterness in its ranks. There is no place for anger in exhaustion. He has to call a moving company for the rest of the big furniture in his office, he has to look for some new korean school for Haechan in a country who probably doesn’t care much about Korea. He has to book flights, sign papers, attend a farewell party, call his family, oh so much omegas have to do in this world. 

When he thinks that some alphas just have the right to disappear without giving reasons.

How envious he is of alphas and their freedom, those self proclaimed colossus who stroll by civilisations, walking all over everything. Because they don’t see and feel how tiny and fragile the world is beneath their feet… It has come to a point where Taeyong feels more pity than envy and jealousy. Do they even feel? Do they even love? The world is a harsh place to omegas, and a cold place for alphas. 

Or it is just him thinking of reasons to move on and forgive himself for faltering. It’s better to feel empathy for your enemy, rather than hate. At some point hate just kills you, like two bullets to the chest. 

“What do you want,” Taeyong asks calmly. 

Junmyeon circles around the room, entertaining himself with observing the empty shelves as if he filled them himself. To be honest, Junmyeon’s silence those past months had him worried too. The beta has never threatened to hurt him personally but the silence is unbearable with the Kims. Like the sea retreating for a tidal wave. 

“It is the best option for you,” The beta sits in one armchair Taeyong reminds himself has to be moved to the meeting room. “Moving on. Take the kid with you and spend your money. Isn’t that a peaceful ideal?” 

What a naive way of thinking. After all, luxury and power are the best utopia to the Kims. 

“And you are here to say goodbye?” 

Goodbyes are meant for those who will come back, and Taeyong hopes he will never have to. There is nothing to hold onto anymore, here. And he would rather flee than fight for something he has lost years ago. 

“Goodbyes are for friends,” the older says and Taeyong agrees with him for once. “I was just wondering who brought the strong omega Lee Taeyong to his knees?”

Taeyong glances at him for a second and meets genuine and curious eyes.  _ Wouldn’t you love to know? _ He is certain it will come to Junmyeon as a surprise. He won’t give him the satisfaction of warning him of his opponent. The less Junmyeon knows, the easier he will be swayed by Suh Johnny, just like Taeyong. 

“You are quite brave for a beta,” Taeyong hums to himself, but said man catches it. “Strolling around here when your family’s dirt has just been exposed to the company.”

“I don’t need an invitation.” The beta waves his hand nonchalantly. “So, is it the alpha who scented you? Because it is a familiar whiff. I just can’t remember whose.”

If Taeyong could smell it too, he would want to know. The smell must have faded now, giving the throne back to his own omega scent. The days go by fast when you are lonely, but not fast enough to forget. 

“Nobody you should worry about,” he finally opts on answering. Funny how it reminds him of when Junmyeon first mentioned the alpha. 

“I never liked you.”  _ Likewise _ . “You are too aggressive for an omega, I always thought your smart little brain and your obsession for winning would fail you.”

Taeyong is about to retort, asking Junmyeon to fuck off. But even a  _ fuck off _ would be too corteous. He doesn’t even have the time when the beta stands up to take his leave.

“I was just telling myself,” He opens the door. “Whoever has the balls to confront an omega like that must be more than an alpha.” 

As Junmyeon closes the door behind him, Taeyong doesn’t know if he should take it as a compliment. So he takes it as a goodbye. 

What a strange occurrence for Junmyeon to just appear without perking any hate or anger in him. The encounter helps him from drifting into sleepless nights and mornings overthinking. If anything, the thought of Junmyeon trying to mess with him has Taeyong eager to get his plans done faster. 

He doesn’t miss Jaehyun’s intrusive stare when he passes by Haechan’s room one afternoon. Their last exchange sometimes lingers in unsolved tension especially whenever his son is involved. Taeyong would never be more thankful towards the esteem Jaehyun bears for his family, but he is a proud omega and it’s one big flaw. So he doesn’t apologize. 

Between moving a box of clothes to the garage and two to three phone calls, he finally gives up. 

“Ok, spill,” he throws at an unsuspecting Jaehyun. 

“Nothing,” he has the audacity to say. Taeyong doubts it comes as a surprise that he would ask at a point. 

Is he to blame if he chuckles and if Jaehyun seems to take offense to that? Albeit his constant elusive attitude, Jaehyun is one petty man. Alphas. Taeyong gives him a small raise of an eyebrow, a  _ “really?” _

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to flee.” 

What he dislikes more than being argued with is the alpha calling it “fleeing.” What is he to do now, now that Jaehyun’s precious boss took everything away from him, and most importantly now that his protection isn’t guaranteed anymore?

“So, tell me, should I just wait around until someone finally shoots me in between the eyes?”

It looks like it is exactly what Jaehyun means given his little smile. A sort of personal revenge for what he said last time, certainly. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Jaehyun glances down the hallway leading to the bedrooms. 

Here we go again. Taeyong would rather the alpha tell him something about Johnny, how he is doing, his whereabouts, if he is as affected as the omega… He would take that conversation over anything insinuating how bad of a father he must be… 

But then again, his pride and ego takes a low blow when he thinks about it. To say that some random alpha knows more about his son than he does nowadays. He has been so busy that he could only see his kid after a busy day, when the six years old is already laying in bed. 

He is a second away from punching Jaehyun’s smug look when he makes his way down the hallway. The unusual silence is what ticks him off the wrong way, especially for an early afternoon. He pushes open the furthest door with rocket stickers on them, oh god those are going to be a hassle to unstick. 

The little fox is sulking in a bear shaped armchair, his small feet swinging and hands fiddling with one of his oldest plushies. Taeyong looks around the room and notices none of his toys have been packed yet, and they have to leave in a few days. He was hoping to meet the rebellious phase later than this but since it is already here, he has no choice but to make do with it. 

“Baby,” he calls the kid’s attention as he crouches at his eye level. “What’s up with that pout?” 

Said pout vanishes immediately. Like father, like son. They are both too stubborn to let someone see their down sides. The plushie finds itself casted aside as Haechan’s inferior lip quivers. 

“Why do we have to go again?” So this is something like a tantrum and a legitimate issue at the same time. Taeyong hates those the most because he has to bite his cheeks to stop himself from giving in. “I don’t want to go.”

“We have to, muffin.” He pats the small head though he knows it’s barely comforting right now. Once a child has an idea, it’s harder to tame than anything else. “I promise you you’ll make new friends very fast.” 

If the entire world doesn’t love Haechan, the entire world is stupid. Today, it looks like it is Haechan who hates the entire world, and Taeyong hates that he is a part of it. There are things his son will learn and understand once older. But what is happening right now, the reason for their “fleeing” as Jaehyun puts it, is something Taeyong would rather let his son hate him over. Those are things that Haechan should never know, not now, not once older. 

“I don’t want to,” the child stubbornly fights, a second away from crying. “I want to stay here with you.” 

If there is one trait the omega didn’t want his son to inherit, then this is it. Either from Jongin or him, it’s that obsessive habit of refusing to understand, to listen and to be compassionate. God knows how Taeyong is growing out of it recently. But for that, he had to lose a lot, and he doesn’t want his son to be too late. 

“I know,” he wipes away a falling tear from the small petal cheek, now rosy from suppressing too much feeling. “But where we are going, it will only be you and me and we’ll never leave each other’s side again.”

“You’re lying, you don’t even play with me anymore.”

“When we’re gone, I promise-”

“You don’t care about me!”

Taeyong doesn’t know exactly what got into him, probably Haechan who screamed at him like he meant it, or the fact that he does care about his son so much that it has lost its meaning for the child. What does he have to do to make things right? Beg on his knees? Tell his son that they have to go because he killed his father and they could be killed too? In times like these, the omega wishes he could just disappear along with everything. So he does the only thing he can think of, a gesture so raw and crude in his desperation that it is a reflex. 

He yells.

“We are leaving, you hear me? So now stop your tantrum and pack your toys!” 

When Haechan flinches, the dam breaks from both sides. The quiver of lips is now a small face puffing into shock and the long awaited sob comes first. Waves of memories flood Taeyong’s mind at that moment, waking him up from what he just did. The self loathing comes after when he sees his son retreating to shake into the armchair. 

He can bear Yuta giving him the silent treatment, he can bear an entitled alpha marking his heart only to let him down, he can bear the weight of a crime. But he can’t bear putting Haechan through the same state Jongin so often put him in. He is not Jongin, and Haechan is not any random person he can boss around and stand up against just to prove he is existing. In the list of his biggest regrets, this moment wins it all. 

“I-... I am so sorry, baby,” Taeyong breaks down too, hating that his tears victimize him when he is the monster here. He reaches out to a trembling child who immediately clings to him, his little tears drowning the father’s heart with guilt. 

“I am scared, daddy.” The little voice is muffled in his shirt but he hears it loud and clear. 

_ “He is scared of you,”  _ the too familiar voice in his mind provokes.  _ “I guess you and me are just the same.” _

_ Fuck off, Jongin… _

_ “I am the voice in your head, whatever you’re hearing, you’re telling it to yourself.” _

How cruel that the voice we often give to reason is our worst demon’s. He is sure if Yuta and Jaehyun were around, they would be shaking their heads in utter disappointment. 

“I know,” he reassures with small kisses on the child’s head, hands rubbing his back comfortingly. Like after a nightmare, it is hard to chase the shaking away. “And I am so, so, sorry, my little prince. You know that I love you, right?” 

_ “You know he dreams about me too, right?”  _ Taeyong tightens his grip on the tiny omega, as if the monster in him can walk out and take his son away. It is the only anchor he has left today, and his only goal is to make sure it will be different tomorrow.  _ “Bang… Bang. He often hears it in his sleep. Those two bullets.” _

That night finds the two of them cuddled under Taeyong’s duvet. Haechan has calmed down after long hours of playing and hugs. The father knows too well it will never be enough to erase the emotional scar. Especially at this tender and delicate age, he could have broken the child for good. 

He is not a believer but he thanks whatever god there is up there for making his little prince so strong. He strokes the brunette hair, watching the rise and fall of Haechan’s chest in his sleep, unable to chase his own. He is so tired yet he can’t let his body fall into slumber, terrified at the idea that if he does, Haechan will be gone. And if he has to let insomnia guide his nights, he will gladly accept it just to keep an eye on his son. 

The tension seems to have fallen when morning comes. It feels weird to not get ready for work, to wake up to the sound of birds and warm coffee instead of his alarm clock blaring. He doesn’t even remember the last time he took a day off and now he doesn’t even have a job anymore. The chairman must have already given his seat to someone who is not an omega, good for him. 

Those big things that used to matter suddenly feel insignificant. What matters is the little laugh he hears from the kitchen and the chatter of a warm home. Soon they will be far, and he will live this morning everyday, again and again and he won’t even mind. 

As expected from the early ruckus, Haechan is already perched above the kitchen counter, his fast chatter an hindrance to Yeri’s peaceful routine. Jaehyun is looking at him from the entrance on his way over, the hint of a content smile on his face. 

“Daddy! Look at this!” 

Taeyong rushes over to see the flower shaped egg Yeri has made for his son and he thanks her with a grateful smile. His own cup is steaming and for once, he is in for a hearty breakfast. 

The kid probably forgot about their incident, after all he is Taeyong’s. 

“Very cute, muffin.” He ruffles the small head which earns him a groan followed by a reprimand. 

“I have a tea party today, don’t mess my hair!”

Well, Junior the bear seems to be more demanding lately. Last time, he required all his guests to wear a dress, something that Taeyong unfortunately doesn’t own. What a pity he couldn’t attend due to his dress issue. 

“Am I invited?” Haechan pretends to think for a second, a chubby finger on his chin. 

“Only if you wear a pirate hat.” 

What a shame, he should have bought two when Haechan absolutely wanted one. But Taeyong is a master of persuasion. He doesn’t mean to show off but he has closed more deals than Haechan in his career. 

“I do not have one,” the father fake cries and Haechan responds with his shoulder rising. No hat, no party. He doesn’t make the rules. “But would sir Junior accept my company if I bring homemade chocolate cookies?”

“You know what?” The pup wipes the smeared honey on his lips with the back of his hand, a gesture that has Taeyong cringing hard but he says nothing. He wouldn’t want to be on Haechan’s bad side now that he is about to be invited to a very exclusive event. “Just don’t be late and don’t forget the cookies.” 

Ah kids, so demanding those days. 

“What do you say you play a bit with uncle Jaehyun this morning while Seulgi noona and I go grocery shopping?” 

At the simple thought of being allowed to run around the house all morning, the kid beams and the sugar flies up to his brain. Taeyong swears if anything happens to one of his vases, he will kill Jaehyun with the gun in his holster. 

“I won’t break things if you bring back pop-tarts.” When did this little fox learn this? He really has to take the control back. 

“You drive a hard bargain but ok.” 

He can indulge just for today, Taeyong tells himself some hours after when he is strolling down the supermarket alleys, his bodyguard never leaving his side. He needs reasons to spoil his child today, as if the six years old isn’t spoiled already. In a few days, they will be on a flight away from everything they know, that he can’t bargain. Whether Haechan likes it or not, it will happen. 

So the only solution to blind the kid is to make him forget and sugar isn’t that bad as a prop. He is not aiming for an overdose, of course. Just anything to keep the muffin happy for a few days. That way, maybe even Taeyong would forget a bit. They can act like everything will be alright. 

He is sure that by the time he is sitting in the backseat on the way back, two of his china vases are already down. Seulgi gives him a little glance through the rearview mirror when he chuckles to himself. All endings don’t have to be happy, sometimes they are just fine, and this is the ending he wants. Haechan and him, free somewhere in the world, with no more worries than to learn a new language. 

But the thing with endings is that they never last for long. There is always a change in plan, another page to turn somewhere. And that he understands when they park in the garage. As soon as he is out of the car, something shifts in the air.  _ Click. _

“I am sorry, Mr Lee.” And he finds himself facing down the barrel of a gun with Seulgi on the other side. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well. Don't hate me. I promise after this chapter, we'll finally bring the real Johnyong into the game. I've heard your pleas, my children. The crowd came for romance, I will give you what you asked for... Butfirstangst. 
> 
> Also thanks again for the lovely comments and kudos, keep them coming y'all make me so happy, boost my serotonin. 
> 
> PS: Please let us all survive NCT2020.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. Love y'all.

_ Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck… _

_ Three hours before midnight, Gangnam. Why is he even thinking about that now? It feels like a habit at this point to point out every precise moment during which his life takes a drastic turn. The room is shaking or is it him? His legs give out. Probably under his weight, or under the weight of the gun in his hands… He swears it wasn’t this heavy some seconds earlier, it wasn’t this… existing. And now it is the only thing he can look at under the dark light of the room. _

_ “Taeyong, what did you do…” It comes out in a trembling breath from his own mouth. _

_ The tears won’t come but his vision is still blurry, a heavy fog settles in his mind, buzzing him with dizziness as he kneels there. His eyes settle on Jongin’s leather belt scattered next to his now cold body, the blood staining it with an erasable mark. Then he looks at Jonign, laid down on his front and for the first time in his life, Taeyong wishes he would move, give any sign of life even if it is to insult him again.  _

_ “No, no, no,...” What is he supposed to do now? _

_ What does Jongin usually do when he kills somebody? Does he just move on and live with it? Taeyong can’t live with this, the eerie smell of blood whispers around him. Next thing he knows he is rushing to the bathroom to empty his guts. Good for him, he never deserved guts anyway, they were just for make-believe.  _

_ How odd is it to pray before a toilet bowl. Then again, he just killed a man, he cut through a life like you cut through butter… He swears he doesn’t know how it happened so if anyone can hear his plea, could they turn back time? It wasn’t him, he swears, it wasn’t him holding that gun out there.  _

_ “Please, dad.” He squeezes his eyes shut, tears finally running down, not knowing who to turn to. “Please where are you… help me...” For anyone listening, he would look mad, sobbing in a bathroom for his dead father. Funny how absurd one becomes once they realize they’ve never had a God before.  _

_ “Daddy…” He hears a click of a door before the scared little voice echoes around the apartment. _

_ It is enough to get him back on his trembling legs again. Have the bathroom lights always been this white and accusing? His mind takes him on autopilot as he leaves, barely looking back as he passes by Jongin’s corpse. Small Haechan, still wrapped in his duvet, standing awkwardly before the door. As much as Taeyong needs his own father right now, the little omega needs his too. He restrains another gag when the smell of blood reaches him again.  _

_ He wipes off his tears in panic, closes the bedroom door behind him to make sure the child can’t see through and crouches down, hoping his voice will work alright.  _

_ “I heard big noises.” Oh no, he is scared.  _

_ Taeyong doesn’t waste a second to engulf him in a bear hug, somehow seeking his own comfort too.  _

_ “Daddy made something fall,” He whispers reassuringly in the brunette fluff of hair. That sweet smell of strawberry and melon makes him forget about everything for a short time. “Listen to me, muffin.” _

_ He smooths the hair while looking at Haechan in the eyes and is thankful that the kid is listening carefully, certainly sensing this isn’t one of their games. No it is, it is one of their games, Taeyong convinces himself.  _

_ “Let’s hide and seek, what do you say?” Haechan doesn’t sound very convinced. After all, the noises were louder than what he ever heard before… But he complies because his father always complies to his whims. “Here, take my phone.” _

_ Taeyong fetches the device out of his pajama’s pocket and fast walks to a nearby console table, retrieving his earphones before plopping down in front of the omega again. He gently puts them in the kid’s ears, hands staying a bit late on the frail cheeks.  _

_ “You hide first.” He nods to get another nod from his son too. “Hide as best as you can. Then you’ll call uncle Yuta and tell him to come fast, you know how to do that, right darling?” _

_ Haechan nods again, way past confused now. He just came for some comfort and ends up with a lot of orders, what a weird game. He is scared anyway, and he remembers when Taeyong taught him how to call Yuta if anything ever happens.  _

_ “You’ll find me right?” The muffin questions. Of course, even at the other end of the world, Taeyong will always find him.  _

_ “Tonight, you can watch many cartoons on daddy’s phone while you hide.” Taeyong stands up and pushes the kid gently. “Now go, don’t let daddy win this time.” _

_ He waits for exactly twenty seconds until he is sure Haechan is out of sight and hearing range. He knows his son, he is probably hiding in the janitor closet by one of the main bathrooms like he always does. He will take that tonight, it is a perfect spot. _

_ The first thing he does is fetching the gun from where he left it on the bedroom floor. His eyes can’t help but fall on Jongin once in a while. At some point a mad thought crosses his mind. He is way past consuming guilt now that he thinks about his son, innocent little Haechan hiding under his duvet. The mad thought controls him, Jongin deserved it. He did good, it was for the greater good…  _

_ He counts in his head while moving around. He tries to think of work, of last month finances just to give a taste of normalcy to all of this. He closes the door once the gun is sitting in one of his purses, one he will make sure to take away with him. Taeyong runs to the entrance door, and thanks his luck for tonight. If what Jongin does outside the house is shameful, what he does inside is worse, hence why their floor is never guarded. That scumbag as at least the decency to hide his darkest part…  _

_ The omega gets a hold of one of the many fire extinguishers in their apartment and without any second thought, with the last strength he has left in his small body and a scream to purge his soul out, he smashes it down on the door knob.  _

  
  
  
  
  


He has never been held at gunpoint before.

One would have never thought so. He’s seen it all, he likes to think he’s seen it all. And here he is today, the barrel of a gun pointed behind his head in his own house. It was probably bound to happen, he prefers not to lie to himself, this was coming his way one day or another. Lee Taeyong is a danger magnet. 

It is becoming hard to hold his breath. How do you breathe the right way in this situation? A simple crease on his forehead, a single misplaced intake of air, give him the impression that the trigger will go off. The barrel is trembling too much behind him to feel safe. The only thing reassuring him now is the fact that Seulgi seems remorseful enough, but again not remorseful enough to just put the weapon down. 

“Ah, there you are! Welcome home, Mr Lee.”

The scene welcoming him in his kitchen is horrid enough for him to finally misplace a gasp. What is he supposed to tell poor Yeri’s family? That their innocent daughter has been shot dead in the middle of his house? That is if he makes it alive himself. Taeyong has known her for years and the sight of her laying cold and bleeding out on his kitchen floor has him swallowing back the bile rushing to his mouth. 

Mr Yoon sits on his sofa, way too comfortable in his home, way too comfortable for the scene unfolding. Jaehyun is holding the man at gunpoint, a bleeding cut above his left eyebrow, himself the target of another man a few feet away. Not far from him, Yuta. That bastard missed all his calls and his way of reaching out is pointing a gun at one of Yoon’s men too, similar to Jaehyun’s state. It could be a good freeze frame for a noir movie if it wasn’t real life. 

One single move and detonations will echo throughout the neighborhood. A butchery is the last thing Taeyong wishes right now so he keeps his greetings to himself. 

“You don’t seem very happy to see me.” Yoon fetches a glass of scotch from the coffee table before sipping it. Well, looks like he found the alcohol cabinet. 

“You’re not really a guest.” He dares but the cold extremity of a gun suddenly presses harder against his head. 

“Calm down, Seulgi.” Yoon stands up, twirling the drink in his hands. “Don’t treat our host like that. Have you found the kid?” 

One man presses the earphone in his ear, the other hand still in place with his weapon to keep Jaehyun in check. 

“Not yet, sir.” 

Taeyong feels a pinch of pride. It explains Yuta’s presence now, smart little Haechan. They should see him when he is giving his all to hide-and-seek, once Taeyong found him in a box he didn’t even know could fit him. He must have gotten a hold of Yeri’s phone, a rare one he has learnt to unlock. 

“If he doesn’t come out in five, finish the pretty boy.” 

Yuta seems offended that Yoon didn’t point at him but at Jaehyun instead. Jaehyun himself seems offended by the nickname. Angering two stubborn alphas is not a good idea, especially when they are holding guns. 

“So, Mr Lee, a little bird told me you’ve gotten rid of the assets.” Said little bird seems eager to fire behind him. 

For a short second, Yuta looks guilty and Taeyong wants to tell him it is not his fault. It could have been anyone really, Taeyong too is easy on trust. And also he missed his friend like crazy, even though a hostage situation is not the best reconciliation. 

“Then why are you here if you know I don’t have it anymore?” He means to sound tough but his voice is shivering too much.  _ Please, hold on baby, hide well. _

He hears footsteps from the floor above, and Taeyong’s instincts know whoever is searching, is searching in the wrong area. If they are lucky, he will look in the office next and Haechan knows better than to hang out there.

“Personal matters. Finishing where we left off in Hong Kong.” 

There’s a thud when he puts the glass back on the table. Like a predator cornering its prey, he stands barely an inch away from Taeyong. The omega has rarely seen such pride in someone’s eyes, that confidence of winning. The beta traces his lips with a thumb, a vile smile painting Taeyong’s end on his face. 

“Don’t touch him.” Both Jaehyun and Yuta surprise themselves at their synchronization. 

Needless to say, Taeyong is surprised too. Yoon scoffs in his face, turning around to give Jaehyun and Yuta a glare before looking back at his prey. It stings as much as it is loud. The slap Yoon just landed on his face. It cuts Taeyong’s breath and he would have prefered for Seulgi to blow his brain up than to bear this humiliation. 

It happens fast, Yuta fires on the man he was targeting. The stranger’s body falls dead on his carpet before his friend points his gun at Yoon. In one second, it shifts. Yuta and Jaehyun are both challenging the beta with their firearm meanwhile whoever was having Jaehyun in his line now has Yuta. 

Back to square one. The man kills Yuta and Jaehyun wouldn’t hesitate a second to finish Yoon. And if Yoon dies, Taeyong too. Nobody moves. 

“What a pity, I liked him.” Yoon shrugs. “But it was worth losing him for a slap.”

When Jaehyun gives Taeyong a small smile only the omega can see and decipher, he knows.  _ Sometimes the worst road leads to salvation.  _ He remembers the alpha’s preaching and he knows. They have to stall, as long as they can. Though he is convinced that help is coming more for Jaehyun than himself. 

“Well, well, well,” Yoon wipes his hand on a handkerchief as if touching the omega is the filthiest thing he has done. He wasn’t this repulsed back at the casino. “It looks like your son is making things difficult.”

“Touch a single hair on his head and you are a dead man,” Yuta is quick to retort, which earns Taeyong a second slap, as violent as the first one. Yuta saw this one coming but he has the right for an inoffensive vendetta so Taeyong just swallows it and promises himself to kick the alpha in between his legs if he comes out alive. 

The omega’s cheek is numb by now, fat tears threatening to fall but he will not give Yoon that satisfaction. He will take as many slaps if it means keeping his loved ones safe… Yuta, Haechan, even Jaehyun…

“Now I am angry.” The beta announces. “Seulgi, if none of them is volunteering to go and fetch the kid, fire on the count of five.”

“One.”

Amateur mistake. Taeyong doesn’t surround himself with weak hearts. A single nod from Taeyong is enough of an order for the two alphas.  _ Let her shoot me, Haechan is the priority.  _ There is no objection, only gratefulness for obedience and respect for a father. 

“Two.”

Betas, so entitled, so confident, so blind, so bold. In a world where their biological and social rank is as good as nothing, they are desperate to own and to dominate. There is no better opponent for Yoon than an omega who desires for the same thing. Taeyong too is bold, even when Seulgi clicks the chamber in place. He kneels, ready to embrace his fate. Whether he is saved tonight or not, there are two determinate men who are ready to risk it all for his son. 

“Three.”

And one unexpected beta. Silencers are not so discreet when firing so close. The first thing Taeyong feels is the splash of blood staining the back of his head and his neck. That will be a hassle to get off with shampoo only. Another one down, Seulgi joins the fate of her colleagues, another stain on his carpet. 

“A bit late, baby.” Jaehyun is fast at greeting Doyoung who appears from behind a shivering Taeyong. 

“You should have seen the traffic. Appalling.” Doyoung wipes away the splash of blood that stained his cheek like it is just cream. 

It’s still a mystery to Taeyong, how calm those men are in the most stressing situations. It looks like only Yuta and Yoon are shocked by the sudden arrival. Somehow, Taeyong knew, whether from Jaehyun’s signal or that instinct in him. He didn’t know he was going to survive, but he knew Yoon would never get out of this easily, especially not when one of Suh Johnny’s men is in danger. 

“The same, please, Doyoung.” Talk about the devil and he will appear. 

The drug lord strolls casually from behind his second in command, arrogant disdain evident in his eyes for all the corpses lying around. He barely pays attention to anyone, even less to Yoon’s men who are hesitant about shifting their target. The alpha takes a hold of the glass Yoon precedently left on the table, taking a short sniff, probably unaware of the heavy silence he just brought along. 

Taeyong is confused for a second, still trembling, the blood warm against his cold neck when Doyoung raises an eyebrow at him. He quickly understands when Johnny puts the drink back where it layed and walks towards their enemy. 

“L-...eft cabinet behind Yuta, Macallan,” Taeyong awkwardly instructs. “The glasses are in the right one.” 

“Good evening, gentlemen.” Taeyong scoffs. Johnny should have that printed on a t-shirt, make a trademark of it. He has heard it more than  _ hello _ nowadays. “Forgive my tardiness.”

And that one should be on a mug. 

Doyoung comes back with a dry glass of Macallan, handing it to his boss who now takes a seat where Yoon was previously sitting on his sofa. Taeyong’s house is one magnificent piece of design, that’s probably the reason why everyone feels so at home, the omega thinks to stop himself from snapping at their insolence. 

“You must be kidding me.” The beta moves too fast for anyone to react. 

One second Taeyong thought he was released and the next, Yoon has an arm around him, his firearm taking over where Seulgi’s left off. The omega knows he is scared from the slight tremor of his body pressed behind his own. A scared man is a man who will shoot, he is in the best position to know. And in this case, taking Taeyong down is his last option, now that he is outnumbered. It is only a question of time until Yuta is delivered from the man-

_ Bang. _ Well that was fast but Doyoung never seemed like one to waste time anyway. 

“Any of you moves and Mr Lee will join his husband.” Taeyong pleads with his eyes, this bastard will do it. He knows the pattern of desperation. Maybe his eyes are not expressive enough because Johnny barely bats an eyelash. “Seulgi warned me about you, told me you didn’t look like a simple entrepreneur.”

What does he have to do for Johnny to panic? The man is immovable, it’s incredible. Not an impromptu confession in a parking lot, not his life hanging by a thread seems to bother the alpha. 

“Well, she lied to you.” Johnny crosses his legs, rummaging in the inner pocket of his jacket before pulling out a well folded piece of paper. “I am a simple entrepreneur. Taeyong-ssi, is there any ice in the fridge?”

The audacity of this scumbag. Taeyong has never been this flabbergasted before. He is one bullet away from dying and Suh Johnny asks him if there are ice cubes in his fridge? And who in this world dares to put ice in a twelve years old whiskey? He knew he was a psychopath but this is scandalous. 

“In a Macallan? Seriously?” Taeyong replies and he understands suddenly even if he wants to deny it. Johnny is doing this to take his mind away from the situation at hand. It reminds him of Jaehyun’s smile. That one saying  _ I am going to get you out of here just like I did before. _

“Who do you take me for? A criminal?” The drug lord banters back, teasing Yoon’s patience. “That cheek looks swollen, so do you have ice?” 

He sure hopes those cheeks don’t look red right now because blushing while having a gun against his skull is not very appropriate.  _ Stop caring if it’s gonna be half assed. _ He only nods, not trusting his voice and the metallic edge of the firearm presses harder.

“Do you think this is a game, Mr Suh?” Yoon’s tone is too shaky for the drug lord to take his words seriously. The alpha mentions for Doyoung to make a beeline to the fridge but is quickly stopped by the chamber of Yoon’s gun getting in place. “One move and he is dead.” 

Yuta, being the only one not used to Johnny’s way, is about to raise his weapon but Jaehyun holds a hand before him. No brusque gesture, let the adults take care of it. A bit offending but Yuta doesn’t have a lot of options right now. 

“Since you are in a rush, let’s get down to business.” Johnny uncrosses his legs and leans forwards. “Did you write a will, Mr Yoon?” 

“Why would I?” Yoon’s sarcasm will soon bite him back. Taeyong rolls his eyes. The man is so entitled that he thought a bunch of men was enough. If he knew he was going to confront Suh Johnny, he should have bought an army. 

“You are right.” The alpha nods, pretending to be thoughtful. “Wills are for those who know their end is close. I’ve written one.”

If Taeyong was free, he would have punched the alpha. He is about to die here, please? Maybe taunting the man with the gun isn’t the best of ideas. 

“That’s wise of you, to admit your defeat.” Yoon grits his teeth, a little bit too provoking for someone so shaky. 

“I didn’t make myself clear.” The paper Johnny was fiddling with earlier is laying next to his glass. He unfolds it with careful hands, sliding it across the table for Yoon to see clearly. “I’ve written a will, but not for myself. Do you recognize the signature?”

He does. The puff of air indicating fear in Taeyong’s neck is enough confirmation. Taeyong doesn’t. Did he miss a chapter? Confusion wins him when he looks at the words, and the handwritten signature at the bottom. How are Yoon and a will Johnny had written related in any way? Do they know each other from somewhere?

“You are bluffing.” The shivering beta scoffs, finger slowly getting loose on the trigger. Taeyong stops breathing at the next words. “You’ve never met Danbi.” 

Yoon Danbi. Taeyong knows better than anyone else here that Johnny did, in fact, meet her. The omega he was so shamelessly jealous of, the woman who made him so insecure he has humiliated himself in front of Johnny. The alpha did meet her, and god knows what they did too. 

“She’s living at SNU dorm. I know because one of my men went to pick her up today.” The alpha stands up. 

“Since you don’t have a will,” Doyoung continues for his boss, almost startling Taeyong. As usual the alpha is so overwhelmingly alive that the omega forgot they were not alone there. “If you die, which is only a matter of time, all of your assets will go to her. And if she dies, which is a matter of order from us right now, then her will stipulates she will bequeath everything to my boss.” 

“Why would Danbi do that?” The arm around Taeyong tightens, it almost hurts. “You are bluffing.” 

“I am in no place to tell you how to raise your daughter.” Johnny walks around the table to stand close enough to Taeyong for him to smell that comforting alpha scent he missed… “You’ve been very busy, recently. Children are versatile, young and stupid, so are parents.”

“One more step, and I’ll blow his brain-”

One more step, he doesn’t. Johnny is all around Taeyong, yet unique in front of him. The omega has once imagined him in his longing, standing there in the middle of his living room, exactly where he is now. It was probably one drunken night, now he is completely sober. 

“I met her at a charity event, she told me she missed her father, I told her I have coke.” One more step, no fire. “The thing with filial love is it runs in the heart. Benzoyl runs in the blood. You can close up your heart, it’s harder to close up an addiction your veins require. Let’s say she found something to replace you with.”

Yoon’s silence is enough to understand he doesn’t need more convincing. 

“You see, my products are a bit expensive” now Johnny is too close. Unlike Yoon, he is not stuck to Taeyong, but the omega feels him more in his space than anyone else in the room. “Consider the will a payment for it. I need your part of the assets, she needs her dose. You shoot, she dies.” 

Taeyong is almost revulsed by the method and he would go against it if he wasn’t held hostage right now. Yoon might be a low life, but there is one thing they have in common. They are both parents. Johnny might be immune to any form of filial feelings, feelings in general. But Taeyong is sure, despite all the hate he bears for the woman and Yoon, that there are limits to emotional manipulation. There are sacrifices and treasures that would put any men on their knees, that would make them crawl and beg like toddlers. Children are one of them, if not the most important ones. Unfortunately, Johnny doesn’t bargain with money, he bargains with lives. 

The chamber closes in an agonizing and slow motion and they witness the fall of a man. And just like that, the drug lord turned the page on one of the most powerful syndicates of the century. 

“Jaehyun, please. Doyoung, the ice.” Johnny orders and Jaehyun steps behind Yoon. There is no hesitation, not even the tremor of a hand when he fires a bullet at the beta’s head. Taeyong almost throws up, almost lets his legs give up for all the death he has seen today but Johnny doesn’t give him the chance to. Just as Jaehyun accomplishes his task, Johnny takes the omega’s chin between two fingers, turning his head away from the butchery. “It is indeed swollen. You are not as solid as I thought.”

“I-I…” What was he even about to say, he doesn’t remember anymore. “Haechan…” the only thought he has whenever his mind is empty. 

“Mr Nakamoto.” The drug lord let go, leaving Taeyong as a blushing mess. “You know where the kid is hiding, right?” 

Yuta gives a curt nod before dashing to the second floor. It takes Yuta just a second and they hear a detonation followed by a thud. Oh no, not another cadaver. How is Taeyong going to explain all of this to his realtors? He is going to make Johnny pay for the cleaning, he swears. 

Doyoung comes back with the long awaited ice wrapped in a dish cloth, finally. The alpha not so gently presses it against Taeyong’s cheek. 

“Don’t,” the omega interrupts, half heartedly slapping the hand away. He is not about to be a victim of the false care again, only to be told he is nothing but a prop. When he thinks about it, the bottom line was Yoon’s part of the assets. “I can do it myself.”

He hopes again, like he always foolishly does, for Johnny to chase after him. But he does nothing, admitting it is not his place to take care of some random omega he fucked. Taeyong doesn’t dwell long on the silence surrounding them while Doyoung and Jaehyun cover the bodies with sheets they found in the janitor's closet.

“Daddy!” And that’s when Taeyong finally feels the oxygen in his breath, that is when the bottled up pressure deflates and pushes the tears out of his eyes.

Haechan jumps out of Yuta’s arm as soon as the alpha reaches the bottom of the stairs. The muffin comes running full speed and Taeyong falls to his knees, embracing his sunshine like he has never before. He has never come this close to losing him, and if he did, he would have wished to be under one of those white sheets right now. 

“My darling, I am so proud of you, you know that right?” He peppers the little teary face with loving kisses, not missing a spot. He has taken the affection for granted before, not realizing he can lose it all tomorrow. 

Haechan nods, catching his father’s tears with his chubby hands too. So sweet, even now he is trying to be the comforting one. 

“I hid well like you taught me when I hear big noises.” Taeyong nods too eagerly, lips thinned for a gulp, trying to keep his sobs from worrying the sunshine. 

“You’re the smartest omega I know.” He is aware of how vulnerable he is right now, staring at Haechan’s face, his hands on each side like he will never see him again. “And I love you so much, little prince.”

“I was so scared.” He knows. Oh god he knows.

“Now I am here and it will never happen again. Daddy will never let anyone hurt you, darling.” 

Taeyong suddenly remembers about Yoon and how easily mistakes come a father’s way. He looks up, catching Johnny staring with something akin to wonder in his eyes. Almost, Taeyong almost believes it but the alpha quickly clears his throat and looks away. He puts his hands delicately over Haechan’s ears. 

“Miss Yoon… You’re not really going to…?”

“She’s already gone.” It is Doyoung who answers for him with his legendary tact. Read the sarcasm. The omega is almost furious at the heartless ending but the beta quickly corrects himself. “She died last night at SNU’s hospital, from overdose.” 

Taeyong tries to find reasons for the bitter ending. Yoon was obviously a bad father, if he wasn’t so keen on his revenge, he would have known. And at least now they’ll find each other in a place where they’ll never be apart again, if after-life exists. After all, Taeyong believes it for his own father, he can make an exception for other souls. 

He wants to tell Johnny it is his fault, those many appointments with her were her doom. He is the one who let her fall into a pitless hole of addiction, the one who sold her a temporary relief that ends in death. But he can’t bring himself to do it, because he has fallen so deep that he finds himself forgiving everything for this thick-skinned scumbag. 

“Hyung-nim,” Jaehyun interrupts, coming back from where he has been spying near the entrance. “Four of Yoon’s men are waiting outside, we have to move now.” 

“Fuck,” Johnny curses while loading the gun he retrieves from his holster. It sounds impressive to Taeyong, for it is the first time he hears the well-mannered alpha curse.  _ Language! _ he is on the verge of scolding but the moment doesn’t call for it. 

They are all snapped out of the heartwarming moment. Yeah, of course, it was starting to look odd to Taeyong that it was so easy. A family’s head doesn’t go down without a post-mortem battle. Look at him, months after Jongin and he still has to mend the broken pieces. 

“Mr Nakamoto,” Doyoung calls. Taeyong wants to laugh at the small frown on his friend’s face. He is probably tired of all those formal speeches by now, but they are not reconciled enough for him to mock the alpha, and this is not the best situation to do so. “Could you take the kid? We’re going to open a way for you.” 

Yuta immediately takes a reluctant Haechan in his arms. 

“Listen, little prince.” Yuta reassures. “Keep your face in my neck and don’t look, uncle is going to run very fast, alright?” 

The idea of flying in Yuta’s arms seems very amusing to the clueless pup. It is almost endearing and the way Haechan beams as if he didn’t just cry his eyes out makes Taeyong want to snap a picture. But it is not the time, they are in a rush. 

From the moment he met Johnny, Taeyong has always seen him like a sheltered man, hiding behind the power he has over his men. Until today. The alpha takes the lead as he positions himself in front of the door. Soldiers pray before they go to war. To whom? Taeyong doesn’t know. But Johnny doesn’t look fazed at all by the fact that behind, death is waiting. He probably did this a hundred times before. 

Taeyong and Yuta stay at the end of the line as Jaehyun and Doyoung stand behind their boss, firearms ready to be used. When the beta gently pecks the corner of Jaehyun’s lips, murmuring a “See you at home”, Taeyong turns his eyes away, feeling like he is intruding on a way too intimate moment. It sounds like a promise between the mated pair, and Taeyong wonders how it feels, to love someone so deep and to be loved back with the same intensity. 

“Mr Na-”

“Yuta,” said man interrupts Jaehyun. With all the shits that happened today, he considers they are past the formality now. Just hearing it gives him a headache. Mr Nakamoto is his father, for fuck’s sake. “Please, call me Yuta.”

Jaehyun hesitates for a second before accepting it with a nod. 

“Yuta, stay behind us, do not move unless we give you the signal.” The two alphas absorb each word diligently. “Kun will pick you up as soon as you are out of here.” 

Today is a day of realization for Taeyong. A bit misplaced for a deduction now but it gives him hope. He now understands why they never found anything about those men in any files. He understands now why they are so reluctant to call them by their name and keeps their speech formal. There is almost no doubt in Taeyong when he guesses none of them, absolutely no one here Jaehyun, Doyoung, Johnny are using their real name. Who they are, where they are from, a name tells a story, ties bonds. A name is one of the most precious bonds, the most dangerous sign of vulnerability one can offer to someone else. 

But they took theirs, used theirs, accepted theirs.  _ If Johnny saves you, you are one of us. _

“See you at home, gentlemen.” Johnny gives as a starter and opens the door wide.

Taeyong has never been held at gunpoint before today. Now that it’s erased off his bucket list, it doesn’t seem that frightening compared to the following events. The gusts of bullets coming their way arrives faster than the cold wind outside. Taeyong hears one of his closest vases shattering into pieces, the windows which he thought were solid break into million pieces, shards caressing their spaces in violent storms. 

Yuta quickly hides behind the door, sheltering Haechan safely in his arms, hand kept over the little head to keep him from looking and moving. Johnny is the first to run out, reaching one of the house columns before the bullets can touch him. Doyoung quickly follows and takes his position across his boss behind another column. As for Jaehyun, he pulls Taeyong. The omega wasn’t ready, unlike them, he isn’t armed at all. It’s a miracle that none of the bullets touch him as the alpha presses him to crouch behind a mid-wall separating the main alleyway from the garage. Opposite them are Yoon’s men, reluctant to stop. 

“Do not move.” Jaehyun instructs. He waits for the moment the men reload their weapons to reach his boss. 

Taeyong doesn’t know what is happening, he doesn’t want to look either but soon it starts again, the horrendous sounds of guns going off. It lasts for long minutes, probably the longest minutes of his life, probably worst for a six years old. 

It stops, another sign of reload and that’s when he sees the three coming out of their hiding place to fire. 

“Yuta! Now!” Jaehyun screams above the ruckus. 

Tha alpha comes bolting out of the house, careful to not run in the lines of the bullets from their side. Taeyong feels like the alleyway is longer than usual when he sees his friend taking his son to the gate. It is only a matter of time until they are out of ammunition and the opponent will take their turn at shooting again. 

Doyoung is the first to curse when his gun clicks with an empty sound. He hides, fetches something in his holster, gets rid of his silencer before he reloads. In the meantime, Johnny manages to take one careless man down who thought he could go after Yuta. 

The alpha reaches the gate and is soon out of sight. Taeyong breathes out in relief. 

“You are next!” Doyoung screams at him and the omega braces himself. He can do it, he will manage like he always does. 

One man down again, the beta aimed a clean shot once done reloading. 

“Now!” Doyoung hints and the omega sprints like he has never ran in his life. 

The pain is unbearable, and ridiculous. Lee Taeyong could have died a hundred different ways, in that moment, a stray bullet for example. Instead, the exhaustion must have finally caught up to him and he falls flat before he can reach the gate. Fuck, his legs gave him up, unable to take him further. He is so tired, so scared and so done. 

Surprisingly, no more gust of bullets. He can see from where he is splayed on the ground that one of Yoon’s men discard his gun. That is one lucky occurrence. The unlucky one is that he is too far from his allies reach. There is a range of horizontal columns blocking him from where they are, they cannot shoot in his direction to save him, he is unreachable yet so close to the gate. 

The man stands up from where he is crouched and Taeyong can smell he is a beta. Then again, Taeyong is an omega, he has always despised his frail body, especially now. The other man who still has his gun fully loaded takes the opportunity to get closer to where the three others are. Taeyong fucked up again…

If any of them dares to even show a finger, he will shoot. The beta doesn’t hesitate and delivers a kick to Taeyong’s stomach. It has him folding in two, coughing out blood at the agonizing pain. He has to get out of here… He can hear Johnny yelling orders that he cannot decipher. He will not go down without a fight. He has managed to cheat death just a few minutes ago, his son is safe, he will not go down. 

His salvation comes when he sees Doyoung kicking his gun on the floor hard enough for it to reach Taeyong. The omega takes it as fast as he can while the beta takes out a knife from his jacket. 

“Shoot!” Doyoung yells. 

He turns for a second just to get a glimpse of the situation but his eyes are blurry, his vision is incoherent. With trembling hands, he points the gun at the man in front of him. 

“Fucking shoot!” Doyoung orders again. That is when Taeyong’s mind fails him. 

_ “Come on, do it.”  _ Jongin… A familiar silhouette replaces the beta’s one from above him.  _ “You killed once, you certainly can do it twice.” _

The form is getting closer. His hands shake, unable to aim and unable to press the trigger even if he wants to. Why is it so hard… Doyoung’s pleas for him to act fades, like an underwater voice unable to cut through the density. 

_ “Do it!”  _ One blow to the head, now his entire vision is underwater too. Tears are wetting his face, or is it blood…  _ “That’s why you are an omega”  _ another kick, aimed at the gun which flies out of his hand.  _ “You are a failure.” _

The last blow is the most fatal. The last thing he sees as the side of his skull hits the gravel is Johnny rushing to him, followed by Jaehyun. One loud bang and Jaehyun falters to the ground before him. Doyoung’s painful scream for his lover is what lulls Taeyong into darkness. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say for my defense. I lied. Sorry. But hey, look! I updated fast. This time I really promise that I'll be soft on the next chapters. Thanks again for the amazing feedbacks!! 
> 
> Also I now have a more personnal instagram account. More like a NCT fanaccount, stories only where I just want to talk about NCT and fanfictions. If you want to follow me: @tianahrnr 
> 
> Love y'all and thanks for bearing with me!!


	7. Chapter 7

It was a year before graduation,

when Yuta was introduced to him for the first time. Taeyong has always been a solitary child, not by choice at first. The silence and loneliness has always been there with him, like a default state of being. He doesn’t have siblings, he couldn’t find friends. It was probably because he was Chairman Lee’s only child, or because he was an omega. Omegas are a minority yet they are abundant in their own way, they are seen as accessible, at the beck and call of the others, existing for the only purpose of being cared for and seduced. After all, biology doesn’t lie, society can. Yet Taeyong lived in the irony of it. 

He has always been unreachable, sheltered from the love and care betas and alphas owed him. He was deprived of equality for being an omega, deprived of contact because he is a Lee. Then loneliness became a choice, because his father, his best friend left him in the hands of a harsh world. He knew it was coming, after all cancer is a warning, a letter from death promising an eternal friendship. For the first time, loneliness terrified him. 

Yuta was awkward, older, obviously not belonging to the lavish hospital room Chairman Lee was occupying. Just discharged from long years of military service, he had been told. There had been days of ignoring, pretending the alpha following him around didn’t exist. Taeyong believed himself independent and strong enough to not need anyone. But the dependence came fast with the first smiles and the first words of gentleness. Yuta was like his father, and Taeyong was allowed to be himself in front of him, he was the wall hiding the omega from his family’s eyes. 

A few years later life gifted him a punishment, a marriage. He had blamed Yuta for not doing anything, for letting his life be sold off. And after long nights he realized that he could only blame himself. Taeyong didn’t let him help, matter of fact, he has never let anyone help him. Loneliness was a choice to keep him from being trampled on. With the punishment came the silver lining, the greatest salvation one can find and have, a child. Someone he could take care of, someone who will share the love he lacked all his life, someone who can cohabit in the small bubble he has created for himself. 

Haechan was not just his child, he was an opportunity society didn’t give him. The opportunity to prove his difference, his strength, his ability to make it on his own… Maybe it was that overwhelming arrogance that got him where he is now. Maybe he realized too late that standing up isn’t that important, that sometimes kneeling down is better. Standing up, fighting is so exhausting, consuming. Letting go is soothing, peaceful and easier than he thought it would be.

“How do you feel?” Are the first words he hears, albeit a bit cloudy in his ears. 

He expected pain, but he feels numb and just tired. Yes, there is this dull ache travelling from his toes to the tip of his fingers but it is fine. Yes, there is throbbing weight around his stomach but it is fine. 

The room is unfamiliar but warm and comfortable. Yuta, sitting on an armchair next to the bed, gives it all a sense of familiarity. Taeyong tries to sit up, groaning at the sensation of hundreds of bruises eating his body up.

“Careful.” The alpha pushes him back down, gently. “They just injected morphine, you should feel better soon.” 

It doesn’t look like a hospital room, a bit too luxurious, not sterile enough to be considered one. If Taeyong trusts what he hears, the soothing sound of waves hitting the shore in the background, then it is definitely not a hospital. 

“Where are we?” He asks, trying to get a glimpse at the bay window behind Yuta. The West Pacific Ocean. Taeyong doesn’t see it often, always too busy to enjoy mother nature, and laying in a bed in this state is not the best way to do it. 

“If I knew I’d tell you,” Yuta replies, looking around the room for a second to accentuate his point. “I’d say a few miles down Anyang. They’ve been driving me back and forth for the past two days.” 

Two days…

“We missed the flight,” the omega half groans, “Where is Haechan?”

“He is safe, don’t worry.” That doesn’t answer his question and Yuta intercepts the panic in his eyes easily. He changes the topic. “Leaving is not a good idea, you’d be left defenseless.” 

“Yuta tell me where is my son-”

“I’ll tell you,” the alpha cuts before his anger endangers him and his bruises. “But first, tell me about this.” 

Taeyong hasn't noticed it. The brown file sitting on the bedside table. Yuta throws it on the bed, next to his leg… So this is why the alpha has been a bit dry, not as caring as Taeyong remembers him. That’s what he thought and expected, when Yuta will learn the truth, he won’t love Taeyong anymore, he’ll lose him…

“Yuta,” the voice catches in his throat, threatening to turn into an ugly sob. “I-... I wouldn’t know how to explain, what’s written in there-”

“I haven’t read it.” The alpha leans back, eyes piercing and disappointed. “So it’s true.”

As true as when Taeyong first opened that same file when he first met Johnny in his office. How Yuta got his hands on it is a topic for another day, though he is certain it has been offered to him on a silver plate. 

“What do you want me to say?” It is not a defense, it is a sincere question. “Don’t read it in front of me. Please.”

_ I don’t want to witness the moment when I lose you _ . 

“I won’t read it.” It is almost reassuring if his tone wasn’t so definitive and cold. “I did my own research and I want to hear it from your mouth, so I’ll know if you ever lie to me.” 

Where to begin? How do people confess so easily before God, before a lover, before a mirror… Taeyong can’t do it, there is so much to say yet so little to justify. Any words he will say will just sound like a race for excuses, like petty details made to decorate a macabre event. He killed a man, end of the story. That’s the bottom line, even for himself, there is nothing else he can add to make it better. 

“I killed him.” Taeyong has admitted it before Johnny, he has admitted it to himself, but it is the first time the confession brings tears to his eyes.

It is the first time he breaks down thinking about it, the first time sorrow and remorse sit at the same table as courage. Probably because he knew Johnny would have done the same, he would have done the same himself if he had to redo it, but Yuta would have never chosen the same path. Only those who differ in opinion are judges. 

The wait is long when all Taeyong can do is hope, hope for Yuta to say something. For a long minute, the omega’s sobs mingle with the ocean’s in a restless rhythm. The alpha thinks, thinks and thinks again, not giving Taeyong any sign of closure. Yuta wasn’t even this silent when he announced his pregnancy. In the end, giving life and taking it screams the same amount of responsibility and reflexion. 

Then he finally speaks. 

“Alright.” 

Alright? Alright, really? There is so much he could have said, but a simple alright is not expected. Then Taeyong remembers how much alike Yuta and his father are. He has read the story in the tears, in the apparent guilt coating Taeyong. He has read the reasons in the silence, and in the cracks of their friendship. Sometimes it’s better to not know, somewhere Yuta knows that if he seeks for the story, it’s himself he is going to hate. He is afraid that as soon as Taeyon starts telling him, they will both realize he is the one at fault. 

The signs were there, and Yuta has chosen to ignore it because he refused to believe that he failed somewhere along the road. He should have done something, a little more insistence to see what Taeyong tries so proudly to hide. 

“I don’t want to know why.” The alpha finally lets out a breath. Taeyong does the same when a warm hand takes his on the white blanket. “I… I am sorry for letting that man in your life.” 

“Yuta…” Now the omega’s tears are definitely unattractive, rivaling Haechan when he refuses to go to bed. Yuta doesn’t do hugs, a man who has seen war doesn’t embrace humanity so easily but he has breached his walls a long time ago just for Taeyong. He hopes that the thumb caressing the back of a hand is enough for now. “Whoever your mate will be, will be the luckiest bastard on earth.”

“I’m still a long way from thinking about one.” Yuta rolls his eyes with a scoff. It is not like he has never thought about it before, but he is a man whose life doesn’t leave space for romance yet. One day, if he is lucky, he will think about it. For now, he has two lives he is responsible for. “But you, my friend, have a lot of things to settle.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Yuta replies with a chuckle, like Taeyong doesn’t know. He does but he would rather act stupid than admit he is feeling. He has rarely met a man so stubborn, that’s probably his charm. 

“Haechan is in the room just next door,” Yuta leans back against his chair. “The kid is a bit cranky right now. I have to go and take care of your moving stuff, take a rest.” 

  
  
  
  
  


If someone told Kun he’d be in this situation one day,

he would have certainly planted a bullet between the moron’s eyes. Or probably pulled their toenails like he has always dreamt to do when Johnny sold him the dream of being a mobster. “That’s not how it works, Kun,” Doyoung has chasticized him whenever he pulled out his clipper in front of the enemy. 

In his defense, he was a chemist to begin with, a man of science, not… not a makeshift babysitter for some spoiled omega who throws pillows across the room and hits harder than their tiny body should even be allowed to. Kun swears he will make Johnny pay for his medical bills because that bruise on his shoulder is going to be there for a long time, he can feel it whenever he moves. 

The tiny thing is crouched next to the bed, fiddling with one of the toys from the boxes Yuta had brought the day before. Kun probably wouldn’t have seen him from where he is, standing on the other side of the bed, if it wasn’t for that black dark smoke surrounding the demon. And he swears he is not high, the others have warned him to not take anything before this job. 

“If you would just eat your lunch, we wouldn’t be here.” The beta gives up on being kind. None of his instructions mentioned being kind anyway. 

“I don’t want to, you’re too boring,” the small omega retorts. “Uncle Jaehyun plays fight with me.”

Him, Qian Kun, boring? Fine he will take that. But never, oh never, he swears on his holy clipper, he will allow anyone to say he is more boring than Jaehyun. The dude drinks celery juice for breakfast, for god’s sake, he probably folds his socks too. And he is married to Doyoung, so Kun refuses to believe he isn’t fun compared to that. 

“ _ Uncle Jaehyun _ is built for combat, brat.” The beta sighs. “I am a lab guy, I don’t want to wrestle around with you.” 

The round little head pokes from behind the bed, eyes too big for his face. Good, now he has the kid’s attention, to keep it has been the real challenge for the past days. 

“What’s a lab?” The omega’s soft voice is now filled with curiosity. Kun isn’t the best adult out there, his parents weren’t the best example either so he will be forgiven for what he does next. 

“It’s a really fun place where I do magic.” Kids like magic, right? “I’ll show you if you eat your lunch.” 

That seems to do the job when the omega stands up, glancing at the now cold plate of scallops on the table. Almost there, he will ask for a raise after this. Can you believe he will have to use a microwave? Johnny didn’t say this job will be this extreme-

“Absolutely not.” 

Kun groans at the interruption, he has been negotiating for almost an hour and his effort had to be trampled like this. 

“Daddy!” Haechan springs up from the carpet to run into his father’s arms.

The omega stumbles a bit with a painful moan indicating that the tiny storm just hit him in a delicate part. And he hides the pain well, unlike Kun who squeaked at a simple touch. 

“Mr Lee, you shouldn’t be up and walking around.” Kun interrupts the moment between the father and son. His boss will certainly discard his body in the ocean if he sees this. 

“I shouldn’t be here at all.” Taeyong retorts. Charming. Even in a way too big tracksuit with dark bags under his eyes, he seduces with an unrivaled efficiency. Kun will drink to that next time he has the occasion to tease his boss. Wait, forget it, his body deserves a proper burial. “If you take my son anywhere near that lab of yours, I’ll make sure you don’t walk anymore.”

“Is that a family thing?” Now the entire Lee bloodline wants to wrestle him, isn’t he just so lucky? 

“Where are we,” the omega asks calmly, handling his sulking son in his arms. “You could have had the decency to drop me in a hospital.” 

“For obvious reasons, people like us don’t do hospitals.” To that, the omega’s stomach rumbles, sending the father in a blushing and mess. “Follow me.” 

Taeyong would like to say he has no order to take from those men. But he has figured by now it is not the wisest choice, and he didn’t eat for two days. Kun takes the cold untouched plate from the desk and walks past him. Taeyong should tell the beta his son doesn’t mess with seafood. By the way Haechan glares at the beta, he guesses the poor man didn’t have the occasion to clear that up. 

The place is big, that is one detail Taeyong notices. He is led to a living space furnished with a clean kitchen and a living room, the ocean restless in the background. It reminds him a bit of Neo Pharmaceutical in a way. If he didn’t know better, he’d say that’s exactly where they are but he is pretty sure there are no such facilities there. 

“We have our own doctors.” Kun reassures him about his state as he busies himself behind the counter. “Going through questionnaires and facing the cops is the last thing we want.”

Some of Taeyong’s bones pop in place when he sits down at the counter, Haechan refusing to leave his arms. Look at him, all clingy when just a few days ago he claimed to be too old to be kissed. It’s not everyday you get taken through a gust of bullet so he won’t complain today. Speaking of that…

“Jaehyun…” Taeyong tries to ask as Kun makes him a plate of whatever Haechan refused to eat. 

The quiet eats him up, as well as the beta halting his moves. The omega wouldn’t be able to live with himself if something happened to his new friend. One life is enough for his conscience. Kun quickly clears his throat, putting the plates in the microwave. He has never thought the disturbing sound of a microwave would be this comforting, but it’s better than the lack of words from the beta.

“He is very upset right now,” the man slides the plates in front of him, finally looking at him, some form of exhaustion in his eyes. “He doesn’t like being bedridden, but he is a big boy, he’ll get through it. He tried going for a jog this morning, we had to strap him.” 

That’s all Taeyong needs to hear. Jaehyun is alive. Jaehyun is in bed, getting a rest. That’s enough to lift the weight of guilt from his heart. Then again those men have probably seen worst. 

“I messed up again, didn’t I?” 

“Well, I’ve never heard of someone who trips over their own feet in the middle of a battlefield.” 

The way Kun says it sounds too comical for Taeyong’s liking. He wasn’t the one receiving blows on the floor. The purple bruises around his ribs are a testimony of it. 

“And the others?” 

He doesn’t like the smirk Kun gives him. He doesn’t like anything about Kun, to be honest, except for his excellent dish. They weren’t joking when they said Kun was the  _ cook _ . 

“Already working,” the beta shrugs like being held hostage is a daily thing. “Though I would avoid Doyoung for now, if I was you.” Taeyong will keep him to his words. He would hate anyone who hurts Haechan too. 

“As for hyung-nim,” that’s enough to make the omega stop chewing. “I’ve never seen him throwing himself in the fire to save someone once, least twice.” 

Well, he should have seen him in the parking lot, cold and distant, breaking hearts. As far as Taeyong is concerned, Kun has no right to sport that knowing grin, as if he is the beholder of some secrets. There is no secret, Johnny could have let him die, but he didn’t. And Taeyong doesn’t want to know why, he doesn’t want his thoughts to linger on that because he is always back to square one, confusion. 

“Your boss has too much ego.” Taeyong puts it on that tab, the alpha’s refusal for failure. 

“And very strong arms,” Kun teases, wiggling his eyebrows and Taeyong wishes he has never saved the beta from his son. 

“Don’t you want to eat, muffin?” He changes the subject, whispering to the round fluff nestled in his chest. 

“I want cake,” the little voice says. Taeyong isn’t sure if a lair of evil mobsters has cake laying around, though. 

“Aren’t you too old for cake?” Kun says, voice filled with disdain for the six years old. 

“And you’re too weak to talk like that.” Taeyong chokes at his son’s reply, stifling a heavy laugh threatening to explode. Kun looks at him with offended eyes that he is kind of proud about. 

“Your kid has serious issues.” 

The afternoon passes by quickly when you have nothing to do but rest. Kun has insisted for him to stop walking around and just lay down. Taeyong decides that since he doesn’t have a gun, he won’t argue. His sides also hurt like a bitch. The both of them have managed to fix something with sugar for a grumpy Haechan, and surprisingly, after a few hours of playing, the omega fell asleep fast.

The father still doesn’t know where he is and it is probably better like that. He likes just laying in bed, watching the sunset while Haechan dozes off on his chest. Nowadays he just enjoys those little moments, and he tries to grasp on those he can’t have. He is safe, Haechan is safe, he can’t say for how long but he knows if they were meant to be killed here, they would already be dead by now. 

When it is dark, he decides he has done enough thinking. His body might be rested but his mind is never. Where to go, what to do, who to turn to. There’s so much he hasn’t thought about yet but he can leave that for the mornings. When he is sure Haechan won’t wake up anymore, sure that his little snores won’t get interrupted, he gets out of bed. 

The space is quiet, seemingly unoccupied. He passes by the living room from earlier, getting late by the bay window for a minute. This isn’t so bad, those men surely know where to hide… Invisible to the whole world, but never letting the world out of their sight, what a way to live. A bit sad and forlorn if you ask Taeyong. 

But for such a fast and uncertain life, invisible is good, invisible is perfect. Taeyong would know, he has lived behind the curtain his whole life. In the shadow of the greatest plays, there is an omega hiding, waiting for their turn. Taeyong has learnt the hard way his turn will never come… And he has also learnt to bow behind his curtain. 

The sound of a door closing catches his attention, stealing it from the dark horizon. He shouldn’t stroll around to unknown places, but that’s all he seems to do recently. There’s another door, similar to his own in the farthest wing of the place, barely closed. The faint sound of a Sinatra song he doesn’t remember the title of travels down the hallway, peeking his curiosity, alon it, that familiar musky scent.

This explains where he is when he sees Johnny seated in another living room, back naked and exposed to Taeyong. Even if he wants to, Taeyong can’t understand what the black ink adorning his right omoplate means. But he knows he is envious of the tattoo gracing the tan skin, so carefully caressing his shoulder and ending just beneath the back of his head. He has never paid enough attention before to notice it peeking through Johnny’s shirt. It isn’t even beautiful, it is just raw, just there, existing as a reminder of a story he doesn’t know. But if it is told to him someday, he would listen until sunrise. 

The drug lord moves into the dim light and Taeyong catches a glimpse of the dark red cut travelling from his elbow to his shoulder. That looks painful if the puckered healing skin around it is of any indication. Taeyong restrains a gasp, the realization comes to him. The scar is very recent, and there is only one recent event involving a knife he can think of. 

Johnny makes no sound when he coats the tip of his fingers with ointment, carelessly rubbing it over the scar. Taeyong cringes, it must hurt like hell. Yet the man shows no sign of pain. The omega can’t see his face anyway but he can imagine it just as calm as their surroundings. It is hard for him to imagine any kind of displeased frown maring the alpha’s face, and when he tries to imagine he frowns too. 

“Do you need help with that?” He interrupts when Johnny struggles to reach. He notices the bandages scattered on the coffee table.

“Thought you’d never ask.” The alpha replies, hinting that he was aware of Taeyong’s presence for a long time. 

Must have been amusing to him. When Taeyong dares step in, he can smell Johnny’s shampoo from his damp hair, indicating he is just out of the shower. Certainly from a long day of work. The omega quietly takes a seat on the couch when Johnny gives him his back to inspect. 

Where are they from, those scars littered across his skin like raindrops staining a glass? Some are thin, fading under the weight of time, some are obvious, some are small, almost invisible but Taeyong knows those hurt from the inside. The smallest trees spread their roots the deepest. There are other natural traits cohabiting on the alpha’s skin, moles, freckles, insignificant next to those battle marks. 

There’s this burning desire in Taeyong to touch them with the tip of his fingers. He doesn’t, if he is allowed to one day, he will wear his heart there, at the tip of his fingers. If he stares too long, gulps too loud above the blues, Johnny says nothing of it. Taeyong rubs the ointment between his fingers and starts at the elbow. Johnny flinches.

It is not pain, if it is he would have never shown it. It’s just that Taeyong’s hands are too cold. The omega likes that, it is the only way for Johnny to realize he is touching him. There are probably a thousand words he wants to say, that he can’t convey through gentle touches above a healing scar. And he doesn’t know where to start but he starts anyway.

“When I gave birth,” Johnny must have seen it coming, turning his head slightly to show he is listening. Some droplets of water fall on Taeyong’s hand, tingling him with denied affection. “I imagined a great life for my son.” 

When he deems the first centimeters of scar coated enough, he moves up to the shoulder. 

“I was hoping for him to study finances, just like me.” He chuckles, remembering how bad Haechan is at counting, or even putting the cube in the square shaped hole. “I wanted him to grow up independent and smart, to find a good alpha and have a good family.” 

Cliché, he knows Johnny thinks it by the way he stays silent. Taeyong puts the tube of ointment down, now working on the bandages as best as he can.

“But you know, kids are never what you expect them to be.” Taeyong knows Johnny is ignorant to that. It doesn’t look like he has anyone around him that could teach him about humanity. “Life is never what you expect it to be. Haechan changes, life changes.” 

When he is sure they won’t fall off, Taeyong straps the bandages with one of the bandaids sitting on the table. 

“Now all I want for him is to be alive.” Johnny’s pulse shifts under his hands. The alpha stands up once patched up, certainly hiding his interest in the words. “And he is alive today, and I can’t express how grateful I am to you.” 

The alpha walks to a nearby sideboard where a record player turns restlessly. He flicks the needle up, ending the blues, only the grainy sound of the vinyl filling the room. It is the first time Taeyong sees him out of a suit, dark blue jeans hanging low on his hips, barefeet soundlessly waltzing on the carpeted floor. He distracts himself by staring at the movement of the alpha’s muscles when he turns round, leaning against the sideboard. He better speak soon, an omega like Taeyong doesn’t like coming unguarded and so open for too long.

“Please, Johnny.” The alpha’s eyes flicker at his plea, lips thinned in surprise. Who thought Lee Taeyong would beg one day? “I need your protection. Whatever the price.” 

The omega has made up his mind this afternoon. The vivid memory of Johnny in front of his door, ready to go through bullets etched in his mind. Soldiers pray before going on the battlefield. But who does a man like Johnny pray to? Who does a man so powerful beg to? There is no one else to turn to but him for Taeyong. He has no more family or guarantee. He steps out there on his own and he’ll be dead in a second. He has seen too much for the Kims, worth too much for the others. 

“A kidney costs around half a million.” Johnny finally speaks after an unbearable silence. “A heart is twice the price. Protecting you would be a very expensive investment for me. Not to mention a brain like yours raises the price of your life.” 

“I’ll pay,” the omega adds.

“I don’t take money.” It isn’t very discreet, the way the drug lord eyes him from head to toe. 

Jaehyun has warned him before, money is not a currency here. And Taeyong is desperate enough. He never wants his baby to hide again, never wants a gun pointed at him again. If this is the price to pay, he’ll do it. Dignity is a treasure he has left in Jongin’s coffin a long time ago. 

He stands up with shaky legs, under Johnny’s insistent gaze. The warm air of the room hits his skin first when he discards the top of his tracksuit on the souch. He has never been shy before, but Johnny’s stare dresses him in shame for what he is doing. How much humiliation must Johnny see to finally give him care? 

He covers his naked form with his arms when Johnny stalks closer, pheromones too overwhelming for a defenseless omega. When he is close enough, Johnny eyes the bruises on his stomach, warm hand coming in contact. He doesn’t press enough for Taeyong’s ribs to hurt, but hard enough for his heart to do a somersault.

The drug lord leans close, close enough for the omega to feel his warm breath against his neck. He closes his eyes, bracing himself for whatever is to come. Johnny’s lips travel from his neck, biting gently, eliciting a moan from the omega, sending shivers down his spine. Does Johnny think he tastes as good as he smells? Because Taeyong has already forgotten the taste of his tan skin…

The lips stop at the shell of his ear, and he falls into the hard chest, unable to bear the game anymore. If he is selling his body to Johnny, he hopes the man does it fast because he can’t even think of himself and how dirty he feels right now. 

“What I want,” the alpha whispers huskily in his ear, “is loyalty and devotion.” 

The warmth around him disappears, hands retracting from his healing bruises. Taeyong releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Johnny leans to take the jacket Taeyong has thrown carelessly before covering the small body with it. Taeyong would prefer whoring over this sort of embarrassment. He thought himself to be better than that, Johnny certainly esteems him more than he does himself. 

“You start tomorrow, get a good night sleep,” Johnny says too gently for his usual persona. He leaves for a further door, letting Taeyong bask in his humiliation. “I don’t want my financial director slacking on his first day.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, three chapters in a row. I apologize for them being so short. Truth is that the last three updates were part of one big chapter, but it was too long so I thought deviding them was better. Y'all really thought I'd let my ult bias Jae die so easily? Not in this household. Keep those comments and kudos coming, y'all making me so freaking happy. 
> 
> Also follow me at my new instagram account if you want some NCT contents or just to dm to talk about our boys or fanfictions in general cause my loser ass has no friends: @tianahrnr
> 
> Love y'all, see you in the next chapters!!!


	8. Chapter 8

The bony fingers of the Pacific wind ruffles the curtain,

caress the blankets without mercy and grasp the slim legs from under it with a freezing touch. Taeyong wakes up shivering right after the winter sunrise. It feels good to wake up before his alarm clock. It is not like he sleeps a lot nowadays, there is no place he can call home anymore. Looks like it is not the case for Haechan who is still snoring peacefully despite the open window. How Taeyong wishes to be able to adapt so fast, to be six again and so clueless. It took the small omega a few hours to make a playground out of this room and place they know nothing about… After all, home is wherever daddy is. 

“Wake up, muffin.” Taeyong gently nudges the weight on his chest. The groan and reluctance is expected. 

“Are we going to see uncle Jaehyun,” the kid asks groggily, eyes even barely open. Glad to know his son thinks about some random alphas early morning. 

Knowing his son, Taeyong even suspects a little crush has bloomed somewhere in that naive heart. It looks like the omega also has a knack for dangerous men, it must be genetic. If Haechan knew his main rival is a very thorny beta, he would spend more days training his wrestling techniques. 

“Uncle Jaehyun is resting right now,” he replies, getting up with Haechan still half asleep in his arms. “I’m sure he doesn’t want to meet a smelly and lazy little omega.” 

The warning is enough to snap the child out of his daze. 

“Let’s take a shower, duh.” 

Taeyong will have to correct that, who is the dimwit teaching his son to answer that way? He is starting to be bolder, which is not a bad thing but Taeyong won’t tolerate insolence. He makes a beeline for the ensuite bathroom, noticing that most of his luggages has already been brought. He has a hard time finding out how to use the bathtub -Taeyong has seen luxury before but how much faucet does a bathroom really need for god’s sake. The task is difficult with a six years old running around the place screaming words he isn’t even sure exist in the dictionary.

“Come here, you demon,” Taeyong swipes the child up from his naked feet threatening to slip on the marble. “You be careful in the tub while I go take a shower, alright?” 

“Of course, sir,” Haechan salutes, already splashing bubbles all around and diving in, challenging the soap bottle to an apnea contest. Very reassuring, Haechan… Taeyong hopes he just doesn’t hear a skull cracking while he scrubs dirt off. 

Once they are dressed, which took a while since Haechan insisted on wearing a bow tie today, they find Yuta at the kitchen counter, stopping whatever discussion he had with Kun. 

“Hey, little prince,” the alpha puts down his cup of coffee to pick up Haechan who storms into his arms. “Ready for school?”

“We’re going to school?” Thanks for ruining the mood, Yuta. Taeyong hoped he could hide it until they reached the school gate but he guesses he should have briefed Yuta about that. “So we’re not leaving anymore?” 

It went smoother than he thought. Instead of sulking, the omega looks rejoiced and excited at the idea of seeing his little peers again. Well, if it’s what it takes to make Haechan love school, Taeyong should probably fake departure once in a while. 

“Nope.” The alpha pops his lips against the cheeks of a giggling Haechan. Alright, Taeyong wanted him to be awake but maybe he is way too awake now. At least any idea of seeing Jaehyun vanishes from his mind.

“Slept well, Mr Lee?” Kun asks, obviously not a morning person given his sour mood. The beta pours him a cup of coffee before presenting two plates of blueberry pancakes. You know what, Taeyong may keep him around just for this. 

“Taeyong, please.” The father takes a seat, enjoying his first sip, he is going to need it. “If you mean waking up every hour, yes.”

“So, Haechan,” Yuta calls. Haechan stops frowning at the food to look at his now second favourite uncle. Taeyong will keep the secret well, bullets are going to fly if Yuta hears about that and this time Jaehyun will do more than rest. “What do you think about living here?” 

The father chokes on his bite. Yuta should talk to him about that before his son, no? He wasn’t certainly briefed about that change of plan. Kun sports a knowing grin and he guesses whatever has been discussed before his arrival is definitive. 

“Is he going to live here too?” Haechan points at the beta who quickly wipes his grin with a comical glare. “His pancakes are not even Mickey shaped.” 

“How about I give you a knife and you do it yourself?” Kun’s voice is too sweet to be kid friendly.

“Kun.” Yuta scolds. Oh, so they are on a first name basis now. 

Taeyong must have slept more than two days because he has missed a lot, apparently. It looks like Yuta has made decisions for him and got friendly with the self proclaimed chemist. The omega is about to speak sense into his friend but Yuta is quick to ignore his scowl. 

“Go get your shoes, buddy.” The alpha pushes Haechan towards the door. “Daddy has some things to discuss about, let’s leave.” 

Daddy would have liked to discuss with Yuta but the only conversation is a lecture dying on his lips and the slam of a door. 

“Care to tell me what this is about?” Taeyong decides that he will pass his anger on Kun. 

“The order fell this morning, I am as surprised as you.” The beta gets around the counter. “Let me show you around.” 

He didn’t even get to finish his breakfast but Kun seems to be in a rush, then he remembers he too has some plans today, like not getting murdered for being late at work, whatever it will consist of. Though he is not sure those men are strict on work ethics. 

“This quarter, which is now yours, is a part of hyung-nim’s wing. He won’t mind sharing.” Kun starts, taking him down an alleyway from where he guessed Yuta and his son left. “His own quarter is just down this hallway, though you don’t want to hang around there, he likes his personal space.”

“Does he, now?” Taeyong absentmindedly says. If Kun knew where he’d been last night, he’d be surprised. 

“Most of the syndicate live in this estate, for safety purposes. The bravest are allowed to live into town, as long as they die with the secret.” They stroll down to another floor, this one less homey than what they saw before. It reminds Taeyong of an entrance hall, which it seems to be, with its high walls and spotless marbles. “This is where we gather when needed.” 

It is a bit far from the personal quarters which reassures him. Meeting random mobsters is the last thing he wants. Kun shows him outside where an adjacent building sits atop a higher hill. It is the main clinic as well as a warehouse for goods they can’t stock in their cover offices according to Kun. It sits at the top of Taeyong’s lists of  _ places I never want to see _ . 

“Should I be reassured that you guys don’t trust official services for your health?” Taeyong bows awkwardly to some men passing by, staring at them curiously. 

“I must remind you the man you are now working for has a MD-PhD.” Well then he must have forgotten to take the hippocratic oath given the life he chose. “Jaehyun and Doyoung live at the far end of the estate and I the floor just beneath yours. This place has no address but I’ll give you the gps coordinates. ” 

“And is it normal for your men to stare like they want to murder me?” Taeyong points to a clutter of men in black by the entrance, probably whispering about a thousand and one way to kill him. 

“I may or may have not spread the words about how you got their boss strapped in a bed.” Noted, if he has a secret to tell, it wouldn’t be to Kun. The beta is certainly the loosest mouth around here. “Question of protocol.”

This is not a residence in the hill, nor the best home he can ask for, but this is where he is sure to stay alive so he will take it. There will be ups and downs, but they seem like they all got each other’s back and Taeyong hopes that one day he will fit in. Look at him, he never thought that one day he’d have such a wish.

“Welcome home, I guess.” Kun pats him on the shoulder. The chemist might be a bit aggressive in his way of being but at least he has the most genuine smile Taeyong has ever seen around here. “Also, you might want to find someone to babysit your kid cause I’m out of that. The thing bites, you should have seen it.” 

“Question of protocol.” Taeyong shrugs much to Kun’s amusement. Yeah, he’ll fit in, if not they’ll find him a place somewhere near Johnny. Kun likes the image of that.

Unsurprisingly, Neo Pharmaceuticals is not too far on the same coast. When Kun shows him around the offices, Taeyong is already familiar with it, the white walls and blue furniture. This place is way more comforting for the omega, seeing the staff in lab coats and formal suits resembles more of what was of his past life. 

The office that is now his used to be a meeting room, says Kun. It is smaller than what Taeyong is used to but it’s perfect, with that same view of the coast. It is functional and enough, two desks, a sofa, a coffee table and some shelves for him to fill with his future. He wouldn’t ask for more, just to be protected and sheltered. Even a shed in the woods is too much to ask after his request from last night. 

Kun dusts off some surfaces before telling him how to access the data bases, teaching him how to get his hands on the finances, which are probably very obscure but isn’t that just occupational hazard? 

“I don’t think I need to tell you but whatever you come across in those numbers are very private.” The beta stops whatever he is doing, leaning against the desk in an indifferent fashion, as if talking about money laundering and trafficking is a daily thing. It surely is. “Once you work on them, there is no breach of contract. Every cent spent will go through your approval. And I am not talking about common resources or investing on a vending machine for the staff. What you’ll work on from now on is not for the faint heart.”

Taeyong scoffs, of course he is aware. In case Kun doesn’t remember, he has snooped around his former husband’s finances enough time to strengthen his mind. But he doesn’t want to seem cocky. He has never been a part of it. He has never approved of anything in his life that can change the face of law. And in this world, he supposes law is an abstract concept for the weak. Laws, morals, here, are preaching to a non-believer. 

“Will I find anything about how he came to acquire this institution?” Taeyong teases, not thinking a lot about it, just to spite Kun a bit. 

The subject seems to stir the beta in another direction. For a minute the omega thought he had breached a sensitive matter but Kun waves his hand in mockery. 

“My father was a stupid man.” Taeyong has never really met Qian senior but in his eyes, he was far from stupid. “He thought he could make a businessman out of me. I did not care much.” 

Taeyong knows he is referring to the event from a decade ago, when the company suffered a loss, a loss during which he deduces led Suh Johnny to take the reigns. 

“Why Johnny?” 

“I am what he has the closest to a friend.” Even though the beta doesn’t look convinced by those words, Taeyong is. A man can’t possibly be so lonely, so surrounded yet so stranded. The human heart wouldn’t survive such a confinement. Maybe Johnny’s heart didn’t survive. “We were college roommates. He was the only option to save me from fucking this up.” 

“What about him? Any friends? Family?” Taeyong gets a questioning glance from the man. Something warning him that Johnny and those terms should never be discussed in the same conversation. 

“There are things even I don’t know.” Who would know, then? The look on Kun’s face, void of malice, makes Taeyong wonder if it’s even worth knowing. If there are secrets better left unsaid, story better kept quiet for the burden of knowing them could be heavier than ignorance.

“There must be something he likes beside whiskey and smoking, right?” 

The beta doesn’t fold before his insistence, like a chest meant to be sealed forever. Instead he gives him a shrug. That same glint he often has in his eyes comes back.

“The ocean.” More of a question, of an uncertainty than a definitive answer. “You should ask him. I am leaving, but there’s a meeting at the end of the day, don’t be late.” 

When Yuta arrives, he finds his friend already nose deep into work. Something about Taeyong focusing on numbers and frowning every once in a while tells him that maybe this is where they fit. He has seen the reports from the past years and he isn’t too proud of their new field, but it is peaceful in a way when he is working at his own desk, a few meters away from Taeyong. It all feels like routine, like they found their past life back. 

Yuta was initially the first to be against this, but now he has found reasons to not be worried. When Taeyong asks him to get some coffee, when he chats up some workers around, when he doesn’t feel the burden of running away anymore, he tells himself that this can be their everyday for a bit. 

“Something is not adding up,” the alpha says sometime in the afternoon when the numbers dance before his eyes, telling an incoherent story. 

“I thought so too,” Taeyong answers from his desk, mind busy on digits. “The benefits have been very prosperous for the past years.”

“And then there’s this hole,” the assistant joins him, pointing to the most recent column on his computer screen. “Billions used in buying your assets. They spent more than they can make in a year for properties that aren’t necessary.”

To Taeyong’s knowledge, they are planning on expanding their plantations and labs on Jongin’s previous lands. But they are already exporting enough, and the price is too high to be filled back by the newly acquired properties. He may be a newbie in the underground world, but he knows how to spend money and when, and there is absolutely no logical reason to purchase assets that cost more than the generous amount they already make. 

“I’ve seen Jongin spend useless money just to fix the hierarchy, I wouldn’t question it.” There are many questions the omega avoids nowadays, and he’d rather just stick to what he has to do. As Kun said, this is not for the faint heart. “Probably just a demonstration of power for other syndicates.” 

“Yeah,” comes the unconvinced reply. Taeyong shoots his friend an inquiring gaze. “Unlike the others, they work in silence. If I believe what I see, they owe their prosperity to discretion. What’s the use of provoking the Kims and Guo with this?” 

“Johnny wants Guo’s part of the shoreline that hasn't been sold with the assets.” As far as he remembers, that’s the initial plan after erasing the Yoon family off the map. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know, but there’s more to this than just a question of hierarchy.” 

Yuta is still not convinced as he goes back to his place. Taeyong either. But in the end, why do we do what we do? Maybe there are luggages we want to get rid of, maybe there are reasons that are not meant to be argued. Why does a man hate, why does a man love, why does a man give up? The answer is in the question, because they are men. Taeyong leaves it at that, turning to the bay window behind him. Perhaps the answer is there, hidden somewhere where a man’s heart is, like Kun said it so well, in the depth of the ocean. There are gigantic ships that the best divers could never find, how small is a man’s heart in such immensity? How long would it take to find it back? Will it ever be found? 

  
  
  
  
  


Taeyong has never been in a mobster meeting before,

not like he hoped to be in one. His craziest fantasies were pictures of men in dark rooms, throwing around mahjong pieces while sniffing down lines. His imagination, based on popular beliefs, has painted this world darkly. He should rearrange his knowledge and prejudices. 

It is a normal room, perfectly touched by the bright light of the day, clean, similar to the rest of Neo Pharmaceuticals. Neatly arranged files and water bottles replace the gruesome images Taeyong had in mind. It is just like the meetings he used to attend at Lee Holdings. The mundane appearance of it all made the omega hope for a normal welcome. Then he remembers that he is still among pariahs. Posh meeting rooms or not, those men are still dangerous at the end of the day. 

Johnny is sitting at the end of the table, presiding the event like one would expect. A few selected members are attending, some Taeyong have never seen, himself, Yuta and Doyoung. Is it the glacial glare, the lack of greeting or the constant defiance in the beta’s eyes that makes Taeyong notice him more among the others? In that moment, he wished Kun was more than just a chemist, if he was, he would be sitting here with his wit, probably making it better with his unelaborated jokes. He is certainly having more fun down in his labs than listening to boring business stuff, anyway. 

The matter of the day lies in an upcoming weapon shipment. If you told him one day he would have to write reports on that, he wouldn’t have believed it. But here he is, listening as someone explains the pros and cons of owning military armament. He would rather discuss new vending machines for the staff. 

“Taeyong-ssi, any input?” 

The omega is snapped out of some sort of daze, barely still believing he is sitting here listening to all of that. It is Johnny who asks him. There are many factors to why he feels intimidated right now. He is the only omega in the room and he didn’t miss the stares directed at him, condescendingly wondering about his statut, some even bitter about the fact that they are now under an omega. And one of those factors is, of course, Suh Johnny himself. 

He is aware his place is now significant, one just doesn’t get appointed as a director for fun. But he has never thought Johnny would seek for his commentary. He was just thinking about agreeing, since that is what they all want and call it a day, take a warm bath once home and sleep in self loathing for his sins. Yet, Johnny’s words have a weight in here and suddenly, all the eyes turn to him expectantly. After all, an omega is only considered if an alpha asks for it. 

“Why do you need more guns?” 

He is usually more eloquent than that. His question sounds very logical to him, but given the incredulous looks he gets, he guesses he just made a fool of himself. Doyoung scoffs in disbelief and Taeyong isn’t sure he wants to hear his comment on that. 

A whiff of pheromone reaches his nose, something akin to comfort and encouragement and his eyes fall on Johnny, who unlike the others is less condescendant in his expectations. Any other day, he would have thanked the alpha, but this man still wants him to talk about guns. He isn’t even sure Johnny likes to be thanked, and Taeyong doesn’t share gratefulness so easily. 

“They are not for us,” the head alpha says. “Consider them goods.” 

“I have seen the reports for the past months,” Taeyong finally dares, eyes never drifting away from his superior. It is better to imagine he is talking to him only, it lessens the fright. “There has been a shipment recently, who do you think would buy all of that?”

“The North, Russians, Republicans, the terrorists” the alpha lists indifferently as if Taeyong is supposed to understand. “Whoever lobbies wars.”

The world is an unfair place, that the omega knows, and god knows the amount of benefits wars generate. The pheromones stop working on him, leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. Seeing numbers about drugs and weapons are one thing, being a direct witness and an accomplice to all the evil going on under is another. He has tried countless times to convince himself that siding with Suh Johnny is for the greater good, but he always comes back to the same conclusion. This man is no different from those he hates. 

“So in the end, you make money from providing to those who take innocent lives?” 

He won’t be able to tell where the sudden bravery comes from, but before Johnny he is always in the extreme, either a coward, either a brave fool. There is no in between. The alpha seems to understand that as he leans back in his chair, more comprehensive than angry. Johnny has the skill to manipulate words, manipulate minds in a way that Taeyong despises. He speaks the way one would speak to a child, and if he had the time he would have certainly explained it with a drawing.

“You believe in omega rights, am I wrong?” Taeyong gulps down, not liking where this is going. “Each battle requires a specific army. Omega activists write reviews, and fight the system in various ways. Whether it’s on paper with a pen, or in the street with voices-”

“-We don’t sacrifice lives-”

“-Just because a weapon doesn’t draw blood doesn’t mean it’s not killing something or someone somewhere.” The alpha doesn’t even need to raise his voice for Taeyong to be hit with the sense of his words. He looks around the room only to notice smirks and mocking scoffs. “Behind each war, there is a message. Whether it’s good or bad is a question of perspective. We are not judges, we are salesmen.” 

Whatever Taeyong convinced himself with the past few days comes crashing down. He had hopes that somewhere under those expensive suits and immaculate manners, there is a heart beating. The finality is immovable. Threatening Johnny with morality is threatening an atheist with hell. And for a brief second, Taeyong finds himself swaying. How many pens have killed the same amount that guns kill? How many words and revolutions have wounded more than a bullet could? Probably too much to be ignored…

“Well, I think we are done for today,” Doyoung announces, taking his silence for defeat. 

The members all leave, probably too intimidated to object. So why is Taeyong rooted there, unable to say a thing? He tries to remember when he became so fragile. He certainly left his will to fight on Johnny’s carpet last night, or Kun took it with him after warning the omega a few hours ago. He thought he could do it but he is indeed a faint heart. 

“Taeyong, are you ready to leave,” Yuta asks while whispering to him. His friend’s voice is filled with worry but Taeyong barely notices it.

Only them, Johnny and Doyoung are left in the room, the two mobsters packing up to leave. Is he ready to go, too? To leave it like that? Yes, he believes in his rights and his right is to stand up for what he believes in. Or maybe just his pride proving him he can’t bear to be in love with a man like Johnny. Just as the two others stand up, Taeyong does too.

“I will not give my approval.” He hopes his tone is not wavering. 

The eyes turn to him and he hears a faint gasp coming from Yuta. Johnny doesn’t lash out, he doesn’t even speak. He listens, like he always does, with the sole purpose of dismantling ideas once again. 

“Mr Lee,” Doyoung sighs, the hint of an unspeakable anger in his eyes. And for the first time, unlike with Jaehyun and Kun, Taeyong doesn’t feel like correcting the formality he is addressed with. “I think you’ve said enough.” 

Where anger translates into wise words with Johnny, it translates into violence with Doyoung. Between those creased lines, that quirk of hate, he sees the bottom line. 

“Is it about Jaehyun?” 

Just because Doyoung is under Johnny doesn’t mean he is docile. Taeyong should have never made the mistake to believe so. Just because Doyoung is a beta doesn’t mean he thinks like one. A beta like him should be feared, because he reacts to feelings like an omega and wears the balls of an alpha. Before Taeyong can apologize for his indiscretion, Doyoung moves fast, fetching the pistol from his holster and pointing at the omega with no ounce of empathy on his face. 

Yuta doesn’t wait another second before doing the same, his barrel directed at the beta. Nice, maybe one day Taeyong will be used to this.

“You are such a good man, right?” the beta says, tone dancing with loftiness. 

Taeyong knows better than to answer for the simple reason that Johnny finds it all very normal apparently, making no move to stop his man. 

“Put your gun down,” threatens Yuta but it only earns him a quick glare from Doyoung who quickly turns back to the omega.

“You think you’re morally perfect?” From where he is, Taeyong can see his finger pressing slowly into the trigger. With Yoon, he knew it wouldn’t go off but now he isn’t so sure anymore. Doyoung’s mobile for killing him sounds more legit. “You think you stood up on your own? All you did was inherit from your father’s work and reasons only matter when it’s yours. But look at you, so sheltered in your privileged little mind.” 

There are many ways Taeyong could have heard it, and maybe if it was written somewhere in a book, or said between friends he would have taken it better. But on the brink of yet another death, he is just forced to listen.

“You can’t sell guns because it’s bad?” The beta seems to be in a trance, controlled by a remorseful grief that can’t be healed by simple words. “You can’t shoot because you are an angel? Should I show you how easy killing is? Because you didn’t seem to doubt yourself when you killed your husband to keep your fortune.”

“Doyoung,” Johnny finally speaks to everyone’s relief. “Enough.” 

The beta awakes from his burst of anger. For a short time, he seems to realize that he is in a delicate posture. Something in the way he grits his teeth shows that he desperately wants to fire that bullet and get done with the man who almost costed him a lover. But he puts the gun back where it belongs, certainly realizing that no aggressivity can turn back time on what happened. 

Yuta pulls back too once sure there will be no more deviance. 

“You should know,” the beta sighs, all tension leaving his body, “that your money won’t protect you for long. Some of us had to go through-”

“Doyoung.” It is the first time Taeyong hears such a stern tone from Johnny, something that flirts with real anger, but not there yet. 

The omega feels the burn in him, that itching spot that tells him to defend himself _, tell the beta where he is wrong_. But he doesn’t. More than the need to protect his ego, Taeyong’s mind sticks to his last words and the way the drug lord reacted to them. There is something that he doesn’t know, a battle that has been fought with more loss than gain. And it awakes a desire in him to know, to see the part of Suh Johnny that rhymes with loss instead of constant victory. But he doubts it exists, and if it does, it will never be shown to him.

“I expect your approval on my desk by next week.” Johnny simply says, a pat on the omega’s shoulder as he leaves. It is not enough comfort, sometimes he wishes for the man to really look at him and tell him he will be alright. But it is not today. “Have a good evening.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Have you tried just closing your eyes?”

Kun once suggested. It must have been said a long ago, during one of those college nights they spent their time rolling blunts and listening to old jazz. He has considered it countless times, in the wee hours of the night only to find himself admiring sunrise once again. And tonight, he tries again because his bed is more comfortable than the rough mattress of his younger years.

He takes one deep breath and closes his eyes, never hoping for too much. The darkness is unforgiving, and so is sleep. And that voice he is so familiar with comes back, playing an old tune he can now mouth along to. He has heard it so many times in mind despite having heard it only once in this lifetime.

_ There was once a boy who went forth to learn fear. He grew up stupid and clueless.  _

It is usually followed by a childish laugh. 

_ Those around him said he will one day be a burden on his poor parents, because he was useless. But still, when the night falls and shadows creep around town, folks would say “It makes me shudder!”. The boy would just sit in a corner, ignorant because he didn’t know what it meant.  _

The voice goes quiet for a second and all he can hear is the rustle of his sheet between his fingers.

_ One day he was told he would never earn his bread for he was so clueless. So he told the folks “I will earn it by learning to shudder.” They laughed. But the boy went on with his plan and left to see the world and learn what fear is. He has encountered ghosts who in the end, only annoyed him. He has seen corpses and only burned them at night to keep warm. He has seen so many things that would scare anyone, but only anger came to him because he could not feel the same. _

_ One day, during his trip, he encountered an old man who told him he knows a cure. “There is a monster at the edge of the wood.” So the boy went. He was so angered that the old man lied to him because the monster was not scary to him. So he killed it. “You have delivered my castle for I am a King,” said the old man. “I will give it to you, the money, the kingdom, and my daughter’s hand.” The boy took it all but instead of joy, tears came to him. “Oh I have it all, money and a kingdom, but I still don't know how to shudder.” It was such a sad sight, but- _

He can never remember the ending. He opens his eyes, adjusts his vision to the darkness of his bedroom and decides that Kun doesn’t have the best of ideas. The voice of an old friend, no matter how much he has heard it, is never clear enough for a reminiscence. Sometimes he tells himself that he has romanticized it too much. The story probably closes on an unhappy ending, he can’t remember. He was only a child when it was told to him, and somewhere between reality and grief, he has erased it, little by little. 

Johnny raises up from his failed slumber. The ocean is calm behind his windows. He throws his sheet aside, rest is not for tonight, nor any other nights. There are vague hours during which he can nap but they never last too long. He usually dies in those dreams, and he can’t bear the thought of it. Probably because he died without a shudder. 

He throws on a jacket and takes a stroll outside. His wing is the only part of the estate giving direct access to the backyard, a little patio joining all the bedrooms travels from one end of the building to the other. The reason why he likes it so much is because of one of his rare friends. The waves, the smell of salt, the moon reflecting on the deep surface. It rained an hour ago, so it is no surprise that the ocean is so calm tonight. 

There’s a small sound coming from a few feet away and Johnny notices it for the first time, under the light of the patio, that little silhouette sitting by the wall, eyes travelling far towards the horizon. He is naturally a very observant man so he knows. The door in front of which the silhouette is seated is Lee Taeyong’s quarter. 

“A bit too cold to be out, no?” Johnny doesn’t usually strike conversation mundanely just for the sake of breaking silence. And when he converses with the water, he rarely interrupts himself. But what bad can a child do, he probably seeks the same company Johnny seeks for.

“You speak in a weird way,” the child answers, eyes leaving the ocean and looking up at this unexpected giant who came from the depth of the night. 

Does he? How odd to be seen through the eyes of a child, of someone who doesn’t look for the intentions and just the form. Johnny sees the kid clearly for the first time. He has his father’s eyes, though Johnny sees more genetics in it than poetry. He is awfully bad at poetry, anyway.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Johnny questions, unable to bring himself to use a soft voice like people believe they should. He glances at the glass door to see the outline of a familiar omega laying on the bed, in a peaceful slumber that sparks envy in Johnny.

“I can’t. I had a nightmare and I don’t want to wake daddy up,” the small omega shrugs. “Are you one of daddy’s friends?” 

Is he? The drug lord may be a smooth speaker, but he never had to speak to a child. So he just nods, he doesn’t like the affectionate term of  _ friend _ but he doesn’t appreciate the word  _ stranger  _ either. 

“I’m a big boy now,” the child talks again, certainly sad at the idea that Johnny stopped conversing. “I am not scared of nightmares anymore.”

_ You’ll learn to love silence, someday.  _ The adult tells himself. What a blessing, to learn courage as you grow up. What is he supposed to do? Offer the kid a drink, ask him if he prefers it dry or shaken? How do people easily turn to children themselves when facing one? Maybe he should have stayed in his corner.

“What makes you a big boy?” Probably not the best conversation to strike with a six years old. Johnny has never been good company, even for grown-ups. What difference can a child make.

“I can fight now, I train with uncle Jaehyun.”

Oh. Is uncle Jaehyun looking to be fired? Johnny reminds himself to make some rules later about violenting children. 

“That’s impressive, Jaehyun used to be a soldier.” 

A mischievous glint appears in Haechan’s eyes, brighter than the incoming dusk and it’s almost comical how much it reminds him of Taeyong. 

“When I grow up, I want to be a soldier too so I can protect daddy, so bad guys can’t make him cry anymore.”

“And does daddy often cry?” 

He shouldn’t be interested, really. That’s out of his usual principles. That’s how he knows he should go pour himself a drink and call it a night. Restlessness makes a fool out of him way too much than he’d admit. 

“He used to because of dad.” It is better to act like he didn’t hear it. Some stories are not his to dig into, especially not from corrupting it out of a child. “And you, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

It has been ages since the last time Johnny smiled so genuinely. He can’t help himself, because it is the first time someone talks with him with no underlines in their world. He is already a grown-up, with no more than peace to look for. But again, what is the difference to a child. So he looks towards his friend, now reflecting the rising sun. 

“A pirate.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, folks. Don't worry I am preparing for more actions soon, I just wanted to give a glimpse, or more like hints on some background stories. I've read all of your comments and trust me they all warm my heart so much and keep me going. Also 500+ kudos??? I never thought this piece of garbage would be worth so much *cries in gibberish* love y'all so much!!! See you in the next chapter and stream Make a wish cause it's a monumental bop!!!
> 
> PS: follow me @tianahrnr on insta if you want to freak about nct with me!! (sorry for the shameless advertizing)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> I've purposely omitted some tags from my tags because I don't want to spoil you. So I'll be putting them at the start of the chapters so you'll be warned for sensitive contents!

**Gangnam, four hours before midnight, two years and six months ago**

The wine is never sweet enough,

never smooth enough, always too heavy on the tongue. The conversations are always too dull or too sophisticated, the music always too loud or not loud enough, and Taeyong is never pretty enough or too clever with his words. There is always something to complain about on the ride back home, especially after formal events. By now, Taeyong knows Jongin is hard to please so he doesn’t answer to his husband’s rant. 

He just lays his head against the car window, rubbing his eyes off of makeup and artifices. The party they come from has drawn out too long for his liking. The long formalities and play pretend have taken a toll on his mind and body. He aches in places he didn’t even know could ache and all he wants now is to get in bed and call it a day. He looks at the reflection in his window as Jongin’s blurry image mingles with the passing city lights. The alpha loosens his tie and Taeyong scrunches his nose. The wine might have been too sweet but Jongin didn’t go easy on it. 

“I told you to never speak above me.” 

“You’re not making it easy.” A whisper.

“Did I hear a complaint?”

“No, I’m sorry.” 

The only conversation during the seemingly endless ride home. The omega glances at the chauffeur for any sign of recognition, looking for an ally somewhere. If it was Yuta, he would have found it but the alpha is never allowed around Jongin. The man always prefers to be the only alpha in the room. Taeyong sees none and once again he is alone.

Jongin is a handsome alpha, tall, well built, tan in the right places and in another life, Taeyong might have loved him. He has tried to for the past years, to find the silver lining in this marriage. But the clouds are too dense and too dark to let the sun shine through. The more he thinks about it, the more he is certain there is no sun above at all. 

They both can finally breathe from the heavy tension in the car when they arrive at the apartment. Taeyong doesn’t wait for the man, he never does out of the public eyes. He takes his jacket off and hangs it by the door, making his way through the dark apartment to reach a door. Yeri has left the light on like he often asks for, Haechan can never sleep alone in the dark nowadays, prone to feverish nightmares he unfortunately cannot fight. 

The young father pushes the door slightly ajar and it feels like the tiredness in his muscles vanishes in an instant. Haechan is in his bed, sleeping peacefully. How lucky is he to be so young, to be in bed by eight and never think about anything other than princesses and castles… One day he will grow up, and realizes there’s more cons to being a princess than pros. 

Taeyong murmurs a sweet goodnight that will hopefully reach Haechan in his dreams before joining the harsh realms of real life. He showers fast, erasing all traces of the day off his body, eager to just fall asleep. It is so early in the night but he has lost his youth and will to stay up a long time ago. He can’t even remember the last time he had a drink in front of the TV, laughing at whatever show is on. 

When he comes out of his ensuite bathroom, Jongin is already in the bedroom and unlike Taeyong he doesn’t seem tired. The alpha takes off his own jacket and from behind, he draws out his pistol to leave it on a console table facing the bed. Taeyong has stopped fearing it, it has accompanied Jongin more than he did, a guarantee of security that never leaves the alpha. 

“Where are you going,” the man questions seeing his spouse ready to leave.

“I am going to sleep in the guest bedroom tonight.” 

It is a simple answer, with reasons that shouldn’t be questioned. They rarely share a bed, Jongin is travelling way too often and Taeyong prefers the comfort of another bed. But nothing is simple with the alpha. 

“You think I will let you sleep while reeking of other alphas?” 

That again. It is no secret that Taeyong is a desirable omega himself, from the curve of his waist to his big shining eyes, though they have stopped shining. It is only natural instinct that unmated alphas would try and scent him wherever he goes, especially in high society. 

“Stop it, Jongin,” the omega sighs, thinking that he can handle Jongin when he is drunk. “You don’t love me, it doesn’t matter.” 

“Getting bolder, are we?” That tone warns of danger. Taeyong hates it as much as he fears it. The numerous bruises scattering his body is enough a testimony of what is to come. But tonight he is too exhausted to go through it all again. “Undress yourself.” 

“Jongin, please we are both so tired-”

“Don’t tell me how to behave.” The yell finally comes as it should. 

Taeyong is never strong enough when it happens. One should see when Jongin gets mad, a dreadful sight that leaves him injured every time. Jongin doesn’t know what compassion is, he doesn’t know the bark is as harsh as the bite. Jongin doesn’t know his own strength, when he tries to learn, he tries to go harder with every punch. Jongin is a child never satiated by power only. He doesn’t know that just because you have something means it exists, he needs to prove it again and again that he is the one in charge.

“Take off your clothes.” 

When Taeyong doesn’t, the familiar sound of a belt unbuckling makes him hesitate. How he hates this punishment. He can take the bottles broken against his ribs, he can take the slaps to his face, he can take the rough touch of a burning cigarette against his arms, but he can’t take it when Jongin swings the metallic edge of his belt. He can’t take it when the alpha pins his cufflinks in the leather because those leave long marks that bleed and hurt for days. Taeyong can never conceal them without gritting his teeth in pain. 

“Jongin, you don’t have to do this, please.” He has stopped crying and pleading for it by now. Tears never work. 

“You’re asking for it, omega.” 

The first swing almost comes, Taeyong sees it in slow motion already muffling his screams. He is so tired, so broken from those evil games that in a desperate attempt, he makes the biggest mistake of his life. 

“Please, you don’t want to wake your son up.” 

If there was a way for Taeyong to take back those words before they have been said, he wouldn’t have cried. He wouldn’t have to see the squint Jongin gives to the open door, gaze travelling to the end of the hallway. A torturous dread invades the omega’s entire body at Jongin’s next move. 

The alpha strides for the door, belt clenched in his hand and Taeyong knows exactly where he is going and what he is going to do. The simple thought of it brings bile to his mouth. Not tonight, god no. The sole reason why Taeyong lets himself be beaten to a pulp is so his son would never have to be hurt. 

“Jongin, no.” He runs after the alpha before he can get out, gripping at his arm with a force he didn’t know he had. 

“Since your son matters so much,” the man spits, rage never simmering down. “Why don’t we show him what discipline is since his father lacks so much of it?”

Taeyong pulls the man back in the room as best as he can but there is not much a small body can do against an alpha. Tears never work but they fall down on their own as Taeyong pleads again and again, screaming his lungs out to knock some sense into his husband.

“Hit me, alright?” He never thought those words would come out one day. “I’ll do what you want, but I beg of you, don’t touch him.”

With one last resolve, a burst of strength he didn’t know he had in him, he pulls hard enough to send them back stumbling into the room. Taeyong trips over his feet before the console table, a crying mess. At this point he just wants to beg, nothing more, sleep has left his mind. 

Jongin regains his balance better and with one calculated move lands a slap on the omega’s cheek. 

“Stay in your fucking lane.” 

The blow is so intense Taeyong has to blink to see clearly through his tears. The sounds around him are muffled, the yells and insults Jongin throws at him feels blurred as if screamt under water. 

“Stay here, don’t you dare fucking move.” 

Did you ever love someone so much that you’d do anything to keep them safe? Did you ever love so intensely that love crushed any form of wisdom and intelligence in you? Taeyong does, with a love so great for his son, a love that nobody is allowed to break. Not even the worst of his demons, not any god of any religion. Before he thinks about his action, moves only dictated by the burning passion he has for his pup, he grasps Jongin’s pistol from the console table with two hands and rewrites his justice with two bullets.

  
  
  
  


**Two years and three months ago**

The coffee is an abomination.

Taeyong will have to report about it at a point. Such a pity for Neo Pharmaceuticals sumptuous standard. Sipping on the bland beverage is the only coping mechanism he can rely on nowadays. This is probably why they all rely on narcotics around here, the caffeine is tasteless. The mundanity of office coffee reassures him from his rush of stress, there is still some sense of normalcy in him it seems. 

“What makes you smile like a fool?” Yuta asks from his desk. 

It would be ridiculous to say it out loud so Taeyong just gives a content shake of a head, the cup now laying cold on his desk. He must have lost his mind, finding relief in petty details when he has to meet Johnny in some minutes. The last meeting left a dull ache at the back of his mind for the past few days. 

“I guess it’s better to laugh than to feel sorry.” 

“Tae, you don’t have to approve of anything.” 

And he doesn’t have to disapprove either. In fact, he has come to a point where he owes nothing to anyone, not to the criminals, not to the victims. Somewhere, he knows that Johnny’s speech and Doyoung’s ambiguity have left a mark. A stain that he tries to rub but in vain, he sometimes hears it when he closes his eyes.  _ “Your money won’t protect you for long, some of us had to go through-”  _ And then it cuts like a bad dream, followed by that look he saw on the drug lord’s face. That one saying that something is sealed inside, something that should never be open.

Not only the words but the numbers. They speak a story that Taeyong wants to unveil because he knows, he is certain that there is more to this than just a question of power. If he doesn’t understand the mechanism behind Johnny’s words and actions, he understands the language of numbers. And when they are incoherent, he converses with them and they tell him he should look past the good and the bad for they are for naive utopists. After all, the worst demons are just angels whose luggages are too heavy for their frail wings. We’re all angels, and we’re all looking to fly no matter what the price. Life is too short to spend it crawling on the ground. He has killed with reasons, he has lied with reasons, why should he question others? 

“I know, wish me good luck,” he says, earning a comforting nod from the alpha. It is time to break out of his sheltered and privileged mind. 

Taeyong realized that in almost a week of being around here, it is only the second time he is facing Johnny’s door. To say that a month ago, he walked through them as an enemy and today as a colleague. Nothing has changed, the mahogany doors, the quiet and empty waiting room, that same doubt and dread in his bones. Except maybe Doyoung’s indifference to his presence. What was courtesy and civility before is now replaced by refusal to acknowledge him or even look his way. When the beta barely addressed him a nod from behind his desk, Taeyong held his greetings while clenching the approval contract between his hands. 

A “come in” welcomes his knocks. Johnny in a real professional setting is unsettling, seeing him sitting there, typing away on his keyboard like an office worker. It is way too romantic, too trivial to be real. But it is and Taeyong is once again reminded that this world is not only fight and gore. Every business is boring, routine and long hours behind screens, even the craziest ones. 

The alpha might be too busy to even look up, already recognizing him by his scent, but he is all Taeyong sees. Just like the last time, the place is typically Johnny, it smells like him. Every nook and cranny is just as impersonal and neat. There is no place to squeeze anything else than the alpha and his existence. Just like every place that has the honor to host him.

“Can I expect good news?” The mobster looks up when Taeyong is standing before him, getting up himself to pour them a drink. 

“Good news? For whom?” 

One thing Taeyong learnt about Johnny the past months is that it is hard to flatter him or even anger him with the right words. There is a dense barrack surrounding him, an impenetrable fortress that words cannot break. One would think that they need to bow before the intimidation but Taeyong has seen it so much he would rather play along. So he falls into an armchair after ungracefully dropping the papers on Johnny’s table. 

“Well, take a seat,” the drug lord teases one beat too late, amusement flirting with professionalism. 

“Just sparkling water, please.” 

The drug lord gracefully hands it to him before leaning against his desk, facing the omega instead of sitting across. Déjà vu. The man has a way to make himself bigger than everyone and he succeeds with his tall stature and elegant gestures. 

“Good news, indeed.” The man reads over the paper quickly.

“It’s just paper and words,” Taeyong crosses his legs, not missing the way Johnny eyes him from head to toe like he does it so well. Whether he is dressed in a tracksuit, in one of his Tommy suits or simply naked, Johnny still manages to make him feel undressed, bare and unhidden. “My mind hasn’t changed, not like you would care.” 

The last part was mostly for himself only, but the drug lord’s sharp sense never fails. A practiced and strained smile answers his comment. There is hesitance there, maybe from Johnny, to deny his statement. Maybe from him to accept the unsaid comfort. Either way it is written in stone somewhere, none of them is good at letting their guard down. 

“I hope it changes soon,” the man shrugs, “You’re coming with me for the purchase.”

“Oh no,” Taeyong denies with a small incredulous laugh. “No, no, no. I’m not a field worker.” 

“You are now.” The alpha’s tone leaves no place to disobedience, but Taeyong is not a child to tame, he should know by now. “As my associate, I need your expertise for a bargain.” 

In case the alpha has forgotten, Taeyong is an office man. He may know his way around diplomatic situations but he knows nothing about firearms. Even though the flattery reaches the omega. Back in Lee Holdings, the board used to involve him as little as possible. 

“Associate?” Another word in the statement that stuck to the omega. Such a way to diminish the obvious feelings Johnny is now aware of. “You know more about me than I do about you. How is that fair?” 

There is a plethora of gents who would die to know about Suh Johnny, from his enemies to the men working for him, something other than the semblance of mystery he acts with. But coming from Lee Taeyong, the demand is brutal, expected but uninvited. Johnny stops for a moment, something he doesn’t usually do. Taeyong watches as his expression goes from surprise to acknowledgement. 

He doesn’t regret the question or the indiscretion but as he sees the mobster on the edge of breaking his shell, he doesn’t want to know. Not because his curiosity has faded, because he has something that nobody else has. Emotions, attachment, unrequited feelings. Those who want to pierce through the veils do it out of obligation. Taeyong does it out of affection. It is shameful to know that Johnny allows him the benefit of the doubt as a poisonous privilege. Knowing more means admitting that he is in too deep and that Johnny is not. Just like a mother giving in to child whims to avoid a tantrum.

“What do you want to know, then?” 

That’s a good question. Taeyong is curious but about what? Johnny’s question is rhetorical, anyway. More of a test, a landmine. Step on the wrong foot and it might be over, no more chance to dig in deeper. The omega thinks for a long time with no interruption from Johnny. 

There is nothing around here to hint at what he might ask. He doesn’t want to know how this all happened, Kun has been clear enough on that. Johnny’s office is bare of any picture, any decorative item that could display subjectivity. Nothing to tell where he is from, what he went through, who he lost and who he gained on the way. Never judge a book by its cover, they say. How can one do that when the cover is blank? 

“How old are you?” He chooses his words carefully. Maybe skimming the surface is better for now. 

The drug lord seems taken aback for a second, regaled by each unordinary spectacle Taeyong offers him. 

“Come on,” the man sighs with a small laugh. “You don’t ask a lady about those kinds of things.” 

Taeyong prefers when Johnny doesn’t try himself at humor. Because it works better than he’ll acknowledge. He prefers when Johnny is not this playful, this natural, this friendly, it just justifies his attraction. Talking about mundane topics is charming, probably because it is the opposite spectrum of their history. 

“Ok, then.” Taeyong feels himself getting bolder. “Do you fuck all the omegas you know?” 

“Those who don’t mind an old man, yes.” The answer comes more naturally and playfully than Taeyong would have wanted. 

He wanted to spark the same jealousy he proves so much nowadays but the alpha has a way around words that convince him he will just face a dead-end. 

“Did Yoon Danbi mind?” 

“Did you?”

A dead-end. The frustration that takes over Taeyong is undescribable. Yet he holds it in. What right does he have on a man who seems to own the world? Love is an untamed horse, it loses all its fun once put on a leash, it runs slower once mounted. Johnny sees it so clearly, and that is certainly why he likes caging it in a stable, just to see Taeyong run crazy. 

“Is your thirst quenched?” The man glances at the sparkling water but the other knows he is not talking about that. Then Johnny decides he has played long enough. “Since you are so easy to read and you keep looking into my eyes, you must already have the answer to all of that.” 

What a poetic way to say his worries are irrelevant, or to say “you’re a fool”. But poetry is harsh when coming from Johnny. Taeyong has read enough books to know that whoever pretends to write clever lines has never met the man. If Taeyong looked a little bit more into those eyes, he would know that they reflect his. Whatever he hopes for, whatever answers he has formulated in his mind before even asking were already the right ones. He has filled the questionnaire himself, Johnny was just asking him to read. 

“What a waste,” he tries to bury his display of feelings with a nonchalant shrug. “She was a beautiful woman.” 

“And I’m a handsome lad in his early thirties.” Johnny gives him a sly look when Taeyong laughs at that. What a pity, he prefers men with more experience, he tells himself ironically just to abide by his play pretend. “Enough break time, we’ll have an appointment early morning for the purchase.” 

“I haven’t agreed to that, yet.” The drug lord is good at spoiling the fun. 

“That’s sad, I had a gift in exchange for your cooperation.” Just like a child eager to spill a secret, the alpha pretends to go back to his work.

“Who says I want your gift?” 

A gift sounds more like a guarantee with the man. Something that Taeyong will feel grateful for, and it’s that same gratefulness that got him in this hole to begin with. Lee Taeyong doesn’t take gifts from anybody. But maybe the alpha’s next words will make him change his mind.

“Who says it’s for you?” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Stop pulling on your clothes.”

There is no helping it, the gown is awfully uncomfortable. For some reasons, he is not allowed to wear decent clothes, something about the wound being too sensitive. A bunch of nonsense, he had been shot hundreds of times before and worn the worst suits right after. He once dismantled an operation with three bullet wounds on his back, wearing a military uniform for god’s sake. The peek of humiliation is not the horrid flower patterns on the hospital gown but the fact that he is sitting on a bench in the hospital garden for everyone to see. 

“Everyone is looking at me.” To that, Doyoung rolls his eyes.

“Jaehyun, they are all wearing the same thing.” The beta takes a long string off his cigarette, looking at his mate disdainfully from where he is standing next to him. It is a habit Doyoung has adopted when he is stressed, which seems to be the case the past few days. “They’re looking at you because you keep on trying to get naked.”

“Then bring me normal clothes tomorrow, they said I’ll be discharged, anyway.” 

Alphas are stubborn, but they justify Doyoung’s need for nicotine. Especially his man. He swore to himself he’d stop smoking but then the most insufferable alpha had to go and claim him, challenging his thin patience every single day. He remembers smacking Jaehyun right in his nose the first time he attempted a mating bite years ago. He remembers smoking three packs a week the month after their wedding, and now he is here, attending to the dimwit in a hospital.There is no greater form of love than holding onto something you hate, he sadly has to recognize. Who can judge him for looking like a chimney right now? 

“Uncle Jaehyun!”

There goes his answer. A little tornado appears from the garden gate, storming towards them with loud shrieks. Doyoung quickly throws his cigarette in a nearby bush hoping it won’t catch fire. Or maybe it should because he would rather be burnt than be anywhere near Lee Taeyong and his hooligan of a kid. 

“Don’t be mean.” Jaehyun quickly warns, the surprise on his face pleasant. Just because his mate looks rejoiced -and also because he abandons the idea of getting naked- Doyoung let it be. 

He can bear the sight of his alpha welcoming the giggling kid with open arms, but he has a hard time bearing Taeyong’s presence who follows awkwardly behind his son. The father attempts a small smile that the beta doesn’t reciprocate. Taeyong didn’t expect less but he hopes for a reconciliation in the near future, even if that near future is years from now.

“You look better,” the omega greets Jaehyun who gives him a strained look, nothing signaling anger or grudge, he just doesn’t know how to deal with reunions. He never had to before, those who fought by his side usually never come back, they don’t live long enough to see him in a ridiculous gown. 

Doyoung has a witty remark at the tip of his tongue but for the sake of the patient, he says nothing. 

“I missed you,” Haechan giggles again when Jaehyun lifts him up to sit next to him. The small groan he lets out gets muffled by a quick cough. Showing pain is worrying, and effort is never pain for Jaehyun. 

When Doyoung walks a few steps away, Taeyong gives him a grateful glance. 

“He obviously still hates me.” The omega sits next to his son, earning a scoff from the alpha.

“He does.” Jaehyun doesn’t do well with white lies, or lies in general. Taeyong takes it easily. “He hates everyone. What are you doing here?” 

“Johnny gave me the address.” 

_ For Haechan  _ was written on the small piece of paper Kun brought to his office at the end of the day, just beneath the address. The father didn’t want to know why or when the drug lord got acquainted with his son. The thought of them just being near each other has goosebumps crawling up his skin. It seems that the child has found a way to fit in better, to force his way in between those men naturally, unlike his father. 

“I thought you guys don’t deal with hospitals.” The omega says, fearing a long silence would close his door to an apology. 

“Not when it involves internal bleeding and days of surgery.” 

There is no particular bite to it but it reminds them both of why they are here in the first place. Haechan starts to fiddle with his own fingers, waiting impatiently for Jaehyun to give him his undivided attention. 

“I am sorry about that.” No word can rewind time or heal the wounds Jaehyun suffers from. But he is not a resentful man. “I am sorry you had to take bullets for me.” 

The alpha’s lips disform into that odd smile he does so well, the one hiding a spiteful remark. Something to soothe his interlocutor before hitting, his own way to say no offense. 

“It wasn’t for you.” Taeyong’s breath catches in his throat, already expecting where the sentence is going. “Don’t apologize for hyung-nim’s choices. He’s the one who threw himself out there, I was just covering.”

There it goes again, the confusion. If Taeyong doesn’t hear it from Johnny himself, he hears it from others, the hint of care hiding under the surface. One second he is convinced Johnny cares and the next one he doesn’t. Is the drug lord dishonest or is Taeyong reading too much into this? He reads in it that he is not special because Johnny probably did more for his men before. He is alive, Jaehyun is, being alive is the only form of care the mobster can offer. 

“He didn’t have to.” Is all Taeyong can find to say. 

For so long he was used to blows as a form of care. The days of pain and hate have dulled his deductions so much that the most insignificant human behavior awakes hope in him. He was running away from Jongin and everything he represents for so long that he didn’t even realize that he fell in the same place. Here he is, deluding himself that a bunch of bad guys are good for him. 

“Don’t work your mind,” Jaehyun says, himself a master at his own advice. “Even I don’t know why he does what he does most of the time. I just tell myself that one day he’ll come around.” 

“Did he?”

“I’ve been working for him for almost a decade now,” Jaehyun laughs to himself. “You’ve seen it. That asshole can erase your life in a blink. If you’re still around, it means he cares.”

Just like a spider, Taeyong tells himself. The fear comes only when it disappears from your sight. 

“Thank you again, Jaehyun.” The alpha grants him a nod, sealing a new found peace. There is nothing to forgive when grudge was never a thing, and Taeyong respects him for that. He turns to the sulking child beside him. “Don’t be too hard on him, he still needs to rest, ok?” 

“I won’t,” Haechan shakes his head, though both the adults are aware the advice just flew above his small head. “I just want to tell him about my new friend, the pirate!”

The grown ups share an amused look. Kids are so imaginative Taeyong can’t keep up anymore despite his efforts. He lets them both be, already lost in their little world as soon as he walks away. Perhaps the sight of the mobster in a ridiculous hospital gown talking to a six years old convinces him that this can be home. He doesn’t have the choice for now, and it is better this way when most of his choices proved to be mistakes. 

For now, he has another issue to tackle. An issue in the shape of a tall beta glaring at him as he approaches. The fact that they are standing in a public place is the only thing reassuring Taeyong that he won’t be shot in the head. 

“Don’t say a thing.” Doyoung is unexpectedly the first to speak. 

Taeyong shouldn’t but he laughs. It is evident Doyoung wants him to, the glare, the cold shoulder or the simple fact he didn’t ask him to get lost are enough hints. When he tells Taeyong to stay quiet, he is chasing after him. Just like the omega, Doyoung had enough time to think about his actions. He doesn’t regret threatening him, it helped appease the rage in him. 

He has followed Johnny and Jaehyun for so long he has found it in himself to listen and move on. Nobody holds onto hard feelings around here. They can’t afford to keep someone they don’t trust around. There is no place for friendship in their ranks, but there is no place for enemies either. 

“I’m just trying to understand.” Taeyong follows the beta’s gaze. Even if the walls are still standing high around the second in command, there is a breach. The gentle way he looks at his mate giggling with Haechan on his laps, or those bitten nails hiding long nights of thought and the constant fear of living in this world. There’s the door Taeyong is looking for. “We’re not that different.”

He hears it unlocking when Doyoung visibly tenses, crossing his arms unconsciously in self defense but never denying. 

“Be careful.” 

Zero-risk doesn’t exist. Doyoung has lived by that saying all his life. That is why he is here and not buried six foot under yet. He has never left any place for miscalculation, the unplanned scares him and that is why he has given his trust to his boss. The alpha has never exposed him to danger like he does now. Zero-risk doesn’t exist and his job is to make sure it does, and yet. His beliefs have been broken in a span of a few days. 

When Jaehyun goes out for a jog in the morning, when one of them is unexpectedly late for dinner, when they promise to stay alive before a battle; all of those moments who might seem normal for people are a millions of consecutive heart attacks for Doyoung. But he never voiced it, he never feared dying from it because he knows he got it, he knows they will make it because they are good and smart at what they do.

Until Johnny came back home with the lingering smell of an omega trailing behind him. Until Johnny brought back a little piece of man, as stubborn and fierce as him. Doyoung knew then, that all of the fears and miscalculations they have been avoiding for so long will come alive. And there is nothing he can do about it because he too lives on the promise of holding onto Jaehyun. Who is he to steal that from Johnny?

“Be careful of your weakness.” Taeyong isn’t sure if the beta is talking about his son, since he is looking so intently at the child talking with his mate or if he is talking about his permeable heart. Unlike them, the omega is easily driven by feelings and morality. “If you want to fit in, you must be ready for sacrifices.” 

The omega asserts gently, “What kind of sacrifice?” 

“Your opinions and values,” Doyoung answers, finally looking at him. “When you hear  _ shoot _ , you fire. When hyung-nim orders, you obey.” 

“So you never question anything?” It sounds more like a blame than a simple question. “You agree with everything?” 

“Judgments are for those with one-sided knowledge.” The beta shrugs. 

The omega starts to understand. The one who sins with their heart, the one who sins with feelings are not worth more than the one who sins without any of it. Taeyong realizes that there is a thin line between the human and the monster, a beating heart. The omega owns one and yet he is not more human than Doyoung is or Johnny is. 

“And please, get your brat off Jaehyun, I think he’s undoing the stitches.” 

Taeyong glances over to see the six years old trying to bring the alpha down. He is not succeeding but there’s something like pain on Jaehyun’s face. The father finds it comical, that giant refusing to lose out of courtesy. Doyoung doesn’t laugh but none of them make a move to stop it. It doesn’t sound like Doyoung but it sounds like forgiveness and it is enough for both of them. Maybe they are not so different. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


There’s no need for fairytales.

Right after dinner, as soon as his head hits the pillow, Haechan falls asleep. The lack of resistance and energy is a good sign. A sleeping child is a happy child, it’s enough for the father. Taeyong tucks the snoring gremlin in his bed with a kiss on his forehead. 

After a long shower he decides to head for a glass of water. It is not so bad to be here, it changes from the daily uproar of the city and there is no disturbance, just the waves. And a bunch of armed men circling outside but every dream property has its flaw, doesn’t it? 

He ends this day with more questions than answers and Doyoung’s words have left him perplexed. There is so much he doesn’t know and he doesn’t like that. Taeyong is not one to be nosy, but there are stories he is dying to know. They all know how he got here, where he is from and yet all he has from those men are their name, or what they call themselves. 

Ignorant bliss seems torturing for once. He would never admit it but he has started caring more for them than they care for him because they saved him, they forgave his mistakes and they welcomed him. A cold heart is advised but Taeyong is not like that. Is it the fatherly instinct in him that pushes him to see the mobsters as more than acquaintances or is it just the fool in him? 

The sound of ices clinking against crystal interrupts his thought. That sound is now so familiar that he already knows what to expect when he peeks outside. The door to the patio is open from the living room, letting the cold evening breeze disturb his tranquility and there he is, standing there facing the setting sun, Johnny. 

“A pirate, huh,” Taeyong uses as a greeting.

The alpha is more disheveled than what he saw during the day. His hair left unkempt, the jacket of his navy suit lost somewhere inside and the first buttons of his shirt undone as if the wind isn’t freezing. The drug lord glances at the new found company, whiskey dangling between his fingers.

Taeyong should probably tell him that at this rate, his liver is going to kill him before any enemy does. But the alpha looks healthy, glowing against the last rays of the evening so he keeps the complaint to himself. Johnny could be lying cold on the floor and Taeyong wouldn’t dare bother his beauty for some petty health lecture. 

The drug lord seems to get the reference given his smirk. Haechan has spent his last minutes awake rambling about the man he met a few days ago, whose tales travel beyond the harsh oceans. It might be a coincidence but the description oddly fit Johnny. Or maybe it’s because Taeyong imagines him easily in those tales. 

“Kun told me you like the ocean.” Taeyong stands beside him, staring at the same horizon. 

He can feel Johnny’s gaze travelling from his naked feet, going up the expanse of his pale legs ending under his shorts. The omega has heard about his own beauties but under the mobster’s eyes, he starts to doubt it. Does he see it? Is he looking at it with desire or not? 

“Kun is talking too much,” the man scoffs. 

“It’s pretty,” Taeyong murmurs, hoping his compliment reaches the orange hue of the water. “Ever sailed?” 

He takes the silence as a yes. He touched something there, maybe a beating heart in that chest because Johnny takes a big sip. 

“What am I supposed to do?” The omega sighs dramatically, changing the subject. “I don’t know a thing about weapons, and you expect me to come with you.” 

When Johnny stays mute again, Taeyong thinks he has bored him. The drug lord walks away and the omega’s confidence slams down to his feet. Not for long, though. The man disappears behind the glass door of his quarter before stepping back out with his pistol. If Taeyong knew better, he’d think Johnny is out to murder him. But his collected and calm gestures signal there is no ill intention floating around. 

The alpha puts his now empty glass on the railing a few feet away from them. Then loading the firearm, he stands before Taeyong, holding it for him to take. The hesitation is a bit long, because he isn’t sure what Johnny wants him to do, he is never sure. He takes the object with a slight tremor of a hand. The memories of having a pistol between his fingers is still so fresh. The sight of Jongin’s corpse lying cold because of him, the image of Jaehyun falling to the ground are still too new to be gulped down yet. 

“It’s a P32,” the alpha starts. “It’s one of the lightest models of semi-automatic.”

Just like this? Should he go back inside and come back with a notebook and a pen? Taeyong is a good student, graduated with high honors, diligent and hard working. But with Johnny as a teacher, he might not be anymore especially when he focuses more on the voice and the eyes than the weapon in his hand. 

“It feels heavy and weird.” Taeyong chuckles incredulously, weighting it in his hand. 

“Come here,” Johnny hushers him closer. Then adds “Hurry before the sun sets.”

For him, it is a visibility issue, for Taeyong it is an omen. If the sun sets he won’t see Johnny as clearly anymore and the thought of it makes him uneasy. The dark is still the dark, even when Johnny is near, he might feel safe but he doesn’t want to feel unseen. When they are alone, it is the only way Taeyong finds to exist, to be seen by him. 

He almost drops the gun and his eyes go wide when the alpha hovers close behind him, chest pressed to his back, chin an inch away from resting on his hair. His breath stops when rough and calloused hands circle his in a firm grip, holding the firearm in place. The warm hands press his against the metallic handle of the gun and the tremor vanishes. The dark can come, Taeyong isn’t scared anymore now that he exists through Johnny’s touch. 

“Hold it at your eye level,” Johnny orders as he guides Taeyong to aim at the crystal glass. “Since it is light, the pressure will send your wrist upwards after a fire. Aim lower than intended then for the bullet to curve in the right direction.”

The omega barely registers the information. Johnny’s voice and breath is too close to his ears and the muscled arms along his are too much for comfort. 

“If you hold a heavier gun, aim higher than intended-”

“Cause the pressure will curve the bullet downward.” 

One hand leaves his to gently squeeze at his waist as a reward. There’s a subtle waft of pheromone recomforting his mind, telling him he is doing good. Taeyong closes his eyes for a second to catch the hint of a heartbeat against his spine. He barely catches it. 

“Now,” Johnny’s finger interlaces with his smaller and thinner ones, playing with his against the trigger. He has never heard Johnny speak so softly before, even if it is about guns, but it can do for now. After all it is in between his hands. 

The alpa squeezes his waist again but not for comfort, it is to steady him. A sturdy leg comes behind his right one to balance him against the violence to come. Then the alpha presses his finger, pushing Taeyong’s against the trigger and it takes less than a second for the glass to shatter against the wind with a brutal noise. Yet, it’s the drumming against his ribcage that Taeyong hears better. 

“I-... I did it.” The omega can’t believe he is squealing for this. It feels so wrong but so right because Johnny pats him on the back, finally detaching himself away from their bubble. 

“The next time you need to protect your son,” Johnny says, tone void of deceit and Taeyong turns around to look at him. “One bullet will be enough.” 

Taeyong’s heart is made of crystal too, for it shattered with those simple words. For once, he doesn’t want to know how Johnny discovered that information. For once, he is touched that Johnny knows because somewhere, he is the only one Taeyong would let into the secret. 

_ Look what he did to me, _ he wants to say, tears wetting his eyes.  _ You are the only one who sees it, who believes it. Please love me. _ It sounds so selfish of him but he has never been this deep before. Johnny made it clear countless times that Taeyong is nurturing something that is useless and without closure. But he has the right to, now, here, he takes the Pacific as a witness, Johnny will love him back, he will make sure of it. Because he is an omega, and omegas are stupid, it is their right to hope for only fools hold onto something as fragile as hope. 

“And if I want to aim here?” The omega lifts the gun up before thrusting the barrel gently against Johnny’s chest. “Should I aim lower or higher?” 

The alpha looks down in his eyes, those weak stars threatening to explode, so bright in their own way yet so dull seen from up close. The quivering of his lips betrays Taeyong, he is never brave enough to pretend. 

“There is nothing to aim inside.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you smut (yay finally) in the next chapter..... And a shit ton of angst.
> 
> Again guys your comments are so heartwarming I don't deserve them *cries while hugging you all*. I'm updating more because I have time now since my office closed down, I live in France and there might be quarantine again idk yet. Just to tell you I love writing this for you cause it keeps me going during those harsh times and I hope y'all holding on to. So I can't express enough how much I appreciate your supports! Move y'all! keep the kudos coming!!
> 
> Shameless advertizing for my insta account if you want to hit me up about nything; dm me or let's freak out over nct together: @tianahrnr


	10. Chapter 10

Of every taste and every smell in the world, 

coffee is the last one that would make him gag. The delicate smell of detergent and Yuta’s lemon one doesn’t dim the lack of comfort. He woke up on the wrong foot in the morning, had issues swallowing his breakfast and now he can’t stop thinking about the dark liquid dancing to the car’s rhythm against the paper cup. He blames it on nervousness, giving he is still sleep deprived from the constant thought of the purchase. 

Taeyong glances at his watch, they are three minutes late but a few minutes away. It has been age, the last time he was here. From the curves Yuta is taking he can see the yellowed brick of the warehouses mingling with the colorful containers waiting to be shipped away. It is one of Jongin’s shorelines, unsurprisingly, one under the Guo’s watch. One of the rare unsupervised coasts in the country where dubious deals can take place, a nest of questionable fellows and questionable behaviors. 

“Are you okay?” Yuta glances at him through the rearview, not waiting for an answer to his rhetorical question. Nonetheless, the gesture is necessary, anything to make Taeyong talk, to get him to relax. 

“This coffee is horrible.”

“You’ve been saying that about every cup you drank this week.” The alpha’s lips twist with a confusing smile, a mix of confusion and doubt. “It is not like you, to dislike coffee.” 

“I’m not like me anymore.” The omega says it for himself. He glances out of the window, pursing his lips at the passing by buildings, dirtied by the salty air and years of negligence. It reminds him so much of himself, one of many things Jongin has forgotten and ignored. “The shoreline hasn’t changed a bit.” 

Yuta opts for silence. Places don’t change, people do. Somewhere around here, there’s a bit of what Taeyong used to be, maybe he’ll find it back today. Maybe not. It almost feels too formal, the ships parked along the dock, the big blue numbers painted on the walls, the men in uniform doing their rounds, their own suits, the semblance of formality they all behave with. 

Taeyong used to be disgusted by it all, and now it is a place like any other where he is supposed to work like a normal monday morning, or a tuesday, he stopped counting. Maybe old Taeyong isn’t here anymore, and if he is he would run at his sight. 

“We’re here,” the alpha announces, parking the car next to where Johnny and his men are already waiting. 

The drug lord is easily fitting, all grey suit talking to a stranger. The way he stands with immaculate confidence, his hand gestures asserting authority to those surrounding him reminds the omega of his former husband. Yet it doesn’t make him feel like he used to with Jongin. Taeyong hates himself for thinking it is charming and justified. Johnny is Johnny, Jongin is Jongin, the difference is Taeyong tried with Jongin, he doesn’t need to with Johnny. 

“Mr Lee, nice to finally meet you,” the stranger welcomes him. “As beautiful as I’ve been told.” 

Jaehyun instinctively walks behind the newcomer, looking in shape for someone who was in the hospital the day before. Taeyong gratefully greets him, a sentiment of unease wafts in the air. Probably the way Jaehyun looks on his guard, or the way Doyoung narrows his sharp eyes at the stranger. Probably just the way Johnny doesn’t bother introducing them. 

The stranger, a beta, extends a hand that Taeyong only shakes for a second out of courtesy. He is almost as tall as Johnny, as lean as Jaehyun and as charming as the evening sun. Youth and credence oozes from him, as if he is not in the presence of some dangerous mobsters. But giving his ease among them, he must know and he must not care much. 

“Oh Sehun, contractor,” Yuta vaguely whispers from behind him like he often does. It is not like him to be so ambiguous and uninformed about whoever his boss is meeting. There must not be a lot about this man, expected from anyone who deals with Johnny. 

“I guess everyone is here.” Oh Sehun gestures for them to follow, eyes lingering more on Taeyong than the way.

One glance at Johnny is enough to understand he doesn’t carry the beta in his heart. If Taeyong dares read in his stoicity he can even decipher the hint of a frown. It doesn’t stay for too long when the drug lord starts striking professional conversation with the contractor as they navigate through colorful containers. 

“Anything?” Taeyong discreetly interrogates Yuta through the short walk, lucky that his voice is muffled by the ruckus going on around them. It still grabs Jaehyun and Doyoung’s attention, who unlike their boss and their new acquaintance are walking far behind next to the omega. 

“Last time I heard about him he was working with some Chinese syndicate, sometimes realtor, sometimes doing the dirty work, some kind of freelance mobster.” Yuta rubs his hands together, a sign of minor anxiety. 

“The only man with the skill to get on hyung-nim’s nerves,” Doyoung adds to his surprise. “Don’t fall for his words. If you can, avoid conversing with him too much, he is good at manipulation.” 

And so is Johnny. Taeyong likes to believe he is immune now, nobody can be as convincing as the drug lord in his opinion. Oh Sehun seems comfortable with chit-chat, Taeyong is not. Doyoung is underestimating his faith. 

They stop before a guarded container, five men armed and hostile. Sehun easily passes them by, so does the others but Taeyong is still not used to so much hoodlums around him. Johnny let himself be patted down by one of them, the same goes for everyone. The omega doesn’t miss the “Gentle on the omega,” from the contractor who gives him a sly grin. 

“I’ll only allow Mr Suh and Mr Lee inside,” the beta announces, tone imperative. 

“I have rules, Sehun-”

“But here we go by mines.” 

Taeyong feels personally offended by the way Sehun cuts Johnny. It feels unreal that the alpha let it be, only sighing in agreement. Johnny is not bowing down to a beta, never, but he is not far from punching him in the face from the look of it. The omega can’t tell what, but there is something between the two of them. It smells like history and unfound closure. Taeyong even feels a small spark of envy. It might be hate he sees in Johnny’s eyes, but it’s the closest to a feeling he has ever displayed towards another human being. 

Nobody objects when the beta unseals the steel door, leaving enough space for entrance but not enough for curious eyes. When Taeyong is nudged by one of the armed men, he follows inside, trying to not get worried by the unsure gaze his friends give him. 

The inside is all he can expect from a container. Cold, dark and rusty. A makeshift lamp, a lightbulb hanging by a cable, looking as ill as Taeyong feels now. They are alone inside, which reassures the omega a tad bit. 

Sehun’s footsteps ring against the metal floor as he guides them to a cluster of black sealed boxes at the far end. Taeyong tries another glance at Johnny but only gets a nod in return, one telling him this is exactly the merchandise he wants. 

“They’ve been shipped this morning, as promised you’re the first one to see them.” Sehun opens one of the boxes. The interior is fancier than Taeyong expected, a line of rifles nestled in a comfortable bed of black sponge. “You can check it for yourself.” 

The omega almost feels left out when any form of incivility between the man has been abandoned for business. The alpha takes one of the rifles under Sehun’s scrutinising eyes. He seems to weigh it for a long time before aligning it against his left eye, aiming the lightbulb. The sight makes Taeyong shiver in anticipation. A rush of memory from last night hit his brain. He remembers Johnny’s calloused fingers against his and that sturdy chest against his sweaty back.

Something about Johnny holding a gun this massive warms his veins with boiling blood. He wonders what it is like to be that rifle, to be held so gently by the alpha, played with like a violin and fired by a simple push of his fingers. The drug lord puts the gun down, interrupting the omega’s staring, snapping him violently out of his daydream. 

“Have they been laundered?” Johnny puts the object back in his case, among the hundred others. 

“As clean as choir boys,” Sehun then turns to Taeyong who has been standing there like a sore thumb all this time “Let’s discuss price.”

Johnny gives the omega a raised eyebrow.

“What do you suggest?” 

_ Hello to you too, _ Taeyong almost bites. Johnny seems to greet him with everything but a greeting nowadays. Not even a nod of acknowledgement when he arrived and now he wants them to talk about laundered illegal goods. 

“I-, well-” 

It is not like him to stutter. What is he supposed to do? Johnny by himself is an intimidating distraction, and there is Sehun, the alpha’s perfect reflection dominance wise. He doesn’t miss the mocking scoff the beta gives him, enraging him in a way no one ever did before. Apparently he possesses the skill to get on everyone’s nerves.

“I believe an offer already reached you yesterday.” Taeyong finds his confidence back when Johnny’s encouraging nod reaches him. “If you consider it, we’ll take care of the transportation and shipping fees.”

“Unfortunately, I refuse it,” Sehun counters. “I’m afraid you’ll have to bid twice the price.”

Taeyong looks for objection in Johnny’s eyes, which he doesn’t find.

“This is not in the deal.” 

“Well, my bad.” The contractor shrugs playfully. The gesture would have looked charming coming from such a handsome man if Taeyong liked him a bit, but he doesn’t. 

“They are not even allowed in most countries,” Taeyong defends, refusing to spend more time arguing with the contractor. “Who would buy them for such an absurd cost, we’re the best option you have.”

“Oh, but you’re not buying the guns,” the beta teases and Johnny obviously tenses beneath his strong facade. “You’re buying my help, right Johnny? You didn’t brief him?” 

“Brief me about what?” Taeyong turns to the alpha who meets his eyes with a resigned look, knowing fully well that Sehun would spill the beans anyway. 

“Those guns were ordered by Guo Biming,” the words ring wrongly in the omega’s ears. “He is supposed to sell them to the chinese ring soon. But big boy Johnny, here, wants to snatch them under his nose.” With those words, Sehun coos as if talking to a kid and Taeyong feels his hatred double. “Imagine Guo’s face if he knew, the Chinese would drop him in a blink. Guo without his allies is an orphan.”

“It’s no secret that Guo Biming is one of our issues,” Taeyong shrugs too, the news already an established fact. One day or another, this would be on the table. 

“I know,” the beta smiles slyly before knocking on one of the boxes. “Those are already yours, at your price, under one condition Johnny and I already agreed upon-”

“Cut to the point, please.” Johnny doesn’t seem fazed by the rush of information, no sign of instability in his voice. 

Taeyong gulps out of fear, an agreement made by Johnny rarely turns out good for him. 

“I was wondering why Johnny,” the beta gestures to the drug lord, “hired someone to handle his finances. I wanted to meet you. The omega with the delicious smell and the pretty face that is the talk of all syndicates recently. A dinner with you, a chance at hiring you to work for me and the guns are yours.” 

“You fucking sold me?” Is all Taeyong finds. 

Johnny doesn’t even have the decency to look guilty or ashamed. Then again, when did he ever. Guilt certainly doesn’t exist in his vocabulary, and of course, Taeyong is always the fool believing otherwise.

“I sold your cooperation,” Johnny asserts, with no place for even an ounce of remorse. “Business is business.” 

“And here I thought you esteemed me,” Taeyong scoffs, barely having faith in the drug lord anymore.

Every time he thinks differently, every time he sees good in someone he always ends up back to square one, betrayed. It is not the worst part of it all. His heart breaks inside his chest and this is not the first time, yet he always picks up the pieces, thinking he can mend them again and again. But Johnny manages to make crumbs out of crumbs. All those comforting words last night are just tools to fool him, to prove once again how dumb he can be. Johnny doesn’t see his brain like he pretends to do, he sees an omega who can be used, an omega whose sole nature is to be seen superficially. Sold for his appearance, for his naivety, deprived of any other values…

“So how about eight, tonight? I’ll be waiting.” Taeyong would have said yes to such a charming man any other day, and he is certain a bunch of omegas would have fallen in the trap. 

“No, I am not for sale,” he stubbornly answers.

He remembers Doyoung’s words, and even if the man doesn’t appreciate him, Taeyong trusts him. Do not converse with Oh Sehun, he is a master at manipulation. There is no doubting that, a few minutes around him is enough for Taeyong to see it. Because he has been there before, he has walked this same ground just a few months ago. Because he sees Johnny in the man and this is the reason why he won’t be swayed anymore. The time has come to make decisions for himself and his dignity. 

“Come on,” Sehun’s chest shakes with an unfelt laugh. “You know what will happen if you don’t agree.” 

More than a threat, it is a fact. Taeyong is aware that Sehun won’t hold his tongue and on the other side of this deal is not any meager family like the Yoons, it is Guo Biming. The man who can rival Neo Pharmaceutical easily, the man who controls more than the economy. But most importantly, there is Johnny, the man who is looking at him now with command, requiring obedience with his sole existence, the man who holds Taeyong’s life in his hands. 

“I granted you my protection in exchange for loyalty,” the alpha stresses, “prove it.”

Is it the harsh words or the lack of compassion, again, that makes him dizzy? Both, certainly. Bitter biles rise in his throat, keeping air from reaching his brain. This is not what he had in mind when loyalty was mentioned. Though, when he thinks about it, this is exactly what loyalty is. How many other men had to let themselves be puppets for survival? Did Jaehyun, Kun and Doyoung go through the same thing or is he the only one Johnny despises so much?

“I am not one of your dogs,” the omega slurs, confused at the rush of blood numbing his skull. He is tired and exhausted, unaware of his slight instability, slightly swaying left to right as if the container is still on a ship… “I-... I won’t…”

He was about to say something but he isn’t sure what anymore. It came and left like his conscious, teasing his lucidity. Johnny says something that sounds like a question and Taeyong sees kaleidoscopic lights like thousands little suns before his eyes. The more he looks up at the lightbulb the more confusion settles. 

“Mr Lee,” Sehun speaks too but just like the alpha, his voice goes blurry. 

He steps back out of reflex to find balance and it strikes, the awful pain in his lower back, travelling up his spine and kicks his senses into overdrive. It smells like worry, a faint pheromone coating the metal room and Taeyong’s hands tries to reach into thin air, for what, for who, there is no saying. There’s a chance emptiness will hold him up if he grasps it strong enough, right? 

He only remembers saying something incoherent in return, something about numbers and business, about pride and loss and his legs give up with his eyes before his head hits the rough floor in a scattering ring. “Open the doors!” he hears before drifting into unconsciousness, feeling his body metaphorically leaving the docks to join the waves. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “How are you coping?”  _

_ Kun charges head first into the matter when he comes back to the flat late in the evening, smelling like bleach. His lab coat is hanging over his shoulder, a bad habit he has of never folding his clothes, which unnerves Dongyoung to no end but he has no say in it when Kun saved him from his misery.  _

_ “What do you think?”  _

_ Dongyoung stands up from Kun’s couch, his only haven for the past weeks. He doesn’t really remember what home feels like anymore, there’s the vague smell of his mother’s perfume and his father’s cigar. There’s the vague sound of yelling voices at wee hours of the night and vases being thrown against the walls. And there is him, there used to be him in his corner acting like none of it is real. Then there is that loud scream he can’t get out of his head, it sounds like his brother or what he became after years of depressions. _

_ “Family is hell, right?” Kun says, discarding his work bag somewhere on an armchair, following Dongyoung with his eyes as the other beta makes a beeline for the kitchen. _

_ The distinct sound of water filling a cup reaches Kun and he sits at the counter, observing life leaving his friend’s body little by little like steam leaving drying laundry under a scorching sun.  _

_ “I just saw my face on the news, I guess I am famous now.”  _

_ Doyoung’s sentence is laced with venom and sarcasm. He is a discreet man, usually living an introverted life. Being a celebrity is a harsher punishment than being a runaway murderer.  _

_ The news fell two weeks ago, reaching every ear among their peers and most importantly, the law.  _ “Kim Dongyoung, son of Kim Industries committed a homicide.”  _ In Dongyoung’s opinion, the homicide has been committed as soon as he came to the world. He doesn’t like remembering it but here he is, dreaming about it whenever his eyes close. _

_ There is so much he can say, tell the police that it wasn’t him, tell the police that his father is an abusive asshole and on a particularly rough night he tried to get in between the man and his brother. He can tell them that an accidental throw of a wine bottle sent his brother to his doom, though it might not be accidental on his father’s side. But he can’t. _

_ He can’t because he has decided to fall in love with an alpha a few days after graduating college. Yunoh was so different, so warm and Yunoh doesn’t scream back when he does, Yunoh doesn’t hit back when Dongyoung acts impulsively and punches him because there is too much his sanity can’t bear. But Yunoh is an alpha and his parents couldn’t bear the thought of one of their heirs being dominated, being the partner of a penniless legionnaire. Things would have probably turned differently if he loved an omega. It wouldn’t have made his parents better people, but it would have kept his brother from defending his idea of leaving the family business to follow his mate. _

_ “The officers are here to see you,” they told him at the funerals. His father didn’t say a thing when the death was pinned on him, and his mother who has been a victim all her life stayed silent. She knew that if she spoke, she would lose the fortune she built at the price of her pride and physical integrity. Such an intricate way to get rid of the son that brought them nothing but shame. Long story short, he is now on the run, crashing on Kun’s couch because there is no place he can go. There is no place he can show his face to without unfairness reaching him. _

_ “Where is Yunoh, now?”  _

_ “Syria.” _

_ “Does he know?” _

_ Kun is good at pressing on the deepest wounds, skilled at being direct without shame. A skill Dongyoung learns nowadays. Fortunately, Yunoh has no means to reach him except from the military base phone or letters that come once every three days. He has deliberately refused to answer the calls and the parcels are gathering on the coffee table. The only comfort Dongyoung has is the lingering smell of musk on them. And sometimes he tucks one unopened letter under his pillow to feel reassured. The only home he has left are pieces of paper that he is too scared to read. When he caresses the envelopes, he can feel Yunoh’s hands and it is enough for now.  _

_ “He doesn’t need to know, and I am sure he already heard from the news,” the beta bites on his nails, face anxious and eyes dim.  _

_ “Listen, I know you don’t like it when-” _

_ “No, we already talked about it.” He cuts before Kun can align more of his absurd and dangerous ideas. “If I hear about Johnny one more time, I’ll leave.” _

_ “He is the only one I know who can get you out of this shit, Dongyoung.”  _

_ “Just like he saved you, right?” The beta scoffs, cup of water long forgotten near the sink though his throat is dry. “Tell me, how long have you been under his control? How long are you gonna be someone’s slave?” _

_ “Slave?” Kun almost looks offended but they know better. The beta is sick in the mind, he loves being belittled just so he can fight back and prove he is right. “Do you see me running away anymore?” _

_ Dongyoung closes his eyes for a long second. He would lie if he says he didn’t think about that alternative for the past days… But his integrity matters so much to him. Then again, he has none left, what can integrity do for him now? He is leaning against a dead end, with no other way out than to walk the same path Kun did.  _

_ “I can’t do that to Yunoh.”  _

_ “You can,” Kun insists, eyes gleaming knowing he is winning. “All of this, Johnny can erase it in a blink. Yunoh would do anything for you, you know he’ll follow you anywhere.” _

_ “Deserting the battleground is as much a crime as a homicide, Yunoh doesn’t deserve this.” _

_ He’d be damned if he brought Yunoh into his problems. On the other hand, Dongyoung would dive into his mate’s problems without a second thought. The bite marks on their hips is enough proof, wherever they go, they go together even if it’s death.  _

_ “Please, just trust me, I’m trying to save you here,” Kun pleads. “It’s like your past won’t exist anymore. New identity, new life. Open those letters, and call Yunoh, do it for both of your peace, please.”  _

  
  
  
  
  


“With all due respect,” 

Doyoung barges into his office in the afternoon. 

_ With all due respect _ is a sentence Johnny hates hearing from the beta because it means everything but that. His second in command rarely argues with him, Johnny knows they share enough values and beliefs for that to happen. It seems that lately, their beliefs drifted apart. The alpha thinks the beta has weakened, has lost his composure for something as petty as compassion and feelings. 

When he hired Doyoung in his ranks, he saw Jaehyun as the beta’s only Achilles heel. Turns out he was mistaken. The other stands before his desk, not bothering to take a seat because comfort dims the anger. And by the look he receives, Doyoung doesn’t want his rage dimmed at all. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

Johnny offers him a quick glance, unperturbed before looking back at the papers scattered across his desk. Doyoung clenches his fist, they have known each other for too long to be treated like those strangers Johnny likes to crush beneath the sole of his shoes. 

“What is wrong with me,” Johnny asks in return, nonchalant as if only repeating instead of answering, waiting for the beta to enlighten him on the matter. 

“Why didn’t I hear about that stupid deal of yours?” 

“Why would you hear about it?” Doyoung feels his blood boiling when Johnny doesn’t even spare him a glance. “I am the one making decisions around here.”

“Not when you’re being an asshole.” That’s Doyoung’s type of due respect, so typical.

The drug lord finally lifts his eyes up, leaning back in his chair. It is that familiar gaze he gives to announce that he is not pleased and the next few hours won’t be pleasant to whoever angered him. It used to scare the beta before, when he first started working for the mobster. 

Johnny’s anger is not the usual storm with rain and thunder that has one shivering under their blanket in the dark. It is not the usual storm that scolds and yells, pushing people to get away as fast as possible from the eye. Johnny’s anger is winter and snow. It is quiet, beautiful and enticing. It calls for the most daring people to step out and live the beauty and once they do, it bites the bones in a glacial pain, it blows so silently in the veins until one is left frozen and begging for warmth. Johnny never raises his voice, never yells, never asks for attention. He is big enough for everyone to see without trying, but Doyoung has learnt to tame it. He knows how to light a match in the snow and melt the ice away even if it’s just a tiny patch of it. 

“Oh, so you and Taeyong are friends, now.” The frown he sees on the beta’s face is gratifying. “So, what does he think of the deal?”

“All of the stress took a toll on him, are you happy now?” 

Doyoung doesn’t need to say more for the alpha to know this is about the newcomer in their ranks. He didn’t take the beta for a worrier, looks like he has more to learn. 

“And why does it matter to you?”

“He is not the issue, you are.” The beta steps ahead, planting his palms flat on the desk. Fighting with Johnny can get physically exhausting. “He is not like us, you don’t have to put him through all of this. He is in love with you, for god’s sake, if we see it, you see it! Cut him some slacks.”

Oh, how much Johnny hates those words. Love, friendship, family and all the absurd jazz that follow. They are not kids anymore, Johnny has made it clear from the start that sensibility doesn’t belong here. He, of all people, knows how expensive those words are, how traitorous they are, and Doyoung should know too. What is the use of holding onto something that is shallow and changing, something that guarantees nothing but loss? 

“You’ve changed.” Johnny’s eyes squint, analyzing the impact of his statement on the beta. It does wonder. There is nothing more contradictory than denial. 

“And you didn’t.” Doyoung sighs. “Does it please you to play with people like this, to use them until you can throw them away? You’re becoming exactly what you’re running away from.” 

“Know your place.” 

Johnny would rather hear he is an asshole than hearing anything hinting at why he is here, doing what he does. He has failed so many times before to know what failure tastes like, smells like, feels like. And when he sees it at the end of the tunnel, he knows how to avoid it. Johnny doesn’t fail, never again, no matter what the cost. 

“Fine.” Somehow, Doyoung sees he has crossed a line he has promised to never cross again. But not today. Today he is crossing it so he can pull Johnny back on the other side because he knows somewhere under there, there is a beating heart. “Ever since I started working for you, there is one thing that never left my mind. My brother. Every time I do something, as cliché as it sounds, I ask myself what he would think about it. If he would be proud or disappointed.” 

“It is not my business.” 

“Yes it is.” Doyoung doesn’t back off even if it will cost him his place. This is not for Taeyong like Johnny thinks, this is for the alpha. Doyoung respects him and values him too much to let him act so recklessly. One day, Johnny will end up on his knees, and when it will happen he will be lost because he doesn’t know how to tame his ego. And the day he loses, they lose too. So somewhere, it is for Doyoung too. “You too, have that in you. Johnny, your mother-”

“Get out.” 

There it is. There is a storm in every winter, it may be rare, but it is there, waiting to explode. If Doyoung’s tiny matches can’t melt the snow away, the storm can. 

“Get out and forget about this conversation if you value your life.”

“Fine, I’ll go.” They both know better than to stretch the minutes on this. Doyoung has rarely seen the man this emotional, and last time it happened wasn’t a pretty sight. “But one last thing.” 

Ironically, when Johnny ignores him to get back in his work, Doyoung knows he has all of his attention. He has never dealt with children before but it must not be very different from his boss. There are a few, close to none, who know the story, the thick book filled with everything about Johnny, who have read it with details. The beta can’t even recall how he came to know but right now he knows Johnny regrets that he does.

“You’ve met his kid, right?” There’s a tiny halt of movement from the alpha, barely noticeable. “I can’t remember being this happy when I was a child, you either. Because he has something we didn’t, someone desperate for their happiness. You told me once you wouldn’t wish what happened to you on anyone. Don’t let your ego take away the last person you care about, I know you do. Believe me, one more loss will kill you.” 

That will give him something to think about for the rest of the day and for Doyoung it is enough. Too much thinking can break Johnny but he is a big boy, he’ll get through it like he always does. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The evening is bright but the air is gloomy

when Taeyong is finally out of the small clinic on the estate. It’s such a pity to feel this drained on such a nice evening. Just like a day waiting to end, a new morning waiting to come, Taeyong is waiting for the moment his brain will clear off. The past events washed his energy like the blowing wind of a heavy revelation. They let him off the hook after hours of supervision until they saw he was fine enough to go on his day. They must have seen worse than a small burn-out with all those mobsters around. 

Three pairs of concerned eyes meet him as soon as he steps into his quarter. As expected, Yuta is the first one to fuss over him under Kun and Jaehyun’s worried gaze. The sudden attention is more overwhelming than his actual state and the fuzzy noises in his head. 

“What did they say?” Kun asks, crossing his arms, brows furrowed in concern.

What happened in the past seems to have soothed whatever there was between them, making Jaehyun an ally and a friend. Although Taeyong is thankful for it, he wished somewhere to see someone else with that same concern. Deluding himself is not the best of ideas but maybe there’s a tiny, tiny worry within Johnny wherever he is…

“Just,” the abrupt stop in his speech fills the room with suspended questions, “just stress. Nothing to worry about.” 

Yuta frowns but Taeyong shrugs it. If the alpha senses a lie there, he can rest assured that Taeyong will make sure he gets no closure about his doubts. He gives him a small nod meaning  _ we’ll talk about it another day, or never. _

“Thank god,” Kun finally breathes in pure relief, “You have to rest.” 

“I can’t.” When the omega bites his lip, he must have let out a feeling of unease and insecurity, a breach of confidence that doesn’t miss Kun’s eyes. “I’m going to meet Oh Sehun.”

“You don’t have to,” Jaehyun quickly objects, bearing the same suspicions as his mate about the mentioned man. Taeyong would lie if he said he didn’t feel the same. But the fear of going against Johnny is stronger than anything else. “I’ll talk to hyung-nim.”

“Please, listen to him,” Yuta adds, face contorted with dread at the prospect of Taeyong insisting. 

“Have you ever disobeyed him?” It is directed at Jaehyun who looks down, unable to lie to Taeyong in the eyes. Jaehyun is a bad liar, that is no secret and his quietness hides a million stories that the omega doesn’t want to know. They both have seen too much to risk fighting a man they have no chance of winning against. “It’s just dinner and the weapons are ours. I’ll manage. Yuta, you take Haechan for the night, I don’t know how late I’ll be and I don’t want him to be alone around here.”

“You don’t have to do this, Jaehyun said he’ll talk to him.” The alpha can see from the certainty in his friend’s eyes that it is a lost battle. “You’ve done enough for that bastard.”

His words fall on deaf ears. Yuta is not void of empathy, that is why he doesn’t insist. He doesn’t have a son to protect, or a threat above his head promising a lifetime of jail. And because of that empathy he has to give in, because he knows that Taeyong would break down walls just to ease his mind. 

“If I don’t, Sehun will betray us and I don’t wanna risk losing any of you again.” 

The weight of his words take them back to the atrocious fear of what happened days ago. It’s on the tip of Jaehyun’s tongue, to tell him it is not his fault, that what happened already did and in this world if you don’t turn the page fast, you get lost between the lines. But they all know the omega is determined to quench his guilt with recklessness, that’s typically Taeyong. 

“I’ll go with you.” Jaehyun’s reassurance makes him feel better, almost as if the alpha is the one who’ll do it for him. 

“You guys just take care of Haechan, I’ll fix this.” Taeyong tries a smile and though it is crooked, it is enough to make the others back up from their objections.

“I am not a damn babysitter, how many times do I have to say it?” Kun wails in the background.

Yuta gives Jaehyun a pat on the shoulder, silently thanking him for his devotion.

“Don’t worry, we’ll watch over him, you do what you have to do.” 

“Do you guys ever listen to me?” The answer is apparently no and Kun sighs dramatically at the idea of facing his worst nightmare again.

  
  
  
  
  
  


It feels like déjà vu. 

Taeyong has been meeting mobsters in high end places more than he did his family or friends this past month. When Sehun contacted him, he gave the omega the freedom to choose the place, all under Jaehyun’s surveillance. When the alpha typed on his phone before leaving, Taeyong is sure he is informing his boss and he tries not to think about it. What is the use for Johnny to know what happens to him when he seems to not care. 

The place is filled but the omega has learnt to doubt what he sees. It is a place he is used to, where they know him and he doubts Sehun would have bet on something so risky if he is as smart as he pretends to be. He might be, it somehow shows in the simple way he watches Taeyong, seated across a small table in the farthest corner. His eyes don’t miss any move, any intake of breath, any single blink. His behavior makes him look like an alpha, the type of hunter who doesn’t hesitate to pounce on his prey. Unlike him, Taeyong easily betrays himself with his worries. He wishes his hands weren’t this fidgety, that his skin didn’t catch the light this easily. 

“Some wine?” Sehun asks like a friend, but it doesn’t stop the sign of control under his movements, even faced with Taeyong’s silence. “No wine then. Just relax, it’s on me, tonight. I just want to talk.”

“I’ve been warned about you.” 

“About my shenanigans or about the gun in my jacket?” 

Whatever Taeyong was about to say dies in his tongue, disturbed as the waiter sets their plates down clumsily, clearly taken aback by the beta’s bold words. The employee apologizes profusely, more for being indiscreet than for her mistake before leaving, as pale as the napkins. Sehun is shameless, uncaring about the consequences of his actions. Now Taeyong sees why Johnny values his partnership so much. 

“I was just joking,” the beta laughs alone because it doesn’t sound funny to Taeyong. “So, what do you say, working for me?” 

“I don’t even trust Johnny, why would I trust you?” 

The beta cuts through the meat on his plate, drawing blood and Taeyong almost feels the cut through his own skin. He fidgets with his own fork, losing his appetite over a petty sentence he regrets saying when he deciphers mock agreement on the other’s face. 

“Of course you do, why else would you be here.” Sehun wipes his hand together as if to warm them and before Taeyong knows it, one of them touches the back of his gently. He jerks away from the touch, scared the second after that he has offended the man. “I am not like Johnny.”

“You’re not.”

_ Johnny doesn’t disgust me the way you do. _ He keeps it to himself. The incident draws no offense from the beta who only finds it all so amusing. A rabbit trapped by a wolf, running left and right with no means to escape, that is how the omega feels. 

“Unlike him, I am working by myself,” the beta starts as he leans back in his chair and his face catches a stray shadow. There is no question when it comes to his beauty, but Taeyong doesn’t look with his eyes anymore, he is too warned for that. “I am not selfishly using people. Whatever  _ evil _ deed I have to do is mine only to deal with. But it starts getting lonely.” 

His voice drops at the end of his sentence, sending an unwanted surge of electricity under Taeyong’s skin. Is this where the manipulation begins? Because Taeyong has seen the worst, Sehun’s game is an amateur’s game. Spreading hell alone or with a team is still spreading hell. The difference is Johnny has allies, Sehun only has victims. 

“I’m fine where I am,” Taeyong rejects the offer through gritted teeth. 

“I have heard that before,” the beta teases, the horn of a fatal secret waltzing in his wine as he twirls it around in his glass before sipping it down. “Do you even know who you are working for?” 

“Because you do?” The spite in Taeyong’s answer hides an unhealthy curiosity. 

There is so much he is dying to know about the alpha. So much he wants to unveil. Taeyong recalls those scars on Johnny’s skin and he wants to know what kind of brush painted them, why some still hurt today and some don’t anymore. 

“We go way back, we met as teenagers, stayed acquainted through medical studies” the beta says, aloof, undisturbed by the small victory he catches in Taeyong’s eyes. “Friends, colleagues, whatever you call it. We were a good team.”

“A team,” the omega belittles. He has seen Johnny work, whoever drops the alpha is a naive imbecile. “Then why are you alone?”

Sehun fakes hesitancy but what he has to say is already as clear as day. At least for the beta, Taeyong is just waiting for the bomb to drop. 

“Because dealing with a man like Johnny makes you realize something.” Sehun stops, Taeyong breathes. “You should trust yourself and yourself only.” 

“What happened?”

It came out in a single breath before Taeyong realizes it. Don’t trust Sehun, don’t converse with him. Doyoung’s words echoes in his mind but it is rubbed away quickly. Taeyong has fallen into the trap, he knows but the beta is so confident in what he says, so eloquent in his stories that Taeyong would take any lie from him just to catch a glimpse of truth about Johnny. 

“Life, like it always happens in this field.” The vague words raise frustration from the depth of Taeyong’s soul. But he won’t beg, he won’t let Sehun win. “I know you won’t give me the answer I want right now. But you came so the guns are yours. Just leave Neo Pharmaceutical if you change your mind, I’ll know where to find you.” 

Taeyong didn’t even notice how fast Sehun swallowed his plate down, as he prepares to leave. He barely touched his, and it’s already over. But he still has so much to ask, he has a mountain to dig through.

“I won’t, he promised me his protection.” How useless when they both know none of them believe that right now. 

He doesn’t know Sehun, he knows Johnny and the drug lord has proved him he is the only one who can protect him for now. He will hold onto that belief as it is his only option. He knows that Yuta is there for him, that Jaehyun will never let Haechan in danger, that Doyoung would not betray his mate and that Kun values Neo Pharmaceutical too much to act recklessly. There’s still a gigantic shadow over Johnny and what he stands for, but Taeyong has more trust on this side than anywhere else. 

“His protection?” Sehun stops in his move of leaving, now standing next to him. “Let me tell you.” 

Taeyong can’t find it in himself to move when Sehun leans to invade his space, his lips way too close to the omega’s face for comfort. The faint smell of wine dances around him when Sehun breathes close to his ear. Despite the uncomfort, Taeyong is anchored to his seat.

“In this world, you need to have your own back, the only protection you can count on is yours,” the beta blows in his neck teasingly and Taeyong swallows down the bile in his mouth. The audacity of this man is not only unnerving, it is maddening. “Johnny doesn’t do pity, one day he will have to drop you. I know you want to stay alive, it is not only about your son anymore, right?” 

“Wh-what do you mean?” 

Sehun stands back up straight. Taeyong prefered their previous position because he didn’t have to see that smug smile. Sehun leaves with a victory tonight.

“For someone who studied biology, Johnny is quite blind.” The beta pats his shoulder, this time with a compassion that is so genuine it scares Taeyong. “I smelt it on you this morning, when you fainted it only confirmed it. Johnny is not a family man, less a father, darling. You better find a safety net before it gets worse.” 

Sehun snatches the trophy from under his nose.

Jaehyun asks Taeyong if he is fine when he sits in the car and the omega nods absentmindedly. If Jaehyun sees the shiver shaking his body from the rearview he says nothing, and if he sees the sobs ripping the silence, he decides to not ask. 

  
  
  
  
  


Sehun’s voice still disturbs his mind

when he walks through the foyer. Taeyong feels his way through the dim lit place, not bothering to turn the lights on, afraid that he does, he will see clearly. Afraid that he’ll want to look around and decide that he doesn’t like it here. Darkness is good, it keeps you from recognizing where you belong and where you don’t. Darkness is safety.

His hand finds its way on his body, sneaking delicately under his stomach. It’s too early to feel anything but the touch reminds him of the revelation they hit him with at the clinic. The doctor who took care of him promised nobody else will hear about it but Taeyong is not so sure anymore. Such a secret is too heavy to bear and running away is the only way for him to keep it. But running away is too risky, where to run to when staying or leaving leads you to your doom?

Taeyong may not know where to belong, but as his thumb rubs his flat stomach above his shirt, he knows where this little one belongs. Here, with him. In this hell, the only memory that kept him going was the memory of having Haechan. He remembers the unexplainable happiness he felt and recalling it helps him sleep at night. And despite being in a worse place, Taeyong felt it again today and he won’t let anyone take it from him. Whoever it is.

The sight of a silhouette in the living room startles him and Taeyong hastily retires his hand from where it was resting. He would recognize that shadow even in the darkest night. Johnny is leaning against the glass door leaning outside, hooded gaze rivaling the moonlight on Taeyong. The latter hope Johnny didn’t catch him in his moment of haze. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Such a stupid question giving that every inch of this estate belongs to Johnny. The omega catches the empty glass on the coffee table but it’s too easy to be that. It must be the three butts of joint in the ashtray. The alpha slowly walks to him and Taeyong can confirm it. His eyes are way too hooded, irises too dilated. 

“How was it?” Johnny leans against the back of the couch and Taeyong discards his jacket. Who does he think he is to come and go, harassing Taeyong’s mind this way? What rights does he have to ask anything when he is the one who threw the omega under the bus? 

“You tell me, he is awful.” The alpha chuckles at that, looking down for a second before pushing back his hair. The movement dims Taeyong’s anger and he hates how tolerant he is towards this man. “But the weapons are yours, happy?” 

“Did he convince you to work for him?” The alpha’s voice is low, the most chilling Taeyong has heard until now. It strings the feelings in his chest because it sounds like Johnny cares.

“I don’t know, he sounded convincing.” Taeyong plays it nonchalantly, refusing to let his guards down. 

He doesn’t expect the long silence and the way Johnny glares his body up and down. He was waiting for a snarky remark, another bite, but he gets none of that. Johnny doesn’t sound like his usual self tonight and Taeyong wonders if it has something to do with the joints. 

“Don’t leave.” 

Taeyong is left flabbergasted. It sounded so raw, so sincere he is starting to doubt his own ears. He must be dreaming, or maybe he is not because he sees it with his own eyes. Johnny’s slight panic, unbelievable. The moon’s reflection on them is playing tricks on his mind because there is no way this is the man he has known until now. Johnny is high, he reminds himself, he is not himself.

“So now you care?” The omega decides to not believe what he hears. This is yet another scheme for Johnny to put him in his pocket. “Don’t play games with me.” 

“I’m too old for games,” the drug lord sighs, losing a bit of his composure as he approaches. This is such a mistake, Taeyong should leave, he should stop falling for the same trap again and again. Yet he doesn’t move, even when Johnny leans in too close smelling like bourbon, inhaling in his neck. “You smell like him.”

“You’re fucking high, Johnny.” 

“But as lucid as ever,” the alpha abruptly cuts.

There it is, swimming in those eyes when Taeyong looks up at the man before him. Almost an apology but not enough, almost sincere but not enough. Everything about Johnny is never enough when it comes to him. He plays his cards of seduction so well only to leave Taeyong yearning. He pulls at his heart only to let it snap hard like an elastic band and it hurts. 

“Don’t do this.” The omega looks down, looking into Johnny is agonizing because it is dark and for once he wants darkness to leave him just so he knows he belongs to Johnny. “You know I love you. Don’t do this, it’s too cruel. Sell me if you want, threaten me as much as you want but don’t-”

His next words fade into oblivion when warm chapped lips shut his in a soaring kiss. This is the most painful part, when he let himself be played. In the end he is his own victim, letting himself be a slave to his feelings, letting himself be a slave to Suh Johnny. One touch and he is lost again, desperately clutching on the alpha’s shirt just to anchor himself. 

Slowly, Taeyong wants to say, please be slow. I can’t run as fast as you. In this race to who will destroy the other, Johnny is winning, never looking back when Taeyong is not next to him anymore. This is the most painful part. But beautiful, so beautiful, the way Johnny can hurt him with the softest touches.

“Don’t you dare leave.” The alpha breathes against his still trembling lips. 

“Why…”

“Because you love me.” And just like that Taeyong is convinced that running away doesn’t mean anything if it’s not Johnny he is running to. “Don’t give up on me, you love me, right?” 

“I do.” 

Johnny dives in for another connection, and Taeyong allows their tongue to fight as the alpha hoists him up. Rough hands bruise his waist when Johnny guides them to the couch, dropping Taeyong softly on his lap. 

The alpha licks the roof of his mouth, pulling a moan out of Taeyong. God he loves Johnny and he doesn’t mind if it is one sided because he breached one more door in the alpha today. He knows that one day he’ll breach it all, at least the fingers pressing on his nipples say so. Wet licks mare his neck delicately and Taeyong has never smelt Johnny so much than when he is sucking on his scenting gland.

“I hate that you smell like another.” The alpha bites softly on his neck but not enough to hurt him, just enough for Taeyong to let his delicious omega smell fill the room. 

“Then fix it.” 

His orders are heard and Johnny takes his shirt off. Taeyong loves the way Johnny manhandles him to get what he wants. This moment will keep him awake for days. The drug lord’s desperation, his evident desire, the way he murmurs  _ stay with me _ while painting his chest with purple dots. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” To say that he was thinking otherwise a few minutes ago…

Taeyong’s member stirs in his slacks when he feels the alpha’s doing the same. He is so turned on by this side of Johnny slick is already coating his behind and he can say the man is smelling it. He looks for friction as the alpha slips a hand between his ass, toying with the sticky fluid there and it is so dirty it makes Taeyong keen. 

“Alpha, please…” 

Johnny’s free hand leaves his waist to free them both of their clothes and finally the awaited touch is there. The alpha’s skin against his. There is nothing more tender than hot skin against hot skin for Taeyong, especially when it is Johnny’s. The omega settles back on the man’s lap and when a big hand rubs their cock together, Johnny so big against him, Taeyong spasms in the sturdy chest.

“Moan for me, omega,” the man whispers in his hair.

It feels like heaven. Taeyong knows because he has been through hell all his life, this feeling doesn’t fit here. Precums mix and Taeyong’s hot slick stains Johnny’s thighs. It’s so euphoric the omega ruts harder against the other, looking for release. 

“Up, sweetheart.” Johnny slaps his ass and Taeyong shamelessly follows his order, knees on each side of the alpha, the touch going straight to his leaking erection.

Johnny never leaves his bottom rest as his thumb probs Taeyong’s entrance teasingly, eyes hungry when the omega’s cock is aligned with his mouth. With one thrust of two fingers, Taeyong surges his hips forward and the man takes him eagerly between his lips. 

Dirty squeals leave Taeyong’s lips as Johnny swirls his tongue over the head of his cock, prepping him open at the same time. He throws his head back in ecstasy when the fingers reach that heavenly spot inside him. The sound of Johnny's suctions mix with the quelch of his slicking hole. 

“Johnny, stop, I’m gonna come.” Taeyong moans breathlessly, both hands gently palming the beautiful edges of the alpha’s cheekbones. 

“Tell me, baby,” the drug lord takes his fingers out, wiping them in a sensual dance against Taeyong’s mouth who licks them clean. One would believe he is the high one with how dazed he is by the moment. “What do you want?”

“Let me ride you.” 

Johnny immediately latches their lips together, barely holding onto sanity. Taeyong makes him crazy. Taeyong breaks everything he believes in, Taeyong breaks him and builds him back together with every word. 

The omega takes Johnny’s cock from behind, leaking precum again at just seizing the massive length. And inch by inch, he sits down on it, savouring every second.

“You’re so perfect, sweetheart,” Johnny groans in his neck when Taeyong takes him so good. 

They fit so well together, as if Taeyong was molded to take Johnny and Johnny only. It takes a few seconds only for him to adjust when his slick is coating the alpha’s dick so well. And when they both are comfortable with the position, Taeyong starts slowly, up and down. 

“Fuck, so good alpha.” 

Taeyong finds a faster pace and he knows that Johnny’s teeth are going to leave marks by the way he is nibbling on his collarbone. One day they will be marked, Taeyong will make sure of it. But for now, he moves his hips restlessly, feeling Johnny’s knot grow bigger inside him, rubbing his prostate so well. 

Johnny too is trying to find his pace, quickly matching the omega’s as he guides the prettily snatched waist with his calloused hands. Doyoung said do some thinking, and Johnny spent the afternoon doing it. If he knew it would lead him here, he would have done it sooner. 

“Want your knot so bad,” Taeyong murmurs, arms getting tighter against his neck. 

Those words are enough for Johnny to let his knot explode against the tight walls as Taeyong continues bouncing on it, chasing for a release that comes fast. White strings wet Johnny’s chest and soon he is coming too, breathlessly against Taeyong’s lips, filling the omega with his cum and knot. They fit so well in the dark, they fit so well in the night. 

They rest against each other, trying to breathe normally again, waiting for the alpha’s knot to swell down. Taeyong embraces Johnny in his chest, seeing him so vulnerable for the first time. It almost pains him to see the invincible drug lord this way, to the point he regrets being the one who made him this way. So he strokes the alpha’s hair gently as they both regain sanity. 

“I’m scared.” Taeyong thought he heard it all tonight, but the small voice in against his chest akin to a sob proves him wrong. He doesn’t want to ask. 

For the first time in his life, Johnny is scared. To be alone, to lose, to allow another weakness in his life. For the first time, the boy who went forth to learn fear found it. He still can’t remember the end of the story but it sounds like it. Taeyong embracing him, Johnny nestled in his warmth, it sounds like the end of that tale. 

“I am here, right here.” The omega hugs him tighter, impossibly tighter that none of them can say where they end and where they begin. “Let me love you, you’ll be fine.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest a bit guys, here's a little break for y'all before the storm. So much revelations in this chapter i hope it is not too overwhelming. And a cameo appearance from my Exo bias! Also I precise I have nothing against Exo in case y'all wondering why they're all assholes in this story haha. Anyway I'll try to update faster and more cause Paris is in total lockdown again. So I'm stuck at home writing haha. Thanks for all the feedbacks, thanks for all the superb comments, keep them coming it keeps me going. Love y'all af!!!!!! Kudos to you to guys, the best readers ever!!!!


	11. Chapter 11

Promises are consuming.

That is why Taeyong rarely makes them, and rarely holds onto them. They say promises are meant to be broken, it’s a very common knowledge that only the most naive ones would refute. They are mind consuming, always there in the background to remind how fragile they can be. The omega knows how dangerous hope and promises are, better than anyone. Those are mistakes he makes sure to never go back to. 

Yet, here he is, holding onto one. To justify his foolishness, he tells himself that this time he is the only one to blame. What is he supposed to do when promises are not made of words? What is he supposed to do when they are made of touches and caresses he mistook as affection once again? This time the hope is silent, unsaid. This time hope is one sided because he has seen something that wasn’t actually there, he reads too much between the lines. 

He truly believed Johnny’s display of vulnerability had opened the tiny breach between them, that things would change. He is the naive one. If he thinks they took a hundred steps forward he is wrong, what happened between them only took them a hundred steps backwards. When Johnny asked him to stay, when he touched Taeyong with whispers of affection, it only served as a reason to let go the next day. 

Taeyong has hoped for at least a hello, a kiss, a word of reassurance but he got none. For the past few days all he got was barely glances and the presence of a ghost he can’t catch up to. Taeyong can bear being ignored, but once it involves Johnny, he can’t anymore. 

The man has been nothing but a stranger nowadays. “He is busy,” Jaehyun has told him once when Taeyong asked about him. But the omega knows very well he is not being ignored, Johnny is avoiding him. He has tried to talk to the alpha, only to be brushed because of an incoming phone call or a simple “Is that all?” He is now strong enough to not be completely hurt by it. 

They don’t trust each other, at least Taeyong doesn’t yet. He can’t trust a man who goes back from hot to cold with him, and certainly not a man who hides more secrets than him. Something is going on and that is also a part of why Taeyong believes Johnny is avoiding him. The omega doesn’t know how discreet they are trying to be but he saw it all, the hushed whispers in the hallways of Neo Pharmaceuticals, the numerous meetings he isn’t required to listen to. He knows when Johnny leaves for a trip abroad that lasts more than a week long when he doesn’t see the drug lord around. 

“You noticed it too,” Yuta says one late afternoon as they bask in the lukewarm autumn sun.

The alpha locks the car door and leans beside his friend, both looking towards the gates of the Dulwich Elementary School. They are early today but it is one of the rare days when Taeyong can find time to pick his son up himself. 

“It’s odd, they are planning something,” the omega whispers. Why? He can’t tell but it feels like what they have to say is for their ears only. 

“I heard something in the staff room today,” Yuta adds, voice ridden of suspicion. “Johnny and his men went abroad to hire other small syndicates.”

It is not their place to mind about all the fishy deals going on around here, and they may say they are fine not knowing at all. But when Taeyong is still walking on eggshells with those men, it is hard to ignore the hushed secrets underneath. Whatever Johnny does, everyone around him will always end up as a collateral damage, and Taeyong has too much to lose to let it happen. Too much to lose… There’s not much the hands above his stomach can say, but he likes to believe there’s some comfort there, under his thick skin.

“Taeyong, are you okay?” Yuta glances at his fiddling fingers and his wandering eyes, but he doesn’t have the time to lie.

“Hey, little man!” 

Using his child as an excuse to avoid a conversation is a new level of low but it’s the only thing he can think of now. And god knows Taeyong has reached a hundred levels of low lately. He can’t allow himself to dwell on it when the small boy runs to him with a huge grin, surrounded by all his peers who are as happy as him to finally be released from school. 

“Hi, daddy! Hi, uncle Yuta!” Haechan bounces on the sole of his feet as if he isn’t done running yet. 

“How was school, munchkin?” Taeyong crouches down to the boy’s level, his right hand already patting down the messy strands of hair sticking out, probably after long hours of playing. 

“It was ok,” Haechan coyly answers, never one to admit school was nice anyway. “Do you remember we have theater night Friday?”

“Of course, I do, baby.” To be honest, Taeyong didn’t despite Haechan practicing his lines in his bath every night and every morning. The mail from the teachers has been condensed under the numerous mail for work. Apparently, he will play prince charming which sounded more like a war general with the kid yelling his lines like his life depends on it. 

“You’ll bring uncle Jaehyun, right? And his friends too?” There is no way he will miss uncle Jaehyun seeing him in his prince attire. 

“I’ll try.” Taeyong gives a sour smile but for a kid every smile is a good one. How can he say uncle Jaehyun and his friends are too busy to even say hello? He can’t crush his kid’s hope like his has been crushed. 

It’s in those moments that the omega refuses to think of anything else but Haechan, no dark thoughts could take away the small hours he shares with his son. And it’s in those moments too when Taeyong realizes how much he loves the idea of being a father. When there is nothing but children running around after school and parents smiling like him. They all have their issues, from the mother a few feet away scolding her daughter to the pair of betas near the gate who are still waiting for their pup to tie his shoes. But they are all so good at hiding the harsh reality of the world. At this moment, they are all focused on just being the best actors in the world. It’s a bittersweet scene, but it looks so nice and warm Taeyong can’t let it go. Where most omegas would defy the system, fighting to be something else than what nature expects of them, Taeyong loves this role, being a father. 

Maybe because it’s the only mundane part of his life, the only  _ normal _ reality he can hang onto. Like a fresh walk in the forest after a week of city. 

“Oh! Daddy, uncle Yuta, that’s Markie!” 

It’s only when Haechan starts to wave frantically that the adults notice the fluff of brown hair bouncing towards them, skipping an old man holding the door of a car open for him. The man closes the door with a comic sigh when  _ Markie  _ comes crashing into their small group.

“Hello!” Yuta greets cheerfully and the kid blushes furiously. 

He is shorter and frailer than Haechan but there is no doubt he is going to grow bigger giving his strong beta scent. He must have noticed Haechan only when he ran over and shyness took over when he noticed the adults. Yuta has always been good with kids and is the first one to pat him on the head, to try and coax the kid to relax. 

“He is my new friend from Ganada!” 

“Canada!” The smaller boy is quick to correct Haechan, making the grown-ups chuckle fondly. 

“Oh, is Haechan nice to you?” Taeyong asks the boy while teasing his son who doesn't hesitate to glare at him. For Taeyong’s defense, Haechan is not the nicest kid around. He still doesn’t know where he went wrong to raise such a little vixen. 

“Hello,”  _ Markie _ bows deeply and Taeyong cooes. He rarely sees kids this polite, but then again the only reference he has is his little devil. “I am seven, my name is Suh Mark.” 

The facade of the ever happy father falters for a second. In that second, Taeyong thinks his mind has invented a way for him to think about the man he runs after. But the more he looks at the kids’ confused face, the more he knows his ears are just fine and he heard it just right. He shares a quick glance with Yuta who seems to catch it too.

“Haechan is very nice!” Mark cuts his daze quickly and Taeyong shakes his head subtly to chase away any unwanted thoughts. 

The name  _ Suh _ isn’t uncommon, one of the reasons why it is so hard for them to find anything about Johnny. It would be a coincidence, the edge of miracle, if this boy was related to the Suh they know. The boy doesn’t sport any familiar scent that could recall Johnny, anyway. Anyone should have a subtle scent that links them to their closest family, especially parents and children, just like Haechan has his unique scent but also a bit of Taeyong and Jongin. Taeyong finds destiny cruel, to hit him with a reminder out of the blue. 

“Nice to meet you, Mark.” Taeyong stands up, feeling bad for cutting the moment short but he doesn’t think his unmovable confusion and sourness have their place here. “I am Mr Lee. But you can call me Taeyong and this is Yuta, Haechan’s uncle. We can’t wait to see you on the stage Friday.” 

Mark nods with an endearing blush. Haechan smugly stares at his father, proud that Mark said he is nice. Taeyong will need to have a talk with him, it’s either  _ Markie _ or uncle Jaehyun, he can’t possibly run after every betas and alphas out there. It is in their omega nature to be attracted, except with Haechan, it’s to make minions out of them. 

“Well, prince charming, get in the car,” Taeyong orders with false authority, opening the door for his son to climb in, which the latter does but not after yelling a way too loud goodbye to his friend who runs back to his own car. 

Taeyong can’t help but stare at the man standing behind the wheel. Nothing standing out, a prim and proper uniform indicating he is probably just a driver, korean car number, the classical black sedan like his. Mark’s parents seem busy, but Taeyong knows most of the people frequenting his son’s class, that’s the least he can do to ensure his son’s safety. And if there was a Suh in the parent’s list, they would have known it, especially Yuta. There’s this nagging voice in his head telling him there is something to dig there despite the obvious irrelevant hints. 

“Yuta, I want everything you can find about Mark,” Taeyong says once they are back at the estate and Haechan is locked in his room doing homeworks, which means he is doodling on the pages of his textbooks. 

The alpha is just about to leave when Taeyong catches him in the living room. 

“The name ticked you off?” Behind that question hides the conversation the omega wanted to avoid, he can sense Yuta’s tone like he senses his own. A mixture of  _ spill it  _ and  _ I’ll force it out of you. _

“Not that much,” Taeyong sighs, it’s a bit of a lie but half the truth. “Have you seen any Suh in the school registers? It’s not a Kim or a Lee, you can’t miss it.” 

“Mark is a Suh,” Yuta replies matter-of-factly, an attempt at outsmarting Taeyong to dissuade him from his stretch of deduction. “But I haven’t checked the kid’s register, assuming that all of them would bear the same name as their parents.” 

“Check then, I don’t like having a blind spot about who my son is hanging with.” 

“This is not only about Haechan, right?” Yuta squints his eyes, that smart squint Taeyong hates. “But I know you so I know I shouldn’t probe.” 

The alpha has become an expert at guilt-tripping Taeyong. Even if it is unintended and the omega sees nothing but sincerity in his friend. The records show that he should have trusted him more, if he did, who knows? Maybe they wouldn’t be here right now. Chances are high that he wouldn’t have poked his fate by killing Jongin, chances are high they would be far away under the sun somewhere else than in this hell right now. But that’s life, that’s what people say at least. And Taeyong agrees with it, what has been done is done, and he can’t change the past, but he can learn from his mistakes.

“I am pregnant.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Are you happy? _

Is he? The question is so simple, made up of three words he would understand easily if brought up in different sentences. But once put together, they are deeper than they seem. Taeyong is no philosopher, and it feels like the first time he is asked that question. The more he thinks about it, it might be the first time he has ever heard it. 

The closest he has got to happiness is a brush of a finger over Haechan’s cheek when he was just a bundle of nerves and red skins, crying in his arms as if the baby knew how tough life was going to get. The closest he has got to happiness lately is waking up in Johnny’s bed, sore and bewitched, stretching in a yawn as the drug lord traced the moles on his shoulders early morning, no words were said between them. 

_ Are you happy? _

Yuta took him aback with the sudden interrogation right after Taeyong found the courage to announce his second pregnancy. He tucked the question under his pillow and slept on it for several nights. At first he thought it was irrelevant, void of sense but Yuta never says things just to say them. And Taeyong quickly found the meaning behind it. 

_ Will you manage? Is this the right time? Aren’t you scared?  _ Those are the words he expected from his alpha friend. But Yuta made him understand those were the irrelevant questions. None of them mattered as long as Taeyong was happy. And he is not. He is far from being happy if happy means being safe and sure. 

“I am not.” He has replied.

“Then we’ll do our best to fix that.” Yuta comforted calmly as Taeyong looked for an embrace between his arms. 

He now glances at the alpha, crossed legs in an armchair in a corner of the sterile room. The man reads through a magazine, eyes wide at the many discoveries about omegas like they’ve never done this before. The scenery is such a deja vu from seven years ago, Taeyong on a leaning chair, the uncomfortable feeling of cold lubricant on his stomach, the fidgeting of his left leg against the leather. 

“Please, look at the screen.” 

The omega who took charge looks barely older than him, but maturity and kindness shines through her white coat and smiles. She never asked intimate questions regarding his situation and only stuck to the information on the questionnaire. Taeyong is sorry for not remembering her name, his mind is everywhere but on her and her countless pieces of advice. 

The screen to his right is a blur of black and white smudges, making no sense to the normal eyes. Taeyong has done this before and he is still as clueless so she guides her finger through the image, pointing to a particular corner.

“There isn’t much you can see after eight weeks but this is your little bean.” She informs softly, expecting a smile on the father’s face.

Smiling is hard nowadays but just because he isn’t doesn’t mean it’s no less a beautiful moment for him.  _ Little bean _ , he likes the sound of that. He can hear Yuta approaching, breathing too loud next to him but the pheromone of joy doesn’t go unnoticed to the doctor.

“Are you the father?” 

Yuta chokes on air, quickly denying and the woman gives them both an apologetic grin. How Taeyong wishes Yuta was, not because he loves Yuta more than a friend, but because he wishes another person was there to share it with him. A wishful thinking that touches a sensitive subject. It will never happen, as Sehun said, Johnny is not a family man. The omega wonders what could have been if it wasn’t the case. He wonders too much lately, about what ifs but his life is what it is and if he wants to change something, he must start over from the day of his birth. 

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?” The other omega offers and Taeyong is too eager to nod. But she gets it. He hisses a bit at the cold machine coming in contact with his skin and Yuta is almost jumping like an excited kid at his side.

It takes a few seconds for the small thuds to fill the room and Taeyong has to bite his lips to not cry. It’s blurry, in another context it could be confused with slow footsteps against the snow, soft and delicate. But it’s a sound made of his own beat and Taeyong wishes he could hear Johnny’s too but as much as he tries, he can’t find it. For now, it’s alright, because now he can look at Yuta and say,  _ I am happy _ .

“How was it?” 

Is the first thing Jaehyun asks when they are out of the hospital. The alpha has been waiting, leaning against the car for about an hour, always as loyal as a shadow. Taeyong blows a puff against the cold air, shoving his hand in his pocket, mind travelling again and again to the past hour and that incessant thud rings in his skull, cocooning his insecurities in a warm blanket of love. 

“Just a flu, nothing too alarming,” the omega lies easily when Yuta opens the door for him. 

Despite his no-nonsense policy, Jaehyun is a naive and credulous man. Taeyong knows he has fooled him as soon as the alpha types on his phone, reporting everything to his boss like he usually does. What he feels for Jaehyun doesn’t cross pure platonic respect and newly found friendship but guilt still plagues the atmosphere as they drive back to Neo Pharmaceuticals. He has carefully chosen a private hospital where he knows Johnny doesn’t have eyes and ears, pretexting an aggravated flu after work to justify his visit. 

A singular sight welcomes him when they reach the seaside building. Johnny is a discreet man, that much is obvious to everyone by now. He never moves around unless he doesn’t need to. Taeyong even believes there isn’t much he has seen in the world except the places he uses for business. What seems a safety strategy looks different now. Numerous men move around parked cars in front of the building, affairing themselves with a recent arrival. That’s the most Taeyong has seen of Johnny’s men in one place. The abnormal convoy is not something the alpha would bother with, so much for discretion. 

Said man is just stepping out followed by Kun and Doyoung to join their respective offices when the alpha catches a glimpse of an approaching Taeyong. 

“What is going on?” 

It is not his place to mind about all the fishy deals going on around here, and he may say he is fine not knowing at all. If he has to be found dirty one day, he’d rather it be with dirty money only and not for being an accomplice of whatever Johnny and his men are plotting. The secretive look both betas give to each other doesn’t go unnoticed to Taeyong, nor the nod the drug lord gives them. 

The betas leave their side and when the men rush in without a word, some obviously armed, Taeyong knows this is something he wants to know. 

“Nothing worth your attention,” the alpha says, closing the single buttons of his oxford blazer and Taeyong catches the lines of a pistol under it. Then he leans in, into the omega’s personal space. “Go back to work, I’ll see you later.”

If there was an underline of affection in the proximity, it is covered by the lack of care. That is the most Taeyong has seen of his ghost the past days. And he would have loved to hold onto the man, asking more to quench his worries but he doesn’t because next thing he knows Johnny avoids him again. 

Lately, Taeyong’s burst of impulsivity is unexplainable, but this time he finds reasons that hurt more than he’d like to admit. It probably comes from the ultrasound picture tucked comfortably in his wallet, the heartbeat of his pup obsessing him, but Taeyong has no solution than to run after the alpha. He can’t run away, because being beside Johnny is the only safety he knows. It’s either dying out there without seeing it coming, or dying here but having a chance not to. 

“Are you going to ignore me longer?” Taeyong barely catches Johnny in the elevator going up to the latter’s office. 

Such a small space is not the ideal place to confront the alpha in a state of vulnerability. Taeyong tries to catch a scent, anything, one of guilt, one of sympathy, but all he gets is that one that is so Johnny, nothing but Johnny. It doesn’t help his case because it is the same one that pushes him to give up and forgive each time. 

“Am I ignoring you?” The alpha asks, eyes fixated on the door, refusing to meet his searching ones. 

It would be better if Johnny didn’t look so magnificent, so masculine in a way that makes the omega want to cave. If Taeyong had a mother, he wished she would have warned him against alphas like Johnny. That’s all they are, their main personality trait is being alphas, unmovable, unreachable and manipulative. But even if he had been warned, Taeyong knows he would have fallen anyway, because there are so many layers under that suit, and all he wants is just to see them, to peel them off and be a part of something there. 

“Then tell me what I am.” 

Johnny glances at him for a short instant and Taeyong guesses he has touched a soft spot. Johnny can’t fool him anymore, he had enough time to learn the alpha from head to toe, to know which buttons to push and which one to avoid. And as much as the man tries to stay that block of ice he impersonates so well, Taeyong knows he is one of the heat that can melt him if their night together can testify. Johnny is scared and lost. 

“You are whatever you want to be.” 

The doors open and Johnny uses his long strides to leave Taeyong behind but the omega walks faster, catching up to him before the doors of his office can close. He completely ignores Doyoung’s panicky movements when he passes by the beta’s desk. They both know the beta won’t stop him, he would have done so if he really wanted to. 

“Stop with your cryptic bullshits, Johnny.” The door closes behind them but knowing Doyoung, he is probably standing right behind. Not to make sure Johnny is alright, to make sure Taeyong is. “You’re the one holding me back. So make up your mind. I thought I was done with your manipulative phase, am I in the cocksleeve phase now?” 

“You, omegas,” Johnny finally looks at him, impassive, a thin layer of anger underneath his tone. The kind of anger that if poked might explode in a yell. And there is nothing more Taeyong wants than to hear it, anything that comes close to Johnny feeling. “Always want more than what your greedy self can get.” 

That one is a hard blow. One of the traits that Taeyong loved in Johnny is the apparent equality he treats every status with. But apparently he is wrong. Taeyong believed in it, that whatever comes his way, Johnny would never disregard his status, the place society made for him. In the end, all alphas are the same, full of inflated ego, refusing to lose before everyone, refusing to admit that sometimes kneeling down doesn’t mean defeat. Johnny is no different. Despite his play pretend, he is the same as the others. 

“What would you know?”

“Why?” The alpha scoffs, hovering like a tower over Taeyong, taking advantage of his tall stature and build to assert dominance before a much more petite Taeyong. “You think you are the omega for me? You’re not the first one I have to deal with. Lee Taeyong is just one omega among billions of others.”

_ There is someone else, there is always someone else. _ The insecurities come flooding within the omega. There is always someone somewhere, because that’s what the common ideals feed their mind, alphas choose and play, omegas line up and compete. It was the same pattern with his family, there was always someone better to be who they presumed he can’t be. It was the same with Jongin, there was always one housemaid, one receptionist, one omega who was worth much more attention than Taeyong. And here he is, trying to climb a ladder that will always be snatched under his feet. 

“Fine.” It rains like an incoming storm within Taeyong. Johnny’s words are like those first drops falling on his face when he looks up at the grey sky, knowing it will rain harder soon. They are soft at first, albeit a bit cold against his skin but soon more comes pouring and Taeyong finds himself caught in the flood of it all. “Keep your secrets, I’ll keep mine. But I’m not yours to hold back.” 

“What? Do you want to hear an apology? Or an I lov-”

“Don’t.” There is no denying the way the mobster’s eyes shiver for a second. Maybe if Taeyong cried, they would think this isn’t a big deal, that sometimes things are said out of impulsivity. But Taeyong doesn’t, he has cried too much for any alphas to deserve his tears again. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean.”

The drug lord watches stoically as Taeyong leaves the confines of his office, brushing past a very disappointed Doyoung. If any of them hear a sniffing, or the hint of a sob from the departing omega, they do nothing of it. 

Johnny can’t say he didn’t mean it, he never says things just to say them. But the frustrated shout he gives, followed by the throwing of an ashtray against the wall is enough to make Doyoung jump, every ounce of a scolding fading on his tongue. Johnny’s fists are turning white against the wood of his desk, fringe covering his face as he heaves his anger out. Whether it’s anger against himself or the world, Doyoung doesn’t think he deserves a comforting talk. 

“You’re still learning.” The beta leans against the frame of the door, arms crossed as if to tell Johnny he is not open for an argument right now. “I know you, I know what you’re trying to do. I know your ways, Johnny. But protecting someone works in a different pattern than using them.”

“What do you want me to do?” The drug lord chuckles bitterly, falling back in an armchair, head thrown back to stare at the ceiling. He is not the type to regret, but he is the type to dwell on remorses. “Buy him flowers? Dinner? I don-”

“Start by speaking your mind, big boy.” Doyoung detaches himself from the frame when Johnny spares him some attention. “All you’re doing by pushing him away is challenging yourself to break faster.”

Loneliness is an island, Doyoung believes. And he has always seen Johnny as a small child, stranded on it. Afraid to ask for help or to escape because being by himself is better than being around those who put him there in the first place. He thinks he is better surviving on his own, that he can harvest his island and thrive on it. And when he is granted company, all he does is push it away, like a greedy kid convinced whoever is around him will steal his land. But what he doesn’t understand is there is no place to go for whoever Johnny pushes away, just the ocean to drown in. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


The manila folder sits untouched

in his suitcase. Taeyong eyes it for exactly twelve long seconds. It has taken Yuta less than three days to get everything but for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to read it in the office. Now that he is back in his quarter, he is still hesitating. He knows the chances are slim that he would find something relevant in the papers. He is being paranoid about a kid his son’s age for something that happened days ago. 

As much as he likes to think it doesn’t touch him, Johnny’s words have stuck to his skin like sweat for the past days.  _ There is always someone else.  _ And it doesn’t get better when he sees the numbers on Neo Pharmaceuticals report. No more illegal goods, only basic purchases for the medical productions. Whatever Johnny is scheming right now is completely hidden from him. He has pretended to not see the men leaving the building everyday to never show up again in the evening. He has pretended to not see when most of the syndicates spend their time in town more nowadays. 

He won’t have any other occasion to get to the bottom of his gut feelings, right now is the time. In the living room, he can hear Haechan giggling loudly at whatever Jaehyun and Kun are saying, and it is only a matter of minutes before the kid asks for his attention. He opens it.

Mark Suh is only six, there is no reason for Taeyong to be suspicious, this is ridiculous. But he reads anyway.

The kid is not related to his  _ parents _ as Taeyong expected. He was put in the foster system two years ago. Born in Chicago six years ago, given to the Park family, a childless couple with enough money to make the kid an eternal substitute of what they never had. The family moved to Korea as soon as they got the kid under their care, unsurprisingly with the approval of the system. Maybe because the Parks are influential, or maybe because of his origin. 

And that’s the part that catches Taeyong’s attention the most. His biological father, and still his father in the eyes of the law,  _ Suh Jungwoo. _ An omega of the night, with no resources and too much criminal record to be allowed a child. Taeyong knows that when they state “Dubious career” it is only a courteous way to call the man a whore. But no sign of neglect or mistreatment. For some reason, Taeyong feels sympathy for the faceless omega. He has no other means to judge the other than through what is under his eyes and it is not like him to spread prejudice on another omega. 

Suh Jungwoo… It is too far-fetched to believe he has anything to do with Johnny. The facts, the ink on the paper are way too irrelevant to link. And Taeyong feels guilty for probing into some stranger’s life. He, himself, is fighting his own way for his kid, and he can only empathize with the man. He can’t even imagine for a second having his child taken away from him. 

But still, there’s still that horrible feeling in him. The one telling him he is not the only omega who has truly crossed Johnny’s path, and whoever it is, Yoon Danbi aside, could be anyone. And this stranger here, has at least one thing that links him to Johnny, one thing that rises the probability of it being him compared to others. But Chicago is on the other side of the world, and a name is just a modern day immatriculation. 

Taeyong tucks the files back into the enveloppe, locking it in a drawer only he has the key and access to. Unfructuous and guilt inducing, that’s what his evening is. 

Haechan is trying to climb on Jaehyun’s back like a monkey when Taeyong interrupts them. The child is way too happy about the alpha grunting beneath him. It seems like Haechan has forgotten the warnings Taeyong gave him about uncle Jaehyun needing recovery. But then again the monster isn't helping when he hides his pain from all the cruel ministration the little devil brings upon him. 

“Baby, get off of uncle Jaehyun.” Taeyong winces when the alpha whimpers when Haechan pulls at his hair to get higher, his little feet taking a harsh step against his side, around where the poor man has been shot. 

“For his defense,” Kun says from the kitchen, a delicious smell accompanying his voice as he prepares them dinner. “Jaehyun is the one who challenged him to climb on top himself.”

“I’m almost there daddy!” The cherubin yells, and Jaehyun is too proud to say that he should probably take his son off. 

Instead the alpha sends him a distressed look which Taeyong takes a  _ save me please _ . The omega scoffs, alphas and their pride… It takes a bit of effort to get the monkey off as he grips as hard as he can on Jaehyun’s scalp but they manage and the poor man finally breathes out when he is released from the spawn of Satan himself. Taeyong doesn’t want to get an earful of Doyoung if his husband goes back home with a bald patch. 

“It is not ok to climb on people, darling.” The father glances up teasingly at Jaehyun. “Even if they stupidly ask you to do so.”

“I didn’t think he’d really do it.” Oh Jaehyun, he should know to never ever challenge an hyperactive kid to anything at all. “But it’s fine.”

There is a fatherly side to Jaehyun too. Ever since Haechan made friends with the mobsters, he turned to be a bit violent and bratty. But they all know to let him be. Everyone around knows Haechan has never had a father figure who could care for the most childish part in him, and a bunch of alphas and betas are just the right playground he never had. He is not a docile omega like most kids his age with the same status are expected to be. But is it really surprising when they know who Taeyong is?

“Daddy, did you already invite uncle Jaehyun for tomorrow?” 

He completely forgot. His mind has been everywhere but on tomorrow’s event. He’ll never hear the end of it if the mobster doesn’t show up. Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at the request and Taeyong quickly clears his throat guiltily. 

“Well, since we’re already here, you ask him, darling.” Taeyong pats the small head, encouraging the kid to speak up as if he is helping him to talk to his long time crush. 

Taeyong knows it is inoffensive, Haechan will grow out of it soon when he’ll realize he can’t compete to win an adult married man. And he finds it quite cute, quite endearing that thanks to those hooligans, his child is opening up and forgetting the constant life changing events that come their way. 

“Uncle Jaehyun, can you come to theater night tomorrow? I’m gonna play a prince and I’ll be wearing a crown!” 

The request is way too chirpy and adorable for Jaehyun to refuse. 

“If it makes you uncomf-”

“I’ll come.” Jaehyun cuts the father. 

“Can you bring your boyfriend and uncle Johnny too?” 

Both the adults are taken aback. First because Haechan is well aware that Jaehyun does, in fact, have a  _ boyfriend _ . And also because hearing uncle Johnny is a bit odd. But everyone who is taller than him is an uncle to Haechan anyway. Taeyong likes the mundanity of it, as if everyone is a big family to Haechan and not only partners in illegal business. Yet, the thought of it still pinches his fragile heart. That ideal seems unreachable now. 

“You know he has a boyfriend?” Taeyong dramatically asks with a gasp, deciding to address the first issue rather than the second one. 

The stare Jaehyun gives him is an apologetic one. The alpha probably heard what happened through his mate and is aware that the nonexistent relationship between the drug lord and the omega is shattering right now. 

“Of course, I do.” The little devil states defiantly, blowing a strand of hair off his face in a sign of childish frustration. “He can come so uncle Jaehyun can see me and my crown are way better.”

That deserved a good laugh even from Kun. Taeyong wants to tell him he may have a crown but Doyoung has a gun and a bite mark and nothing can compete. But he will let Haechan dream for now and maybe break it to him when he is older that he never stood a chance. Maybe when the kid is finally a teenager and tries to act petty. 

“Ok, you better impress me on that stage.” The alpha gives him a small high five and Taeyong is the impressed one at how much Jaehyun and Kun have changed since Haechan. “I’ll ask uncle Johnny and make sure he is there, ok?”

“Cool,” the kid tries to play coy as if they can’t see the excitement in his eyes. Taeyong wonders how the child sees Johnny. How does it feel to see only the good side of someone and believe everyone is filled with righteousness. 

“Am I not invited?” Kun yells from the kitchen, heads poking through the archway dividing the two rooms. 

“I am not sure you get the art of theater,” Haechan counters. “But come if you want to.”

Such fancy words from a kid who probably heard it from his teacher and doesn’t understand anything either. 

“I hate your kid.” Kun sings calmly as he goes back to his place. “Of course I won’t understand shit with how you’ll forget your lines.”

“Uncle Kun is always saying potty words, Daddy!” Haechan snitches proudly and Taeyong nods, telling him he’ll scold Kun soon and that’s what hanging around labs makes of you. 

“It’s probably all the fumes from his weird magic, baby.” Taeyong teases, not missing when Kun threatens to spit in his food. “Could you behave for me? I have a call to make.”

Taeyong asks Jaehyun silently to keep an eye on the kid for a second which the alpha agrees to. It’s soon time for the man to go back home so Taeyong is grateful for the little spare time. He moves to another room where he is sure Kun’s cooking and Haechan’s giggles will cover his voice. 

He waits for three beeps before the other side picks up and Taeyong hates the voice that welcomes him. He never thought he’d be here someday but his options are now slim, as slim as his fading trust. Ironic when two mobsters are now in a room alone with his kid. As much as he wants to have faith in Jaehyun, Doyoung or Kun, they are still under Johnny’s orders and have probably vowed loyalty. He knows very well it is unfair to them, but they are in the secrets they have been left out of. They are participating in the schemes he is left out of, and said scheme is not looking good, especially when Johnny made clear he is nothing to them.

“ _ Never thought you’d call me, sweetheart.” _

“Cut the crap, Sehun.” Taeyong mutters into the line. “You know what is going on.”

_ “Good evening to you too.”  _ Taeyong can imagine a smug smirk on the other side.  _ “Depends, what are you asking me?” _

“Johnny has been recruiting syndicates and travelling abroad. What is going on?” 

There is a short silence and Taeyong guesses the beta is either inventing lies in his mind or finding a way to toy with him before spitting the truth. Surprisingly, he doesn’t. 

“ _ Guo has officially declared war on Neo Pharmaceuticals.”  _ Taeyong didn’t even know Guo knew of Johnny, given Yoon didn’t. Johnny is known for his invisibility.  _ “Johnny is the one who made himself known, he sold the weapons under his nose, in plain sight at an auction in China.” _

“I wasn’t aware.” 

_ “Of course, you weren’t.”  _ Sehun’s tone is serious, unlike what Taeyong has ever heard before.  _ “You don’t know how dangerous a war between syndicates is. Your allies and enemies can quickly change sides. The only ones who aren’t in the secret are those who can be let down.” _

The words bring a shiver down his spine. Sehun is not a liar, that much he has learnt. He is an outsider with too much information on his hand, never involving himself as he learnt from Yuta and Doyoung. He has no interest threatening Taeyong and if he wanted to harm the omega, he would have done it. 

_ “Johnny has never lost before. He never loses, he won’t hesitate to use any means. It’s like I told you, sweetheart. Better find a safety net while you can run away.”  _

Sehun speaks of experience, it is obvious in his tone. That is certainly why he is on his own, he has seen too much betrayal and death to stay in one place, to dive into this kind of bullshit again. But much more than the beta, something else speaks to Taeyong. The growing child in him. He sees himself a few weeks back, in the middle of those bullets flying, on the verge of death. He sees himself a few years back, when he sees Jongin coming back to the apartment, talking on the phone about the men he lost, the way he describes how to torture those who dares to go against him. He sees himself in that room full of corpses, Jaehyun planting a bullet in Yoon’s head, not caring about families, about the close one who’ll have to take a loss. 

“I’ll get back to you.” Is all he can say, voice and body trembling at the thought of being caught in the middle of it all. It is different to be the target of mobsters and running away. This time he is a prop, his child is a prop again, and sooner or later, he’ll be used again. 

If Guo is involved, the Kims are too, many other clans who believe he still has the assets are involved, and his wallet is the perfect weapon to win.  _ I’ll protect you, little bean. _

Taeyong hangs up, thumbs already pressing on another number. 

_ “Officer Park speaking.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii!!! Sorry for the late update guys and thanks for bearing with me, my dick of a boss thought it would be nice to make me work my ass off during the holiday, inhuman duh. Anyway do you guys see that amount of kudos??? You guys are the best, I can't express how much you make me so happy writing this! Chill time is over, let's get into the real shit. I'm back on the fast updates, and I'll do my best to not disappoint you!


	12. Chapter 12

It’s the third time Johnny touches his watch, 

his thumb quickly stroking the dial to chase nonexistent crumbs of dust. An habit of his Doyoung finds useless since he likes to keep his things pristin, organized. Along the years the beta has learned it’s a reflex related to time, he doesn’t know in which aspect. Maybe begging it to go slower, maybe begging it to go faster. Right now, it seems to be the second option.

The minutes go slow in between the four private walls of the restaurant their guest has carefully chosen. Johnny hasn’t touched much of his early dinner, Doyoung either. Just across them, Guo Biming seems more at ease, imagining the advantage he has. When they agreed to meet, in a fake situation of ceasefire, Johnny didn’t deem it necessary to come with his own army, a decision Doyoung couldn’t refute. Unlike their guest who, right this moment, have three men waiting outside the room and a convoy outside.

It is not a question of number, more a question of confidence and safety. Guo is smart enough to know he won’t pull the trigger on Johnny, and the latter wouldn’t do it to him either. A sign of mutual trust they need just tonight. Bringing their men would have meant giving the clans the green light to look for feud out of their watch. Things happen quickly in this world, one misplaced glance and their men outside would already be screaming bloody murder in the parking lot. 

“I’ve heard my men have been a bit wild this week,” Biming says between two bites of his smoked duck, eyes leaving his plate for a second, descending on the untouched ones before him before settling on his again. “If they caused you any inconvenience, I apologize.”

“Nothing but a petty fight,” Johnny answers, equalling the courtesy. Doyoung scoffs in his drink, his legs aching underneath him. They’ve been sitting on the cushions for almost an hour now. “Boys will be boys.”

What a meager way to describe a gunfight that occurred a few days ago, between their men, in a residential area they call neutral grounds. A diplomatic way of saying no business around there belongs to a syndicate. Alphas are too proud to just admit they don’t own something, it is better to make a pretty name for it. It is better to agree they own nothing together. The confrontation almost made it in the news if the beta hasn’t bribed some influential men. A dozen of death, a dozen of injuries. Johnny would never allow fire to be opened in town, so the order must have come from Biming himself.  _ “If you see any of their men in town, open the fire.”  _ The traditional way to declare a war around here. 

“Should I offer compensation for your loss?” The alpha across them asks, wiping his mouth, signaling he is finally done. The sound of chopsticks against porcelain stops, leaving the place to negotiate. “How many of them have families?” 

“Please, don’t bother. My boys have been rowdy too.” 

It is the first time they meet face to face, but Guo has heard of them as much as they heard of the alpha too. He must be in late fifties, maybe more given his archaic manners and the way he speaks slowly with articulated words. Doyoung can see on his face he appreciates Johnny’s manners. That glint saying if they had met in better circumstances, they would certainly be associates.

“Let’s turn the page, then. We both agree there is no grudge to hold.” At the man’s words, Doyoung glances at his boss. 

For the untrained eyes, he is composed, calm, as usual. But the beta has known him for so long he can read between the lines. The way Johnny’s fingers shivered for a second on his knee, or the subtle squint in his eyes. It is almost childish, what Doyoung sees there. Anyone would compare it to pettiness but the beta knows better. It is that look that says there is a grudge somewhere there, that look saying he is bitter because of the void. That void in Biming’s eyes. For the man, Johnny is nothing but a stranger, a face in the crowd. And that strokes the younger alpha the wrong way, if only Biming knew what he means to Johnny. A lifetime, an entire lifetime sacrificed just to be noticed, to be acknowledged. Everything Johnny did in his life led to one goal, that to be seated here, tonight, right now, just so Biming sees his face.

“None at all,” Johnny quickly finds his composure again, not like their guest noticed. “Nothing personal, at least. But there are rules concerning neutral grounds and territories.”

“I understand, and apologize once again.” 

“Your men could have broken the omerta, firing in a territory controlled by public authorities.” The younger alpha asserts. “As long as we don’t find ourselves in that situation again, there won’t be a reason for us to meet in the future.”

“Well, there is one,” Biming raises a finger, beckoning one of the men outside to come forth. Doyoung shares a puzzled glance with his boss, who is focused on hiding his curiosity. “I’m still open to compensate you for my mistakes. Now, it’s your turn to apologize for yours.” 

The beta who just entered the room bows to them, fishing a stack of papers from a suitcase before sliding it towards them. Doyoung knows exactly what they mean, he has seen it a lot. A contract of transfer, more like a contract of sale. 

“The weapons you snatched from me were very important,” Biming informs, hands coming to join under his chin, eyes squinting on Johnny’s stoic expression, looking for a sign of fear. “They are not toys to play with, young man. I’ve lost the Chineses and I must say it puts both of us in an embarrassing situation.” 

“I was just doing business,” Johnny gives a discrete smile, making his beta assistant panic. He still believes what they pulled is a bad idea, exposing themselves just to provoke Biming. “As we all do around here, right?”

“You’re a smart alpha.” The man taps twice on the paper with the tip of his finger. “So smart you pulled Neo Pharmaceuticals out of a very dark place. Let’s talk about peace. I want the major shares, yours.”

“Unfortunately,” Johnny refutes politely, “it took me a long time to accomplish that, and I still have plans for Neo Pharmaceuticals.”

“As you wish, but you should stay open to discussion.” It is a threat, they would be blind to not see it. Nobody in this field gives up so easily, and the papers offered to them is a guarantee of armistice. One they openly rejected. “You have potential, Mr Suh. I believe you can make it big, don’t let an impulsive judgement ruin that.” 

“I’ll think about it.” Johnny stands up from his seat, followed by his assistant. Guo’s man makes a sudden move but the older alpha gives him a nod, ordering him to let the men leave. “It is getting late. If I change my mind, which won’t happen soon, I’ll know where to find you.”

The both of them bow to the elder, ready to depart. They are aware they leave behind a silence that means future altercations, an atmosphere calling for blood and tears. But in this field, it is just occupational hazard, it happens and they’ll know how to manage as usual. 

“One last thing, Mr Suh,” Guo calls, still rooted to his spot before the alpha and the beta can leave. “Have we met somewhere before? I’m good at remembering people’s eyes, and the wild sparks in yours are familiar.” 

There it is, the satisfaction on Johnny’s face, the one that makes Doyoung want to run away and leave this world. Biming’s words are probably ringing in the alpha’s ears like those of a proud father. It was a tease, a small inoffensive joke from the older but it certainly means the world to Johnny. 

“We did,” Johnny answers and Doyoung gulps. He isn’t going to bring that up now, right? He would be a fool to do so. “But it was a long time ago, nothing very memorable. Don’t worry about it, I don’t hold grudges.” 

“Why did you tell him that?” Is the first question Doyoung asks when they are sheltered in the car, him behind the wheel, looking at Johnny through the rearview mirror. 

The alpha gives him a smug glance before looking back at the landscape outside. The sun set about an hour ago and there is not much they can admire anymore. 

“Just answering his questions,” Johnny says, making the assistant roll his eyes. The alpha would never lose an opportunity to play with people’s mind. Except Guo Biming is not just  _ people _ and his little display of immaturity could cost them lives, if not theirs. “When’s that school show you told me about?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s surprising,

how fast a child can change. How they adapt to their environment in such a short time and absorb everything like a sponge. Haechan used to be shy a few months ago, and Mark would be the first friend he made in the many years he’s been at Dulwich. At least, to Taeyong’s knowledge. There are so many things about children he wished he learnt earlier, so many things he wished the books he had read during his pregnancy could have taught him. 

He has suspected that Jongin made it harder for both of them, the way the six years old wasn’t allowed to be himself at home, to keep quiet, to play by himself because one of his fathers wasn’t the most caring human being and the other one was too busy to do anything about it. The omega can’t blame it all on his former husband, he should have been the shield between the alpha and the kid, but he was too blind to realize he has only been shielding himself. One couldn’t call it neglect as he always made time for the kid, from school recitals to parental duties, but it’s never enough. A child needs friends, they need to be reassured and loved every second of their life.

Taeyong only sees it now that the evil has been done. He only realizes it now as he sees the changes as Haechan runs from left to right in the auditorium’s hallways, trying to introduce friends his father has never heard of. This isn’t the same omega he has raised, this is a better one, and the one he has to thank are just beside him, watching the army of kids yelling and crying around them.

“I didn’t realize there would be so many gremlins.” Jaehyun mutters discreetly in Kun’s direction who is surprisingly calmer in this situation.

“It’s an elementary school, what did you expect?” The chemist answers, not without a pinch of sarcasm. 

“Don’t worry it will start soon,” Yuta laughs. Unlike him, the other two have probably spent the majority of their life away from this kind of event, away from children in generals. Given their first meeting with the little Lee, they haven’t even seen a child up close before. 

It makes Taeyong even more curious about their past life. If he didn’t get pregnant, there is no doubt he would feel as anxious as them right now. He wasn’t in the best conditions to learn about parenting but things happen and here he is. 

“What’s bothering you, little prince?” The omega takes his attention away from the adults now that Haechan has stopped mingling with the other kid his age, silently biting his nails beside his father. “Are you nervous?”

“Nope,” he pops the last letter, pretending to be confident but he fools nobody, and certainly not his father. The kid glances up to the adults and Taeyong instantly understands. 

It is not the first time Haechan has to be on the stage during a school show, and he would never miss an occasion to boast about how much he can forget his lines, at least the odd acting makes up for it. But it is the first time his own personal cheer squad isn’t made of just Taeyong and Yuta. His nervosity oddly reassures the father, it means the kid is happy enough to be worried about doing good this time. 

“What if uncles find me bad?” Haechan whispers in Taeyong’s ears when the omega crouches to his level. 

“Hey,” The father gently pats his head, ignoring the concerned stare he gets from their friends. “Do you think they are good at acting? They’re probably so bad at it they can’t even judge you.”

“We heard that,” Kun interrupts before a groan as Jaehyun elbowed him.

“Look, you only have to impress the two of them,” Taeyong glances at the mobsters who try a smile to comfort the kid but it looks like grimaces. 

“You mean the four of them?” Yuta cuts, pointing to the entrance.

Taeyong raises to his feet, his reaction the complete opposite of his child’s. The newcomers stand out too much to go unnoticed. Two giants in grey suits towering over a bunch of swarming kids dressed in fairy tales costumes. The look on Doyoung’s face either hints towards disgust or pure fear, and Taeyong can’t help but chuckle. For men who are swimming in constant danger… 

As for Johnny, the omega couldn’t believe it. When Jaehyun said he’d talk to him, he expected the man to just reject the invitation. A man like him has certainly better things to do than watching kids trying not to stutter for an hour. 

“Did Doyoung tell him there will be a bar?” Kun whispers, voicing out everyone’s astonishment. 

They are still under the weird spell that comes with seeing Johnny here to react. The alpha flinches whenever a kid runs by, looking like he is about to kick away whoever gets to close. Those men are certainly something, Taeyong tells himself with humor, finally assessing that the alpha is real. 

_ You didn’t have to come _ , he wants to say as soon as they meet. He wants to be petty, to make Johnny understand he is hurt and that his face is the last thing the omega wants to see. But he would be lying. 

“Uncle Johnny!” Haechan yells, throwing himself off his father to run into the alpha’s leg, hugging the living shit out of it. 

The pure look of panic on the alpha’s face has everyone holding their breath but soon it dissolves and is replaced by courtesy.

“How’s it sailing, mate?” Johnny pats the kid’s hair just like how Taeyong does so affectionately, uttering words that only Haechan and him have the secrets of.

Taeyong knows they met once but it wakes some turmoil in his chest to know that his son has grasped more of what makes Johnny than he did during all the altercations they had. He has heard Haechan telling him about the new friend he has met one night, the one who used to sail the ocean and lived secret adventures that can’t be shared with anyone else but an innocent soul. And Taeyong also knows Haechan has shared his own secrets, the days of silences only interrupted by Taeyong begging to be spared from pain, why and when the weakest of his fathers would cry. Johnny remembered, Haechan remembered, and Taeyong is in between, trying to remember what it’s like when Johnny cares for him.

“Don’t worry,” Kun tells Doyoung who seems offended by the six years old, “he doesn’t greet me either.” 

When wandering eyes finally meet, Taeyong looks away, not bothering to try and understand the look the alpha is giving him. The fear to see acknowledgement becomes deeper than the fear of seeing indifference. One too many times, the omega fell for it. He is stronger, day by day, and Johnny can’t take that from him again, not when his indulgence is taken for weakness. 

He sees the hint of a greeting on the alpha’s lips, interrupted by one of the teachers clapping to call the children around. Just like that, things go unsaid again. Some say the best moment calls for the best reconciliations, but to Taeyong, there is never a best moment and to Johnny, every moment is one. 

“It’s gonna start,” Taeyong catches himself before he can turn the mood sour for all of them. “Yuta, could you lead them? I’ll join you in a minute.” 

Nobody says a thing, despite seeing the evident tension between the two of them. Doyoung almost speaks but is quickly cut by an eager Kun, pulling him towards the seats of the auditorium, understanding fully well that the father has to calm himself. Johnny seems to understand, or he just doesn’t as he follows after everyone, finding it difficult to find his place here. 

“He didn’t have to come.” The father breathes out, seeing Jaehyun hesitating to leave him by himself. “Why did he come?”

“Why are you here?” Jaehyun asks, making Taeyong look at the floor with a well deserved scoff. More of a self reassurance than any malice against the man. 

“In case you didn’t notice, my son is here, I have no better place to be.” 

“You have your answer.” Jaehyun shrugs and dares a smile when Taeyong glares at him.

Jaehyun, Doyoung and Kun are the first responsible for his heartbreaks, always feeding him words that resemble hope. He was right, they are awful actors. 

“I was deployed in Syria when I turned twenty three. I decided to stay in the army after enlistment because my mother didn’t have a lot of money for my education.” Taeyong wants to say this is not the right place to recall traumatic memories but Jaehyun is too composed. It is not traumatic for him, it is a memory like any other. “And I deserted the battleground so I should be banned out of this country right now. Every second I’m here, I’m risking it all.” 

“Why are you here?” It sounds like a broken record, but Taeyong didn’t ask it out of curiosity. He asked it out of logic, as if Jaehyun is waiting for him to ask just because he has a point to prove.

“I have no better place to be.” When the alpha leaves him to join his mate somewhere around the middle row, when Doyoung lays his head on the alpha’s shoulder, Taeyong pinches himself. Jaehyun may seem right, but his skin is thick now and right is too blurry from wrong. 

The only seat left, courtesy of the hooligans, is next to Johnny. The man doesn’t spare him any glance as he takes it, the room turning dark as the spotlight focuses on the stage. He should focus on the play too, a very bad rendition of the sleeping beauty, probably because with the princess sleeping the entire play they have one less kid to supervise. His stare is on the dim lit face of the alpha beside him. 

  
  


In this huge crowd, a great amount of scent is mingling, from omegas to alphas, but Taeyong only catches one. That deep fragrance of musk he so often dreams about. Johnny’s stare is on the event, never wavering away and there is no saying if it’s because he truly appreciates being here, or if he knows he will meet Taeyong’s if he turns away…

“-The princess will fall in eternal sleep if she is not awakened by a kiss made of glove-” One kid stutters quickly followed by an aggressive whisper from one teacher “Love! Made of Love.” 

The crowd erupts in laughter and behind his usual demeanor, Taeyong sees the canvas of an amused smile on Johnny’s face. If only this moment was real and they weren’t. Taeyong would be that father like many others, only worrying about bills and family holidays. And Johnny, he would be a man, just a man with no issues, no background, just a man Taeyong can love in peace.

It is not the case, but right in this moment, with Kun laughing too loud for the lack of true comedy, Doyoung and Jaehyun holding each other’s hands and Johnny watching the play like it is the best movie he has ever seen, it might be home for a while. Taeyong decides to forget and watch as his son sword fights a dragon made of paper mâché, his crown a bit crooked from all the running around he did. 

He has never met any of them before Jongin’s death, but they feel familiar, they feel like the dreams he often have about family and normal life. 

“Take this, evil monster!” Haechan proclaims as he gives one violent punch to the fake beast. 

It doesn’t take long before they can see his lips quiver in pain as he clutches his fist against his chest. Out of reflex, Taeyong grabs Johnny’s arm, squeezing, hesitating if he should run to the stage and comfort his son or just watch how it goes.

The alpha’s eyes descend on his worried form, the fingers around his arm and the frown on his face. 

“Don’t underestimate him.” The whisper is closer than the omega expected and he realizes his doing. 

Just as Johnny said that in his ear, Haechan quickly rubs the fist against his thigh before putting on a brave mask, smiling widely as the dragon falls to the floor. Everyone notices the short glances he throws over the assembly, looking for his uncle Jaehyun who gives him a thumbs up and just like that Taeyong’s worries vanish. 

A hand comes catching his retracting one, Johnny’s rough and calloused fingers wrap around his, forcing Taeyong to retain a gasp. 

“What are you doing,” he whispers back, trying to retract his hand again but Johnny looks back towards the stage, giving him a light squeeze. 

“Apologizing.” And that’s the issue, Johnny going out of his way to do just that, apologizing. Taeyong falls over again, but it’s too easy to let the alpha win, but too hard to cause a scene right now. 

Johnny’s hand feels so warm around his, they had done so much more before but this is a level of intimacy that overwhelms Taeyong. Just touching without any other meaning behind than existing together… It feels so appeasing and the smell of musk feels so strong in his nose. Johnny has some guts scenting him in the middle of children and parents.

The omega feels like a teenager, doing something he shouldn’t do but feeling so good about it. That’s how the alpha makes him feel, a teenager, a whimsical kid chasing after a dream that’s unreachable. Yet Johnny’s sole existence makes it believable. 

Taeyong has been to so many plays before but it is the first time one passes by so slow, or it is his brain playing tricks on him. But everything has an end, and he blinks when the light suddenly comes on after the kids bow to the crowd and the delusional parents are done applauding them. 

“Daddy! Daddy! Did you see me?” Haechan rushes to them, his paper crown falling over his eyes and he stumbles into the father’s arms.

Taeyong was quick to take back his hand when they left the room, once again finding themselves in the middle of excited children, some already falling asleep in their parents’ arms. Nobody said a thing even if they saw the interaction between him and Johnny, except Kun who snickered only to be elbowed again. 

“Of course I saw you, muffin.” He pats the little man on the back. “It was hard to miss you.”

Certainly because a good majority of the event was about the prince. Even if Haechan refused to kiss his princess on the cheek, claiming it was full of cooties and ended up feeding her a piece of chocolate. The poor alpha princess woke up before she should, crying in the teacher’s arms and yelling over the microphone how mean Haechan was. 

“You did so good up there, my prince,” Yuta chirps, earning a nod from almost everyone. “I’m sure you can beat Jaehyun’s ass now.”

“Yes, because I’m made of paper,” Jaehyun rolls his eyes. Taeyong catches Doyoung whispering something in his ears and they both look around at the swarm of children with something akin to fondness.

The omega knows that feeling. Something stirs inside him, wondering how much it hurts to long for something as comforting as a family, and he wonders how much has been taken from these men because of the path they choose. Somewhere, they found it in Haechan, something they didn’t even know they missed. 

“Can we get ice cream on the way?” At this point, the small omega is already nestled in his arms, sleep taking over sooner than expected. 

“Of course, darling,” Taeyong chuckles in his hair, there will be no ice cream. Haechan will be asleep by the time they arrive home, forgetting about his whims.

“Hyung-nim, we have one last meeting, we should hurry.” Taeyong has completely forgotten about Johnny before Doyoung addresses him. 

There is not much the omega expected after their moment in the auditorium, certain Johnny’s ways follow the same pattern every time. A little bit of care and a whole lot of blank words and forgetting. It was nice while it lasted, like everything Taeyong has ever known, he has reached a point where he can’t bother to care anymore. He takes what is offered and moves on until the next time, if there will be a next time. His patience is thin nowadays. Johnny seems to ignore how unforgiving a broken omega can be. 

“Go ahead,” Taeyong turns to the others instead, not daring to make eye contact with the man awaiting his attention. “I’m going back, I’m exhausted.”

There’s no looking back when he reaches the parking lot with Yuta, just a small glance towards the alpha who boards his own car. Parking lots remind him of an awful lot of heartbreaks and unshed tears… Seeing Johnny standing under the lamppost, always so unreachable thought a few feet away. The white lines on the asphalt look a lot like a limit Taeyong can’t cross anymore, the demarcation of the different worlds they live in. Last time he went beyond the limits, he was left shattered, but not tonight, even if Johnny’s stare lingers a minute too late on him.

The ride home is silent, as silent as the house. Taeyong tucks a mumbling Haechan in his bed. The room is coming together recently, from the little star sticker the kid had put on the headrest, and the scattered toys, it looks a bit more like a safe haven every day. But the father never forgets that one second to the other, they could be running away. 

“I had fun,” the small bundle murmurs from under his blanket. Taeyong tries a crooked smile. He too had fun, somehow. 

“I’m very happy for you.” At least someone lived in the moment. The omega isn’t lying, for once. He looks at his tingling palm under the dim light of Haechan’s bedside lamp. It was enjoyable, the fingers between his, the deliberate minute of short sightedness from the mess in their life. “Now, off to dreamland.” 

“I just received it this morning,” Yuta says from the couch when Taeyong is out of the room.

The alpha throws a stack of paper on the coffee table that Taeyong doesn’t even bother reading. The bold “Witness Protection Program” written on it is enough hint to what he can find inside. He has thought about it a lot those days, the what ifs. This world only have one exit, Jongin once told him. He can’t remember when but it was one of those rare nights during which none of them had enough energy to fight. Taeyong begged him for a divorce like one too many times, but Jongin would be a fool to let go of his most prized pocession. And that exit, Jongin found it, six feet under, where nothing bothers him anymore.

Taeyong have lived until today to the price of everything he owns, of his dignity and pride, and he isn’t about to die, not now when he has a new life to protect. 

“We’ll leave silently as soon as they grant it.” 

Yuta stands up, rubbing his face in his palm in what his friend recognize as hesitation and doubt. 

“I don’t think we should.” That’s new. “I think you should tell Johnny.”

“What?” The incredulous laugh Taeyong gives throws them in a second of silence during which the alpha begs with his eyes. “What changed your mind? I thought you hated him.” 

The alpha doesn’t affirm anything, agreeing fully that he doesn’t appreciate the mobster, but the reason caught up to pride. Taeyong knows what it’s like. 

“I know he isn’t the nicest guy out there,” which is an understatement as they’ve both seen what he is capable of. “But this might change everything.” 

And by this, Yuta gestures to the invisible bump beneath his shirt. A child always change everything, Taeyong knows it better than anybody. But he also knows the omen a child can bring. He isn’t about to say he regrets having one, all he knows is that Jongin too changed. His touches got harsher, his eyes glossier with hatred. Taeyong changed, he is not himself anymore, he lives for his son, forgetting what chosing for himself means. A child changes everything, and in this life, he has learnt it is often for worse. 

“You haven’t heard the things he told me, Yuta.” The omega shakes his head, the trace of a sad grin on his face. 

“No, but I have seen what he has done,” the alpha retors, effectively getting Taeyong to rethink. “Look, he came tonight, right? He saved you a hundred times, even now when he has no more use for you. There is a lot he didn’t have to do but he did-”

“He doesn’t love me!” He is well aware that his sudden yell may have woken Haechan up or startled Yuta, that it may have alerted the men guarding outside or just alerted himself. 

Taeyong doesn’t care how irrelevant it sounds as he falls back on the couch, head between his shivering hands. The shame of crying for something so ridiculous is stronger than any over feelings, hearing it from his own mouth sounds truer than hearing it behind Johnny’s constant push and pull. Admitting it to himself feels like a stab in the guts. 

There is a lot he could have used as an argument against Yuta’s own, but nothing else came. This one is the realest, he isn’t loved. And god knows Taeyong doesn’t give a damn about who loves him or not, but tonight he allows himself to be ridiculous because he feels lost and stranded. 

“He is not Jongin,” Yuta tries to comfort, taking his fingers away from gripping at his hair. 

It is the first time Yuta sees him  _ crying _ . He has seen his friend shedding tears before, out of joy or furstration but never  _ crying _ . Those are tears shed from pain. But it feels unfair at the same time, Yuta thinks he doesn’t deserve crying. If he feels brave enough to bare himself naked in front of the alpha, pouring out his pain in ugly childish sobs, he should be strong enough to fight for his happiness. Fight he did, but not hard enough. 

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” yes Johnny is not Jongin, but the balance is often corrupted, sometimes the omega thinks he is worse, sometimes he is a savior. There is nothing worth than salvation in the form of Johnny Suh. 

“Hey, look at me,” the alpha scolds gently. Despite their status, Taeyong had always been the strongest of them both, the one leading. Yuta understands that sometimes he needs to let go too. “I know it’s scary, but you’ve done incredible things until today, this will be the easiest you’ll have to do. Don’t run away, tell him, trust me.”

“W-what if…” The words die behind another wave of sobs. Taeyong doesn’t have to finish for the alpha to guess what he wants to say and humors him with a raised eyebrow.

“Really, Taeyong?” A scoff is uncalled for but Taeyong is too drained to banter with his friend. “The dude sheltered you and sorry but you have no more assets to your name, and you think he’d harm you for this?” 

Yuta is an idealist, that is one thing Taeyong noticed through the years they’ve known each other. That’s a stupid trait the omega despises, lacking that soft spot for optimism. He once told the alpha about it and the man had shrugged him back then, telling him it is one useful trait. Taeyong still believes it’s useless to see the good in everyone, but just tonight, he’ll succomb to that. He is already crying weakly in front of Yuta, he has not much pride left anymore. 

“You’ll be there?” He croaks nervously as if the answer would ever be no.

“Of course, I’ll be wherever you need me to be.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Parked beside a flower parlour in Apgujeong,

a few feet away from the cafe Taeyong is in, that is where Yuta needs to be. The omega is past the flight or fight situation with Sehun now, he sees the man as nothing but an extravagant prick. Sehun is a solo player, his only resource being his brain and either he means no harm, either he is too weak to mean any. Taeyong opts for the second option, he is too smart to poke Johnny the wrong way. 

The two cups on the small marble table separating the beta and the omega have turned cold now, traces of dripping coffee on the hem. It may have been thirty minutes or less they’ve been seated silently, gauging each other, both too proud to show any resign. Sehun looks like he’s been from a light jog when Taeyong gave him a call, still clad in a fleece jacket too thin for the winter, hair held back by a baseball cap. 

The world turns around them, unaware of their encounter, unaware of Taeyong’s hesitation. 

“Ask away, buttercup.” Sehun shoves his cup aside, laying his hand where it used to be before drumming his fingers on the table. A small metaphorical countdown in Taeyong’s eyes, the beta has places to be. “I know you’re not here to accept my offer, so tell me why I am here.” 

“I plan on telling Johnny about my pregnancy.” It earns an incredulous, humorous look from the beta. “But before, I need to know how far my trust should go.”

“Jesus,” Sehun scoffs before leaning over the table, chin resting on his other hand. “Call me when you’ll do it, I’m dying to see his reaction.” 

“I am busy, Sehun. Tell me what I need to hear.” 

“I’m not very good at interviews,” the beta’s confidence contradicts his statement. “What do you want to hear?”

Usually, the omega would never trust someone like the beta. Junmyeon, Jongin, Sehun, Johnny, they are all playing in the same field, and they share the same strategy. Cunning, intelligent, never going straight to the point. They don’t lie, but they play with the truth so easily it is hard to tell what is a lie and what is not. But today he decides to trust the beta. A man like Sehun doesn’t like wasting time, doesn’t like being seen as a liar. Even though Taeyong knows he must take Sehun’s story with a pinch of salt, he’ll take it as it comes. It will be his to analyze later. 

“Where did you meet?” 

The beta leans back, finally leeting the other off his oppressive eyes. The gaze he gives to their surrounding indicates that he expected the question, he just doesn’t know how to put his answer. Taeyong is so previsible, no wonder Johnny knows which strings to touch so precisely. 

“Busan, we were seventeen, he was working on a fishing boat, fresh from Chicago, I was finishing high school.”

“Chicago?” Taeyong has never thought the name of some random city would taste so bitter on his tongue. He still can see the black ink on white paper outlining the name, one he never expected to pop up during this meeting. With a control that rivals the one he uses in a professional context, Taeyong manages to school his expression.

“At least that’s what he told me. That he left Chicago to work on the boat and that he’d settle down in Korea.” The information is shrugged by the beta, like one that doesn’t matter for he doesn’t know how significant it sounds to Taeyong. “It’s the only thing I know about him, the only thing he has ever told me.” 

“Have you,” Taeyong takes it back for a second, not sure if he should involve another name that might be irrelevant in this, but Sehun’s questioning look tells him he should. “Have you ever heard of someone called Jungwoo?” 

The beta thinks for two seconds, crossing his arms as he makes himself a little bit more comfortable in his seat. 

“Nope, not even once. Who’s that, sweetheart?” 

“Nobody,” the omega sighs and fortunately, Sehun doesn’t probe more. “What next?” 

“You must have guessed from the way we are.” Taeyong wouldn’t lie, saying the idea didn’t cross his mind even for a brief second. It did, but strangely, hearing it is true relieves him more than assuming. Maybe because any trace of romance has been erased, or because it is obvious none of the men regrets the farewells. “He was never a soft lover, even from a young age.

Somehow, I knew that fishing boat had more to it than what Johnny told me. But I wanted in, many of us needed easy money. We sold enough weed around Busan to pay for a train ticket to Seoul and enough to start college and find a place to stay.”

“Did you love him?” The question lingers in the air long enough for Sehun to ease the tension with a laugh.

“I needed him.” The beta calms down, and the statement doesn’t reassure Taeyong. If anything, it makes him restless to know that no one stayed around the mobster because of affection. It sounds like a lonely life. “What we were doing… It was dangerous. There were times I wanted to stop and just leave it all, but being with him taught me there’s nothing else I’m good at. You’d think KAIST changed us, but it didn’t. 

I couldn’t leave, you make a lot of enemies easily in the field and without Johnny, I would have been dead. He never told me anything, how he got there, why he does what he does, and eventually, when I made enough for myself, I dumped his ass.” 

“Why?” Taeyong cringes in his seat when he realizes it sounded like a scolding. Sehun makes it sound so harsh, as if Johnny didn’t deserve being fought for. But who is he to judge? He is a second away from giving up every single day. 

“Don’t misunderstand.” The beta laughs again, but this time softer as if to reassure the omega. “I did what I had to do before leaving. You’ve met Kun, right? I told Johnny that befriending him could land us Neo Pharmaceuticals. And we did. Everything he has today, we’ve built it together.” The achievements are great, it would make anyone envious but Sehun doesn’t look very proud of himself.

“I wanted to build everything based on trust, the way I trusted him,” the man continues, now looking distant, recalling what could have been if they didn’t part ways. “But try doing that with someone who has a high level of trust issues. He wanted guarantees, not friendship. You’ve seen how he hires people, how he got you here. At some point he wanted more, Neo Pharmaceuticals is never enough.

I wouldn’t call it greed. It would have been better if it was, but Johnny never found peace in money. And that’s the scary part. There is something in him, far beyond greed, that destroy whoever he touches. Kim Dongyoung, Jung Yunoh, you know who they are, under their fake names, they live in fear. They know the protection is temporary.”

Taeyong unconsciously grips his napkin, hands hidden from sight on his knees. He would have liked to hear it from Doyoung and Jaehyun themselves when they trust him. But alas, Sehun is far from guilty for outing them.

“They’re stupid,” the beta continues, leaving no more place for Taeyong’s questions. “Jail is far better than the mind prison Johnny has created for them. There is one thing he is good at, and it’s stripping the humanity out of you. When you are desperate for survival, you turn stupid, any bite of hope is good to take, you’re basically a caged animal, forgetting what being free is, slaving under the strongest predator for a bite of meat. 

And you know who’s good at taming animals? Suh Johnny. That’s why I left. Greed makes you blind to people’s pain, Johnny isn’t blind, he uses it. There’s something darker there. How long until I become one of his puppets? Better safe than sorry.” 

The monologue closes on Sehun realizing he is almost panting. He haven’t ranted about it to anyone before, and telling Taeyong the why’s and how’s of his life feels like a purge he needed. Despite how people see him, Sehun isn’t far from being empathetic. All he does, he does it to protect himself, and Taeyong doesn’t fail to see it today. The beta notices the wide eyes the other gives him and pity washes over him. 

“You…” it was never his intention to scare away the omega to begin with. It was never his intention to hurt anyone. 

When he heard from his watchdogs that Johnny took an omega under his wing, Kim’s widow on top of that, he couldn’t help himself but worry for the poor soul. He thought Johnny would change, that he wouldn’t go as far as ruining a widow, a father and an omega. And he still hopes he isn’t wrong because the feisty omega in front of him doesn’t look like he wants to give up. Look at him, trying to make a father out of Suh Johnny, trying to build a milestone where everyone abandonned. He is less sane than Sehun thought, maybe the beta wasn’t insane enough for Johnny. 

“You are not a caged animal, darling,” the correction slips through the beta’s lips easily. Taeyong is taken aback, never taking the man for a soft one, used to his excentric way of being. “Nor a puppet. Tell him about your pregnancy, he’ll have to suck it up, serves him right.” 

More than the petty consolation, Sehun’s attitude pulls a short chuckle from the omega. 

“You think you’ve hurt me?” Sehun blinks once or twice before sighing with a small grin that he doesn’t usually show so easily. He didn’t realize how pretentious he was for trying to save Lee Taeyong. The Lee Taeyong, the only omega in the country who managed to sit as a director in Lee holding, the only omega who managed to put Johnny on a leash. The only omega, really. “I am offended, Sehun. I know I’m stronger than you.” 

_ I won’t fail where you failed. _

“I beg to differ, you fainted like a whimp in that container.” 

The roll of Sehun’s eyes tells Taeyong that in another life, they could have been good friends. Not that he doesn’t want to in this one, but because he knows the wind still has to take them both to different places. 

“What’s for you, now?” The omega dares to ask once they both meet the cold winter air outside the cafe. 

He won’t contact Sehun soon enough, the worrywart in him can’t help but feel for someone who only wanted good for him. The beta shrugs, hands shoved in his pocket.

“I’m by myself, I can’t possibly stay when Guo and Johnny are in the middle of a war,” Sehun informs. “I came here just to help Johnny with the weapons, I’ll be flying back to China in a few days.” 

Somehow, despite the short time they’ve made amend, Taeyong would have liked to have him around. Just as a lighthouse in the middle of the fog, to clear confusions when needed, or just someone who totally understands what he is going through. But Sehun has a duty towards someone else than a little omega in distress. Taeyong didn’t dare question it, but he has noticed it only today when Sehun shifted in his seat, revealing a tiny inch of the lower part of his neck. He is glad Johnny didn’t completely broke Sehun’s images of alphas. He is glad Sehun has someone he can love and not just need. It helps Taeyong imagine that at the end of this, if he has to leave, he too may have a future still waiting. 

“Need a ride home, buttercup?” Sehun asks teasingly this time, knowing fully well Taeyong won’t accept the offer. 

“No, I’m fine. My ride is just there.” He looks towards where Yuta is leaning against the car, keeping an eye on him and the beta. 

What was supposed to be a friendly farewell suddenly turns sour when Sehun looks at the alpha, and in a matter of second, he holds Taeyong by the collar in a threatening way. The omega thought they were fine, and if he did anything that could have poked Sehun’s anger then he doesn’t know what. Sehun tightens his hold, glancing as Yuta comes over with a menacing stance, ready to protect his boss. 

“S-Sehun, what on earth-”

“Just trust me.” 

Taeyong doesn’t have the time to react. Next thing he knows, Yuta is separating them, asking Sehun to keep his paws of the omega, and a deafening sound echoes in the street. His car. Taeyong clutches at the side of his head when a burst of orange flames shatters the windows and the passersby around runs left and right to feel the scene. His car just exploded, something he thought only happened in movies. 

“Now! In the cafe!” Sehun screams above the noise but the impact still has Taeyong underwater, barely able to process.

Yuta pushes him back inside the cafe as Sehun shoves them both back inside. The beta has trained eyes, unlike the other two. He befriended death enough times to recognize when a puddle of liquid under a car is fuel and not the A/C leaking. He may have been wrong, but a proper and organized man like Taeyong, easy target would never drive around in a defective car. He had to call Yuta over without yelling “Move away” like a mad man. And he did good because as soon as they are back in the confines of the cafe, bullets comes cracking the bay windows and flying in. There is no doubt that if he had addressed Yuta directly, they would have been shot dead right now. 

“Who are they?” Yuta flips a table quickly and tucks Taeyong behind it. 

“What’s left of the Yoon’s men.” Sehun looks sligthly above the furniture protecting them, recognizing some goons at the other side of the street, guns out, targetting their small shelter. “Guo probably bought them. Call Jaehyun, hurry up before the police comes fetching us all.” 

Yuta obeys, under too much pressure to question why they suddenly trust the beta. 

“They have some nerves opening fire in neutral grounds,” the beta hisses as he pulls his own pistol from under his fleece jacket. He glances as Taeyong moves to duck further under them, obviously still not used to this despite everything he has seen so far. 

“Jaehyun,” he hears the alpha yell over the phone, his only preoccupation shooting as many men as possible. “Apgujeong, I.O.U cafe, now!”

Sehun manages to disarm one of them, quite a hard one given the distance between them and the enemies before Yuta joins him. He keeps one hand on Taeyong’s neck to keep him from looking up, though given the shiver he feels under his fingers, the omega wouldn’t risk it. The beta expects them to not win, it is obvious as they are outnumbered. Yet, he still trusts Johnny’s men to come as fast as possible as it seems the only way to get them to act fast is to put Taeyong in danger nowadays. 

But he is a fool for thinking Guo has got softer. He trusted to much in the status of neutral ground, thinking they wouldn’t go further than a gun fight like they did before. Guo is no fool, unlike him and he should have know it as soon as they dared a public explosion. But he didn’t expect the sudden silence taking over them, nor the three bips coming from their right. It’s been ages Sehun didn’t see a grenade, and when it goes off strong enough to makes the walls vibrate before the impact touches them, he guesses he won’t live long enough to see another one again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, fine, I may have lied on going soft. But bear with me I swear the ride will be worth it. Also a teaser of Johnny's past guys!! The entire story soooon I hope y'all eager. But for now blooooood everywhere *evil laugh*. Again I've read all of your comments and I would like to say u guys are sweethearts. I've even read some of you trying theories on what might happen and all haha, I won't spoil anything but thanks a lot for all the sweet things you're saying. See you in the next chapter, VERY SOON. Love y'all!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, know that I love you guys, ok?

“I’m fine,”

Jaehyun has heard that about a hundred times for the past few days. He begs to differ seeing the state he is in but Taeyong is a stubborn man. So stubborn that despite the heating around the house, he insists on wearing long sleeves to hide the bandage travelling from his left hand to his shoulder. 

An omega so hard headed he refused to just stay in bed, claiming it was just a few scratches when they all know what’s under is beyond sore and swollen. The orders were clear, “Don’t let him leave the house.” Jaehyun has lived through days of danger and insecurities but this must be one of the hardest jobs he has ever agreed to take. He’d take any battle over this one when Taeyong refuses to address any of them with his usual kindness. It is natural for Jaehyun to lend a hand when the father walks around the living room, bouncing his drowsy son in his arms slowly and softly.

Before he could take any step forwards, the omega has stopped him, saying that he is more than capable alone for the nth time. If it was only up to Jaehyun, he’d make amends, he’d tell Taeyong he is sorry for holding secrets, for putting him in danger, sorry for the loss, but he knows that the man won’t listen. 

The omega refused to part from his son even for a second after the accident, and Jaehyun can read it in his eyes, those insecurities and fears that increased ever since he came here. The man thought he’d be stronger after flirting with death twice, but the third time seemed to affirm he can leave this world at any time, any second. And they all know it is not his life he is scared of losing, he is afraid of having to bid farewell to his son the same way he bid farewell to a dear friend.

Jaehyun sighs as Kun gives him a sympathetic smile from where he is storing groceries in the kitchen. They are used to silence, well they used to be. Until Taeyong and his little storms came into their lives. And now that the storms turned into a silent blizzard, they are not sure they can go back to what they used to be anymore. 

Except the muffled “Want to go to bed now, honey?” Taeyong murmurs in his son’s hair, nothing. The last time Taeyong addressed them was a week after the gunfight, asking Jaehyun to take him to the airport. When he thought at first that the omega wanted to run away, he was quickly shut down by a “I’m just going to greet Sehun goodbye.” 

When the sun finally sets over the horizon and Taeyong is tired of patting the six years old back, he finally disappears into his room letting Jaehyun and Kun to mull over the situation. 

“No dinner tonight I guess, again.” Kun slams the fridge shut, startling Jaehyun. “I hate to say this, but I kinda miss him.” 

“He’ll come around.” The alpha leans against the counter, phone in hand to report his day as usual. For a second, he almost considers not sending anything. As pretentious as it sounds, he doesn’t want Johnny to get any news. He wants to tell the drug lord that if he wants to know anything, then he should come down here and check for himself. “He’s scared, we’ve been there before.”

  
  


Matter of fact, they’ve been so many places before, from the darkest ones to the place they all now call home. From towns full of bombings and cryings, from walking the same path as death and sorrow, from shattered vases in the middle of family issues, from tunnels without light at the end, they’ve seen it all. But here, right now, is probably the harshest they’ve all been, living in a dimension where they don’t even know who they are anymore. The difference with Taeyong is that they only have themselves to rescue. 

That’s what the alpha used to think, that he didn’t have a reason to turn back. For years he used to think that all he had to do was to take Doyoung’s hand and run towards tomorrow. That’s what Johnny fed them in the past, no looking back, run for your life, fight for your life and no one else. Only yesterday, Jaehyun would have let anyone fall to get away from the ruins of their mess, but today is different.

There’s so much he would turn back for, so much he would fight for at the price of his well being. When he is home at the end of the day, muscles sore and eyes drowsy, watching from their shared bed as Doyoung dries his hair with a soft white towel, he knows this isn’t where he wants to be anymore. 

“Where did you get that?” Doyoung stops his ministrations, throwing the towel in a corner before climbing in bed next to his worried husband. 

Jaehyun’s touch travels under the blanket, tickling his neck softly where his mating mark lies and finally settling on the small scratch under his left eye. The beta raises an eyebrow. They have seen worse before. There were nights the alpha would come back home with a bloody gash on his abdomen, there were days they had to stay at each other's side when the clinic would crush their mental. A mere scratch is nothing yet they both understand the implication of it. 

“It’s nothing to worry about.” The beta lays his head on his alpha’s chest. Slow breathing but fast heartbeats, typically Jaehyun, has mastered the art of concealing his feelings so well. 

Doyoung isn’t anyone, he is the one he shares his life with, and the one who can read his face and vibrations like an open book. He would lie if he said he didn’t share the same thoughts. Things are confusing nowadays, they are both balancing their ambitions with their desire and it is not easy. 

“Babe,” the slow call in the night fades in the alpha’s collarbone like an idea that is afraid to bloom. “I want to run away.” 

Jaehyun stops the hand threading in the beta’s wet hair. 

“Is that really what you want?” 

The beta hates everything lately, he hates the selflessness Jaehyun always behaves with, he hates running after an exit he isn’t sure exists, he hates living on promises to guarantee that they’ll be alive tomorrow, he hates how unfair he sounds.

“I know how unfair I must sound now,” Doyoung looks up into the brown eyes looking at him with so much unsaid words, in those eyes that only look at him, that little head full of Doyoung and what Doyoung wants only. “I am the one who put us in this situation. If… If not for me, you’d be happy right now, with someone-”

“Don’t say it.” He is efficiently cut with lips on his own, more aggressively than what they are used to. “I claimed you, babe. Your problems are mine, all I want is to make you happy, that’s my responsibility. So, is that what you really want?”

Certainly not, that is not what Doyoung wants. Jaehyun can say he has worded it the wrong way by the way the beta’s thin and beautiful fingers clutch at his shirt, or the way he suddenly looks so distant as if rethinking every decision. If they run away, they’d be apart, that’s the only way things can be. Jaehyun can’t leave the country without Johnny’s help, Doyoung’s case is too corrupted to be solved when his own family is against him. They can’t expose themselves without compromising their future. Running away isn’t an option. 

“I want a family with you,” Doyoung’s chuckle may be dry, but it holds so much hope it manages to calm the heartbeats against his cheek. “I want a house in the hills, and those god damn parents teachers meeting. I want us to fight about who forgot anniversaries instead of fighting about injuries. I want long walks in the forest during the weekends and to be sure that we’ll be back home in one piece to soak our feet in our backyard pool. I want your mom to know you are alive, I want to meet her too.” 

To anyone, Doyoung’s long list of wishes may sound insane and ridiculous, but to Jaehyun it is not. What is simple regular living to others are unreachable goals for them, things they never had and can only dream about. 

Yet, Jaehyun knows where it is from because he wants the same things. He’ll never forget the look he saw in his mate’s eyes when they were surrounded by children a few nights ago, the look he had when he got to live like a normal adult for once in his life. And there is nothing more the alpha wants than to see that look again. 

“When this is all over, this war and all this bullshit, I’ll take you to meet my mother.” 

  
  
  
  


**Two years and two months ago**

The waves.

The waves bear their name beautifully. They bring back so many memories, some happy, some not so happy, some dreadful and dark. See, all Taeyong has to do is close his eyes and let his feet soak in the sand, all he has to do is to let the lukewarm spring sun heat his face and he can remember so much. He can remember Jeju as the ocean before him washes upon the beach. He can smell summer in the air and those laughs that are so dear to his heart, and when the water retreats, it takes it all back. 

One can’t say where the water goes when it leaves the shore, those memories probably go wash upon another shore somewhere in the world for someone else to feel them. When it comes back from swimming in the darkest and deepest place of the ocean, it has changed. When another wave comes washing before him, Taeyong can remember the painful memories. He remembers funerals and griefs. Maybe because it is still there, not as a memory but as the present.

The omega hears Haechan shrieking in the distance as Jaehyun probably threw him in the water. He has to sink his hands in the sand too to keep him grounded, as if not doing so would let the bad waves take him away where they go swimming. 

He has lost a father, lost a husband, but nothing comes close to burying a friend. It’s been weeks and he thought it wouldn’t hurt as much anymore, he likes to think it’s the salty ocean wind that makes his eyes water. He holds tighter onto the sand, hoping that somewhere, wherever he is, it is Yuta holding his hands.

But whenever he thinks about it, whenever he wants to remember how warm the alpha’s hands were, all he can remember is the deafening blast in his ears, all he can remember is Yuta trapping him to the ground under his body to shield him from the flames and rambles of the building falling apart around them. All he can remember are blurry images of him yelling as Jaehyun and Kun extracts him from the ruins. Funny how the clearest images he has are of him standing before a closed casket at the end of winter. He has been to so many burials before but only this one counts.

It wasn’t just bidding goodbye to a friend, it was bidding goodbye to  _ the friend _ . Taeyong knows that someday, the grief he feels will get dull, numb even, that he will smile thinking about it instead of crying anymore. That’s how life goes, but no matter how much he will learn to let go, if he can let go, no other lights in this life will ever amount to the light Yuta brought on him. Every new blossoming love will compare to him in an unfair trial, and every step he takes will remind him just how much he can’t wait to join  _ the friend _ . Junmyeon once said “Goodbyes are for friends.” To Taeyong, it will be the last goodbye of his life. 

“Daddy, I am tired,” but the hardest part of it all are the lies. The constant soft hushes whenever he is asked where uncle Yuta is. 

A small but heavy body comes tackling him down on the sand with exhausted giggles and when Taeyong finally opens his eyes, the sun blinding him, all he can see is the only reason why he doesn’t wish he was taken instead. Haechan’s hair is dripping salty water onto his face and Taeyong has to shift him a little, first to blink away the tears and second to hide the almost visible bump of his stomach. Lately, he is insecure about showing, about his secret. Thankfully, the slow progress of his pregnancy has protected him, but he knows from experience that in some weeks, a month or so, it will be too obvious to hide. 

“Are you, really?” The father sits back up, cradling the still excited puppy in his arms before standing back up. “You look like you can swim all the way to Japan and back, darling.” 

“I can’t,” the kid’s tone fades into a sleepy state now that he is nestled comfortably in his father’s arms. He is getting too big to be lifted anymore but if Taeyong could, he’d hold him forever even if his muscles turn to mush. “I just fought the legendary sea monster, I need a nap.”

In the distance, Jaehyun stands, watching them carefully. The alpha is obviously too respectful and scared to breach the one sided vow of silence Taeyong has created. Truth be told, the omega was never truly mad, there is no forgiveness to seek for, no one is at fault but him. It’s just that everything reminds him of what he lost in his lifetime. He cannot look at a single face without wishing it is Yuta looking right back.

He hasn’t heard the order but it is Jaehyun assisting him now, more than he did before. Thankfully, the alpha has established his desk outside the office the day he took upon his functions instead of using the now empty desk facing Taeyong’s. They don’t hear it, but the omega is thankful. Thankful that they are taking care of him silently their own way. He can feel their affection when he comes home to a still warm dinner, when a hot cup of coffee is waiting for him on his desk in the morning or when his schedule decreased to give him time. 

But the words are still heavy on Taeyong’s tongue. He can’t bring himself to move on, afraid of turning the page. Though he knows that that’s what his friend would have liked, for him to move on. What then? What is waiting for him on the next page? 

“You need a shower, you little monster.” 

  
  
  
  
  


“He didn’t ask about you.”

It is a good thing. Jaehyun’s fingers drum on the steering wheel, something that doesn’t usually happen. The man is nervous. Johnny is good at noticing details, thanks to hours spent analyzing people. Unfortunately, it came with the flaw of not being able to analyze himself, to decipher what that organ in his chest is often telling him. He used to think with his brain and it only did him good, now it betrays him.

The drug lord glances away from the window and watches as Doyoung, sitting on the passenger seat, takes the hand away from the wheel to hold on it. Johnny can’t talk about love, the way he so eloquently talks about everything else. Honestly, he can even write an entire novel about socks and it would be thicker than the one he’d write about love. Yet, he witnesses it everyday with those two fools.

That’s the only testimony he has. For years, Johnny even believed that one day, those two would turn their back on him, not because they resent his way of being, but because they have something greater to worship than his protection. 

“You should talk to him,” Doyoung says and even if his voice struggles to echo in the enclosure of the car, the alpha knows it is meant for him to hear. 

“I do appreciate that you think being a therapist suits you better, nowadays,” Jaehyun almost swerves into the forest, his protective instinct taking over the respect he has for his speaking boss. “But stick to your job.” 

They take the familiar curbs that lead them home after an exhausting day of work. Like everyday, the pair of mates probably look forward to spending their time alone, that little cocoon of delusion they made for themselves. And Johnny, he looks forward to nothing at all but to think, and think again like ha does so well. Unlike the both of them, he has nowhere to escape his thoughts, nowhere to run away from the spirits following him day by day. 

“Hyung-nim,” Jaehyun sighs when they park the car, none of them seems ready to leave yet. “Don’t take it as our associate, take it as our friend.” 

God, he hates pity. He can take an omega chasing after him, proclaiming confessions every seconds he gets. He can take Doyoung chastising him for his every moves, the constant challenge of doing better, being better than his peers. But pity is a feeling, a disgusting shared feeling he can’t take. And that is what closed ones are for, to share compassion. They should know by now it is why he keeps everyone at a good distance. 

“We all feel guilty, John,” it has been ages since Doyoung has last called him like that. “But I have Jae, who do you have?” 

So this is how low he steps now? Getting advices from a couple like some mundane adults in a stupid life crisis? That life is not for them. 

“Goodnight.” 

He doesn’t look back when he makes a sprint for his quarter, eager to roll one and forget that for an instant, he almost liked being called a friend. That life is not for them, he repeats to himself under the shower, not for them as he finishes his blunt before the setting sun, not for them as he ignores dinner for a glass of bourbon instead. 

What next? Talking about government taxes around a barbecue on a sunday evening? Pretending that they are like everyone and banter about baseball teams? That life is not for them. They are not one of the countless lucky ones life has chosen. Fate has fucked him in the ass, and not once did he break, everything he does is to assure he has a place in this world if the world won’t give it to him.

When the cold feeling of his drink wetting his fingers awakes Johnny from his thoughts that he notices he has broken his glass.  _ You’re only challenging yourself to break faster _ . When did they start to side with the white part of this morally grey world? Who is vouching for him then? 

Who is there to tell him he is doing good, to pat his back when the day gets harsh… He has always thought he’d be fine on his own, that keeping people would only lead to people giving up on him. No matter how much he thinks about it, he is lonely. It may have taken a long way to come to that conclusion, but Johnny wishes someone was there to dab away the small drops of blood from his thumb, he wishes someone was there to tell him it’s gonna be alright.

Even the bandage he wraps around his hand reminds him how good it felt when someone else wrapped it, how good it felt to have someone caress his skin when it is bruised. The numerous scars on his skin still hurts from being lonely, from being seen by his eyes only. They felt so warm when Tayong’s eyes were on them…

Maybe mundane sunday evenings and bantering about baseball is fine… 

“What are you doing here?” Is the first thing Johnny hears after another sleepless night.

_ I followed your scent _ . He keeps it to himself, it is not what taeyong wants to hear, but he doesn’t have any other answer. 

“I got lost,” the drug lord says, leaning against Taeyong’s desk. 

The omega gives him an incredulous look. In his own building, really? Really. He knows Neo Pharmaceuticals by heart, every nook and cranies, every hidden passages, every cobblestone in the parking lot. He has been here for years, but Taeyong’s scent made him forget the layout of his own home. 

Next thing he knows, he finds himself in the other’s office before sunrise. He couldn’t sleep, not like he ever tries. His feet worked on their own, driving to his workplace in the dark, mind plagued with that question playing like a broken record in his mind.  _ Who do you have? _

“You can see yourself out.” 

The omega doesn’t spare him any other look but the childish self centered monster in Johnny makes him grip the shorter’s arm before he can get to his seat. It doesn’t even hurt him when he is glared at, it hurts that Taeyong doesn’t shrug him away, as if his touches have stopped burning the other. 

“How dare you,” it comes in one shuddered breath. “How dare you show yourself before me, now? Where have you been for-”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Again?” The omega looks down, and the shake of his head hints that something broke, something that can’t be mend anymore. “I crawled at your feet for months, Johnny, you and all your secrets.”

“I-”

“I already know, you’re in a war with Guo,” Taeyong can’t bring himself to listen, especially when Johnny begins his sentences with  _ I _ . It’s always him, everything always goes back to him and his selfish ways. “Now, let me go and go do what you do best, ruining others.”

He can’t say it wasn’t his intentions. Collateral damages everywhere, that’s the results of his foolish years, everything he did. But it didn’t matter, none of it did before Taeyong. None of them even does, except Taeyong and hearing it from the omega clarifies it even more. 

“What do you want me to say? That I love you?”

“I told you to shut up about that-”

“Because I fucking do!” 

Somewhere, as sure as Taeyong knew he would hear them someday, the words seem to not matter. He never wished for them to be said under the stars on a summer night, or around a candle-lit dinner. Taeyong knew fully well, from the day he was born an omega to a family like his, to the day he had to fight the system, that he would never get the romance kids fream about. But now that he hears the three words, it seems like his heart knew them too well to be excited anymore. Yet… 

Yet being yelled at by Johnny feels better than those three words. The ever so composed Suh Johnny, it feels unreal, but so painful at the same time. 

“I fucking do.” It is probably guilt and shame that brings Johnny to lowers his voice. 

“So what?” Taeyong may dream for those words, but he didn’t want to pay it to the price he got. “Look, say it again. Say it as much as you want but it won’t bring Yuta back!” 

Johnny has forgotten what a true embrace felt like. Certainly not the way he feels now that he tries to wrap his arms around a crying Taeyong, certainly not like the weak punch delivered to his chest. But it feels warm to know that Taeyong loves him enough to hurt him. A small omega like this one doesn’t deliver much damage but when he finally gets tired of assaulting the sturdy chest, he opts on stopping and wet Johnny’s white shirt in his tears.

None of them can say for how long they stay in that position, and it surely doesn’t help lessen the guilt they both share for whatever happened in the past. Johnny didn’t even showed up at the funerals, and if Taeyong believes what Jaehyun has told him once, the drug lord doesn’t deal well with death despite his confidence before it. So he doesn’t have it in himself to blame the man even if he wants to, Johnny didn’t kill Yuta, still Taeyong wished he had someone to walk him through the grief and he wasn’t there.

“Listen.” Taeyong doesn’t respond but he can feel the rumble of Johnny’s chest when he speaks. “I don’t care who dies if it’s to keep you alive. And I will kill if I have to, I’ve done it and I will do it again.”

“You really hate being wrong, don’t you?” The scoff almost sounds like forgiveness but not enough. 

“As much as I hate you meeting Sehun behind my back.” 

They shouldn’t laugh but they do. It’s an odd occurence, when Taeyong lifts his head up to stare at the alpha. Hearing him yell and then genuinely laugh in the span of a few minutes. 

“I had to, all your secrets were driving me insane.” The page is so heavy to turn. It is a reproach, a small jab to make the alpha realize that the pain is there, and it won’t go away for a long time, if it ever goes away. But if he works for it, Taeyong can give him a bigger place in his heart. One wrong step, and it’s gone forever. 

“You’d hate to hear them.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“What else are you hiding from me?”

So much, that’s the answer. There’s so much to unveil but for now, he decides to marvel at the luxury of the room welcoming them. If it was a few months ago, Taeyong would have been astonished, but the fact that Suh Johnny owns Neo Pharmaceuticals and god knows what else have topped it for the omega. For now, he settles in one of the white suede couch of the private room, snuggling deep in his jacket as if the winter was still there. 

Apparently, the alpha owns a few private gates in the many airports of their country and others. It has him realize this is one of the strategy used to keep the drug lord’s identity off the radars. No plane ticket needed, no passeports needed when you have your own way in and out of every borders. 

“Some hotels here and there for money laundring?” Johnny comes sitting in front of him, sliding a small gold card across the marble table separating them. 

“What is it for,” the omega questions.

“For you to use from now on.” 

Taeyong laughs so loud it startles one of the attendant cattering for them. In case the man has forgotten, he is loaded his own way too. And most importantly, he hates to be pampered or feel dependant. A card with  _ Suh Johnny _ written on it feels like being marked, he is not a doll who needs to be bought to feel loved. 

“I don’t need your money, take it back.” 

“I know, it’s your money in it,” the drug lord banters back, and Taeyong instantly stops laughing. “Doyoung emptied your bank account and transferred it to a Swiss one, we can’t have you using official accounts anymore.”

“Is this why you’re taking me on this trip?” Taeyong squints his eyes. “To butter me up before announcing you snooped around my personal stuffs? Again.”

It was coated in a thin layer of joke but Johnny doesn’t seem to take it that way. When is this man even joking? They won’t last long if he doesn’t learn to loosen up a bit sometimes. Taeyong too is strict but only on a professional level, he likes his routine filled with light humor and easy words. 

“I don’t want Guo or anyone else finding you again,” the alpha sounds way too serious to be taken seriously. But Taeyong finds it endearing, he knows it is important matter to the alpha.

“Not like they’ll find me in the middle of nowhere in South East Asia.” 

The alpha stands up, startling Taeyong as he seats on the table facing him instead, maybe too close for comfort but when did Johnny ever care about other’s comfort. But he definitly needs it after the wretching and dramatic farewells Haechan put him through an hour ago. The six years old wouldn’t let him go despite all the coaxing Jaehyun was trying. 

“It’s only for a few days, my baby,” Taeyong said in the airport lobby as all eyes turned to them. The kid was bawling his eyes out and it broke his heart. Usually… Usually Yuta is here for him whenever Taeyong needs to leave for a business trip, the kid must have felt the emptiness. “Doyoung, Jaehyun, I trust you, please take good care of him. He’s a hassle to wake in the morning but if you start at seven, you’ll have him up by eight. He finishes school at four, don’t let him bribe you into buying pop tarts, I’ll call every-”

“-every afternoon at seven. God damn it, just go.” Doyoung rolled his eyes for the nth time. Ok, maybe forget the idea of a family for now, a dog sounds better. 

They heard the kid yell even harder as they parted ways but Johnny took his bag and led him to the gate. The alpha isn’t very good at comforting people, but the few glances he stole every now and then to check if the father was doing alright was enough for Taeyong. It is not the first time he has to be away and he knows in less than a few hours, Haechan will forget it and instead thrive in his newly found freedom. May the strength stay with Doyoung. Putting the devil to sleep is the harshest time.

“Do you know how it feels to hear that you almost died?” For real, Taeyong can’t take it seriously. 

Maybe it’s because he was always used to the most silent part of Johnny, or because he too is bad at sharing his insecurities. But from what he heard from Kun, Johnny has been getting a lot of lectures nowadays on how to speak his deepest mind. For Taeyong, he doesn’t need to do it to understand. But the alpha is trying and who is he to stop that.

“Fine, I’ll take it. And whatever you already changed in my papers,” he will regret agreeing soon when he’ll see the list of private schools Johnny has made for Haechan’s future. “But I’ll be fine, as long as you learn to stop hiding important things from me.” 

“That’s,” Johnny apparently knows how to joke when he pokes Taeyong’s nose with his finger, talking in a sickeningly sweet tone as if talking to a sulking child, “what this trip is for, honey.” 

The flight is as private as it can be, in the confines of Johnny’s luxurious commodities. One pilot, one attendant, all probably never informed about who they are as they adressed them both as Mr Suh. Taeyong can’t help but hide the blush in his glass of lemon spritz, hoping it goes unnoticed. Johnny hasn’t told him exactly where they are going but it takes a few hours during which they play chess -Taeyong didn’t lose, Johnny cheated. After long minutes of “The queen can’t kill her own pieces, Johnny,” and “She didn’t, you ate that piece a long ago”, and Taeyong being sure he didn’t, the omega decides to take a nap while the alpha types away on his phone. 

“Please, no crimes while on vacation.” Taeyong yawns as he takes away the alpha’s phone to store it in his own pocket. 

“Just informing the driver we’ll be landing soon, unless you want to walk and swim to the island?” 

“A private island, Mr Suh?” Taeyong whistles before his eyes close.

“Co-owned with Kun, I’m not that loaded, baby.” 

“Want me to loan you some money?” The omega let his head fall against the headrest, feeling himself drift away. He absolutely doesn’t want to land, the cabin feels so warm, basking in Johnny’s musky scent. “No surprise you broke after stealing those assets from me.” 

“Should have secured it better,” Johnny scoffs and that’s all he hears before sleep takes him away. 

  
  
  


The alpha has a knack for choosing the prettiest litoral spots. Taeyong never had the perfect teenage years for someone who was born with privileges. He grew up confined in his studies and the little time he had for a vacation was spent following his father during his work trips. And when his turn finally came, it was just that, other business trips. Jeju and other little national spots were his limits when it came to spending time with his loved ones, Jongin hated having him far, probably scared of him running away and never coming back.

But now, in the middle of the green island, surrounded by calm blue water and a scorching sun above his head, he feels like a new person. The house they are led to isn't as grand as Taeyong expected, but when he sees it, he knows it is exactly what they need. Secluded in a creek where the beach cuts in a bay, a one storey building looming above the ocean, the perfect spot to wake with the sunrise and sleep with the sunset. Two rooms face each other, far away from the spacious living room and the homey kitchen. 

“I could spend my life here,” Taeyong falls into one of the leather ottoman facing the ocean, groaning at his sore muscles from the long boat ride they went through to get here. Every paradise has a rocky path. “I’m never going back to Korea.” 

“Should I fire you, then,” Johnny asks from behind him. Taeyong hears the rustle of fabric and imagines the man is taking his light jacket off, now standing in a white shirt hugging all his muscles in the most marvellous way possible and a pair of jeans. He has to admit it is nice seeing the alpha in something else than his usually boring suits. 

“Yes please,” he turns around and discovers he was spot on on the way Johnny looks right now. “Don’t forget to ship me my kid when you go back, thanks.” 

“I’m not going back either.” 

Taeyong stops breathing the sweet vetiver smell of the villa when Johnny’s one comes engulfing him. The alpha hovers dangerously towards the ottoman, trapping him between his arms. He has missed this. Their little game of push and pull made him forget how delicious Johnny’s lips felt. He really tried to not forgive the alpha so easily, but it is hard to do when he can get drunk from his tongue only. Johnny constantly tastes like the sweet corn of the whiskeys he likes so much, and Taeyong might begin to like it too. 

“Don’t we have things to do?” Taeyong asks breathlessly when Johnny hides in his neck, leaving hickeys he will struggle to hide in this sunny weather. “Like sight seeing or something.” 

“We could,” the alpha’s hands goes travelling to his plump thigh, “But I want to fuck you on the terrace first.” 

“Take the lead, big boy.” 

Those words suffice for Johnny to hoist him up like he weighs nothing, and to an alpha built this way, it probably is the case. Taeyong shrugs his jacket too before wrapping his arms around the man’s shoulder, crashing their lips again to hide the blush coming his way. 

The way Johnny guides them out on the terrace hints that the man knows the place like the back of his hand. Taeyong likes to believe it is his hideout and that only the omega gets to share it with him, little does he know it is the case.

“Johnny,” he breathes hotly into the alpha’s chin when the latter props him up on the banister and the hot wind comes hitting his back instantly, or it’s probably the hands finding their way under his shirt. “T-the staff…”

“Let them see,” Johnny chuckles darkly as he helps him take his shirt off.

For a short instant, Taeyong worries the alpha might notice the slight change in his body, though still hard to decipher. But if his whips got wider or his tummy lost its defined lines, the alpha only takes them as it is, an omega getting prettier. And Taeyong is a beautiful specimen, the alpha is too focused on that aspect for the other insecurities to ruin it. 

Taeyong shrieks with a loud giggle when lips come latching in his nipple but it is quickly replaced by soft moans. The idea that one of the staff could be walking around and accidentally catch them arouses him more, helping the tent in both of their pants to grow. Johnny is so fucking sick but so is Taeyong.

“Wanna suck you, alpha.” 

It is so nicely asked that the older instantly detaches himself, letting Taeyong fall to his knees. The omega doesn’t waste another second before pulling the denim off mid-thigh and licking his lips when Johnny’s huge member comes alive. He has been waiting for this ever since they landed and there is no doubt the alpha did too. Especially with the way he threads his fingers through Taeyong’s hair to shove him further towards his cock. 

It takes two kitten licks for the member to fully come erect and Taeyong wonders how he can take it all in his fucking mouth. He stops worrying when he takes the head first, swirling his tongue around the slit, coating all he can in saliva, loving the pump of the veins on his tongue. He is pleasing Johnny, and there is no better pleasure for himself. 

“You take it so well, baby.” 

To earn more praise, Taeyong shoves it further down his throat, hands caressing the stretch of skin on his balls, inciting Johnny to push it further with a pleasured groan. The precum tastes bitter as Taeyong sucks the most he can but it is all his alpha. His alpha’s taste, so Johnny, so masculine, so dominant he can feel the slick of his hole completely ruining his pants from beneath him.

Johnny must have smelt it, the way his thumb comes brushing under Taeyong’s eyes, trying to tell him it is his turn soon, that he needs to be patient and focus on putting his tongue to work for now. But Taeyong is not a patient man so he let his own cock spring free, stroking it to the same rhythm he lets Johnny fuck his mouth. What a pretty sight for the older, his tiny omega full of cock, with the turquoise water as a background. He truly reconsiders going back to Korea now. 

After violent strokes, Taeyong makes himself come, too impatient as he missed just touching Johnny this way. The simple idea of Johnny using his mouth as a personal cocksleeve has him spurting white stripes shamelessly. The alpha has yet to come when he wipes the drool and precum mixing under the omega’s beautiful lips. Everything about Taeyong easily rivals any heavenly island on earth. 

“My baby got impatient?” 

Maybe the rustle of the palm trees surrounding them drowned Johnny’s voice because Taeyong barely hears above his own euphoria. He kicks aside his jeans as the alpha takes off his before manhandling Taeyong to bend over the railings and face the landscape. If it hurts for a second, it is forgotten and buried underneath the soft pecks the alpha leaves on his shoulder line. 

“Fuck me, please,” the omega mewls so sweetly it is enough to bring his own dick back to life. 

The two fingers gathering his slicks to stuff it back in isn’t enough to rile him up, he wants to take Johnny’s cock like he is made to. Two fingers turn to three and soon to four and Taeyong’s legs barely hold up as he grips the railing like his life depends on it. 

“Alpha, today,” he commands and he can say it does things to the older to be dominated, ordered, as the veiny member against his ass pulses. 

The penetration brings him to cloud nine and Taeyong doesn’t care who hears as he lets out a loud moan. They can probably hear him on the other side of the island at this point. They mold together so well, as if his hole was made for Johnny only. He almost comes again with the fast thrusts and Johnny’s hand wrapping around his leaking cock. 

“So tight, honey.” 

He doesn’t miss the strong alpha scent enveloping him and he basks in the fact that Johnny is obsessively scenting him while fucking him. He will certainly smell like the alpha for the next few days but he isn’t complaining. He loves it all, that he can make Johnny moan in his ears, the hand gripping his waist protectively as if the wind can steal him away in that instant, the thrusts and the constant hit against his over sensitive prostate. 

“Johnny,” he mewls again, still unaware that in that instant, it is the last time he will ever have to utter that name.

“Youngho,” the alpha says with one hard final thrusts and he comes, pouring everything that he is in Taeyong, everything he has to offer, a promise to what more he can give in the future. 

Taeyong only nods through the moans and the pleasure of being filled. He heard it, very well. And he remembers it even when they have another round in the living room, another round in the living room. Taeyong only remembers that when he lets the alpha come in his face as he decides to suck him off after a long nap. 

  
  
  
  


“So, Youngho?”

It is only after their first dinner on the island that Taeyong finally decides to address it. He didn’t miss the shy way the housekeeper served them their salmon, her red face when Taeyong teased her about the weather being very hot around here. He let the poor woman go, too embarrassed himself to tease her about what she has heard during the day. Dinner was a silent matter, comfortably silent matter filled with light banter and talk about why and when the alpha used to come here. 

They are now lounging on the master bedroom veranda, Johnny laying his head on Taeyong’s chest as the waves provide them some lullabies. After their countless round of sex, it didn’t take much to get the alpha to finally be comfortable with touches. Taeyong can’t let the occasion go and took it as it came, playing with the strand of hair tickling his chin while Johnny looks up the local activities they can do on his phone. “You come here once a year and you don’t even know what you can do on the main island?” Taeyong has chastised kindly to which the man answered “Tourism is for simple minded people.” The omega scoffed at that, calling him an imbecile for they will soon turn to simple minded people. 

“Is my birth name so fascinating?” 

“More than you think,” Taeyong tucks one rebel strand back in its place, kissing the top of the alpha’s head affectionately as if to say  _ don’t be so hard on yourself _ . 

He guessed it has more to do with the memories it brings back than the purpose of hiding his identity, the reason why the alpha disregards his name. He wonders if Sehun, Kun, Doyoung or Jaehyun knows it, or if he is the only-

“You’re the only one who knows, use it to your heart’s content,” the alpha says absent-mindedly as if he just didn’t give Taeyong one hell of a privilege.

“Well, I feel honored then, Youngho.” He stops petting the alpha who starts to hate it as the second passes, feeling like he is a lap dog, as he put it so harshly for Taeyong to laugh. “It’s a beautiful name, it fits you. Johnny’s too pretentious.” 

“John Coltrane begs to differ.” Youngho looks offended. 

“Wait, you chose your name because of some random jazzman?” Taeyong can’t help but double in laughter. And here he thought the alpha was one of the best strategists he had ever met. He can weirdly imagine a teenager Johnny flipping through a jazz review, eyes closed before pointing his finger on a random page. 

“Jazz is good, respect my taste.” 

“What were the other options?”

“Dizzy… From Dizzy Gillespie.”

“Oh gosh, no.” 

  
  
  
  


When Taeyong wakes up the next day, a bit before noon, it is to an empty bed. The sun is already high up in the sky, forcing him into a nice cold shower before he makes his way to the living room. There is a strange pattern he has noticed in the few times he has shared a bed with Youngho, a pattern he has felt once again last night. He isn’t a heavy sleeper, himself prone to insomnia sometimes. During his snippets of awakeness, he can never catch a glimpse of Youngho, and if he does, the man is lying awake, ushering him to fall back asleep. Youngho doesn’t sleep, and if he does, it’s short naps during the days, and Taeyong can’t help but worry. More about the reasons why than about the unhealthy coping mechanism. But he doesn’t point it out, it is not his battle to fight, they all have their demons. Taeyong can’t bring himself to fire a bullet and Youngho fights sleep, everyone has to bear a cross. 

Said man is already waiting, fully dressed in a white T-shirt, black slacks and sneakers when Taeyong sees him in the common room and he has to stifle his amazement. If Youngho in a suit is a sight to see, Youngho in casual attires is a sight to feel. Somehow, seeing him dressed so boyishly and simply makes it easier to comprehend reality for Taeyong. The present is definitely real, it is just Lee Taeyong and Suh Youngho, young and enamored, stranded in the middle of nowhere, pretending they are sheltered for a while. 

“I’d love for you to stop and stare as long as you want but a boat is waiting for us.” 

“Wow, Youngho,” ever since the omega got a hold of it, he loves to use the name whenever he can, sometimes just to rile Johnny up. “You should dress like this more often.” 

“I have a reputation to uphold, honey.” 

“That of being an arrogant prick?” Taeyong teases as he goes back to the bedroom to find himself something suitable to wear. 

“Don’t mind if I let you swim your way to the main island.” 

“You wouldn’t dare.”

He wouldn’t. The boat ride is short but the omega doesn’t miss how it could have been the highlight of Youngho’s day. The way he feels in his element when steering the wheel of the personal checkmate boat he apparently owns, to the wind ruffling in his hair and all Taeyong can do is admire even if the questions are burning at the tip of his tongue. 

A middle aged man welcomes them at the dock, a man who is familiar with the drug lord as he bows to him, already handing a car key, and to Taeyong’s dismay, a fucking gun. 

“Really?” He asks after the alpha tucks it in his jacket, and they board their car for the day. 

If there is one thing Taeyong hates about him, among the long list of other things he hates, it is that arguing with the alpha is useless. Once he has an idea, a conviction planted in that stubborn brain of his, it is hard to erase it. And it is clear there is no place for discussion as usual. 

“Do you even need to question why?” They take off on the road leading to the biggest town around, yet Taeyong is all but excited now. 

“We’re in the middle of nowhere-”

“There’s no chosen place to die.” Youngho cuts dryly, and Taeyong realizes he is right. 

Of course, he is freaking right. Taeyong would know it, it can happen anywhere, like in the middle of a crowded cafe. He gulps down the bile rising in his throat to keep his tears from flowing. He is already here, anyway, stuck in this lifestyle he didn’t choose for himself. 

“You’re all the same.” The omega opts on enjoying the landscape instead of fighting over this, not right now. “If you know, then why did you choose this life?” 

Not because it is whispered doesn’t mean it wasn’t heard. Youngho heard it well and he understood instantly it wasn’t meant for him only. Taeyong said it as if Jongin was seated behind them to hear his complaints. It is unfair, the drug lord knows, not only because he is Lee Taeyong, but because he is an omega. Always pulled left and right by alphas into lives they don’t want. But what is done is done, and all he can do is pay the expensive price of his mistakes. 

“Take him away from here for a while.” Doyoung had told him. They all had their fair amount of grief, Youngho and Taeyong more than everyone else. But Youngho’s scars are only puckered pieces of skin today, reminding him daily of why he is here. Taeyong’s are still open wounds, bleeding profusely. The alpha wants him to heal, to forget even for just a few days, and he is about to fight either, none of them wants an argument right now. One day they will have to breach the wall, talk about all the things that Jongin did that Youngho is repeating, about all the things that Taeyong misunderstand that Youngho doesn’t deserve. But for now, all the alpha does is take one of Taeyong’s hand in his to ease the tension.

Their first stop is the grand central market where they decide to walk around for the day. Taeyong have seen places like this only in pictures before, the colored stalls, the little alleyway full of shops and the sun that slips through the open umbrellas. They have lunch in a small restaurant near the beach where the omega ends up hating the food for it is too spicy and opts on stealing from Youngho’s plate. After that, it comes naturally for Taeyong to take his hand as they stroll around. 

“Walk slower, would you?” The omega scolds. Looks like Youngho isn’t used to holding hands and keeps forgetting the omega is tiny compared to him. 

“Run or let my hand go, then.” They both know none of them want to let go.

“You’re the worst boyfriend I’ve ever had.” 

The statement makes them both stop in their tracks. Taeyong quickly lets the hand go before sprinting his way into a small souvenir shop. He never thought he’d be the one to say it, and before he blurted it, he had never fathomed the idea of labelling their relationship. Especially when he has yet to reveal to the man he is more than that, he is the father to the growing child inside him. But how do you say something like that to a man, who only yesterday, didn’t even know the meaning of caring yet…

“Who was the best, then?” Youngho whispers from behind him as he pretends to look through postcards, making him almost shriek. “Should I send someone to get rid of him?”

Nobody. Taeyong never found the time to have lasting lovers before and next thing he knew, he was married off to some random mobsters. But that is his only to know. Youngho’s ego is big enough for Taeyong’s to boost it. 

“Please, do.” Taeyong shakes his head fondly when the other customers turn to them, smelling the strong pheromones Youngho spreads due to his pettiness. “Suh Youngho, but somebody told me he calls himself Johnny. Tacky, right? He is both the best and the worst.” 

“You’re playing in dangerous waters, omega.” And he would love to continue if he can get the alpha to put his hand on his waist so protectively each time. 

The matter is quickly dropped when the omega gets lost further into the shop, admiring everything from the smallest things to a painting that could take his entire bedroom wall. It takes him three seconds to buy it and make Youngho understand he is taking care of the shipping fees. “You want to be the best boyfriend, right?”

“This is humiliating.” Youngho whispers to himself at some point with arms full of shopping bags. 

The rest of the day is spent driving around a list of spots the omega found on the internet, claiming to have the best views on the coast. Around the end of the day, Youngho was afraid they’d have to buy another phone given the amount of pictures his omega is taking every chance he gets. He might or might have not caught some candid pictures of the drug lord. 

“It was one of the best days of my life.” Taeyong breathes out that night after yet another perfect dinner, settling on the couch. “I’ll send the pictures to Jaehyun so he can show them to Haechan.”

Taeyong is busy typing away on the screen to notice that Youngho has settled in an armchair right beside the bay window, only giving the alpha his attention when the delicate smell of weed reaches his nose. He puts his phone down, tip toes to the other armchair beside the older and proceed to admire, just admire. The alpha gives him a subtle glance before raising his eyebrows, a silent way to say  _ Ask away _ . 

Was it the best day of your life too? When did you last steer a boat, you enjoyed yourself a lot back there. What does a joint taste like? Why do you do what you do? What are you scared of in your sleep? But instead, he asks, 

“How was Chicago?”

Youngho stops for a second, processing the fact that Taeyong knows much more than he expected. But instead of looking upset, or even remotely mad, he shrugs. 

“Sehun told you.”

“He told me everything he knows. Why did you leave?” 

The man seems to ponder for long seconds. Taeyong is worried he might have touched a way too sensitive point. But there is nothing sensitive with Johnny, just countless points of pressure that need to be erased, one by one, one step at a time. 

“It is a nice place, I’m afraid I don’t remember much.” Taeyong brings his knees close to his chest, propping his chin on them as if ready to hear a long story. “Full of rats and hooligans.”

“You were one of them,” the younger continues for both of them. Youngho doesn’t deny it but it marks the end of the story. 

The omega remembers the words they exchanged very well. That day he was curious about Yoon Danbi, when Youngho told him to read the answers in his eyes. Matter of fact, Taeyong got very good at it, reading people. Or mostly just reading Johnny, now all he has to do is read Youngho. What looks like the trace of an unending battle on his face. He still has so much to ask. Who is Suh Jungwoo? For example, but getting a simple sentence out of the alpha about his demons is already too much of a step. 

“How are Doyoung and Jaehyun holding?” 

If Taeyong notices the way the man changes the topic, he says nothing of it. 

“Peachy, I’ve heard from Haechan Doyoung cried only once today, which is a progress from yesterday.” Taeyong stares at the horizon, now understanding why Johnny loves the ocean so much. It just listens, quietly, surely, and converses in a way no human being can. “I wish my baby was here, I miss him.”

“How about taking him here next summer?” The alpha isn’t the best at comfort but he can try, just for Taeyong.

“He loves making messes out of pretty houses, this one is just his type.” They both laugh at that. “He’ll be happy seeing all the snacks I’m bringing back. I bought some stuff for the others too, I wish everyone was here…”

And he also wishes he didn’t say that. The pain he has worked on so much always pops up at random moments. That’s the thing with grief, it shows up randomly, when it wants. Anything can be a trigger and there is nothing Taeyong can do about it but stay patient until it leaves temporarily. The tears he has tried to hold for so many days finally comes pooling under his eyes and he shamefully hides them with the sleeves of his shirt, gulping hard to keep the sob from leaving his throat. 

But grief is like time, like air, like all the great things that inevitably makes the universe and the great scheme of life, and a small element like Taeyong is not presumptuous enough to fight it. Fate is sometimes cruel for making small things feel such gigantic pain…

“I’m sorry,” the sobs start slowly before turning into a messy cry he absolutely didn’t want to have before Youngho. “I just can’t stop thinking about him.” 

“Come here.” Taeyong lifts up his head to see Youngho patting his laps. 

“Oh please, I am not a kid-”

Sometimes he forgets how strong the alpha can be, like right now when he lifts the omega up without a word, cradling him in his chest before dropping back in his armchair. And instantly, the dam breaks again. He can’t see the tears, but he can feel them soaking his shirt. 

“He didn’t even find a mate yet. He gave his fucking life for me, Youngho, I-I just can’t…”

“The most noble cause a man can live for,” the words hit Taeyong softly, like a soothing cream in the numbest part of his heart. It is not enough to take even one percent of his pain away, but it is enough to make him understand he is held through the healing process. 

“Oh gosh, I hate feeling so weak.” It is not a weakness, Youngho wants to say. It is a form of bravery, to allow pain to turn you into nothing but numbness until you feel strong enough to build yourself back up again. But he keeps it to himself, because he doesn’t practice what he preaches. “How long does mourning last?”

“A lifetime.” And that’s the only truth anyone can hold on. At some point death comes for all of us, and those who stay can do nothing but learn to face it through those who left. Loss is life’s way to tell us that someday it will be our turn, to tell us to not be afraid, because death will hurt less than mourning. 

The silence takes over until Taeyong points to the rolled joint left in the ashtray, now off for having been ignored for too long. 

“Can I taste?” 

Youngho thinks for a long moment, wondering if the omega has lost his mind. It is not uncommon for people to believe that it is a remedy to the soul, but he thinks otherwise. Youngho doesn’t smoke to forget, he does to remember. To keep himself awake, to remember every passing second of every bullet he had to fire, of every farewell he had to bid, of every sacrifice he made just to be able to afford rolling another one. 

Maybe they are not so different and that Taeyong doesn’t want to forget either. Some use history books for that, for him, the past is written in the swirling smoke before his eyes and drowsiness that comes with the fumes. It’s a bit like sleeping, with all the dreams but without closing his eyes because his monsters are hiding behind his eyelids. 

“Here.” He hands the newly lit stick as Taeyong wipes the final streaks of tears away. “Don’t pull too hard.”

Saying that to a new stoner is like telling someone “Don’t fall” when they learn to ride a bike. Taeyong’s eyes go wide as he coughs it all back out with a laugh. It is different from all the cigarettes he has ever smoked. It feels like gulping down a spoon of mustard, the effect blows the inside of your nose and brain up before even reaching your lungs. 

“Shit, this is horrible, why do you even smoke?” 

“A horrible habit for a horrible fellow, very compatible,” the alpha shrugs, taking it back from the omega. “Come close, open your lips just a bit.” 

Youngho pulls one large breath out of it, and mirroring Taeyong’s lips, he brings their mouth close, close enough to be confused with a kiss and blows, slowly. Taeyong feels himself naturally breathing it, giggling when it works and Youngho swears there and then that he has never seen something so beautiful in his life. A few months ago he would have said beauty is nothing but a social construct made to make people spend their money. But beauty is the glossy eyes of an omega laughing after tears, a wet rose bud struggling to open after a heavy rain. 

“Say, Youngho,” Taeyong stops laughing, surprising a still dazzled alpha with a soft hand on his cheek. “Stop saying you’re a bad person. I admit you’re not the nicest out there, but you don’t suck as much as you think.”

“Your way of complimenting me makes me wanna shove you out of my hold.” 

“Try me-”

One second, Taeyong is comfortably nestled in his arms, the next he feels himself thudding down on the carpet. 

“God damn it, Johnny!” 

  
  
  


Their last day is spent on the beach, lazing around and Taeyong discovers what must be the most unexpected flaws Youngho has. 

“You don’t know how to swim?” Taeyong blinks once, then twice before bursting into laughter.

Youngho stares at him, crossing his arms in his black short swimsuit looking like a petulant child. The omega has pulled him to the water once he felt tired of sun burning the entire afternoon and he was surprised when his feet touched the water that the alpha wasn’t following him anymore. He harassed the alpha to tell him what is wrong until he reluctantly revealed his secret. 

“I don’t like the water.” 

“But,” the shorter stares incredulously for a second, hands on his waist, standing in the water in his light pink shorts. He tries his best to look condescending but to Youngho, he looks like a cupcake waiting to be devoured. “You love the ocean, and boats. You used to work on a boat for fuck’s sake! What about the boats?” 

The alpha almost cringes when a little wave comes licking his toes. 

“It is exactly why I like them, they keep out of the ocean while allowing me to appreciate it.” 

This man makes less and less sense with each passing day. Or he makes so much sense Taeyong has a hard time following. 

“Ok, hold my hand, we won’t go to deep.”

It is the first time Taeyong sees the older hesitating so much before doing something. Gone is the fearless mobster he knows so well, replaced by a scaredy cats who’s afraid to take his first step into the sea, for the first time in his life. 

“It won’t eat you, just give me your hand.” 

Youngho does. With the first few steps, he finally relaxes realizing he has the control. If only his enemies could see him. Taeyong could tell them all they need to do to get rid of Suh Johnny is to threaten him with some salt water, he’d probably shrink like a witch before holy water. 

“This isn’t so bad,” the mobster tries more tentetive steps until he is waist deep, Taeyong clinging to his shoulders since he is smaller, easily swayed by the tiny waves. 

“See when you trust me!” 

_ With my life, _ Johnny thinks. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me, bear with me I swear the ride is worth it TT. I have nothing else to say, I gave y'all the longest chapter hopinng it will soothe you, though i doubt it did. This is almost coming to an end, a couple of chapters left but I have a surprise for you at the end. Stay with me pls, don't hate me. And can you guys help me process the amount of kudos like wtf, for this grabage? I love you, i'll never say it enough (guess who doesn't say it enoug either? Fucking Youngho. bye)


	14. Chapter 14

There’s a grand scheme of things,

And who knows who controls it? The first civilizations relied on who they called Gods, unable to explain the how’s and why’s of the universe. Nowadays, some call it time, life, money, anything to put the blame on the mistakes one makes. We’ve seen the sanest people giving their lives to build temples, cathedrals made of gold and stones just to make sense of it. Those who claim to be smarter gave that determination to science and numbers. No matter how we label ourselves, or how much we pretend to ignore the patterns, there’s a grand scheme of things. 

It goes like this, one step leads to another, we only have a pair of feet. Either we put one in front of the other, either we go backwards. And each footstep leads to a destination. Maybe it’s destiny guiding us, maybe it’s fate or simple coincidence. The only ways we have to know where to walk is to look at the past and learn, or go by instinct and see. 

Taeyong is not a believer, that much is clear now but he is convinced that if he was, he wouldn’t be here now. He is one of those who claimed to be smarter, those who rely on their fears and guts to guide them. But in the end, all he is is a blind man without a stick. If there is a God above, if only he believed a little and gave his thoughts to prayer, then maybe something somewhere would have guided him, something would have told him about the right path and he wouldn’t be here right now. He was foolish to think that something would be him. 

“How is he coping,” a muffled voice from behind the metallic door reaches his ears. 

“He didn’t say a thing,” another one answers. 

How long has it been? One day and one night? It has been so silent between the four concrete walls that he almost forgot what sounds felt like. He hasn’t slept a blink but then again, it is hard to do so when all he has is a chair and a table. What if he starts to pray now? Will it work to save him? But who to turn to then, he knows nothing about religion. He isn't sure he ever knew anything at all in this life. 

There’s a rattling coming from the door before it unlocks and Taeyong finally looks up from his frail fingers. It seems that their existence was the only reality he could hold on, he felt alive when he moved them and when he turned his gaze elsewhere, to the grey empty walls or the wooden pattern of the table, that life slipped away from his grasp. He could be dead as far he is concerned. If it is the case, then death is so slow. 

The beta who just entered the room stares at him for a second from the door. The omega has lost his plump cheeks in the span of a few hours, skin pale and dry and he barely believes it is not a ghost he is looking at. He used to know Lee Taeyong, right now he doesn’t know who the man before him is. 

“So?” The beta takes a few steps forward and for the first time, Taeyong takes a deep breath, trying to grasp the man’s familiar scent. 

It is so cold in here, and so lonely he even forgot what his own scent smells like, but with the beta, he can remember a bit. The man waits for an answer but Taeyong stays silent. He is famished and exhausted despite the untouched plate at the end of the table and the still full glass of water next to it. They brought it yesterday but Taeyong wasn’t in the mood to take a bite, he still isn’t. He is trying to figure out what to say, what to do, trying to figure out who to trust and who he is. 

“Please,” his voice comes out croaked and inaudible, his tone shivering and void of humanity. The beta is right, they made a ghost out of him. “Please… Doyoung. Let me out of here.”

He looks for something akin to compassion and kindness on the man’s face but all he sees is an impassive fortress, the trace of a friend he once knew totally erased. For a second, he even confuses the beta with a stranger. He sounds like Doyoung, looks like Doyoung, but he isn’t his friend, not right now. 

When the man gets nothing else, he retreats out of the room, leaving Taeyong in the coldness again, with nothing but his mind as company. 

“I”ll be back in five hours,” the beta addresses someone outside, someone Taeyong has never seen. “If there is no progress, lock the kid too.” 

  
  
  
  
  


**Two years and two months ago**

  
  


“Where is this one from?”

Taeyong’s finger is still wet and sticky from sea salt even if they are both dried now, basking under the afternoon sun, enjoying the last moment they have on the island before tomorrow’s flight. He feels Youngho’s body vibrating underneath him, either from the sudden lukewarm wind ruffling them or from the little touches. 

He thought the alpha would be asleep, tired and exhausted from trying to pry Taeyong off him as the omega gave his whole weight to push his head down in the water. The white dunes of sand tucked between the rocks seemed to be the perfect place to fall asleep in the scorching spring. It didn’t take long for Youngho to feel another body on him as soon as he laid face down on a towel. It didn’t really bother him at first, in fact, it felt like the perfect addition to his rest. 

That is until the omega’s hand started to travel from the side of his upper body to the black ink covering his shoulder lines. Taeyong makes himself comfortable, one arm draped over the alpha’s back, his chin resting on it as he admires the constellations maring the skin beneath his touch. They’re not beautiful or displeasing to look at, they are just existing, a small galaxy of scars and moles that only Taeyong can see in broad daylight. For a small moment, he finds himself chuckling as he wonders foolishly if they’d light up in the dark night. That’s probably why he has a hard time seeing the stars in the sky lately, they went hiding on Youngho’s skin.

His finger got late on a specific line of puckered skin under the alpha’s nape. It is long, a few inches stopping only under the omoplates, right where Youngho’s tattoo draws a cross. The branches of it mingle with the scar, as if trying to hide it, it looks old, it looks painful, to the point the alpha felt the need to crucify it, his own little Calvary. 

“You don’t want to know,” the alpha says, voice lazy enough to tell Taeyong to drop it. The latter can’t see his face but he can imagine the memory painting a frown on it. 

Oh, but he does. Taeyong wants to know everything. His mind hurts at the simple thought that they come from worlds so far apart. The omega is sure even Youngho feels insecure about it. He might be who he is today, sitting on a throne surrounded by the wealth only some can dream about. But someday, he was just a crawling man, not knowing his pains were just mere sacrifice for his future. Youngho is scared to talk about those days. Taeyong was born in a castle made of gold, how would he feel knowing he gave his heart to a man made of paper…

“Let me guess, then,” the omega teases, his small giggles fading against the rocks. “A terrible gang fight during a rainy night. Some underdogs tried to breach in your territory, fortunately, Jaehyun saved your ass before they could beat you up.”

“Bold of you to think some underdogs could defeat me.” The muscles under Taeyong go stiff for a second before relaxing when Youngho laughs at his imagination. In that instant, if the waves crash too loudly behind them, it’s certainly because they are eager to hear that sound that only the privileged ones get to hear. 

“Fine, was it from a wild night?” Taeyong takes the silence as Youngho humors him, impatient to hear whatever wild idea he has running in that crazy mind of his. “Some omega in distress was being chased down by a bunch of gangsters, passing by one of your hotels just as you finished signing some big business deals with Putin. You saved them right before it could go south. And of course they had to give themselves to the big and strong alpha Johnny.” 

“What if I say you’re right?” 

“As if, Putin would hate your guts,” with no answer given, Taeyong decides to change the subject, afraid that if he probes too much, he’d end up hurt. “And you don’t save people, only me.”

Youngho hates sharing secrets, for a reason he can’t point out. There was a time he took it for protection, against judgement or self-depreciation. But as he grew older, he guessed it was out of selfishness, thinking he couldn’t be understood, thinking his history is so long that nobody’s pain could rival with his own. Recently, he is starting to think he owes a bit of himself to the omega, even if it’s just a small piece. After all, as Taeyong put it back then, it is unfair how much Youngho knows about the omega. Probably because there is nobody he trusts today the way he trusts the other. 

It takes a lot of bravery to cry in front of someone, and the alpha can’t count the number of times Taeyong has done it for him. Even in his worst grief. After all, the past is in the past, it is a pain that has faded a long time ago, physically and mentally.

“I was seventeen,” he starts like one would start any story. A bit cliché, he is aware but it’s a tale that doesn’t deserve poetry. It happened, that’s all, and today it doesn’t matter anymore. “When I was working on that boat Sehun told you about. It was a cover to ship drugs from Chicago to other part of the world-”

“-I knew it,” Taeyong cuts with a grin. “You don’t look like the fisherman type.”

“But I was good at it,” the alpha banters back, knowing that the subtle movement he felt above him is the omega rolling his eyes. “I was one of their errand boys back then. I had one hour to deliver a package during one of the stops. Shit happened, I got ambushed, I got late, I got punished.” 

“That’s-” It isn’t uncommon practice, Taeyong is aware. But he can’t stop himself from imagining a younger Youngho paying for it, and somewhere, it bothers him. “But it wasn’t your fault.”

“It had to be someone’s.” More than the unfairness, the tone makes the omega uncomfortable. It clearly doesn’t matter to Youngho, as if he didn’t see the issue with his reasoning, and along the years, he has kept that mentality to practice it himself. That’s just how he grew up, in a world lacking empathy. “Have you ever heard of the blood eagle? An old viking way of execution. In the modern way, you get tied up, they slice your back and rub salt in it until you don’t feel the pain anymore, it took three days.” 

To Youngho, it is an old memory. Sometimes, when he recalls it, he still can feel the grain of salt prickling his skin. But today, it’s like saying hello to an old friend. He doesn’t realize Taeyong doesn’t share the same opinion until he feels a warm drop touch his skin. 

“Why did you stay,” the omega asks between two muffled sobs. 

_ I was happy _ , the alpha restrains himself from saying. It sounds delusional to the others but it is a fact, he was happy. He didn’t even feel compassion for his own self, how was he meant to react to Taeyong overwhelming him with too much of it… He read once in a novel that whoever this world doesn’t kill, it breaks. Youngho guesses that’s just what he is, broken, another product waiting for life’s planned obsolescence. Until then, he just lives, and that’s the worst part. Living every single day, knowing life has stamped him with scars, a countdown he can’t avoid. 

“You didn’t need to hear that, my bad.” 

“I’m stronger than you think,” that he knows.  _ But what about you? _

They take their time the next day, weighed down by the exhaustion of staying up all night dirtying the sheet, murmuring promises none of them can keep. The longing on Taeyong’s face doesn’t go unnoticed when they take off. It doesn’t go unnoticed when he squeezes Youngho’s hand seeing the blue water disappearing under his eyes. Somehow, he has left a part of him over there, on that now tiny island he can see from the sky. And it gets smaller each second, mirroring his heart. 

“What now?”

The question was meant for himself, forgetting that he isn’t alone in the little cabin, forgetting that he now shares the same thinking space as someone else. The forlorn look the alpha gives him doesn’t help to prove his worries wrong. Time is a tricky concept, what seemed like a thousand days of peace turned to be a weekend only. What seemed like an endless moment of denial quickly came to an end and it won’t be long until his demons come looking for him. Same for Youngho.

They won’t be alright, both know it but none want to deny it. There is no use for comfort between them. 

“We just live,” the alpha replies, having nothing better to say. 

Taeyong is past the  _ que sera sera  _ and all its repercussions. There was a time when he wanted it all, right now, right there. But a second of happiness like this one comes once in a blue moon and all he can do is hold on and act like it will happen again. 

“Youngho,” Taeyong whispers in the alpha’s neck before climbing ungracefully over his lap,  _ if it’s going to be the last time _ , “Touch me, now.”

There’s a few seconds of hesitation, a few seconds for the alpha to make sure this is what he really wants. 

“I’ve never done this on a plane,” the omega says, not caring about the flight attendant who he knows is watching from behind a curtain, “change it, would you?”

Alphas are unwavering, almighty, at least that’s what they say. But alphas are weak before one thing, and that’s the pleas of an omega. Light has always been dubious and scary for Youngho, because the light attracts the moth. And he isn’t the one to walk on the lit path, and he isn’t about to do it, he won’t change for an omega. But with Taeyong, he isn’t looking for the light, he is turning on the dark, and it’s alright this way too. 

It starts with a soft kiss between two breathless groans as the omega rubs against him, pace slow, savouring each moment of this short flight. If there is a heaven, it’s this one, in the sky, this ephemeral place in the air in which their time is counted between two pieces of land. 

Taeyong feels them both growing from impatience but he isn’t in for the rush, they can take their time until they land. He sucks the air out of Youngho when he assaults his neck open mouthed, and in that instant, an insane idea invades his mind. He keeps it unsaid for now, one hand clutching the leather of the seat, one hand guiding Youngho’s to his clothed member. 

It’s a waltzing rhythm they dance with, in an empty ballroom where their heartbeat is the only music. Youngho palms the bulge growing in Taeyong’s jeans, making the younger huff helplessly against his neck, still trying to grasp the taste of his skin. It is something like freedom and tenacity, everything he loves in a man. 

The alpha lets both their members free, thumbing Taeyong first, as if trying to remember the curves of his intimacy by heart. By the way he keeps his attention on the omega’s face, he has already learnt it. Taeyong is flushed, from his chin to his eyes, and it ignites the worst monster in Youngho. There is nothing like wrecking the omega, making him beg and plead like he has never done before. 

Their cocks rub in the most vicious way, drooling stains on their shirt dirtily. The omega missed being touched and cared for, he missed being the filthiest version of himself. Tender fingers shimmy on the small of his back, playing against his spine before slipping in the rough fabric of his jeans. 

“Getting bold, Mr Suh,” Taeyong moans, forehead against chest as the two fingers spread his soft globes and circle at his rim the way he circles the hem of his glasses. 

The omega ruts against the man, feeling over sensitivity turning his brain to mush. But even in the middle of it all, he ruts harder, making sure Youngho gets his share of pleasure too, two hot shafts against each other, guided by pure unadulterated desire. When the fingers thrust in and out, tickling that sensitive spot in him, Taeyong mewls shamelessly. 

He is too far gone to care if Johnny’s thrusts are getting too rough, too far gone to care about anything at all, his early nostalgia of leaving their small heaven, his longings and sorrows. When he is this close to the alpha, they live out of the norms, out of beliefs, out of morals. Just two souls co-existing in a makeshift space they’ve created. 

Taeyong soon finds himself riding the fingers fucking him without mercy, just looking for release as Johnny presses the head of his cock. 

“What do you want, honey?” 

“Make me come, big boy.”

When the fingers inside him press on that spot inside him, when he cries Youngho’s name as white stripes paint them, when they both come down from their high, that’s when Youngho realizes it. He may have realized it before but stood in denial for too long. Every of the omega’s words, every of the omega’s desires are orders. A simple trigger to the weak soldier inside him. 

He has always considered himself a man of calculation, and in the most pretentious moment, a man of steel. Few are those who dares to doubt it, those who do have only heard fables of what he has accomplished. There is no greater pride than seeing himself through the eyes of others, the dread, the fear, the satisfaction of knowing there is no one in this world that could destroy his fortress.

And yet, here he is, thousands miles above, a tired omega slumped in his arms. Here, there are no eyes, nobody to impress, no enemies. And still, all that count is Taeyong’s eyes on him, all that count is the omega. He doesn’t know how the smaller managed where so many failed, but Youngho is more than willing to let the man keep the secret of this beautiful defeat to himself. Day after day, month after month, the omega breached into the small circle of the people Youngho esteems, and god knows how he even climbed the list. 

“I’m getting so fucking old,” Taeyong chuckles, cutting his thoughts. 

Youngho tucks them back in their clothes, taking his time to admire the sweaty hair sticking to the other’s forehead. He has long asked himself why live so long, so when the opportunity came, a few years into his ministries, he bought himself a plane. Every kid’s dream, they say the world is worth seeing, and seeing the world he did. And when it wasn’t enough, he bought himself another, he bought himself a few islands, bought himself puppets and loyalty, bought everything to fill his ego. And today, it’s the afterglow of a tiny giggling omega that gives him the answer. 

_ Live _ , for the one you haven’t met yet, for the void to be filled. That is one task checked, now to fill the void, to accomplish what he has been living for is the last box.

“Mr Suh.” They both turn their head to the incoming flight attendant, unimpressed by their state. “Mr Kim is on the satellite line for you-”

“Tell him to get back at me when-”

“He says it’s urgent,” the woman insists.

Taeyong sees the rolling eyes and scoff. Since when is the alpha unmotivated about work?

“Those past days made you lazy.” The omega taps him on the cheek teasingly to snap him out of the daze making Youngho grab his wrist with a warning glare. “Oh come on, it’s just a call, go take it.” 

“It will take a minute.” The reluctance is still in his voice and Taeyong can’t help but laugh at that. He knows Doyoung is going to chew the alpha if he doesn’t take the fucking call now, and a mad Doyoung is not a pleasant welcome gift. “There’s a shower at the back, take all the time you need.” 

“I will,” Taeyong confirms, swaying his hips as the alpha watches him leave, knowing fully well the effect he is having. “You go do some crimes, babe.”

Youngho parts towards the other way, in the small cubicle behind the cockpit, where Taeyong can’t hear him. 

“This way, Mr Suh.” 

Taeyong raises an eyebrow, looking around to make sure he is the only one in hearing range, before pointing a finger at himself, confirming the flight attendant did talk to him. He can only try an embarrassed laugh when she nods politely, a bit confused as if worried about what she said. 

“What’s your name, sweetie?” The woman mirrors his action, and Taeyong nods.

“Sooyoung, sir.” He can smell the omega scent oozing out of her, though repressed as to not make anyone uncomfortable. 

The tall woman guides him to a door, showing him the towels and bathrobes as well as the cosmetics at his disposition. But Taeyong’s mind is elsewhere. 

“Tell me, Sooyoung, have you met Mr Suh before?” 

There's a high chance she didn’t, seeing she is different from the attendant they had before. She confirms it with another courteous nod and by the slight worry on her face, Taeyong can say she must have heard things before being hired. He is certainly scaring the omega. 

“What did they tell you when they hired you?”

“Sir,” she hesitates before some sort of realization paints her face with panic. “I apologize if I assumed anything, it’s just they only told me about Mr Suh and seeing… your close-”

“It’s fine,”  _ if anything, assume, please. _ “You can leave, I’ll call you if I need anything.”

Taeyong chuckles when the omega scrambles out of his sight.  _ Mr Suh _ , he likes the sound of that, immensely. He is not at the step where he would give it all to Youngho yet, where he would allow himself to lose a part of his identity to be one with someone else. If anything, Taeyong had always been independent, and few are the men he’d trust with that endeavour. He’d made his own name, a legacy his father left untainted, and Taeyong is far from breaking that unspoken rule. 

_ Mr Suh,  _ he keeps on musing under the hot water. His hand unconsciously travels to his stomach, pressing a bit, trying to see if he can feel anything despite the slow development. All he can find is that unbreakable bond between a parent and the child, the reassurance that they both exist without even knowing each other. But Taeyong already loves them, doesn’t he?

“Mr Suh, do you like the sound of that baby,” he whispers, afraid that if anything, even the clouds, hear him, they’d take the precious moment from him. 

How ridiculous he feels, alone in his little bubble with nobody to share it with. Today, though, he loves and he is loved back. And little by little, he is taking off the layers hiding Johnny, seeing a bit of Youngho in the process. 

“Don’t you think he deserves to know, little bean?” 

After all, the idea of fleeing is not news anymore, it has been buried a long ago.  _ I’ll be wherever you need me to be _ . That’s what Yuta wanted, for him to step up, to clear the fog in his mind. He’ll be there, holding his hand when Taeyong will do it, he knows he will. 

They are both adults,the alpha and him, and not any adults. They’ve both had their share of growing up too fast, and if Taeyong can suck it up, Youngho can. It’s a life they’ll have to deal about, and whether the alpha likes it or not, Taeyong and his pups come in a package. He can already imagine the shock on the man’s face as he wraps himself in nothing but a bathrobe. 

For now, it amuses the omega in him. Youngho will probably go silent, and he will probably take time to digest the news, but he’ll come back, Taeyong knows. He is fully aware that being a father isn’t for everyone, but that won’t bother him. He is not asking the alpha to be one, Taeyong can take care of it, that’s what he’s been doing for years to the point he doesn’t remember what not being one is like anymore. All he will be asking is for Youngho to not let go, and he will not because today the omega knows his biggest fear is to lose him. 

“Not getting dressed?” Youngho is already back in the cabin when Taeyong is done, hair dripping and skin glowing under the artificial light. 

“Are you complaining,” the omega teases, sitting across the man, crossing his legs and smiling interiorly when he sees the hungry gaze following the lines of his body. “What’s the use, if you’re going to unwrap me later?”

“Or I could let you shiver for the last hour,” the alpha banters nonchalantly, fetching for a newspaper in the bin next to his seat, ignoring the way his little omega huffs.

As if, it barely takes fifteen minutes before Youngho is devouring his thighs, half an hour before they’re fucking like hungry rabbit against every surface. The alpha is insatiable, and so is Taeyong. At least they’ve kept themselves busy and Taeyong would take the exhaustion over any chess session against Youngho. Especially when the man is still adamant about his strategies. “Common sense calls it cheating, babe.” The man begs to differ. 

There’s a few minutes left on the clock before landing when Taeyong decides playtime is over. A few minutes he has to ponder about how to tell Youngho about his pregnancy. It isn’t something he can rush, but he’d rather do it while they are still basking in their little heaven, while they are still high on their weekend and high on affection. 

_ Just like a bandaid, he can’t be worse than Jongin.  _

“Is a penny for your thoughts enough or do you prefer branded bags?” 

Taeyong looks up from where he is laying on Youngho’s lap. The alpha found a book to read a few minutes earlier, eyes not leaving the words but Taeyong’s sudden bitter smell is enough for him to know the omega is worrying over something.  _ Guns, Germs and Steel _ the cover reads and Taeyong scoffs in his hand. So typically Johnny. The omega once studied it in college, and even back then, he has learnt how this world is made of violence. 

Everything about the alpha is violence, from his touches to his words, yet Taeyong doesn’t mind the cruelty of it all, he wouldn’t have it any other way. And maybe a few years from now, as his wildest dreams feed him, violence won’t be such a negative word anymore. Those who think so haven’t met Johnny yet, it can be the most comfortable feeling if one learns to tame it the right way. 

“A penny is enough but if you offer so nicely, who am I to refuse?” The omega stands up, leaving for a second to put on some clothes, he isn’t about to show up naked once they land. “Give me a second and I’ll tell you. I also want to check up on Haechan.”

The alpha simply hums, mind once again taken by his book. Taeyong knows he is stalling, but a bit of comfort would be nice before facing the storm. Once presentable, he wanders near the cockpit, trying to catch Sooyoung.

“Sweetie, could you do me a favor?” The attendant stops on her way to the cabin, ready to go and make sure they are all secured before the landing. “Can you connect me to the number Johnny previously talked to? I’d like to check on Mr Kim.” 

There’s no need for her to know it is about his son, in case she assumes more than she already did, and assuming around someone like Youngho could lead to nasty rumors. She politely agrees before leading him to the phone hang near the emergency exit, telling him he has a few minutes before they need him seated.

He waits as it beeps on the other line, worried that Doyoung might be busy. He releases a breath when it replies. 

“Kim Junmyeon speaking.”

And the breath goes back in, held to the point of a near cardiac arrest. It is not Doyoung, not the Mr Kim he expected. He blinks a few times as if it could help clear the confusion. He is not stupid, he knows that voice, and he didn’t think he’d hear it again, certainly not in this context. 

“Johnny?” the beta on the other side asks, unaware of the turmoil going on on the other side. “Is it abou-”

He hangs up. Taeyong slams the phone back so hard he could have punched through the wall, any reasonable thought leaving his body. Somewhere he knew it, but Johnny’s words have blinded him. And Sehun’s voice resonates like a mantra, so loud he can believe the man is just next to him.

_ He wanted guarantees, not friendship. You’ve seen how he hires people, how he got you here. _

_ There is something in him, far beyond greed, that destroys whoever he touches. _

There is only one thing he can think about right now. His brain might be taking too much shortcuts to the conclusion but he can’t find anything else to pin the blame on. He is an hostage. He puts himself voluntarily in this situation, a deliberate hostage. All this time, he never wondered why the Kims never touched him. He knew too much, enough to put them all in jail, and there is no service that wouldn’t trust Lee Taeyong’s words. He should have been dead, but he is alive. 

Johnny kept him alive. He should have guessed it, how the hell did Neo Pharmaceuticals get such easy access to the Kims shoreline to steal the weapons, how the hell did Johnny manage to breach the security at Lee Holdgin’s gala so easily, all of Junmyeon’s lies about the alpha… He gets to snatch Jongin’s assets and in exchange, they get Taeyong.

“Babe, get back-”

“Don’t fucking touch me!”

Taeyong doesn’t measure his strength when he shoves Johnny away. He didn’t even hear the man approaching, the fog in his mind coming back at once.

“Junmyeon, huh?” His laugh is too strained to be genuine, a mockery against himself. And it only intensifies when he sees the confusion on Johnny’s face turn to realization then slowly back to his usually stoic ways, the one he reserves for those he is meant to get rid of. “Love my fucking ass, what next? Are you going to deliver me with a bow on my head?”

“That’s your own conclusion, honey,” the alpha sighs, running a hand through his hair as if Taeyong is the disappointing one in this situation. 

“Don’t call me that!” He is on the edge of hysteria, but he can’t control the wind of madness inside his heart anymore.

_ Yuta, what do I do? _ Look at him, never learning his lesson. Look at him, spilling tears for a man he knew would break him again. 

“Everything isn’t about you, Taeyong,” Johnny says, tone opposite Taeyong's frantic one. “I have a deal with the Kims, and it doesn’t concern you.”

“Oh, it doesn’t?” The omega chuckles bitterly, barely able to look at the man without feeling bile in his mouth. “What about Suh Jungwoo? How long were you planning to hide that too?”

And that’s the horrible thing, Taeyong can be a petty man. The “if you hurt me, I’ll hurt you too” type. He hates it, the way that simple name is enough to make Johnny’s face decompose in a sorrowful frown. He hates that it’s the deepest feeling he has ever seen on the alpha’s face, he hates everything right now. 

“Where did you hear that name?”

“That’s what matters to you?”  _ What about him, why is he important to the point you forget to catch my tears.  _ “I don’t know anymore, Youngho, who the fuck are you?”

And he doesn’t get an answer, only the frown on the alpha’s face, the glossy ocean in his eyes, his concern for another omega. He isn’t going to answer, not now, not during the long silence enveloping them until landing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, honest question, should I warn about heavy angst in my tags? In my opinion it isn't that heavy but someone suggested it, so let me know. 
> 
> Also guys, I opened a twitter! well, I didn't open it now, I had it since 2010 but never opened it, it only came to my knowledge recently that there are some talk about this fic over there so yeah haha. Don't hesitate to follow and tag me if you want to, love y'all! : [twitter](https://twitter.com/tiana098)
> 
> My insta, mostly a fan account but you can still reach me there hihi: [Ig/a>](https://www.instagram.com/tianahrnr/?hl=en)


	15. Chapter 15

“You never venture around the city by yourself.”

So many pretenders think they know him, his habits, his thoughts, his principles. He has learnt to tell them apart along the years, those who don't, speak, those who do, speak too much. After all, he is never the same man from day to day. Nobody is, we are all made of each changing decision from yesterdays, and tomorrow, we’ll have new scars. Even biologically, none of the cells we have are the same from the past. 

Junmyeon is an exception, he talks a lot, but rarely speaks. It’s different, to fill the silence with words, and to fill the silence at all. The beta likes to play between the two poles, sometimes just to rile him up, sometimes to empty his thoughts. Junmyeon is an excellent analyst, especially when it comes to seeing through people. He knew what was to be discussed as soon as Johnny asked for a meeting, just the two of them. 

He has been waiting on the cliff overlooking Anyang for about twenty minutes, trying to organize his thoughts the way his sight organizes the city lights in the dark, and when he saw Johnny’s lone car park beside his, his thoughts clicked on their own. 

“There’s not much air a man can breathe when surrounded,” the alpha greets, leaning next to Junmyeon against the hood of his Benz. 

“Do you feel less surrounded then?” They both know the answer, men like them are never alone. It’s always there, in their back, lurking, their own shadows. “I suppose you have important matters to talk about.”

When you live like they do, you quickly find out that most answers are fired from a Beretta. Words are scarce in their universe. Even the beta often finds himself wondering how he managed to hold on this long. Always the same routine, making sure you wake up alive everyday. The city is full of rats in the same situation, and most of them think they have it the hardest. Paying bills with little crimes here and there, making sure there’s enough powder to deal the day the rent is due. Then missing the rent to be able to sniff some. And before they know it, they leave this world behind.

None of them are different, Junmyeon remembers the day Johnny was a skinny, hungry kid roaming the streets. They are all the same, the street rats, opportunistic, always one hand behind their back with a knife in it. But Junmyeon stopped and stared before that teenager with a foreign accent. Johnny had something different, different enough to make a Kim curious. Street rats are stalling against death, stuck where they make their nest, only a few climb to the top, those who have a goal, and that’s exactly what Johnny had. 

“Thinking about an early retirement.” That’s the reason why Junmyeon choked on the night air, unable to fathom that Youngho can say that. 

“Where does it come from,” the beta asks once his mind is done processing what he heard. 

As far as he knows, the drug lord is still on a steep hill, barely midway through that goal Junmyeon admires. One might think that with everything he has achieved, the alpha is satisfied, attached to his accomplishment. Yet, those whom he let close, Junmyeon included, know those are petty details, a bonus on the way towards the end. 

“Is it the omega?” The words are exchanged from a sudden joint passed between them. Junmyeon can clearly see the defeat in Johnny’s eyes as he hands over the stick, breathing out the smoke towards the blurry city lights. “He had your scent all over him. I thought it was just a quick fuck.”

It should have been if Johnny’s scoff says anything. 

“Not when he suddenly talks about love before you come.” It makes Junmyeon laugh genuinely. 

“And you didn’t pull out? You changed, Suh.” Junmyeon scrubs the pavement with the tip of his shoe for the sole purpose of filling the silence for a second. “You know that I can’t let you go. You still owe me a lot, kid.”

“Don’t mind about that, I’ll give you what I promised.” 

They are not friends, far from that. Junmyeon is too old to be playing in the same playground. But there is this unsaid trust between them that defies the harsh rules of the omerta. Probably because he has been the only one in the crowd to be there for Johnny when he received his degree, or because he’s been the only one who has seen his weakest sides. Or certainly because whoever Johnny is today, Junmyeon has created most of it. Half of Junmyeon’s pride in this life belongs to the alpha he saved from the pit of hell. 

“When I’m done,” the alpha’s tone tells Junmyeon that whatever comes after are dreams of a different future. It’s soft and weak, everything the beta avoids, but everybody changes, including Johnny. “I’ll let you take the reigns.”

“What’s the plan? A new name under the Mexican sun?” 

“Wherever he wants to go.” 

“He’s not the type to stay in one place.” 

None of them can pretend to know Taeyong. He’s versatile, anchored to beliefs none of them ever had. Yet there’s so much Johnny could have said if he was more talkative. He has never thought he’d say those things one day, the things one says when words don’t seem to be enough anymore. Junmyeon couldn’t understand what it’s like to long for peace. Johnny has seen the war for too long to want to know what it’s like to see the world through the eyes of an omega, to see the world behind the eyes of someone who sees him as a child and not a warrior. 

“You know the risks,” Junmyeon warns, crushing the last millimeters of joint against the ground. “Your retirement won’t go unnoticed, they’ll rather have you dead than old. There is no place on this Earth that is peaceful for men like us.”

“There is one.” At that, Junmyeon raises an eyebrow, humored by Johnny’s teasing smirk. “Wherever your loyalty lies.”

“Seriously,” the beta scoffs. “The things I wouldn’t do for you, kid. You’ll owe me another one.”

“Fine by me,” the alpha leans away, now getting cold from being out for too long. “I only have one bullet left, anyway.”

The imagery washes Junmyeon with a sense of nostalgia, memories he thought he would have forgotten by now, but apparently Johnny didn’t. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Two years and two months ago**

It’s not sadness,

the bubbling uneasiness in his chest. It’s not even madness or anger. A man like him can’t afford to be sad, and to be sad he needs to be happy in the first place. He tried to think of it as disappointment, but it isn’t either. Feelings are getting so expensive he doesn’t know which one to buy anymore. A heart is such a limited payment and if he doesn’t cut the expense, he’ll be left without one soon. The worst type of anger is not being able to feel it no matter how much one wants to. 

Taeyong has tried to sleep on it, and he found himself understanding Youngho in the middle of it all. If there is one thing the mobster is not, it is being a liar. No matter how much the omega tried to turn it, he knows whatever they lived, whatever they feel can’t be a lie. After all he is the only one whom Youngho shared the deepest secrets with, the only one who the drug lord let close enough. Close enough for him to stab him, to get rid of him if he wanted to, and yet…

It’s not anger or sadness, it’s not disappointment. It’s that exhaustion one would fill midway through a hill only to discover they are not at the top yet. That exhaustion at the end of the day when he would tell himself “I did what I had to do.” But he doesn’t want that. He is done ending each day on that sentence. Every time he tells himself he didn’t have a choice, he finds himself sharing empathy for the alpha. Because at the end of the day, they both are just back from fighting their monsters. And the more he understands, the more he knows that with the worst circumstances, he would have done some of the things Youngho did.

With that unknown feeling, that I-don’t-know-what beneath his skin, Taeyong has done his best to avoid the alpha. It’s such a childish move, they are too old to be cats and mice but he can’t help himself. He needs space to think, he needs to think of something else than his usual fight or flight plans. It is hard to do when Youngho possesses the untamed skill of being nowhere and everywhere at the same time. And Taeyong possesses the skill of knowing how to ignore him the best he can.

The alpha may think he is discreet, or it’s his intention to not be at all but he is there. On the balcony looking over the omega when Haechan insists to be at the beach on the weekend. He is there, at the corner of every window every time Taeyong turns around. He feels like a little child in need of care and attention. He tries to ignore it all but he finds himself always looking back, finding himself tripping on purpose to see if the distant alpha would come and catch him. It’s ridiculous. 

After a long week during which he miserably fails to organize his thoughts and confront the older male, he is caught in a cul-de-sac.

Haechan comes down with a fever after a long day at school, whimpering in his arms. It has been ages since the little omega didn’t get sick, and especially not at the start of spring, it doesn’t make sense but nothing makes sense anymore. 

“Should I get someone from the clinic?” Doyoung asks from the door. The beta isn’t usually in this wing, but Taeyong guesses that despite the storms Haechan has brought him during their bonding time, the man has gotten attached. It is hard not to do so. 

“It’s late,” Taeyong says, and it comes colder than he would have liked. If Doyoung notices it, he says nothing. 

His day has been tiring, and everyone must have noticed his antsy behavior ever since he came back from his trip. But Taeyong has long learnt that whatever Youngho plots behind his back, he shouldn’t take his resentment out on his friends. They are one of the sole reasons why he isn’t bolting out of the door right now, and also because deep inside, he knows that he’ll only want to come back to the alpha. 

“Fine,” Doyoung leans away from the door, daring to breach the comfort of Haechan’s room, watching with fond eyes the way the father cradles the shivering bundle in his arms. 

It is not the first time Taeyong has to deal with a sick kid, he has seen the worst in his life but no matter the intensity, he can’t help but worry. Haechan is such a bubbly kid that seeing him quiet and drowsy is worrying beyond comprehension. 

“He just needs some sleep, don’t worry.” 

“He is such a good kid,” Doyoung lets the words slip, almost embarrassed the second he does. 

The words make the omega look at him with a teasing smile. If the fakingly intersted look the beta gives to the lamp above them is of any indication, he means them. He always thought he could live life differently, that he could manage surviving from day to day being strong, but a few days running after a kid while Jaehyun laughs his ass off have proved him wrong. Maybe he has found himself being jealous of Lee Taeyong a few times, but that’s his to keep. 

“I know,” Taeyong whispers, afraid that if Haechan hears him, he’d be a little bit too smug. “Are you getting soft now, Kim Doyoung?” 

“As if.” The beta is a bit surprised by his own rapidity at answering. Taeyong’s little smile tells him he doesn’t need to confirm it because they both know. “Well, I better go home. Keep us updated, Jaehyun is probably worrying.”

"Yeah, Jaehyun.” And the beta decides he has no business answering to the teasing.

Taeyong lays the now sleeping omega in his bed before tucking him in, sending a still worrying Doyoung away. The beta is reticent at first, claiming that he won’t be able to sleep anyway and he could give Taeyong some company if he won’t sleep either. For an instant, the omega wonders when they crossed that familiar line in their blooming friendship, but the more he thinks, the less he knows. It’s fine, though, he can do with this side of Doyoung, if anything he likes it more. That hesitancy to be fully baren yet so obvious. 

It takes a moment for him to join dreamland, as usual. His mind is plagued with what if’s, wondering what he could have said if he didn’t avoid Youngho for the last days. He has been so hurt in the moment that even he is conscious his accusations might have been far-fetched. If Youngho wanted to get rid of him, it would have been done a long ago. He wouldn’t have bothered giving in into Taeyong’s whimsical games of push and pull. 

And Youngho’s hands on him were real, and Taeyong misses them, that’s why he can’t seem to find peace. He eventually manages to find some hours of sleep until a small noise wakes him up. Taeyong rubs his eyes open, careful of his surroundings. Years of living with Jongin has taught him that a noise in the middle of the night is never good omen. It takes him a few seconds to remember he is not in that goddamn apartment anymore, eyes settling on the moon through the bay window of his room. 

The omega groggily stands on his feet, draping himself in a robe to protect himself from the cold, though it is not as harsh as it has been in winter. 

“...-what did the little boy do?” 

Taeyong stops before the opening of his door towards the outside patio. 

“A pact.”

“What’s a pact?”

The father decides to interrupt, hoping that he is dreaming the voices he hears. Unfortunately, he is fully awake, and there on the patio is his son, sitting on the cold floor bundled in a small blanket. And the culprit is right beside him, Suh Youngho, as usual. The terrace overlooking the horizon seems to be their meeting point nowadays. 

The alpha has no decency to at least look sheepish, keeping his son up in the wee hours of the night, and by the looks of it, the kid himself doesn’t look sleepy at all. 

“Daddy! Uncle Johnny was telling me a story!” 

Taeyong can see that, the sight is almost comical if only he was in the mood to laugh. Youngho, sat on the floor, topless with only a pair of trousers, entertaining a child with words no one else would take seriously coming from an alpha like him. 

“You’re sick, muffin,” Taeyong half-heartedly scolds, “go back inside.”

“I’m feeling better, I swear,” quickly followed by a little cough. 

The alpha himself wasn’t aware of the kid’s state when he is so excited, but Taeyong knows better than to fall into his kid’s trap. A few hours ago he was barely holding onto awakeness, and even though his fever seems to have gone, his cheeks are still flushed, visibly under the dim light. 

“Come here,” the father beckons. He tries a soft palm against the child’s forehead and effectively, he is less warm than he was in the evening. “Not enough, go back to sleep.” 

“Ok fine,” the kid says grumpy, almost tripping on the blanket as he stomps dramatically inside looking like a demonic snowman. 

When Youngho stands up, Taeyong ponders between just watching the breeze ruffle his bed hair or go back and just avoid him like he has done so well up until now. It’s not like the alpha has made too much effort approaching him either but it’s clear from the way they both stand just staring that they can’t just dodge every fight coming their way. 

Funny how easy it was to confront each other when whatever they have wasn’t in the equation. They are so different on so many points that the omega is scared that enlightening those points would make them realize none of this makes sense. He would rather swallow up his doubts and pride than lose Youngho. Nothing is as dreading as the times when those eyes didn’t look at him the way they do now. 

“He had a bad dream,” is the only starter the alpha can find. 

“Don’t give in to his whims so easily, you’ll get him used to sleepless nights.”

The taller male leans against the banister, facing him with arms crossed, clearly wanting them to talk. That’s the thing, they are so bad at apologizing and explanations. 

“They are not so bad.” The omega looks up. A part of him is so reticent to get closer so he leans against the door frame. And as much as he hates to admit it, the small distance is killing him. “Sleepless nights.”

“What are you thinking about,” the smaller asks, for some reason now seems to be the right moment to unpack it all. “When you don’t sleep?”

“I don’t think.” The shrugs tells Taeyong it’s not true. Everyone over thinks when they don’t sleep. He does, for example, he thinks about how he got here, thinks about where Jongin broke him, thinks about how much he could have done to prevent it. “About Junmyeon-”

“No, don’t,” the father exhales slowly, feeling a headache fighting his brain. “I thought about it, Youngho. You don’t owe me anything, whatever you have going on is not my business.”

If the look of surprise on the alpha’s face melts something inside Taeyong, he doesn’t express it. He can see clearly the other is fighting more than him in this matter, and that’s how stupid love works. You close your eyes, and just hope for the better. 

“I was just so fucking scared,” Taeyong continues. It feels unfair to just pour it all right now, they both feel bad enough, but he can’t help it. He is still hurt, hurt that he is in the shadow when it involves Youngho. Hurt that he is not enough for the alpha to share everything with, when in the first place everything Youngho knows about him wasn’t willingly shared. “You’re always so full of secrets, and I have so much to lose here, how do you expect me to take it, huh?”

There is no helping the tear escaping but Taeyong quickly rubs it away with his sleeves. He hates being so weak, especially in front of Youngho. But the alpha doesn’t seem to understand that he is not alone anymore and that it pains the omega to not feel enough, or cared for. Youngho can’t get through that thick skull of his that there’s no reason to be so defensive anymore, that pushing Taeyong away will result in one of them breaking. And in the end, the omega can’t even fight it, he’s so stupid for Youngho he is willing to be blind because as they say love is a losing game.

Even right now, he just lets himself be engulfed when the alpha takes him in his embrace, swaying him like he is a spoiled brat in need of comfort. 

“Do you know how crazy I feel,” he sobs pathetically in the strong chest. “I make all those damn scenarios on my own because you never say a thing. I’m not even sure I know who you are.”

“Hey,” the alpha whispers in his hair, uncharacteristically soft. “Get a goodnight sleep, there’s somewhere I have to take you.”

“Oh gosh, you’re so bad at this.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Every trace of tension

is not entirely gone the next morning. It takes Taeyong all his energy to find a way to get dressed properly, having spent the rest of last night making sure his son is fine enough, and to make sure he doesn’t run off god knows where again. But most importantly, a part of him might or might not be jealous of the drug lord. There was a time Haechan would depend on him fully, whatever nightmare plagued his nights. And to think that the six years old seeks for  _ uncle Johnny _ now doesn’t sit well with him, even if he is glad the two get along fine. 

When he makes his way downstairs, Haechan runs in front of him like a ferocious hungry monkey, Youngho is already waiting beside his car. Even if Taeyong has seen a lot of him during their trip, the sight of Youngho in a pair of slacks and a light leather jacket is still unusual. This time, no Doyoung and Jaehyun to protect their back, but the omega knows fully well about the full pistol hidden somewhere on the man. They receive different stares from the men patrolling around the estate, followed by curious whispers and Taeyong guesses he is not the only one surprised. 

But then again, for them the scene must look awfully domestic, their boss ready to leave with an omega and a kid with no protection. 

“Tell me again why we’re bringing him,” Taeyong sighs as Haechan jumps up and down, eager to be let into the car. 

“That’s very shallow of you,” Youngho teases, opening the door for the gremlin to doesn’t wait to shove his entire body on the backseat, giggling. “Just because he is a child doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve fresh air.”

“Fresh air?” The father questions as he struggles to strap his son down. One wouldn’t believe he was feverish just the night before. Undoubtedly he will soon come up with a little spring flu as a result, eyes still droopy and the tip of his small nose pinkish. “Where are you taking us?”

The alpha plays the mystery card, just getting in and letting the omega join the passenger side. They leave under curious looks, avoiding the usual road towards the city for the countryside. 

“Your men talk a lot,” Taeyong muses, enjoying the comfortable ride. It’s been ages since he took a road to nowhere, without any business meeting as a destination. “They’ll think you’re getting soft.”

“This life is more boring than you think, gossip is a good distraction.” The omega doesn’t expect the sudden possessive hand settling on his thigh, but it is comfortable and so Johnny. “Let them be, they have to know who you belong to.”

“Really?” Taeyong gives him an incredulous look, “If anything you’re the one who’s a slave for me.”

“How so,” the drug lord humors him, one hand on the wheel, eyes focused on the road. Taeyong likes this Youngho more, the one who’s so wise but yet so young, the one who just enjoys life for a small second. 

“Oh my poor baby is getting old,” Taeyong teases, ignoring the short glare he is receiving. He knows Youngho hates being cooed at, but it makes the omega even more mischievous. “Is your memory already fading? I still remember you following me around with shopping bags, insulting my ancestors.”

“And I meant it.” 

Taeyong laughs before looking at the passing landscapes, loving the tiny squeeze against his thigh. It’s so easy to rile the alpha up, it is surprising how not many have managed to do it yet. 

The ride is filled with Haechan babbling about school and the cartoons he watches nowadays. And the best part of it is the alpha answering back with so much seriousness Taeyong wonders if it’s genuine. It’s a warm feeling in him that convinces him. Haechan is so at ease with the way the alpha talks to him, not as if he is a kid, but as a little man with the same level of knowledge, even if it’s not true. 

He is so patient explaining to the kid what the white lines on the asphalt are for, or why some cars roll faster than the others. He doesn’t stop to even think if some words are too complicated for a six years old. If Haechan thought the grown up speaks weirdly initially, he is now trying to imitate it, to write in his mind that it’s how he should speak too if he wants to be taken as seriously as his uncle Johnny. Maybe Taeyong is less jealous now, maybe Youngho is just seriously doing his best, doing it the way he knows without trying to do it like other people. And it’s fine. 

Taeyong smells it before even seeing it, the moist scent of pine trees after the rain, the fresh grass and the pollution-free air. He can see the forest spreading in the distance, trees standing like an army against the horizon. He doesn’t often see the midland of their country, minds too busy with other matters, but it’s a good change. There are not many houses around, mostly farms and little traditional cottages unaware that a few hours away skyscrapers have taken their places. 

Youngho takes the curve towards a narrow alley between the trees, forgetting the highway behind. The gravels and dust scrunch under the car as they slow down before a small rundown gate that has seen more fixing than bright days. It’s already open as if waiting for their arrival. They finally park in a space where trees have been cut, in a makeshift meadow where the sun filters through the leaves. 

“Where are we?” Taeyong asks before exiting as Youngho does when he receives no answer. 

Haechan is more than excited when he is finally free from the belt, immediately running around, pointing at everything from a crooked tree to a small dandelion crushed beneath the wheels. 

“Youngho! It’s been ages,” Taeyong is more surprised by the name used than the sudden presence. 

It’s a small woman, barely reaching Taeyong’s shoulder, and by the scent and her grave voice, an alpha. She’s clad in stained clothes and rain boots stained with mud, brown hair tied in a messy bun that needs a good brushing. 

The omega thought he was the only one knowing Johnny’s birth name, but seeing the familiarity with which she embraces the alpha in a warm hug, he can’t even be mad. 

“And who are they?” She asks, staring at the two omegas with equally warm eyes. The grain of her voice says she’s been abusing cigarettes or whiskey, or both. 

“I’m Lee Taeyong, and this is my son, Haechan,” he says politely. 

“The Lee Taeyong? Of the Lee family?” She glares at Youngho for a brief second before putting on a smile for him. “Suh Youngho! If you told me earlier I would have taken a shower! It’s an honor to meet you.”

The omega awkwardly shakes the hand extended for him with a slight bow, still confused as who the woman is. Because if she’s heard of Lee Taeyong, the latter certainly never hear about her. Haechan gets shy behind his leg as the woman greets him a little bit too enthusiastically. 

“This is Kwon Boah,” Youngho finally introduces, “of the Kwon syndicate, a long time friend.”

It is truly the first time Taeyong hears the alpha calling someone his friend, and he tries to mask the shock on his face with a courteous smile. 

“You’re so sneaky, kid,” Boah scolds lightly, with the familiarity of a friend who’s joking with another. “He has your scent all over him, how long has it been, why didn’t you call me?”

“When have I ever called you, do tell?” The alpha answers. 

Taeyong almost feels out of place. True, he has asked to know more about the alpha but it just seems so sudden, as if he is intruding in a gathering where he doesn’t belong. Fortunately, the woman is so jovial and genuine it helps. And unfortunately, a ruckus snaps them out of the moment. 

Taeyong winces when Haechan’s small hands pinch his leg with so much force. A bundle of black fur comes barreling towards them, barking all its might. With quick reflexes, Taeyong snatches the kid up from the ground as the kid whimpers. 

“He is scared of dogs,” he says apologetically. 

The poor animal is not even scary, all wide eyes, excited to meet strangers as it jumps up and down around Boah. If anything, the collie is like Haechan, full of energy and overwhelming. 

“Pepper,” Youngho distracts the little beast, tapping against his thigh and in an instant the dog is gone, sitting calmly at his feet as the drug lord scratches her head. “Hey baby girl, want to meet a new friend?”

Taeyong is so flabbergasted he is afraid he will wake up from this fever dream soon. But his thoughts are disrupted by a still sobbing kid in his arms. Despite being the kid everyone knows today, he is a shy kid, used to an environment where he is the loudest thing around. Taeyong has never found the time to get him acquainted with any pet before, too busy to afford taking care of a dog. But there’s an opportunity for everything, it isn’t everyday that he finds the time to take Haechan outdoors in such a flamboyant nature, and there’s a friendly dog too. 

“Hey, muffin,” he crouches down to let the kid down and it’s almost funny how Haechan holds on to dear life as if the floor will swallow him as soon as he touches the ground. “Hey, look, Pepper is as scared as you, don’t you want to meet her?” 

It takes a few seconds for the child to calm down and realize that, yes, in fact, the dog is not a huge monster trying to kill him. The ball of fur is innocently sitting before a crouching Youngho who is intently waiting for Haechan to approach. “Go on, go.” Taeyong hushers and it takes two steps before the kid is confident enough to clutch at Youngho’s arm, staring at the poor dog as if it would bite him at any moment. 

“Here, give me your hand,” the alpha grasps the smaller hand in his, slowly putting it on the awaiting dog’s head. At first, the hand is paralysed in an awkward stance but soon enough, the six years old is giggling as he strokes the soft black fur and the dog licks his wrist, Haechan doesn’t even flinch and continues.

“What did you do to him?” Apparently, Taeyong is not the only one dreaming. Boah chuckles incredulously, staring at the alpha who sports an almost visible proud smile. “He’s known my daughters for eight years and he has never told them a single word.”

“You have daughters?” 

“Yeah, twins, but they are with their father, we’ve been divorced for years.” Boah doesn’t seem very sad about it, instead the soft look on her face says she’s fine with the arrangement. Taeyong missed this, in years, aside from Yuta, she is the first person he has met the way normal people meet, talking about mundane stuff, getting to know each other without other intentions than to thread a friendship. A sudden realization hits her and she turns to look at him. “Talking about husband, I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve met him on some business trips but we weren’t close enough for me to attend the funerals.” 

And it’s also the first time a sincere condolence is offered to him. 

“Oh, it’s fine, don’t worry, in fact,” he hesitates for a second before telling himself that she looks more than trustworthy. After all, she knows Youngho as a friend. “It was somehow a good riddance.”

Her eyes shine wonder for a moment before she gives a small smile, knowing better than to ask for more information. 

“Ok, come over, gentlemen,” she calls, leading the way further down the alley. 

Ironically, Haechan and Pepper are the first one to follow, running around with each other. To say that a few minutes ago the little omega was literally pissing himself and now he is acting as if they were the best of friends.  _ Thank you _ , Taeyong mouths when Youngho is beside him and the alpha answers with a solemn nod and a hand on the small of his back. 

They are welcomed by a bright hanok that doesn’t reflect the state of the gate at all. It is hidden behind the trees but it easily calls the attention, majestic and standing proud before them. Taeyong has seen a lot of hanok before but mostly in the most traditional part of the city, never one in the middle of nature, and not one as beautiful as this one. 

“Are you here to see grandma?” Boah asks in front of them without turning around, moving some stray branches out of their way with little kicks. “She’s not here for now, but I’ll let her know.”

“It’s nothing but a friendly visit,” Youngho answers. “Don’t bother Mrs Kwon, I’m certain she’s busy enough.”

Taeyong is too preoccupied admiring the place to pay attention to their conversation, basking in the comfy smell of moist wood and Youngho’s touch on his back. For a moment, he forgets about everything, and he is just with friends, spending some time being normal people. 

“The roof has been leaking for a while now,” the female alpha says, shrugging her muddy boots aside and exchanging them for a pair of warm slippers so as to not dirty the mahogany floor board. They all follow her lead and Taeyong is almost heartbroken when he has to separate Pepper and Haechan for an instant to help the kid get rid of his shoes. “And we need to extend the green house.”

“Tell your grandmother I’m taking care of it,” Youngho answers and it has Taeyong wondering even more what is his responsibility with the Kwons. “I’ll increase the monthly allowance, get the goddamn fence and gate repaired.”

Taeyong raises an eyebrow but is answered with a look that says  _ I’ll explain later _ . And for Boah who doesn’t miss the interaction, later is now. 

“I’ll make us some lunch, why don’t you show him around? I’ll watch Haechan, don’t worry.” 

There isn’t much to worry about when the kid is rolling around in the living room already, Pepper licking all over his face. It’s going to be a mess when they’ll have to leave and he’ll have to explain that they can’t just bring someone’s dog with them. The worst is having to hear him cry for days about wanting a dog, and Taeyong isn’t sure Kun would like that. 

They walk at the back of the house where meadow and forests mingle endlessly towards the mountains in the far distance, acres and acres of green. The greenhouse Boah mentioned earlier is standing in the backyard, shining against the sun where the house forms a u-shape around the yard. Taeyong can already guess from what he sees what is grown inside, and things get a bit clearer.

Youngho’s hand always seems to find its way on the small of his back in a comforting touch, as if afraid the omega will get lost. 

“The Kwon estate stops a few acres towards the north,” Youngho says when they stand in the garden separating the house and the rest of the estate where things grow more wildly.

“The Kwon’s?” Taeyong questions, already knowing the answers the alpha owes him. 

“Well, mine,” the man chuckles. 

Of course, it is his. He didn’t look like a guest with his confident strides in the place. The alpha’s touch shifts upwards before finding his cheek in a soft little caress. Even if taeyong tries to not get fooled by the gentleness, he can’t help but look at Youngho with eyes reflecting pure love. 

“This is the first land I bought,” among countless others, Taeyong knows, he has seen the reports. “Junmyeon is the one who helped me acquire it.”

The name brings a sudden bitterness in Taeyong’s mouth but he bites it back. Even if he can’t fathom why all the elements that fucked him up are all linked, he can’t not admit that there’s so little he knows. As Youngho said, everything doesn’t revolve around him.

The alpha explains that the country is filled with forgotten rich nobles, missing their past notorieties. In consequence, the government has shrugged them aside. Slowly, their names and fortune dwindled. And the Kwon is one of them. In exchange for a monthly allowance, and a promise of money to take care of their whims, the Kwons offer their lands for Johnny to grow his merchandise. And a noble family is the last thing the law would suspect, the perfect place to hide. 

“What’s between Junmyeone and me has been going on for years,” the alpha continues, fingers now resting against his nape to keep his sanity afloat, stroking the hair at the back of his head, to tell him it’s okay, he just has to listen and understand. “I am what I am thanks to him, and I promised him that he’ll get his share when I’m done.”

“And are you done?”

He doesn’t like the denial in Youngho’s look. 

“Listen, babe,” he stops for a second, and if Taeyong hates his rough facade, he hates the vulnerable one even more. When Youngho is in doubt, Taeyong is in doubt too. The alpha’s assurance and guidance is his only anchor, and he doesn’t want to doubt it. “The deal we had was solely between us, I thought I could keep it like that. Then you happened, none of us expected you, but you were there, on the way. And… And I want to stop everything, I’m glad you happened.”

“Youngho,” Taeyong breathes, quickly cut by a small peck on his forehead. Youngho is damn scared, that he knows. And he barely believes what he hears.

“When I was a kid,” before he can continue, Taeyong takes both of his hands as a form of encouragement. He knows how hard it must be for Youngho to open up, and if he is the reason for it, he might as well take his part of responsibility. “I was told about a story. The boy who went forth to learn fear.”

Taeyong has heard it before, as any kid would have. One of Grimm’s niche tales, of a boy who couldn’t find what fear meant. Of that boy who travelled the world, that boy who faced the most violent story and learnt nothing at all in the end. That boy who lacked the most basic human feeling, the one that makes everyone who they are and gives one a reason to live. And Taeyong knows how this one ends, a clueless kid who gathered all the wealth in the world but still felt empty, until he learnt that fear is losing his most prized possession.

“And did that boy find it?” Taeyong asks, looking at that boy straight in the eyes. 

“He did,” to confirm his statement, Youngho brings his hand to his lips, worshipping every knuckles like they are worth gold. “I’m retiring, and I’m bringing you with me, we’ll go where this is all behind us.”

Taeyong wants to tell him he doesn’t have to, knowing better than anyone what Youngho has was obtained from countless sacrifices. He thinks about that younger Youngho who’s been punished unfairly on that fucking ship, about that Youngho who went immeasurable length to acquire his assets, about that Youngho who can’t sleep because of his demons. And he doesn’t want to be the reason why the alpha gives up, but he would lie if he said he isn’t beyond happy to hear that. 

“What’s holding us back then?” He knows there is a  _ but _ . There’s always one with the alpha.

“I still have one last thing to fix,” and something tells Taeyong that that thing sounds like Guo Biming. 

“Why are you fighting this battle, please just give up and come to me, please.” 

For Taeyong it sounds like a matter of pride, of who can triumph above who. But that simple minded thought seems to offend Youngho, as if the omega just asked him to abandon his life. 

“I will never be at peace until I’m done with it,” the alpha shakes his head, and Taeyong feels like shaking his shoulder. He feels like asking him to stop, no amount of money and power can possibly make Youngho this delusional. “I’m asking you to trust me, let me fix this last deal.”

“I’m so fucking scared, Youngho,”  _ I have your child in me _ , he restrains. “How can I trust you when you don’t tell me anything? Can’t you just let Guo win it and leave, why is this so important?”

He is met with silence and the insistent gaze of an alpha who can’t let the matter go. That’s the issue, Taeyong is not an alpha, and he will never understand their desire. He will never understand why Jongin had to break him to be happy, why Youngho needs the victory this much. He is just an omega, and what omega do is give in, every single time. Because they love so easily it ends up messing with their logic. 

“Fine,” Taeyong sighs and is quickly cut with a pair of lips on his. And just like that he forgets, just like that he tells himself that if Youngho is at peace, then he’ll be too, because he is too far gone to think for himself anymore.

Lunch is a loud affair after that. It’s almost peaceful, Youngho holding his hand under the table, Haechan and Boah talking about dogs and how to care for them. This is what Taeyong longs for, this is what Youngho promises him for the future. Boah is nothing but a sweetheart, to the point Taeyong still has a hard time believing she is an alpha. She is all about loud laughs and easy living. 

When it’s time to say goodbye, the omega and his son wait in the car, Haechan fast asleep tired from all the playing and running around. He’ll have to thank the alpha for it, it has been a good day. He looks with warmth in his heart as Boah hugs the tall alpha in the driveway, guessing he probably told the woman about his retirement plans. She looks nothing but happy for him, even if it means she’ll lose the sponsorship over her estate. He hopes when Junmyeon takes the reign, he’ll be as generous as Youngho, she deserves a tranquil life. As they all do. 

The ride back is silent this time. They bask in comfortable silence, Youngho holding his hand in the middle as they discuss from time to time about the most little things. Taeyong complains about the staff room at Neo Pharmaceuticals being too noisy, Youngho telling him he should reduce the policy about break time. It’s all so simple for a short moment, everything Taeyong has ever wanted in this life, and now, Youngho wants it too. 

“Doyoung?” Youngho cuts their short moment, answering a phone call. 

“Hyung-nim, we could use an emergency meeting when you’re back,” the beta’s voice fills the car and Taeyong glances through the rearview to make sure the pup in the back is still asleep. 

“I’ll meet you in the hall.” 

“Perfect, bring Taeyong.”

“He sounds alarmed,” Taeyong says when the beta hangs up. 

“Probably another fight in town,” Youngho answers, fingers playfully playing with Taeyong’s. The omega scoffs, telling him to be serious. A fight in the city might be casual to Youngo, but Taeyong still has the painful memories of one etched in his mind. “The syndicates are on edge, it’s nothing dangerous, don’t worry.” 

Nothing is out of place when they are back home. None of the men seem alarmed and Taeyong feels bad for them, thinking that danger is their daily life. Something so small to them now that nothing fazes them anymore. 

“I’ll tuck Haechan in for a nap, and I’ll join you.” 

Youngho nods once they are parked, welcoming the quick peck Taeyong offers him. He watches from the driveway as the father disappears with his kids in his arm. He never thought that the simple sight of an omega could make him this soft. Maybe he doesn’t mind being the one following if it’s that same back that guides him. 

Doyoung welcomes him at the entrance towards the main building where the gathering hall is situated. The sour scent of worried pheromones bothers his nose. But the beta’s subtle frown is even more alarming. 

“What is it about?” 

“Come inside,” the beta beckons him in the room where only a few men as well as Jaehyun and Kun are gathered. 

“I am a busy man-”

“We are being investigated,” Jaehyun is the first to cut. 

Youngho would have wished for it to be a confrontation. In the decades he has followed this path, he has never confronted the law, less an investigation. 

“They have a warrant,” Doyoung continues, voice a mix of anger or concern. “Tomorrow at nine, the police will be at Neo Pharmaceuticals door.”

The alpha looks around the room. There lays the breach in his calculations. For years, his discretion kept him safe. Unlike the usual kingpins, Youngho only deals with official covers, from hotels to companies. He has made sure every of his associates owed him so much that none would betray him. He has enough blackmail to make sure nobody under his wing can stab him. And today, he faces a situation he shouldn’t be facing, he can read on everyone’s face the anxious state they are all in.

“How did this not reach me?” The alpha tries not to panic, knowing fully well that if his facade crumbles, the team will drown. “Doyoung, who are your moles in the police-”

“We can’t use them,” the beta sighs, rubbing his face. “The investigation has been open for weeks behind our back. Refusing it will just incriminate us.”

Despite the beliefs, kingpins are above some part of the police, but never above the law. If they find anything in Neo Pharmaceuticals, and they will, they are all good for jail. And they know better than to turn it into a bloodbath. 

“Are you telling me someone here betrayed us?” 

“It’s the only option,” the beta resigns.

Youngho is far from being stupid. Everyone in this room right now would lose too much pulling such a stunt. And they all know if there is one thing their boss can’t take, it is betrayal. For years, any meager attempt at bruising Johnny was only faced with empty threats, or a simple bullet through the skull. But if there is one thing that none of them dared to play with, it is loyalty. 

“Hyung-nim,” Jaehyun tries to calm the atmosphere, “the only option is to empty the stocks tonight, as for the labs and files, we can only hope they don’t put their hands on it.”

“Who the fuck was it?” 

They can see Johnny is far from thinking about that right now, the proofs be damned. He wants a name. Doyoung looks around for approval, betraying himself in his denial. He knows, they all know. From the way the alpha loses his composure, they are aware they have awakened a part of him that they can’t control. In the alpha’s vocabulary, betrayal rhymes with one name, that same name he can’t bear to hear, that same name sporting the voice that keeps him from falling asleep at night. That same name Taeyong so recklessly mentioned before him. There’s nothing better to blind a man with anger and rage than a past that never had a curtain close. 

“Johnny, I don’t think-,” Kun is interrupted when the bitter and strong scent of pheromones fill the room. They lost him. 

“I’ll plant a bullet in each one of you if you don’t come forth, now.”

It’s Doyoung who makes the first step, although shivering in his movements. He hands a file to the alpha with shaking hands. Youngho doesn’t wait another second to rip it open and something shatters in him. Dozens of pictures, taken from a distance making them almost blurry but he can’t mistake the face. How ironic he can’t, it’s the face he has so carelessly put his trust onto, the face of the man he just gave his life to. Lee Taeyong, sitting in a cafe with an officer Youngho recognizes all too well. 

“Johnny, listen,” Doyoung tries, but his attempt is futile when the pictures are handed back to him. 

“Usual procedure,” the alpha says stoically and in that moment Doyoung knows that there’s no going back. 

Any trace of humanity that took such a long time to be built in the man has been shattered into a million pieces. The beta feels guilt invading him, he was the one who pushed Johnny to trust, to open up, and now, he is back to the same reason why he refused to do so in the first place. 

“Alpha,” Jaehyun pleads, “Please, you don’t want that, he d-”

“Didn’t I make myself clear?” The sudden yell takes them all aback. “I can end your life and all of your closest relatives’ with a snap of a finger. Does anyone have anything to add?”

They lost him. How can you possibly save a man who has allowed himself to be hurt twice?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok... Anyway, next chapter is entirely gonna be about Johnny's life and what happened, who's ready???? (don't hate me pls). 
> 
> Guys, 1000+ kudos wtf!!! It's been almost a years since I started this fanfic and I never expected it to gain so much support, honestly I'm like overwhelmed. It motivates me even more, trying to give y'all as much quality content as I can!! Thanks a lot honestly!!
> 
> My twitter, if you wanna reach out to me, just talk or anything hihi: [twt](https://twitter.com/tiana098)  
> Same for my insta: [ig](https://www.instagram.com/tianahrnr/?hl=en)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: 
> 
> VIOLENCE. You've been warned.

The air is warm,

though the faint sound of the air conditioner above his head hints it shouldn’t be. He has even forgotten the existence of the regular sound, the propeller conversing with the prominent silence. The walls are still grey, his back is still sore from sitting there for too long, and the time is still running slowly. Two days felt like years. And even years would have seemed so short.

Taeyong’s lips are dry, victims of a long voluntary muteness. It all happened so quickly, before he could react, the accusations, the reality catching up to him. He was just done putting his son to sleep and the next thing he knows, he was asked to follow Youngho’s men. It was there, under his eyes, the glaring proof of his unintentional mistakes. Seeing the proof brought him back to that vivid day when he was pleading for help, when everything was so blurry in his decisions. 

He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to do it, but he did. It’s so clear in his memory as he unpacked all of his doubts before Officer Park, about Jongin mostly. And even today there’s that voice inside him that says “You did it for the greater good.” But it quickly dissolved as they took him away and he was left hearing his own voice asking into the void “Where is Youngho, please let me talk to him.”

And from then on, it was hours and hours hoping that every time the metallic door opened, it would be the alpha on the other side. It was hours thinking he was losing his sanity, like an underground prisoner foolishly hoping for a sunrise in his small cell. He is not a fool, he is aware that by now something broke between them and he probably is the last person the alpha would want to see. 

“Ready?” 

Taeyong hasn’t even noticed Doyoung’s arrival, only aware when his familiar scent settled before him. The beta looks as restless as him, though beneath a strict mask. 

“Please, let me talk to him.” His voice comes out hoarse and for a second, the beta eyes the untouched glass of water at the edge of the table. It might be empathy the omega catches in those eyes, but by now his senses must be playing tricks on him. “Is he okay?”

Doyoung finds it funny and absurd, how the omega can still worry about the man who has put him here in this position. That’s what guilt does to people, he guesses. 

“Here,” the man reaches in his pocket for a moment, pulling out his cellphone. Taeyong watches with careful eyes as the beta fumbles with it for a minute before sliding the device towards him, screen facing up.

The mischievous hope in Taeyong makes him believe it’s maybe for a call but it quickly fades as soon as images start playing. It reminds him of the night Jongin was found dead, the blasting news with bold headlines. It’s so unfair how his darkest secrets are related by strangers’ voices for the world to see. 

_ “On today’s breaking news, Neo Pharmaceuticals are being investigated and charged with various crimes. A first investigation on the Kims affairs has led the enquete towards the pharmaceutical giant after finding out that their assets have been transferred there.”  _ A flock of blurry reporters are gathered before Seoul’s general station, their questions and screams covered by the anchor’s assumptions. And to Taeyong’s disarray, their target, clear and real on the screen, Kun and Youngho.  _ “The chairman and his main associate, Suh Johnny and Qian Kun haven’t given any statement yet after the first court hearing.” _

_ “Mr Suh, can you clarify what the offshore accounts are for?” _

_ “Is it true that your business is related to underground rings?” _

_ “Are the files about your transactions with the Russian mafia rings real or have they been manipulated?” _

_ “We advise you to not make any assumptions until the end of the investigations,”  _ Kun is the first one to speak, and also the last one. The usually easy-going beta appears nervous and tired for the first time in Taeyong’s eyes. 

Youngho stays passive from behind him, no sign of restlessness on his face. Doyoung’s expression tells the omega that there is a way out, there is always one, no matter the price it takes, and the reason why Youngho seems unbothered is certainly because the plan is on going. But the worst end of the stick is there, under his nose to see. His mistake is glaring at him right now, Youngho’s face, on the news. 

It is probably the first time ever the public sees his face, or even hears about him. And it was their best cover up until now, they are not only under the radar, they are now marked with the cross that was invisible before. Taeyong’s heart drums in his chest, asking him to be let out because the dread is way too suffocating. Everything Youngho has built in his life has just been destroyed overnight. 

“It- It wasn’t my intention-”

“But it’s the result,” Doyoung cuts with a sigh, disapointment and agitation clear on his traits. “He has too much on his plate right now. So let’s clear one thing up, why did you do it?”

“I-”  _ I can’t say it _ . 

There was countless occasions before when he had the confidence to say it loud and proud. I did it to protect my children. I did it because I thought it would save me. But things changed faster than he thought, and it turned into the rare times of his life Taeyong thought with his guts instead of his brain. 

He never meant for it to happen, he never meant for the regrets to be that profound but here he is. 

“I beg of you, he has to hear me out.” The same sentence, over and over again for the past days. “And Haechan, he needs me, please.”

“He is with Jaehyun. We’re disobeying by hiding him.” The omega gulps, it is the first hint of compassion doyoung shows. “Listen, Taeyong, we all know this isn’t what it looks like. But look behind you.”

Taeyong never looked around once ever since they locked him up, and he is so tired and lost it takes him a lot of effort to glance behind him. Just another grey wall, as the three other ones surrounding him. But Taeyong is not stupid despite not being in his best shape anymore. This one may seem blank, but the artificial lightning makes it clear, the blotchy dark stains maring the concrete.

“Many before you have been where you are sitting right now,” the beta continues. “But they’ve never been this lucky. Most of them sat there less than an hour before we painted the walls with their brain.” 

He starts to wonder if he really is the luckiest one. Maybe death looks better, more relieving than having Youngho’s downfall on his conscience. Maybe being kept alive, fully aware that he had the privilege of being trusted by the drug lord, is the worst punishment. 

“Tomorrow, a few banknotes will erase the records.” Doyoung crosses his legs, leaning back. “But the only thing we can do to clean your case before Johnny is to know why. I am on your side here, help us, ok?”

“I swear, it wasn’t my intention, tell him that.” The silence tells him  _ I know, but it’s not enough _ . “I was so scared. I needed my own protection. This world,” Taeyong’s pupils shiver, hands moving in awkward motion to grip at his messy hair. “I don’t belong here, Doyoung. Why did he push me to the edge? Why can’t I just trust him?”

It is murmured like a prayer in the night, a plea in the dark. But nobody prays in the dark because there is nobody to listen. 

“Ok,” Doyoung resigns, as if pushed to the last solution. What he is going to do will probably cost him his life if this doesn’t end well, but it is Lee Taeyong he is talking to, and he isn’t anyone. If anything, he is the last pillar holding his boss up. “What I am going to tell you, you better put it to good use.”

Taeyong looks up, one hand nervously fumbling on his knee.

“Do you want to hear about his family?” the beta looks ahead, only partially looking at the man in front of him, brain rummaging for the right words and the right memories. 

  
  
  
  
  


_ “You’re crushing my arm.” _

_ “Oh,” the puny alpha shares an apologetic smile. He almost fell asleep, lulled by the omega’s slow breathing. Jungwoo was warm in his arms, little head stuck under his chin and he wasn’t even aware he was squeezing harder as time flew by. “Sorry about that.” _

_ The dirty dark green wallpaper was entertaining the first time the children found themselves sitting in the hallway. It’s cheap, sporting a pattern that seems to change the more time eats it up. At first, Youngho tried to guess where the various stains came from, and Jungwoo would feed his guesses with absurd theories that amused him. They were younger then, and completely blind to reality. But they grew up, Youngho is now fourteen, Jungwoo ten, and as much as the alpha tried to preserve his brother’s innocence, there’s not much a neighborhood like theirs could do to help. _

_ Everyday at nine, they would walk together to the school down the street, and everyday, they would see Englewood the way it wants to be seen. It usually starts with the local crowd pretending to have a morning routine and ends up with screams behind a wall, gunshots throughout various alleyways and by the end of it, they just gave up trying to understand how it would be like if they grew up somewhere else.  _

_ Everyday after seven, when the old building in which they live would be somewhat silent -except for their widow neighbour who often yells at passing by police patrols- they would be sitting next to the door, outside, waiting. The wallpaper quickly became more of a blank page of their evenings than a distraction. _

_ “When can we go back in?” Jungwoo asks, his smaller frame detaching, opting on leaning against the wall. Youngho is too restless and he can’t fall asleep.  _

_ The alpha gets on his bony knees for a second, pressing his ears against the rundown wooden door of their apartment. It’s silent, a pair of footsteps approaching.  _

_ “Soon,” the older comforts, grasping the more frailer hands in his, a docile smile on his face.  _

_ Jungwoo reciprocates it. If Youngho says soon, then it is soon. Youngho never lies.  _

_ “Are you okay? Scared?” The older asks. By now Jungwoo is used to it, it is their daily life, but it doesn’t change the fact that for Youngho, he is a kid, and if a few questions can comfort him, he doesn’t mind sparing them.  _

_ “A little bit,” the omega answers, playing with the bigger fingers holding his.  _

_ “Do you remember that story I told you about?” The omega nods, liking the playful smile shared with him. It’s not something that can totally help, but it is enough to block everything that doesn’t belong in their bubble. It is their own tradition, their game, their own little thing. “Wanna tell me about it?” _

_ “Hm,” the kid hums. “There was a boy who went forth to learn fear-” _

_ The door finally opens, popping their bubbles before Jungwoo could even begin. It is what they’ve been waiting for but at the same time, it is a pity they didn’t get to go further. Youngho squeezes the younger’s hand reassuringly.  _ One day I’ll get us out of here, and you can tell me about it when you want without being scared.

_ A gruff cough interrupts them and Youngho looks up from where he is sitting on the floor. The man who just walked out is old, old enough to be ashamed of being here. He glances at the kids, puts on his jacket in a haste before pulling out a ten dollar bill. Youngho knows him, though he didn’t bother remembering his name. He is a regular, coming every Friday and the alpha has pinned him as the Friday guy in his repertoire.  _

_ “Here,” the man hands the note to the oldest kid. Youngho doesn’t bother asking what the red marks around his wrists are, or why he turned red at their sight. “Your mom said a box of Camels cigarettes and a can of spam.” _

_ Youngho nods politely, snatching the note and the man leaves without a goodbye. None of the men coming here ever say goodbye anyway. The children are old enough now to know they are not here to learn their name.  _

_ “Go inside,” Youngho helps Jungwoo up before pushing him gently in the fool smelling apartment. It’s always like that, the strong smell of pheromones and alcohol. “I’ll be fast.” _

_ Jungwoo runs on his short legs and Youngho stays beside the foyer to put on his worn out sneakers. He catches one of the coats hanging at the door, the only one fit enough for him that’s a hand-me-down from one of his now older cousins. He doesn’t bother to look back before he dashes down the stairs. _

_ He knows it is bad to feel like that, but the polluted air of Englewood and the endless noises of the street makes him feel better than his own home. It is not that bad when you’ve learnt to tame the streets. He is only fourteen and not pretentious enough to say he knows how to, but he has made it his home his own way.  _

_ “Hey, John!” He is stopped as he runs towards the nearest convenience store by a familiar voice. That’s what he means when he says his own way.  _

_ A small crowd of older boys beckons him over next a phonebooth that’s standing there only for decor nowadays. Youngho has known them for years, them and their dubious shenanigans. Sometimes he wonders if they’ve been to school before, but by the way they always seem to be gathered around here, he doubts it. They are nice with him because he is not old enough to be a worthy rival of their daily violences.  _

_ Youngho has been with them to some hidden music gig in basements nobody talks about, and it came to them naturally to call him John rather than bother learning his foreign name. They are not so nice, but they said John is because it’s what has been playing in the background when they met him.  _

_ “How’s your mom?” One of them asks and the others laugh.  _

_ It’s the same joke that doesn’t touch him anymore. It’s the risk when your mother is the local hooker around here. They think he doesn’t get the joke, he thinks they’re the ones who don't get it.  _

_ “We have an errand for you tomorrow.” The one who called out says.  _

_ Errand means crossing the entire neighborhood with cocaine in his bag, exchanging it with someone else for money and meeting here before the sunset. That’s how they do it in Englewood and sometimes around West Garfield. Youngho is not the only one, many other lost kids his age end up with the wrong crowd because the local police never checks minors. And Youngho is obsessed, because he needs the money.  _

_ “Look,” the men hesitate for a second under the kid’s questioning eyes. Whatever they are scheming, it looks like they’ve mulled over it all afternoon. “You can take all the money for this one, you said your family wants to leave here right?” _

_ “Why?” Youngho asks. He may be young, but he is not a fool.  _

_ He knows very well what making a pact with those hooligans mean, he could be putting his loved ones in danger rather than taking them to safety.  _

_ “Take this.” He expected another pack of herb or powder, but instead tonight is different. It’s a small USB drive, barely bigger than his thumb. “There’s a boat that’s leaving Chicago in three months, and whoever has this gets to work on the boat.” _

_ He has to admit it’s the perfect opportunity to finally desert this goddamn place. He doesn’t mind wherever it is, as long as it’s not here, right? He wants to be wherever his mother is not called a whore and wherever Jungwoo gets to do something else than waiting in a corridor every evening.  _

_ But, he is not a fool. It’s too big, too luring to be safe. Whatever’s in that object looks more dangerous than grams of white powder. The boys are giving it too easily for something that’s worth so much, and a kid is the best scapegoat to get rid of whatever troubles they got themselves in.  _

_ “I don’t want to do it.” _

_ The men silently look between themselves. Something tells Youngho they’ve been expecting him to fall into the trap.  _

_ “Fine,” they say, shooing him off. “But the offer still stands.” _

_ Youngho politely nods before rushing back on his initial errand. It’s been fifteen minutes and it is no surprise his mother is certainly wondering what takes him so long. He is already back on his way five minutes later, the box of Camels in his breast pocket.  _

_ “What took so long?” He was right, it’s the first question that welcomes him as soon as he steps in their small kitchen.  _

_ His mother has never been a docile omega. The traits of her face are harsh and almost as unforgiving as the usual tone she uses on her only alpha son. Youngho doesn’t question why she is still in her silk robe, or why she still smells like her last customer. He doesn’t even question why she is already smoking by the window when he thought she didn’t have any more cigarettes left. But he gulps it in, dreading another night of yelling and scolding.  _

_ There is a prominent difference between the way she cares for Jungwoo and him. Youngho is reminded of it every time he is home and she barely addresses him with any kind words. It’s always the same  _ “Help Jungwoo with his bath”, “Stop walking the streets”.  _ Sometimes he wants to tell her why she never asks where his money comes from, or why she never cares about his grades because he knows she just doesn’t care. Sometimes he brings in more than she does and it helps sweeten her mood when she’s kissed enough strangers to hate her own self.  _

_ “Alphas are useless, like your father.” He has heard her say countless times before, and he drew his own conclusion, he is useless.  _

_ But Youngho can’t bring himself to despise her. Probably because she is an omega and certainly because she is also Jungwoo’s mother. And she loves Jungwoo the same way he does, unconditionally, with all her might. That’s why she is selling herself, that’s why she doesn’t have enough space in her heart for him, she is going through a lot of suffering and he should respect it, that’s what he tells himself every time. _

_ “Baby,” his mother calls as she crushes her half consumed cigarette on the windowsill, beckoning Jungwoo over. The younger is clueless to the tension between them as usual, abandoning the color book he’s been reading on the living room carpet to climb on his mother’s lap.  _

_ And Youngho, he just shrugs his coat and gets started with dinner. He is too short to reach the cupboard but he makes it with a small tool every time and watches with envious eyes as the older omega coddles his brother. She is always there, breathing the air around Jungwoo, incessantly repeating how proud she is, how great of an omega he will be and how much she loves him. Youngho,he just watches and tells himself that if he squeezes Jungwoo’s hand hard enough, he may feel his mother’s too. _

_ Dinner is a silent matter as usual, the young alpha not being the best cook. Nobody ever compliments him, the perk of living around here. There's no opportunity to be good at something else than hustling. His mother focuses her speech on her youngest and the alpha listens intently, answering her questions in his own head as if they were addressed to him.  _

_ “Youngho,” she says around ten when she is finally ready for bed, exchanging her robe for a tracksuit. “Did you meet the boys?” _

_ He could lie and say that no he didn't, but for her it’s a question of protocol to ask. It’s more about acting as a mother from time to time than actually being one. After all she also benefits from whatever schemes Youngho is involved with out of the house, most of her regulars being the same people whom her son often meets to deal with.  _

_ Jungwoo is already in their shared bedroom when she asks this, while Youngho is seated before the TV, watching reruns of a baseball match in the dark. He has learnt to like the silence and the solitude, nobody's mean with him in those moments. Not like anybody is at all, people just don't care about his existence. You can't afford to care for others around here, and that his mother has taught him from a young age by practicing what she preaches in her own household. _

_ “No I didn't,” he lies nonetheless. _

_ The small encounter from the early evening keeps bugging his mind even when the first home run of the night is blasting colorful lights around the dark living room. He bites on his thumb, chewing on his nail to avoid meeting her gaze. She knows he is pretending to read the screen but Youngho isn't even fond of baseball and she isn't fond of liars. _

_ “You know what they say about you around here.” Youngho can smell the faint scent of tobacco without even looking at her along with the light night breeze indicating the kitchen window has just been opened.  _

_ He hears them too, the same words she hears everyday.  _ He is an alpha, he should be able to help you. What’s the use of having an alpha in the house if he is useless.  _ Somewhere he wished she would have answered  _ -He is my son and he is my responsibility. _ Yet it helped her find an excuse to see a past in him. He knows it’s the struggle that broke her, because they don’t say the same things about his classmates whom life never bothered. That’s why Youngho pulls the hood of his sweater over his head and refuses to look at her.  _

_ He doesn’t want to see her messy hair, the pale complexion of her face or the exhaustion in her movement. He doesn’t want to see the purple bruises around her neck or the slouch in her shoulders. They tell the unsaid speech of every omega. Life is unfair with them, who is Youngho to complain? And he finds himself forgiving her harsh behavior. At least he isn’t the one getting fucked in the ass for money.  _

_ The young alpha wished the following months to go by as usual but it doesn’t. The same routine, school, running from one end of the neighborhood to the other for cash, except his brain is full of that deal he refused. It doesn’t help when he often meets his crowd around the corner store and their eyes remind him they are still waiting for an answer.  _

_ “Why aren’t you sleeping?” Jungwoo says from his bed one night.  _

_ Youngho gives an apologetic shrug even though he knows his brother can’t see him in the dark. He didn’t realize overthinking led him to breathing a little bit too loud.  _

_ “Just thinking,” he muses absent-mindedly but before his eyes, the small grey object obsessing him dances on the ceiling.  _

_ The soft smell of soap and shampoo invades his personal space and when Youngho feels a small body sliding next to him in bed, the images of the past days fades like erased chalk. Jungwoo is warm, he is always warm. Youngho doesn’t know how to respond when the heaviness of the omega’s body wraps around him. Until he hears faint sobs. _

_ “Are you crying?” Instead of answering, the smaller body shivers under the blanket. “Jungwoo, what’s wrong?” _

_ He keeps his voice low, afraid that his mother would be alarmed and as petty as it sounds, Youngho doesn’t want her to take the omega away. He wants to be the one to comfort him and to hold him. Whatever’s bugging the omega’s mind is now bugging Youngho’s.  _

_ His question is never answered, not when Jungwoo barely eats his dinner the next day, not when he sees bruises on the child’s back during bath time.  _ Who did this?  _ But silence met him and for weeks, Youngho abandoned his recess at school just to make sure the younger one is not getting harassed or bullied. And it becomes a new tradition every night, Jungwoo crying in his arms. Youngho doesn’t dare to speak, afraid that his words would just cover his obvious cowardice. _

_ The countdown is coming to an end soon when he finds himself on the docks. It’s far from home, smelling like gasoline and concrete, so much that the omnipresent sea has lost its salty scent. Youngho is sitting on what’s left of an old container, watching as workers and modern day sailors come and go on their raft.  _

_ It’s rusty but big, the boat they talked about, still stationed on the dock, swaying a bit as the waves come teasing it. There’s not a lot of men working on it from what Youngho can count and most of them are betas. It’s rare anyway that a crew would host a majority of alphas, with their untamed and proud nature, it wouldn’t be the nicest mix.  _

_ And for a second he imagines leaving. He imagines what it would be like to be far away from here, what it’s like to be living everyday with the sunset as a destination. What it would be like where nothing but the salty wind can make Jungwoo’s eyes cry.  _

_ It’s almost night when Youngho climbs the stairs towards the apartment. He barely can see his steps with the broken lightbulbs maring the building but he is tired and he rushes his run. It’s unusual -he stops in his race- the faint sound of crash coming from behind his door. His mother had violent regulars before, but the creak of the bed relieved him about it. And the woman herself is not a clumsy one or a violent one, not to the point where the noises could be heard from the other side. _

_ The door is a few millimeters ajar when Youngho grasps the knob.  _

_ Some nights change your life forever. Some nights scars you to the point you wear the memories around your neck like a scarf for eternity. One day you live your life, those nights come, and you can’t remember when your mornings started to be different anymore. And this night changed Youngho. _

_ If in a decade he is asked what he remembers from it, he wouldn’t be able to completely tell the details, or draw precise images. Honestly, his memories would be blurred but the words and the neat version would still run in his veins to the point he would bleed black. What he remembers the most are the smell of a faceless alpha, foul and bitter with rage, and the red before his eyes.  _

_ It all goes so fast, like a broken kaleidoscope playing before his eyes. Youngho will deny it in the future, for the sake of his own sanity, he will say “no, Jungwoo was not lying naked on the floor, shivering. No, no alpha was standing above him, trying to get his fingers in place they shouldn’t be. No, I wasn’t there…” _

_ But he is. And he sees red, so red that when he will recall it he won’t be able to remember what color the walls actually were. He won’t know where the guttural scream breaking the moment comes from, is it him as he runs towards the man or is it the man as Youngho launches himself on his back? _

_ Youngho thought he knew what being a big brother is. But that night he learns it doesn’t just mean punching the bullies or holding hands in the roughest moment. It means thinking fast, when one second to the other he finds himself with blood on his hands. It means sucking it up when Jungwoo’s skin gets covered in red as he picks him up from the floor. It means trying not to puke his guts when he just killed a man with a freaking pair of scissors.  _

_ “Youngho… It hurts,” Jungwoo whimpers when Youngho dumps him unceremoniously in the bathtub and turns the water to the hottest temperature possible. _

_ “I know,” Youngho sobs, splashing the body as he scrubs every part of Jungwoo’s red skin, kneeling on the floor with an almost unconscious kid under his baffled stare. “I know.”  _

_ He doesn’t even know why he is doing this, if it is relevant even, but all he wants is to get that filth off the younger’s skin. And he wonders how many times this happened, how soon he should have done this as soon as the first tears disturbed their sleep.  _

_ “What is happening here,” comes after he hears the front door opening and his mother peeks in the bathroom.  _

_ He swore he would never lay his hands on an omega. He has seen his father doing it countless times before his mother dumped his ass. And he told himself that never he would repeat those mistakes. But the vow disappears in the back of his mind when he turns around, tears blurring his eyes. He forgets the running water when his gaze settles on that woman he doesn’t recognize anymore. A plastic bag filled with bottles hangs between her fingers and she is wearing that worn out denim jacket she usually does when she goes out just for a minute, leaving one of her customers behind. _

_ He swore he would never lay his hands on an omega, but just tonight he has a reason because she is not an omega, she is his Jungwoo’s mother and she failed her role. She seems to forget how tall and built Youngho has got over the years when he manhandles her, pulling her by the hair and dragging her towards his bedroom.  _

_ “Wh-What the fuck, Youngho?” Her pleas go unheard when he throws her on the floor next to the now cold body of that stranger.  _

_ “Look!” He has to restrain himself from giving her the same punishment, instead he rubs his face in pure anxiety and frustration. It only sits in his mind when the woman scrambles away with a muffled scream. He killed a man. His next words were meant for her, but he ends up whispering them for himself. “Look what you’ve done.” _

_ “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she almost sings on her knees, processing the damages. Every curse beats in rhythm with Youngho’s heart.  _

_ Without thinking, without looking at the woman anymore, he fetches a backpack from under the bed and with uncalculated movement, he packs any piece of clothing he can get his hands on.  _

_ “What are you doing?” She panics, trying to stop him but as much as Youngho hates those filthy hands on Jungwoo, he hates his mother’s on him.  _

_ Right now, he doesn’t know his own strength anymore and he doesn’t bother thinking about it even when he pushes her aside and she crashes against a wall. He has to get away, he has to leave. It takes a few minutes to get Jungwoo dressed and thankfully, the younger finds the time to gain back consciousness. _

_ “M-mom?”  _

_ “Don’t think about her,” Youngho wipes his tears the best he can at the same time he helps Jungwoo fit in his shoes. He can’t possibly tell the younger she’s too injured and afraid of her own son to come looking for them anymore. “Can you get on my back?” _

_ The omega nods and climbs on despite the numerous questions he has left to ask. Why are we leaving? Where are we going?  _

_ Youngho hoists him up and goes for the door, unaware it is the last time he sees this apartment, the disgusting wallpaper of the corridor, the creaking stairs or the defectuous light bulbs.  _

_ A path that usually takes him five minutes everyday takes him twice the time tonight. Yet exhaustion is the last thing upsetting him for the moment. Jungwoo has managed to fall asleep behind him and it’s enough for him. Youngho would lie if he said he didn’t feel the wetness staining his shoulder, but he is too nervous and restless right now to mind about anything else than leaving.  _

_ It’s half an hour later when he knocks on a door. He knows how it looks to be knocking on people’s doors late in the night but there’s no code around here, every minute is a good minute to make money.  _

_ “John?” One of his friends opens the door, clearly surprised at the sight before him. But if the frown on the kid’s face is obvious, his intentions are clearer.  _

_ “I want the USB drive.” _

_ The adult takes an instant to stare at him skeptically. Nothing happens coincidentally, and suddenly, out of the blue, there’s this kid with another on his back, breathless at his door. But things happen and nobody asks questions here, not about the why’s, not about the red stains on John’s hoodie. Questions mean getting involved, and getting involved means responsibilities.  _

_ The man comes back two minutes later with the object, two minutes too long for Youngho during which his brain goes restless. Did somebody call the cops? What will happen to their mother? What is he gonna do if this doesn’t work? He is handed the drive and a stack of money that will suffice for a few weeks. _

_ “The ship will be back in the morning, ask for a Kim Junmyeon,” the man says and for a short, tiny short moment, he hesitates to add another word of kindness. The kids look like they need it, but he opts on “Good luck, kid.” _

_ They both know there are chances this is not only a goodbye, and in a few years, that teenager who lives a few blocks away will be another memory of those who tried to make it in Englewood.  _

_ The dock is a twenty minutes ride away from where they are, but twenty minutes of comfort in the warm wheeled can is the best luxury they can have for the moment. That’s the perk of living in one of the worst neighborhoods in Chicago, stories go unquestioned. Nobody bats an eye at the two kids boarding the bus, sitting next to the automatic doors quietly. They look like anyone here. The woman sitting at the back with a dog at her feet and not enough clothes on for the weather probably has more history than them.  _

_ “Where are we?” Jungwoo asks quietly as they get off. A few hours until sunrise. _

_ “Can you walk?” Youngho reflects another question instead of answering.  _

_ The omega nods, lips too chapped and eyes too tired to formulate a good answer. They sit behind one of the many containers where they know no patrol can find them. And if they do they are kids anyway, they would be busier chasing after homeless fellows and small gangs. Youngho fetches out a jacket he brought and asks his brother to lay on his lap as he leans against the steal. He lays the piece of clothing on the smaller’s shoulders, coaxing him to sleep. The hours are going to be long.  _

_ And they turn to be the longest hours of his life. He tries not to flinch whenever sirens ring in the distance. He knows fully well his mother is capable of calling the cops on him just to get Jungwoo back. Whenever a flash of light shines in their direction, a patrolling guard, he has to put his hands in front of the omega’s face to make sure he doesn’t wake up from it. It’s cold, it’s silent, and it’s so lonely. But he would rather be here than be in that hell of an apartment.  _

_ “Youngho, what about mom,” Jungwoo stirs awake around two in the morning, when his brother’s laps are too sore but the latter doesn’t dare move.  _

_ He dreaded the question. Jungwoo would crack, none of them have seen the same side of the woman. As much as Youngho resents her, she was nothing but a loving mother to Jungwoo, and it’s a given that he would ask about her.  _

_ “She,” he stops for a second, fingers fumbling in his brother’s brunette locks. He might not see his face, but he can read the worry in his voice. “She gave us the permission to leave. Don’t worry, I’m taking us somewhere safe for a while, she’ll join us.” _

_ She won’t, obviously. And Youngho couldn’t care less what she does. All he cares about is what she didn’t, she didn’t protect her son, she didn’t stand up against all the scumbags who abused his brother, she didn’t love them enough… _

_ “I’m sorry,” he finds himself sobbing again for the nth time that night. “I’m so sorry, Woo.” _

_ “It’s okay,” the younger reassures, way too genuinely for Youngho to accept it. “You didn’t know.” _

_ But he should have known, he should have been there. It’s not a ten years old duty to protect themselves, it was his duty. He was too scared to allow himself to read behind the tears and the silence. His cowardice against failure won over reasons and it proved to be a fatal mistake.  _

_ The long hours finally come to an end with the sunlight waking Youngho up. He barely caught two hours of sleep. He tries to stretch but everything hurts. He can’t even imagine how worse it is for Jungwoo.  _

_ “Woo, wake up,” he shakes gently.  _

_ The brothers set to walk towards the sea where the ship is, already waiting with workers busting left and right, ignoring them. There’s still that fear within the young alpha, what if they get caught, what if the man is not dead and looking for them. The small drive in his pocket feels too heavy as he squeezes Jungwoo’s hand in his and they walk as fast as they can.  _

_ “Keep your head down, ok?” And the omega does, having no choice but to trust the older blindly as he always does.  _

_ For some stupid reasons, he worries about the cash in his bag, he worries about the stains on his shirt and most importantly he worries about Jungwoo. Is he better? Is he hungry? Does he need more sleep?  _

_ All those questions push him to approach the first man, a beta, who is on his way to climb on the boat.  _

_ “I’m looking for a Kim Junmyeon,” he says.  _

_ The beta has a toothpick squeezed between his lips, darkened by what is undoubtedly hours of smoking. He looks the kids up and down, eyes getting late on the small omega hidden behind the tallest.  _

_ “Who’s asking?”  _

_ “Y-,” he cuts himself. “Suh John.”  _

_ The sudden honk from the ship, resonating throughout the dock takes the man out of his scrutinizing session. Apparently, people appearing out of nowhere to ask about a Kim Junmyeon is a common occurrence. The beta gives a short hum before turning to call over the crowd. _

_ “Someone call Mr Kim! Some Suh John is looking for him.” _

_ The beta proceeds to leave them to their cluelessness and they must have waited for a good fifteen minutes before someone else approaches them.  _

_ The man they know as Kim Junmyeon is also a beta, but he is standing out compared to the others. His attire hints at a wealth Youngho can’t doubt. He hasn’t seen much luxury in his life, none at all if he shamefully admits. But the tailored suit and gelled hair forces respect, even before an alpha. Again, he is nothing but a dirty and tired kid for now. The beta must be in his early twenties, but it doesn’t stop his posture and eyes from being strict and imposing.  _

_ “Who are you, kid?”  _

_ Youngho has been called  _ kid _ by everyone, as long as he remembers, but nobody ever sounded quite like that. Coming from the boys or the men who come out of his former home, it was nothing but an excuse to belittle him, or an excuse to forget his name. But from Kim Junmyeon, it's status. He is a kid, because he looks like one, and because he is not an equal.  _

_ “John,” he receives the raise an eyebrow and realizes how stupid he must have sounded. “And this is my brother, Jungwoo. We want to work on your boat.” _

_ It’s only when he mentions it that Mr Kim notices the scaredy and skinny child behind the alpha.  _

_ “Do you know how to fish?”  _

_ The beta ignores his hesitation, lighting a cigar from his pocket, waiting patiently but is faced with nothing but denial from the teenager.  _

_ “Well, I’m scared we have no use for you. Go play somewhere else.” _

_ “Wait-” Youngho has the audacity to stop the man. “I-... I have something for you.” _

_ Mr Kim, who previously turned his back, looks at him, urging him to hurry with what he has to say.  _

_ The teenager almost forgot about what he owes, the beta is too intimidating, having chased any thoughts out of his mind. He hastily fetches the drive from his pocket and he knows his escape is there, when Mr Kim looks at it with interest. The beta takes the object, examining it for a short instant.  _

_ “Do you know what’s in here?” _

_ “No sir,” Youngho answers. It is true, but if it wasn’t he knows it is the reply the beta is waiting for. _

_ “Do you know where this is from?” _

_ “No sir,” he repeats before adding, “I’ve never worked on a boat, sir. But I know how to do a lot of other stuff, I run fast, I am strong and-” _

_ “Good for you, because we don’t fish.” The beta pockets the object before mentioning for the two kids to follow him.  _

_ “What did you give him,” Jungwoo questions quietly behind him as they walk after the beta.  _

_ “Nothing, don’t worry about it,” Youngho reassures. Having his brother involved in this is the last thing he wants.  _

_ Eyes follow them as they step on the lower deck, Mr Kim confident enough in his stride to make the workers look away quickly. At first sight, it looks like a normal ship, any cargo like many others lined along the docks. But it takes Youngho only five minutes of following the beta to notice the wooden boxes protected with plastic wraps to understand that whatever is inside is fragile enough to be protected against the salt. He has seen them before, knows what they are.  _

_ “This is,” Junmyeon stops before a flock of man, his cigar still hanging between his fingers, nonchalantly waving to call for attention, “what’s your name again, kid?” _

_ “John,” the alpha unconfidently answers with eyes staring at them. The beta thinks and decides he doesn’t like it. _

_ “This is Johnny,” he says louder, gathering nods from the crew. “He is under my protection from today, he will execute our errands. Don’t be too hard on him, if anyone mistreats him or his brother, you will hear from me.” _

_ “Thank you, Mr Kim,” the alpha finally says, genuinely when everyone is dismissed.  _

_ “Listen, kid,” the man is not done. If he seemed intimidating earlier, he is time time worse now as he speaks. “Nobody fucks me up. If I hear of any shenanigans, it’s over for you.” _

_ Underground syndicates, this is how they speak. Right in that moment, Youngho didn’t know it yet, but he will discover it through the months of working on board. It stays engraved in his memory, Mr Kim and his face. And every wave of every storm he will encounter in the future will remind him where his loyalty lies.  _

_ “Yes, sir.” _

_ “Good, now go clean yourself up.” Mr Kim waves him off. “There are a few mattresses in the hold. Lay your brother down, he looks like he’ll collapse soon.”  _

_ Youngho doesn’t know what happiness is, but the first few months on the boat is the closest he can assimilate to the feeling. It’s harsh at first, nobody has been kind to him as Mr Kim asked. He doesn’t catch the man often for the beta isn’t always on the boat, but when he is, Youngho doesn’t fear the others.  _

_ He never thought he’d see the words one day, and he often dreamt of being one of the lucky bastards on this Earth. He dreamt he’d see Seoul, Amsterdam, Capetown, Tokyo the way the riches do. But reality is different, he barely has time to sight see. Every week it’s waking up at four in the morning, get off in a country where he doesn’t speak the language, where he doesn’t know the lay out, and from then it’s a race against time to ship the drugs off and come back on board.  _

_ It’s harsh. It’s tiring and scary. He can’t count the number of times, when as a newbie, he got lost and got punished for it. At first, it’s getting leashed against a pole, without anything to eat for days. As time flew by, it’s punches to the stomach or working on the upper deck during storms that could take him away into the ocean by himself.  _

_ But it is the closest Youngho has got to happiness for a simple and stupid reason. Every evening, Jungwoo would smile when he is back from work, alone in their little room void of sunlight in the basement hold. The younger tells him the stories of playing with other kids, who are accompanying their fathers on the trip. He tells him how much he loves to run on the upper deck before the sunset, the ocean breeze on his face. Jungwoo is happy and little by little, the ocean stopped scaring Youngho, the others stopped scaring him, and he got to see another side of life where he is needed.  _

_ “When is mom coming?” The question is bound to happen one day or the other.  _

_ It’s been two years. Despite their various stops in Chicago, Youngho never once wondered what it would be like to stray further than the dock which is now their home. But he can’t miss Jungwoo’s stare whenever they stop by the city. That longing in his eyes every time, wondering if it is finally the day the woman would climb on board on them.  _

_ “Later,” is all Youngho answers. _

_ His back is hurting him as he lay on the one place mattress he shares with his brother. There’s a gash travelling from his lower neck to the middle of his back. They stopped in Amsterdam four days ago, a city Youngho is still not very familiar with. The worst is the fact that over the span of a year, he forgot how much he grew. He is now hovering above most members of the crew, he is sixteen, but his traits have matured.  _

_ He is not the lanky kid patrols ignore anymore. It was terrifyingly obvious, a boat stationed at four in the morning and an alpha running out of it sneakily. It took barely ten minutes for the local police to come and control him.  _

_ Youngho has been a fool. All he thought about was “I can’t leave Jungwoo alone on that ship”. And it happened fast, he ran, leaving the package on the cobblestone floor, he ran until he got back on the boat, no money, no drugs with him. They told him he was an imbecile, that they lost a hundred bucks from his mistake. The punishment was harsh but Youngho squeezed his mouth and eyes shut when they pulled out the knife and planted it in his back. It was so slow and agonizing, a minute for a centimeter, slow and precise in his flesh. He couldn’t tell what was warmer, the tears he tried to hold back or the thick blood dripping down his back to his legs.  _

_ “Are you sleepy,” he softly asks Jungwoo who shakes his head. It may be cold outside, but the weather is perfect at this hour to see the stars reflecting in the ocean. “Put on a jacket, let’s go to the upper deck.” _

_ The thing with the deep sea is that it is calm at night, so much that a simple minded brain could confuse it with a lake, or just a dreamer. Youngho hushers his brother to sit on the edge, the banister protecting them from falling in. Not like it would bother them. The stars, the moon, the entire galaxy only reflects in the deepest part of the ocean, who wouldn’t want a well-deserved swim in the Milky Way?  _

_ “It’s nice here,” Jungwoo says, head lolling on Youngho’s shoulder. _

_ At this hour, there is no one to bother them. Only their dangling feet hitting against the steel body of the ship and the quiet song of the waves in the distance. Their next stop in the morning is Chicago, for the third time this month like every month, hence why Jungwoo’s question about their mother. And like every time, Youngho tries to distract him from it because he knows nothing. He doesn’t know if the woman is still alive, if she’s been looking for them, if she’s worried, if she’s still doing what she used to do. She is probably better off without two other mouths to feed. Again this time, Youngho knows they will leave Chicago without a clue, and it’s better like that. It’s painful here, but a physical pain is better than a spiritual one.  _

_ “Hey, Youngho,” Jungwoo calls softly. “Thank you.” _

_ “Anytime.”  _

  
  
  
  


_ Everything Youngho thought he knew, _

_ were wrong. In the end he knows nothing. It is an usual day at first, Chicago bustling in the morning. He runs between the streets he now knows by heart, not only did he learn Englewood by heart, he now knows North Lawndale and West Garfield too. His  _ job  _ has extended his knowledge over the smallest details of this business. He knows who buys from who, how much what is worth, where most shipments come from to the point the crew has left him with the freedom of bargaining and tasting the goods. It doesn’t strengthen their respect, but it helps with the punishments. They are softer now and sometimes when he brings in more money than intended, they let him keep the money.  _

_ So it seems like another usual day, an usual evening when Youngho is back on the ship a little bit later than he should. No one bats an eye anymore, the alpha has earned his place as a crew member and he shall be treated as so for as long as he stays loyal. His backpack is heavy when he climbs down the ladder to the hold, he made himself a few bucks and tried a small detour in the upper scale part of the city. There’s a famous bakery in Streeterville and Youngho dilapidated his monthly allowance on sweets.  _

_ “How’s it sailing in here,” he jokes when seeing Jungwoo laying face down on the mattress, reading a french color book he brought back from one of their trips in Bretagne. The omega doesn’t understand a word but he likes the pictures, intricate, beautiful and fancy.  _

_ “Is that fucking caramel I smell?” The smaller jumps off the bed, launching himself on the box Youngho leaves on the small desk in their room. _

_ “Woo, language,” he teases.  _

_ Jungwoo is twelve now, and he has seen the world as much as Youngho did. It doesn’t help that the other kids running around on the ship are as foul mouthed as their fathers. After all, it’s the risk every sailor takes, bad words and weed.  _

_ “As if I don’t hear you around the others,” the younger rolls his eyes. “Damn, John, this is delicious! How much was it?” _

_ Jungwoo has his mouth full of cream and puffs and Youngho just winks. Nothing is too expensive for loved ones. He ruffles the younger’s hair, aware that he hates it, often scolding  _ “I’m not a fucking kid anymore, stop it.” 

_ “Slow down, I don’t want to hear you complaining about a stomach ache later.”  _

_ They spend their time bickering as they gulp down the pastries, talking about their day, talking about how they can’t wait to see other parts of the world, or just spend their nights contemplating the ocean. Those times are ignorant, times during which Youngho remembers how much he didn’t know shit. He didn’t know the consequences of that USB drive, the consequences of meeting Mr Kim, the consequences of thinking he would never see the woman who broke them again. _

_ “Everyone on the lower deck!” One of the crew mates peeks inside their cubicle, tone laced with something akin to pure fear.  _

_ “What is happening,” Jungwoo asks wide eyed, swallowing down the last of his puffs.  _

_ “I don’t know,” Youngho says, “let’s go.” _

_ It is a mess, up there. The entire crew is gathered on the deck and it’s only then that the brothers notice they’ve already sailed away from the docks, but not far enough to ignore the city behind them. A ruckus surprises them as they make their way in the front row. It is not uncommon to face this kind of show around here. It often happens when someone is being punished or when Mr Kim has something to announce.  _

_ But it is not Mr Kim who is in the middle of the crowd. It is a man, the first alpha aside Johnny they ever see on the boat. He is obviously older than Mr Kim, taller, stronger in stature and his eyes scream as much authority. He looks around, silent as every beta stay mum and submissive. Youngho takes notice of the few men in equally black suits as his surrounding him, protective and immovable.  _

_ Yet, the most horrifying spectacle is something else. _

_ “Mom!” Jungwoo exclaims, a gasp too loud for the silence.  _

_ The woman is kneeling at the alpha’s feet, a good handle of her hair harshly pulled between his fingers, a visible cut under her lips. She’s as exhausted as Youngho remembers, only worse. Her bones are almost visible under what’s left of her skinny form, she looks like a ghost. She probably is.  _

_ Jungwoo’s word call for everyone’s attention, and especially the alpha’s. _

_ “It was fast,” the alpha’s gruff voice cuts through the tension. Youngho doesn’t dare move when the man’s eyes fall on them and with quick reflex he hides Jungwoo behind him. “I didn’t even have to ask to find you.” _

_ “What’s happening here?” Youngho didn’t even know Mr Kim was on board before he descends from the upper deck. “What are you doing on my ship, Guo?” _

_ Guo, as he is called, glances at the brothers as if to say  _ “I’ll get back at you later”.

_ “You have the audacity to act clueless?” The alpha roughly throws his mother to the ground as she whimpers painfully. It reminds Youngho of his own violence towards her two years ago, but this time something in him actually hurt a bit at the sight. She is not in good shape. “I snooped around mind you. Didn’t really appreciate that my financial reports have been sold to the police.” _

_ “My bad,” Mr Kim shrugs, clearly less intimidated than anyone else. It’s at that moment that Youngho realizes the beta is more powerful than he thought. He acts so untouchable, because he probably is. “It must have slipped from my hand. Nothing we can’t settle around a drink.” _

_ “Don’t play with me, Junmyeon,” the alpha pulls out a gun, and it is the first time in his life Youngho sees one this close. It’s scary, it’s terrifying. “Someone has to pay. You and your men need to learn some discipline.” _

_ “And who do you wish to execute?” Junmyeon paces around. Youngho gulps. “You should know that I don’t tolerate such barbary here.” _

_ They both know he is the culprit. And any time Junmyeon paces in front of him, he could stop and pull him out, throw him under the wheels of the bus, but he doesn’t. Instead, he completely avoids looking at the younger alpha even if they both know he is doomed.  _

_ “You know the rules Junmyeon,” Guo sneers, loading his gun as one of his men hands him the bullet one by one. “You fuck me up, I take one of yours if you don’t want me to take you.” _

_ “You wouldn’t dare touch me.” Mr Kim glances at the teenager for a quick second.  _ “Don’t fucking do a thing”  _ his eyes silently said.  _

_ “You see, I have a few eyes in Englewood. And a little bird told me you hid the information there.” Guo crouches down, merciless fingers finding their way back in the woman’s hair. “I heard, I quote “John took the drive to Kim, his mother lives down the block.” So now let’s play fair, give me John and we’ll settle this around a drink.” _

_ “There is no John, here-” _

_ “Don’t fucking play with me!” Guo yells, making the assembly flinch. Youngho holds his breath when the cold eyes settle on his shivering form. Yet the only thought crossing his mind is  _ “hide Jungwoo.” _ “Is he the boy?” _

_ Nobody answers, they don’t need to because the silence is the reply Guo has been waiting for.  _

_ “I’ll make it fast,” Guo announces, raising the gun to point it at the alpha.  _

_ Youngho is dying today, finally caught by his mistakes. But before the trigger could be pulled, _

_ “I did it,” and for the first time in forever, Youngho hears what sounds like empathy in his mother’s voice. “Please, spare him.” _

_ “So?” The older alpha retreats the gun to point it at the woman who’s holding his ankle. “Are you willing to pay for it?” _

_ “Please,” she begs. “They told me I could save my children if I took it, I gave it to my son so he could be on the ship.” _

_ It’s an odd turmoil in Youngho’s stomach right now and he is a second away from throwing up his guts. Why are you doing this only now? I don’t want to owe you my life, he wants to scream but he can’t.  _

_ “Fine, then.” _

_ What happens next is completely void of mercy. One can’t barely believe how short it is to take a life, how easy it is, compared to living at all. Three quick bullets through the woman's skull as what is left of her brain scatters on the deck in a red puddle, and that’s when Youngho throws up. When he sees her lifeless body hitting the ground, when the lake of blood comes flowing under his shoes. And Jungwoo screams, so loud and endlessly that if the waves come swaying the boat, it’s to ask him to shut up.  _

_ “Mom! Mom!” The omega falls to his knees, inconsolable.  _

_ Some nights change your life, forever. And Youngho knows nothing if he thinks that night was two years ago. That night lasts for weeks, for months, that night broke something forever between the brothers.  _

_ “It’s your fucking fault!” Jungwoo screams every night when they are in the confines of the hold. And until early morning, he doesn’t stop crying. All Youngho can do is suck it up and hope that one day, it will all stop. “She’s not coming back, she’s fucking dead and it’s because of you!” _

_ For the following months, Youngho forgets all the sacrifices he had to go through to save Jungwoo, to give him the life he deserves. He lets himself be punched to sleep when the omega’s nightmares become too violent, he lets himself be the scapegoat of it all. Because Jungwoo is an omega and that’s a lesson that can’t seem to let Youngho go, omegas have it harsher.  _

_ The days of violence between them, mostly from Jungwoo, ends in days of silence. Youngho has tried to mend their state with other pastries, with clothes he’d buy with his gains, infractions that earns him more punishments, more scars on his body but nothing changes. He loves Jungwoo, no matter what because just like Youngho, he didn’t ask to be born, he didn’t ask to be abused or to lose the mother who loved him as much.  _

_ Love makes you blind, they say, but Youngho soon learns, love makes you see. When love turns to hate, it makes you see all the foolish things you did. They come looking for him one morning on a day off. The crew drags him out without a word and the accusation falls. They found stolen cocaine in his bag, and Youngho can swear he has never seen the powder before, he never stole anything that wasn’t his.  _

_ But when they tie him to the pole and his eyes meet the omega’s cold one, front row, without any remorse in them, love turns sour. The punishment is nothing like it was before. They let him there for days, with nothing but water to drink when someone remembers he needs to be hydrated. He’s been whipped with chains that only helped infecting his wounds, he’s been spit on, he’s been cursed at. They cut his skin with everything sharp that can be found on board, twisted his limbs in odd angle until Youngho couldn’t make the difference between the pain on his back and on his legs anymore.  _

_ And through it all, every morning and every night, Jungwoo stands watching, not once adressing him a word. Love turns sour, before it turns cold, and at one point, Youngho doesn’t know how to differ it from hate anymore. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hope it wasn't too much for y'all. It's not over, I have more about Johnny in the next chapter, but let's stop here for now. 
> 
> Thanks a lot for all the support, whether it's on twitter or here, it means a lot really, you're all the best! I've read all the comments and each one motivated me and warmed my heart, thanks a lot for real!!
> 
> My twitter: [twt](https://twitter.com/tiana098)  
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	17. Chapter 17

_ Eventually pain subsided. _

_ It takes a long time to master what he did, almost an art for those who strive in this field. Dulling pain, turning it into numbness. A lot of things start to hurt less after a few years. A bleeding wound is less agonizing than a stray look wandering for too long on his scars. Broken bones are nothing compared to the silence brought by unsaid questions. Probably because, eventually, Jungwoo disappeared.  _

_ Youngho would lie if he said he noticed when, or how. He doesn’t know if he decided to ignore the younger after he framed him the first time, or after the countless times following the first. It started with a small package of goods and ended with hundreds of bucks he never made found in his bags. Yet the alpha couldn’t never find it in himself to reply or to get revenge. In his eyes, the younger was nothing but a kid.  _

_ Youngho has loved for so long, he had learnt to do it for so long that he needed time to learn how to hate. There are two things we can choose from in life, that’s what he used to think. Love or hate, glory or defeat, good or evil. Our choice defines which end of the stick we’re holding onto. Yet as he grew up, as time flew by, he learnt that maybe love and hate, glory and defeat, good and evil don’t stand on the opposite sides of the spectrum. They stand side by side, the only opposite of it all is choosing none. The real short end of the stick is doing so much and realizing that in the end, he’s accomplished nothing at all.  _

_ So it wasn’t hard to turn to hate and bitterness, because it filled that void.  _

_ “He got off in Chicago,” one beta tells him one evening before departing, as they stock the boxes on the lower deck. “He didn’t come back, guess he is tired of the sea.” _

_ Trying not to care about it takes too much effort so he doesn’t answer. It’s raining again today, and he would rather focus on keeping his eyes open against the drops. They are sailing towards Busan tonight, a place where he has roots but has no knowledge of. It’s funny how much you long for a home you’ve never been in.  _

_ The sea is restless tonight, it always seems to be night on the ocean. Even during the day, the depth of the water has them sailing in pure darkness. In this world, the night is the usual default state of being, the day only lasts for those who aren’t in a rush.  _

_ He discards his raincoat next to the door when he comes back in the hold, muscles sore from the heavy work of the day. He lingers a second besides the mattress he used to share, and as expected, only his clothes and shoes are left. Everything that Jungwoo owned left with him. What is a thirteen years old to do alone in the streets of Englewood? Youngho shrugs the question out of his exhausted mind. If the younger knew how to stand still and watch him suffer, he would know how to take care of himself. Youngho did enough.  _

_ Apparently, when the dignity leaves you, it doesn’t forget to take sleep away too. Whenever he closes his eyes, he hears those voices in the corridor back in his old neighborhood, he hears the boys beckoning him over and the horrendous smell of gasoline from the streets. He ponders for a moment, were those the good times? And when he tries to find something else to dream about, all he sees is Guo’s face before he shot his mother dead, all he sees is red behind his eyelids and there comes a point where just seeing meat would make him throw up.  _

_ Life has many creative ways to fuck you up, in the most unexpected times. Sometimes it’s just the sound of a container dropped too carelessly, sometimes the smell of the kitchen when the flock of sweaty betas rush in. Often, it is the quietness of the upper dock when he strolls alone under the moonlight, and he stops strolling. He doesn’t really stroll anymore, whether it’s in the cities he used to visit or on the boat. There comes a time when walking without a destination wears him out. Anything is a trigger for a man who used to hold onto everything.  _

_ There is no job for him in Busan when they land. The air is different here, cleaner first of all, but also calmer. Busan doesn’t know of their misbehaving, and if it knows, it pretends to not see. Everyone moves with blindness towards the misery of those who just pass by and Youngho likes it. He watches the men getting off with backpacks full of goods, due to be back in two hours and for once he is relieved he is not a part of it. _

_ He lets his feet dangle on the edge of the lower deck, eyes towards Busan’s colorful roofs and walls, wondering what it would be like to live here. An hour passes by before one of the crew members approaches him, something in his steps hinting this is goodbye.  _

_ “Mr Kim is calling for you in his cabin,” the beta informs quickly before going back to his tasks for the day.  _

_ It has been ages he didn’t hear about Mr Kim, the last time was a few weeks ago when the man came along to one their trips in Europe. He didn’t pay the brothers much attention back then like he used to. The alpha wondered if it was because of guilt or disgust towards his weakness. He has never held the older accountable for it, because if anything, Youngho wouldn’t want to look at himself either.  _

_ It’s the first time he steps in Mr Kim’s cabin. It’s secluded in a far area of the ship, where most of the crew members are not allowed, Mr Kim has mentioned before how sounds of footsteps and yelling disturbed his mind. It is bigger than the hold Youngho lives in, and here the walls are not made of steel. You quickly learn that everything gets rusty under the sun, and only those with money can avoid that aspect. The walls are copper, shiny and clean, the floor wooden and the smell different. Youngho isn’t sure if he is allowed to take a seat on one of the leather chairs facing the man’s desk but the older beta insists he does. _

_ He takes off the beanie he has been wearing for the entire day to protect him from the ocean wind, maybe out of respect, maybe because Mr Kim’s office is the only heated room around here. He is fidgety under the man’s gaze. _

_ “Relax, kid.” Mr Kim says, standing up from where he was working.  _

_ Youngho knows he won’t be hurt or damaged here, it is not the dread that makes him nervous, it is the anticipation. So far, everything that came along Mr Kim’s calls were positive outcomes. The man returns with two glasses, half filled with a gold-maroon liquor Youngho has only seen in movies. He is seventeen and hasn’t lived too much for this kind of things. Or maybe he has lived too much to find time for this kind of things.  _

_ “So, what do you think of Busan?” The beta leans back in his chair, the creases of his suit never moving, his demeanor always impeccable as he takes a sip of his drink. Youngho looks at his and fears that if he tries, he won’t look as grown up and immaculate. But he tries, nonetheless and the bitterness and density of the liquor has him grimacing.  _

_ “I haven’t left the boat yet.” He puts the drink back down, hoping he didn’t offend the older, but all he sees is clear amusement in the man’s eyes.  _

_ “I heard from the others that your brother stayed home,” the beta tells him, and Youngho fights back his answer.  _ It was never home.  _ “Working for me wasn’t easy, was it?”  _

_ Mr Kim saw and heard, he sees everything around here. But just because he saved a kid from Englewood doesn’t mean he has to save him from discipline. Youngho is just a teenager, and despite being an alpha or being taller than the others, he was the perfect scapegoat for everyone. Someone has to suffer, it’s an universal law, the only truth beside “everybody dies”.  _

_ Youngho can still feel the scars on his body, and if they don’t bleed anymore, they still ooze blood from inside.  _

_ “It wasn’t, sir.”  _

_ “Junmyeon,” the beta politely asks him to call him by his name. “You’re not working for me anymore.” _

_ “I-... Did I do something wrong?” The statement freezes the younger. There is nothing else he knows except doing what he does, and his only shelter was the ocean and the boat, he doesn’t know how long he can survive out there on dry land. “I will fix it but please, I need this job.” _

_ When Jumyeon looks at the kid in front of him, he sees his distress, like everyone else. But unlike everyone else, he sees the struggle and the determination. Youngho reminds him of his younger days. He reminds him of the days working endless hours and bruising himself all for nothing. Junmyeon was born a beta, and will die a beta, and for a beta, there’s nothing much to run after in this life. He crawled at his father’s feet for respect, and in the end, it all went to waste because his sibling was born an alpha, and will die an alpha. And nothing can beat that. Nothing except determination. _

_ “You’re a smart kid, Johnny.” The teenager gulps once. “Tell me, how long did it take you to memorize your way around Amsterdam?” _

_ “Two days, sir.” _

_ “And Capetown?” _

_ “One, sir.” _

_ “That’s what I am saying.” The beta leans away, elbows resting on the desk, eyes boring into Youngho’s. “You’ve been working here for five years, and you did more than any of my associates ever did. All I hear about when I get off the boat is this kid who bargains his way into the best deals, you certainly know more about the drug business now.” _

_ “I didn’t mean to offend you, sir,” the alpha quickly apologizes, thinking his rise might have threatened his boss.  _

_ “But you didn’t, if anything, you impressed me.” There’s a short silence before Junmyeon plays the card he has been holding behind his back all this time. “Do you miss your mother?” _

_ There it is, the clenching of a hand, the teenager’s face turning crisp and the bite of a lip. Junmyeon has allowed himself to ask around, to rummage a bit in the kid’s life. He knows better than to take it for empathy or longing. He knows that every time the alpha closes his eyes, he replays that night in his mind like a broken record, without missing any details.  _

_ “You see, you and I, we are unfortunate,” he continues, getting the alpha’s undivided attention. “I have a younger brother, too. An alpha. He is not the sharpest tool in the box if you ask me. Yet, he will inherit everything I’ve done for the Kims.”  _

_ “Do you resent him?” It’s bad to feel relief seeing the small smile on the beta’s face. But he is reassured to know he is not the only one with rage running in his blood, Junmyeon’s confirmation helps him feel valid, as if feeling hate is alright if done together.  _

_ “More than you probably resent Biming.” The beta waits for a reaction that never comes. The kid is listening, it is enough to tell him the name has triggered nothing but indifference, and indifference is just another mean to vehiculate pain. “Biming is one of the reason why my brother won’t step down. They are close associates, and I need both of them gone. You’ll be doing that for me.” _

_ Mr Kim must have lost his mind. Youngho is nobody, just a face in the crowd for men like them.  _

_ “If you can’t, how can I,” the alpha questions. “I don’t want to kill someone, sir.” _

_ “If this is about killing, I would have done it years ago,” Junmyeon’s glass is empty now, and Youngho just looks at his, wondering what’s so tasty about it, what’s so tasty about this lifestyle. “Look, Johnny boy, this is an alpha world. Kill one and he’ll be replaced by another one. What I want is an alpha I can trust. I know it doesn’t sound easy but life doesn’t want to know your opinion, kid. You know what I mean, don’t you?” _

_ More than he ever knew anything else. Life doesn’t wait to strip you down of everything you own. It has never shown any form of compassion for Youngho, not when he lost his mother and he is not talking about the night she died. Not when he lost the only thing he has ever treasured, not when it put him here. There are many things Youngho would have liked. He could have been one of his former classmates who went to college and settled down, he could have been somewhere else, been a kid like any other. But someone has to suffer, that’s the law, and life chose him.  _

_ “How am I supposed to do that?” _

_ “Start with Busan,” Junmyeon says, looking out of the small window of his office. “I’ll provide you with a roof, all you have to do is what you’ve done in the other cities. Learn your way around, until they’re the one who need to learn who you are. I trust in your potential, Johnny. Don’t deceive me.” _

_ That afternoon, Youngho leaves with a few banknotes and only one bag, leaving everything he ever owned on the ship. There is no use for them anymore, no use to drag things he used to share now that he is on his own. He knows he won’t live in peace until he’s buried all of his demons. _

_ “Johnny,” Junmyeon calls him from the ship when he sets the first foot on the dry land. “I said you’re not working for me anymore, you’re working with me. So the first rule is Junmyeon, stop with the sir.” _

  
  
  
  
  


Doyoung crushes his cigarette

on the table, not finding anything else to use as an ashtray. He never knew the whole story in detail, just the important lines Johnny has told him once, he had to fetch the rest by rummaging around the Kims men. It took years, but it helped him understand and forgive all the horror he has seen in this world. And somewhere, it helped him forgive his own self. It is always good to know some sins outweigh yours. 

“A story for a story.” He looks at the omega before him, and if he expected anything close to sadness and pity in his eyes, he is mistaken. “It’s your turn, cooperate.”

“Where is Johnny?” The same question again and again, except this time it is not a plea.

Doyoung has never really witnessed it before, despite having heard the rumors around town. Lee Taeyong, the ruthless heir, the ruthless omega who doesn't take opportunities and authority for granted. Unfortunately, all dulled in the shadow of his dead husband. If he knew it took this much to revive that side, he would have done it sooner, but some stories are not his to tell. And as he sees Taeyong speaking with anger and rage, he understands that maybe, some stories are not his to listen. 

“Well, if you don’t have anything else to say,” the beta nods a short farewell. The omega has chosen the hard way, and the hard way he will get. 

He knows what he is doing when he is standing up silently, when he turns his back to the omega and takes his sweet time to reach the door. It doesn’t take long before he is knocked off his feet, a much smaller body comes crashing into his back, placating him mercilessly against the wall. He has seen it coming. 

“Fuck! You didn’t have to break my nose!” 

It’s probably bleeding now, and if his bone is broken, he won’t forget to make one of those two imbeciles pay for the damage. He may be paid enough to do crimes, but he is not paid enough to mend whatever’s shattered between his boss and the omega. 

“You’re not even fighting it,” the omega seethes in his neck, not showing any sign of moving when he has Doyoung so harshly pressed against the wall.

They are both aware of what it means. For Doyoung it was clear as day a long time ago, Taeyong just realized it now. The order fell impulsively.  _ “Get rid of him,” _ Johnny has told the beta, and the beta only. Even if he thought he meant his words, the fact that he told them to Doyoung says otherwise. The beta got the order, because somewhere deep inside, Johnny knew he wouldn’t obey, he knew that there was a chance to save it all. 

“I don’t know where he is, he didn’t come back home since the investigation started,” Doyoung winces when Taeyong presses his swollen face against the concrete, “Come on, let me go, it fucking hurts.”

“Payback for locking me up.”

“You brought a damn investigation upon us,” the beta wiggles half heartedly, he is much stronger and could easily overthrow the omega but he doesn’t. How such a starved and exhausted little man even managed to hurt him is beyond his comprehension. “You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you dead immediately.”

“Fine,” the omega says when the adrenaline finally wears out. It won’t lead him further to take his anger out on the beta. Right now his brain is only screaming for Youngho and Youngho only, and the deep desire to see him is what saves Doyoung from another broken bone. “Get me a car, I’ll know where to find him.”

Taeyong is staggering on his feet when they reach the entrance, turns out he has been locked in one of the many basement units of the estate, and if one of them is an interrogation room, the omega doesn’t want to know what the others are for. 

“Will you be alright, driving?” Doyoung asks, trying to keep him from falling face first on the pavement. 

Taeyong nods, where he goes, he must go alone. There is a reason why nobody knows where Youngho is and he isn’t about to let anyone drive him there. He isn’t even sure how he knew, but there are a few places in this world where Youngho could be, a man who doesn’t like being seen. And if there is anywhere he would go in the current state of despair he is in, then it is where he is seen only by the right eyes. 

“I’ll be fine,” Taeyong insists, already opening the door, “Haechan-”

“We’ll take care of him, don’t worry,” the beta reassures, one hand squeezing his shoulder. His smile looks a bit like a grimace giving the state of his nose and Taeyong has to hold back laughter. “Just do what you have to do.”

“Thanks, Doyoung.”

“You’ll thank me when you come back alive. Your man is one stubborn arse.” 

  
  
  
  


The way is more of a consecutive snippets of memories for Taeyong rather than habit. He’s been on it only once but it has been one of the best times of his life, and that’s certainly why he remembers it so well. And it isn’t so far in time, barely a few days ago. He drove for an hour or so and there’s still another left, and despite fighting the tiredness, Taeyong focuses on the destination. The faster he gets there, the better. 

He recognizes the landscape when he takes the curve between the pines, leading to the gate which seems to have been repaired in the span of two to three days. The place is vast, acres going on forever, but Taeyong can smell him everywhere as if the alpha was in his head or sitting right next to him. For some reason, Boah’s small wooden gate is always open, as if she’s waiting for guests all the time. 

The place is so remotely secluded and hidden that if he lived here too, he’d be expecting someone to come and find him. But if she’s expecting someone, it surely isn’t him. She rushes out of the house, hugging her thin cardigan around her upper body, she looks disheveled and as tired as him, which isn’t surprising when you think about who she had to comfort for the past few days. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” she informs more as a warning than a threat when Taeyong runs out of the car. Pepper is at the door, under the roof of the front porch, watching it all unfold. 

“There’s nowhere else I should be except here,” he tells her, eyes pleading for a chance to breach her surveillance. “Where is he, I have to see him, please.”

“Taeyong, he,” she cuts herself, taking in his state. The poor omega has lost the small remainder of life she saw in him last time, he looks like he is hanging on the edge of life, exactly like someone else. “Did you drive all the way here in this state?”

“I have to see him,” he stumbles on his words, the last syllables slurred from sleep and exhaustion trying to fight him down. “I won’t go if I don’t see him first.”

“Taeyong, darling, look at you,” she shakes her head. Boah, unlike her peers, always has an easy hand on compassion and kindness. Such a privilege, in this world. She is kind, because she is safe, and she knows that if she had been Taeyong or Youngho, she wouldn’t be, she would have been worse. There is no reason to be kind when the circumstances are not. “Let’s take care of you first, ok?”

“No, Boah, please I have to see him,” it’s almost incoherent, he can barely hold on his feet, as light as the branches surrounding them, so fragile right now he could be confused as one. “Please,”

The alpha rushes to catch the swaying man in her arms before he could touch the dirt, eyes struggling to stay open but mouth uttering again and again  _ Youngho _ as if every letter is what links him to consciousness. If she believes it is a mantra at first, it turns to a statement when she hears Pepper bark and footsteps behind her.

“Youngho.” The man is descending from the porch, and Taeyong sees it in blurry shapes, he knows it’s the alpha because it smells like him. 

Boah has to choose between two options when she sees the frown on the alpha’s face, when he reaches the back of his jean and pulls out a gun, activating the trigger with one harsh pull.

“Youngho, no!” She chooses to let Taeyong fall, rushing to the alpha’s side, hands keeping him from walking closer to the omega. 

Her attempt is roughly ignored when she is easily pushed aside, not every alpha is as strong as Youngho, especially not when they are this enraged. She shivers in her boots, smelling the sour pheromones coming out of the alpha when he stops a few feet before the omega, barrel pointed at the smaller. And Taeyong, he smells like fear and despair. 

Taeyong gets dirt in his nails when he scraps the mud to try and get up, but he is too weak, too unstable to be allowed sanity. But he crawled for Youngho before, and he will crawl again if he has to, because he is not losing this battle. He blinks his eyes open when the strong waft of pheromones touches his nose, so dense one would believe it is raining heavily on them. 

He looks up, whimpering under the furious gaze directed at him, one wrong move and he knows the alpha will blow his brain up. What Doyoung told him, he can’t imagine how hard it must have been to witness life’s worst management on one of its finest masterpieces. And right now, under that shivering hesitating hand, in those dark eyes glaring at him, he is not Lee Taeyong. All Youngho sees is someone else. 

“Alpha,” Taeyong whimpers, with the last energy left in his small body, he reaches for the hem of Youngho’s pants, clinging onto his ankle as if it could save him.

“Tell me,” Taeyong isn’t sure as he can’t see very well, vision unable to go higher than on the alpha’s shoes, but it sounds like Youngho is crying, and that’s the worst that can happen. And to the latter, he is no different to the dirt surrounding him right now. “One good reason why I shouldn’t kill you.”

“Alpha,” he clenches his hands around the fabric, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t mean to,” Youngho scoffs, finger balancing on the trigger. That’s what people say. They never mean to hurt, and the alpha can accept it. It’s the goddamn fate and circumstances that play with people, it’s nobody’s fault. But Youngho can do one thing, and it’s nothing personal if he just wants to get rid of those who’ve hurt him. 

“Youngho, I had to do it,”

“Why?” Why can he never be happy, for once in his life? If Taeyong’s hopelessness had to hurt someone, “WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME?”

Youngho’s scream breaks the silence of the forest, his tears soaking his skin. Oh how he hates tears, they are so unfair. How come when there’s a storm inside you, it only comes out as a drizzle? They are so unfair.

“Alpha.” The last plea cuts his turmoil, Taeyong gets on his knees, all of his bones aching with weakness. But if he has to break each one for Youngho, he will do it. The top of his head comes in contact with the barrel, as if testing the alpha to fire if he has the guts to. “Please, listen to me.”

Is this how it looks? Youngho has never been to church, or in any sort of temple, he doesn’t believe in anything, he never had a reason to. But is it how it looks like, when the sinner is kneeling down? He never thought the day he’d see this, he would be the one on the other side, the one you pray to. Cold muddy hands circle his. He doesn’t recall the omega’s hand to have been this dry and bony before.

From afar, since the beginning of all of this, Youngho saw every omegas the same way, Taeyong included. If they didn’t bear his mother’s face, it was Jungwoo’s. Most people see omegas as fragile beings, victims of their situation and unintended status. Youngho saw them all as soldiers, because they have no choice but to fight against their fate, every single day. And soldiers are desperate and loyal to their cause. That’s why his mother had to hate him, that’s why Jungwoo had chosen coldness. That’s why Lee Taeyong did what he had to do to survive. And Youngho never interferes in wars that don’t concern him, in wars that are not his to fight, he is not an omega. If they are not invisible, they are his enemy.

Yet, right now, in the middle of nowhere, an omega just has to hold his hand for all of his convictions to fade. He hates himself for being so weak before one of those he never cared for before. He hates himself for admitting that those wars he has avoided before, those wars that caused him all the suffering he went through, are his to fight when it comes to Taeyong. 

“Youngho,” one breath, then two, and everything stops around them as if to give space to what the omega has to say, “I did it because I’m carrying your son.”

“W-what?” 

It is the last straw for Taeyong’s will. He has pushed himself too hard, and as much as he would like to comfort Youngho’s shock, he can’t. The gun retracts and all he sees is white before he scatters away from the alpha retching his guts on the dusty ground. 

“Fuck, Taeyong!” 

Boah rushes to his side, taking him in her arms to steady him, but it doesn’t help. He can’t think straight, he might as well be dead if physically existing is this agonizing. Everything hurt, his stomach is churning with violent cramps and he can’t stop the bitter bile from leaving his mouth. He must look so pathetic, but he is too far gone to care, it is painful. 

“Youngho! Call someone!”

  
  
  
  
  


“He is fine for now,”

It is only two hours later when Boah finally comes out of the guest room, closing the door behind her with a finality that scares the both of them. “The doctor said he is stable, the baby too, but it was very delicate. It could have been the end.”

She sits beside the alpha, facing the backyard, where they usually talked those past days. It was rough on Youngho, she is aware. Neo Pharmaceuticals is his most prized possession, everything he built, he built it around this syndicate of his. She knows of his story, having been the only one he ever confided into. Certainly because he easily found a friend in her kindness and lack of judgement, certainly because they are both alphas. 

They’ve known each other for decades, and he has hidden her very well. That’s how Youngho is, he hides those he cherishes, and then he hides himself from them. He was restless, she remembers how he looked destroyed when he arrived at her house, not because of the hardship Neo Pharmaceuticals brought him, those are petty details he can take care of with a few bills. He was distraught because of an omega. That’s how Boah knew he isn’t the Youngho she knew anymore, not the kid who acted untouchable and invincible anymore. He is a man, now, one with feelings and a new insight on things. 

If the man refuses to look at her, it is because of guilt and remorse. She wants to tell him he has nothing to be guilty about, he did what he had to do to protect that fragile piece of heart in him. But she doesn’t tell him that, because Taeyong’s feelings are valid too. Both of them had it hard, and both of them have been selfishly trying to protect themselves. That’s not selfishness, in its most biased and unfair definition, it’s just life. 

“John,” she starts, knowing that even if he doesn’t answer, he hears her. “You spend so many hours looking at the ocean.”

Instead of answering, the alpha takes his head in his hand, tired, giving up in appearing strong. That’s all she wants, for him to have fears and weaknesses. That’s how one should live. 

“But have you ever looked closely at a fish tank?” She stops for a second to reach for a stick of joint in her pocket. They always have one for moments like this. The addiction never comes with influence around here, it comes with curiosity for all of them. Why am I doing this, selling this, what’s so good about it? And the next thing they know, they pretend to like it to justify their crimes. “Remember what you told me.  _ Someone has to suffer, that’s the law. _

Most people get to swim in the ocean, freely. And then there’s us, the chosen ones, stuck in a fish tank. That’s what you said, somebody has to take one for the team, someone has to be life’s punching bag, that’s how it is.

There’s no hope for us, we’re born in it and then we die in it. We swim but for what reason if we are limited? And we’re dreaming about the ocean, everyday, never knowing what it’s like. But, John, the thing is, it’s not different. It’s just bigger, and full of fools who don’t know what walls are. There is nothing to envy, the misery you're in is the only reason why you are allowed to taste happiness. So stop looking at that damn ocean for once in your life, and grasp that fucking happiness. If life puts you in a fish tank, it’s because it wants you to have a home.”

“What would you know,” are Youngho’s cowardly words when he finally decides to look at her. 

“You think you are a martyr?” She taps the joint twice on the sole of her slippers to get rid of the growing ashes. “You made yourself a martyr, fine. You want to dedicate your life to the ghosts of two omegas who will never do the same for you, fine. Do that. If it’s so important to you, get your revenge on Guo and please Junmyeon. 

But for the sake of everyone’s sanity, don't do that to Taeyong. That omega is carrying everything you’ve ever truly needed, don't make a martyr out of him too.”

Peace, the keyword. He’s been doing all of this for peace of mind, but the more he thinks about it, the more he wonders if it’s worth it. When everything is said and done, when he is done using everything and everyone that can be used and he is finally alone with himself, when he has buried everything, even the monsters in his head, won't peace of mind be such a lonely place? 

What's different between him and Jungwoo in the end? Or his mother, or even Guo? What they became is his finality, it was all under his eyes and he chose not to see it. He hurts people because people hurt him, that’s the unfair ways things have been for all of them, and instead of realizing it, he has fed that vicious circle. 

“I am not ready to be a father,” he muses with a scoff he doesn't know he has been holding. When her words settle in his mind comfortably, he can barely believe the situation. 

All he asks for are basic discipline from his men, ice for his scotch and powder for his guns, and what is given to him is a kid. Indeed, life has the most creative ways to fuck you up. 

“Because you think that kid is ready to be your son?” She expected Youngho to at least give her a chortle, but she quickly realizes he took it seriously. He grew up too fast, not even knowing what childhood is like so how can he teach someone to appreciate it? “What you can do is not yours to decide alone. Go talk to him.”

  
  
  
  


It felt like yesterday

the day Taeyong felt Haechan for the first time. It was just another morning, alone in that empty apartment in Gangnam. It was nothing like they taught him, nothing like he imagined. They told him various things, that it would be a kick, that it would be a sudden cramp, morning sicknesses endlessly. But it was nothing like that. Feeling a child for the first time is a painful feeling, just like today. 

Feeling a child for the first time is not wonderful, it hurts like hell. After all, it’s a living being stretching his guts and living off his body. But it’s a bliss, to know that in the worst moments like this one, he is the first shield his son has. It’s a bliss to know that he is the first to suffer before the horror of humankind can touch his child. A bliss to know that in the end, the little bean is fine, and he has done well. 

Taeyong scratches the spot above his arm where the intravenous needle punctures his skin. He feels stupid, having held on without care for days, not eating, not sleeping. But how could he when his mind has been asking him to do so… The bed is less comfortable than what he is used to, not because it is not, but because his body can’t seem to find rest no matter the position he tries.

_ “Denial of pregnancy,”  _ the Kwon’s family doctor has left for an hour now, but his voice is still clear as if he was talking in Taeyong’s head.  _ “It happens when you’re too stressed, that’s why the development has been so slow. This isn’t the right environment to have a child, unfortunately. You’ll need to be very careful.”  _

“I’ll protect you,” he murmurs to himself, hand resting on his belly. Confidence has long left his mind. It’s very hard to keep on trying…

When the door opens a few minutes later, Taeyong isn’t waiting for anyone anymore, and especially not the alpha he has been longing for for so long. What is there left to say, when Youngho looks so distraught and tired. His usually kept hair covers his forehead ungracefully, he could be confused with someone else. 

When Taeyong sees him leaning against the door frame, locking their eyes in a gaze he can’t decipher, he can’t help but admit they’ve been stupidly selfish. Everything that can be done wrong, they did it wrong. Youngho is as wild and unpredictable as him, that’s what happens when the sea meets the rocks. An unstoppable force against an immovable object. They should have never met, but they did. Everything that lives under the sun is meant to meet, but not forcibly to fit. 

“Youngho,” the omega says, voice hoarse, forcing himself to sit against the headboard. “I’m sorry-”

“This isn't going to be easy,” the drug lord sighs, hinting that forgiveness isn’t on the schedule for today, and it will never be because there’s nothing to forgive. 

As much as they’re both bad at apologizing, they’re worse at accepting apologies. The alpha walks into the room and stops a second before the machinery feeding Taeyong. He fiddles with a button for a second, decreasing the level of morphine and the omega remembers the man could have been a doctor in another life. He could have been the one to take care of Taeyong earlier, to mend his state, but he didn’t because he was scared, terrified of seeing for himself what he had made of them. 

Careful eyes follow his movement when he pulls a chair closer to the bed and he sits on it, rubbing his face to chase away the remain of fatigue. 

“Doyoung told me everything,” the omega starts, fiddling with his own fingers, afraid that any other gesture could drown his intentions. “About Junmyeon, and about… Jungwoo.”

He receives no response, just Youngho’s insistent stare on his form, as if he is looking past him, thoughts travelling everywhere but on his words. Taeyong can’t tell where the bravery comes from, but Youngho is lost and he is the man he loves, it is only natural if one of his hands reaches for the alpha’s to bring him back into the moment. It may be his scent or his touch that snaps the older from the stupor, but at least he is back for a moment, processing everything. The fact that right now, his offspring is resting thanks to this omega, the fact that all of their secrets are now in the open. 

“You don’t have to bear it alone, Youngho,” Taeyong isn’t sure if his words reach the alpha the way he wants them to, but the thumb stroking his knuckles softly sure does reach his own heart. “Stop pushing us away.”

The alpha thinks for a long time before he decides he is ready to talk. He never shared anything because he is a fervent believer that his history is only his to know and to take. He didn’t want to see his own reflections in people’s pity, didn’t want to trust the way he did before. It never did him no good. But Taeyong’s eyes, they are not the mirror he expected, they are the mirror he needs. They are like his, traits for traits, colors for colors, they don’t look at him because they feel sorry, they look at him because they know how it feels like. They’re the same, they’ve seen the sale hardships and all they want from this life are friends. 

“You should leave, this isn’t where you should be, not with my child in you.”

“Because it is your child now?” Taeyong scoffs, trying to lighten the mood but not without a pinch of venom in his words. “It is as much yours as it is mine, and we’re not going where you are not.”

“This isn’t the place for you to-”

“I don’t care.”

“Taeyong, don’t be stubborn. It’s dangerous-”

“I don’t care.”

“Goddamn it, omega. Do you even realize what I went through the past few days?” The hand around Taeyong’s clench, reflecting Youngho’s breathlessness and anger towards the situation. “Do you know I asked Doyoung to get rid of you? Do you know how much I hated myself for it? Do you know how much I can hurt you?”

“I don’t fucking care,” Teayong repeats again. He doesn’t give a damn. He tried to hurt Youngho too, countless times before. He tried to run away and brought hell upon Neo Pharmaceuticals for it. Yet as much as he tried, he is still here as if the invisible string that biinds them together can’t snap. “I am going to hurt you too. I am going to tell you things that will keep you awake, I am going to talk back, I will want to kill you too and I will loathe you for a lot of things. But it doesn’t matter because that’s how it is, Youngho. I love you, and nothing we can do to each other will change that. No matter what you do, it’s not you who’ll hurt me, it’s life. And I want to go through this with you.”

It’s an odd sight, tears on Youngho. It doesn’t fit him at all, to the point where Taeyong wants to laugh but the moment is not appropriate for it. He can allow himself to enjoy the view for a bit, he has spent so much time trying to break the wall guarding the man’s heart, and he is not about to ruin it. In the end, Youngho is just another petulant child, like Haechan. A few soft words suffice to break them. Taeyong is glad he made a mess of this unbreakable man. Porcelain is always prettier with cracks, reminding one how fragile it can be, begging to be held with careful hands. 

“This war won’t stop until one of us loses,” Youngho wipes his tears hastily, as if ashamed by his state but to Taeyong, it’s endearing. “People are going to die,”

“That’s what people do,”

“You’re going to be watched by my men every second,”

“They already do,”

“It will be a long process,” 

“Slow down, babe,” Taeyong leans forwards to catch what is left of Youngho’s tears with a thumb. His face is so red and eyes swollen right now Taeyong can already imagine how much his unborn is going to be a hassle to handle when crying. “I’ll be behind you every step of the way, I’m a big boy, I’ll manage. You do what you have to do. I’ll be there until you find peace, and after that.”

Taeyong, with his careless mind and irresponsible words doesn’t realize what he just did to Youngho’s brain. He is smiling so recklessly, so selflessly he doesn’t realize that what he just did is promising eternity to the alpha. Youngho will have to remind him every day, until his lungs stop breathing, that this is the contract they are both entitled to now, eternity. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this short chapter, I hope you like it guys!! So Johnny knows now, are you guys relieved??? Anyway, I say this everytime but you don't realize how much I love the feedbacks and the comments guys, it's super motivating and heartwarming to know I'm not writing this in vain, whether it's here or on twitter, I read everything, and I send you millions of thanks and kisses!!!!
> 
> My twitter if you wants to interract or just talk hihi: [twt](https://twitter.com/tiana098)  
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	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER:
> 
> Violence

It’s quiet,

peacefully so. The quiet is why he likes it far from the city, that endless silence far from the ruckus with white noises as sole background. Years spent in the middle of rushing cars and long nights waiting on the pavement have taught him that there’s more to life, more than the daily hustle and the paradoxical routine of not knowing what will happen in the next second. He ran from it, trying to find that quiet and in the end he found nothing at all.

Youngho has been presumptuous enough to believe he changed it, but in the end, all he found are four walls filled to the brim with wealth only some can dream about, but as empty as ever. It’s still the hustle, it’s still running after time as if time would stop for him. Silence, he found it, peace, never. Whether it’s in a backstreet or in a penthouse, a rat is still a rat, there is nowhere he belongs, nowhere he is wanted. Whether he sleeps on a dirty mattress or on silk, waking up to the same life is still a painful reality. From the moment the sun sets, to the moment it rises, it’s a fast and dirty life. 

And yet, he deludes himself, right now, in believing he belongs here. It’s odd to think that he’s been looking for a place all this time, and what he found is a person. Funnier to think that him, a mere underdog, filthy and corrupted, belongs next to someone. He still can’t wrap his head around it, and truth be told, he doesn’t want to, afraid that if he digs deeper he’d find truths he’d rather avoid. This isn’t where Taeyong should be. His life was planned, unlike Youngho’s, he was made to have the finest things in life. If they were thrown back a few years prior, someone like Taeyong shouldn’t even be allowed to bat an eye at his sight. You can go everywhere, you can move how you want, but you’re always made of where you’re from. And that Youngho never forgets. Not a second passes by when he doesn’t remember what he went through. 

When you look back on the path you’ve walked and you can still see your footprints in the mud, it’s because you haven’t walked far enough, and it’s Youngho’s case. Time is a short distance in the end when your tomorrows still plague your todays. 

“What are you thinking about,” cuts his thoughts.

Youngho turns to the man lying next to him, stares at the expansion of his soft hair on the pillow and the curves of his naked back and shoulder disappearing under the sheet. He can’t see Taeyong’s face but his voice says he just woke up, if it is not the case then he hides it well. 

He’s thinking about a lot of things lately, about Taeyong’s endearing snore when he sleeps, about the doubts, about what he deserves and what he doesn’t. He feels like he has paid bills after bills and that life hasn’t given him back the changes yet. But instead of voicing it all, he turns on his side, burying his nose in the sweet smell of Taeyong’s nape, pulling soft giggles from the man. Instead of voicing it, he gently circles the valley of the omega’s waist, thumb slowly inching beneath his stomach, trying to catch something there. It’s still dark in the room and the smell of honey and butter reaching in tells them that Kun is certainly making himself busy with breakfast. 

“Does it hurt?” 

Taeyong’s soft moans from the relaxing caress stops, perplexed by the sudden question. It lingers in the morning and he has to hold back a laugh. He isn’t sure if the man knows how pregnancy works, he is quite ignorant for an alpha who pretends to know so much. 

“It doesn’t, I’m fine now, everything’s fine.” The omega decides to reassure him instead of teasing, it’s too early for that and he is still ridden with sleep. “I’m fully rested, were you worried?”

The lack of response doesn’t bother the omega, way too focused on the hand studying the shape of his small bump. If he could wake up to this every morning then there isn’t much he wants from life. There is no better way than learning to know his unborn son through the alpha’s touch. The warmth he feels from the bigger body tells him that Youngho slept. Maybe not a lot, just a few fleeting hours, but at least he slept a bit. Taeyong felt him leave the bed only once or twice, but as he squinted discreetly in the darkness, he caught a glimpse of the alpha lingering by the bay window giving on the waves and it reassured him. Youngho is preoccupied enough to not stray far from him in his most restless moments. 

“I like it here, in your bedroom” he says, receiving a gentle hum in response.  _ Where it’s just us and nothing more, where you can sleep and rest _ . It is all Taeyong wants for the future.

They’d be far from everything, where nobody knows their name and story, just lying side by side waiting for their pups to wake them up. If the idea is overwhelming for the omega, he doesn’t dare imagine how much it is for the alpha, so he knows better than to express those ideas out loud. The alpha is still learning to be someone else than who he’s been before, and it’s already enough, step by step. Whatever the future holds is to be discussed then, in the future. 

“I want to send you abroad, away from here.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Taeyong humors the idea. “We’re both too busy, we’ll think about the rest later.”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Youngho demands, stroking the small hair on Taeyong’s nape with the tip of his nose. “It’s my first time.”  _ Being a father _ .

“Youngho, babe,” Taeyong can’t help but worry. He’s been there, done that, all the insecurities coming along the odd news. It’s inevitable to be scared, to feel the need to give up sometimes, even to regret at some point. “It’s my first time too. Every child is the first one because every child is different. But I promise you there’s not much to do except give them the life they deserve.”

“When did you start being so wise?”

“When you started listening to my voice instead of yours.” 

“Darling-”

“Don’t apologize.”  _ If you do, I’ll have to apologize too _ and it will be a never ending exchange of who owes more. 

It might be a bit too sudden when Taeyong tangles his fingers with Youngho’s, guiding the hand lower on his abdomen.  _ I want you _ get lost in the confine of the warm morning when the alpha kisses that spot of transition between his neck and shoulder. The omega has pretended long enough that the pheromones he woke up to aren’t existing but he is nothing but a basic being, a slave to his most primal instincts. And given the groan Youngho reciprocates when he moans from all the sudden contact, the alpha too is weak for him. 

“Do you know how good you smell right now?”

It’s a question Youngho wanted to ask from the first time they met, but he forgot, his mind was too busy understanding the complex beauty of Taeyong’s existence. Understanding why he deserved so much mercy, meeting this man, when he’s been nothing but a sinner. 

“Show me,” Taeyong teases, grinding back slowly against the bigger body, loving how every of Youngho’s muscle spasm under his bold touch. “I want it gentle, please.”

Spring feels like an unexpected summer heat when the hand that was previously on his stomach, tangled with his, slides under the hem of his pants, looking to tease. It starts with a soft stroke to call him alive while Youngho’s lips don’t stop working their way down his back, inch after inch to mark and suck on. 

Taeyong finds himself being way too impatient and greedy when he grinds back harder, precum already staining the front of his pants. As if the cloth burns him, he shimmies out of the garment, and feels Youngho freeing his own member from its restraint. It’s hard and demanding when it playfully goes back and forth between both of his cheeks. The omega moans loud but muffled with a hand when the tip of the alpha’s thumb toys with the head of his cock, so slow and pressing harder by the second. 

“I love it,” Taeyong groans, words deformed from biting his lower lip too hard to stop drool from staining the pillow. He can’t see the alpha’s face but from the low grunts and the palm fondling his ass he can say he is not the only one being led by intense pleasure. “More.”

There are times when the ever so demanding Youngho just likes to obey, and most often those moments happen when Taeyong is keening from his touch, begging for more each second. He has a lot of things he wants to do to the omega, he wants to bend him, to break him, to make him wet but all those ideas vanish when Taeyong is the one asking. He uses a finger to circle the rim of the omega’s entrance, enjoying how each little stroke gifts him that sweet scent he can’t get enough of. 

By now, he knows Taeyong’s body by heart, he knows that when the veins of his cock pulse under his touch, he needs to feel something inside and Youngho slowly and carefully inserts two fingers, more with the intention of pleasuring than opening. Taeyong trembles in his arms, head falling back into Youngho’s chest as he moans loud and clear as the first centimeters rub against his walls, taking their time. 

“Any other command, babe?” Youngho waits, unmoving, only to peck the crown of the younger’s head. 

“Please, Y-youngho,” he mewls, the drool he tried to conceal now dirtying his chin, overstimulation spreading on his cock and inside him. He doesn’t even have to say what he wants, because the alpha’s chuckle and the tip of fingers immediately finding his weakest spot have him seeing white. 

As if trying to ease a knot, sensually and slowly, Youngho massages the spot, appreciating way too much how Taeyong becomes a mess against his chest. His other hand never leaves the younger’s member, forgetting his own. Pleasuring Taeyong is an euphoria for himself, each moan, each move from the omega comes with a waft of scent and pheromones that have him seeing white without trying. 

He can feel under his touch that Taeyong is about to come from his ministry, and without waiting, he exchanges his fingers for an unhurried penetration of his impatient shaft. 

“A-alpha, fuck.”

He takes it slow as Taeyong wants it, savoring how tight he is embraced inside the omega, how each move intensifies his breathing as if it’s the last one he’ll ever take. There’s nothing like unrushed and slow morning sex. There’s actually nothing like unrushed and slow moments with Taeyong at all, everything Youngho doesn’t get to taste on the daily. He wouldn’t dare ruin the moment by going faster, not when Taeyong’s hand squeezes his wrist from overstimulation, not when the omega’s hair tingles his chin with every little spasm, with every thrust against his prostate.

Youngho wouldn’t be able to describe the scent invading his entire being. Taeyong smells sweet, like his favorite bottle of scotch, like the ocean, like everything he desires on Earth. Yet, ironically, there’s nothing on Earth that compares to it. The more he breathes it, the more he hears the omega’s sinful voice, the more he loses his sense. And when an alpha loses his senses, all he listens to is his most primal desires, the essence of what makes him an alpha, what makes his heart beat and his blood rush. Dominance, possession, and the hundred voices from the deepest part of his guts murmuring  _ “mate, mate, mate.” _

He laps at the delicate spread of skin beneath Taeyong’s ear, brain clouded by the wish to mark it, to see his own personal stain there for the rest of his days. 

“Y-youngho,” Taeyong moans one last time before a spurt of white stains the alpha’s hand and it is enough to bring him back to reality. 

The alpha barely has time to get his hands and dick off before a knot forms. From properties to men, Youngho has always allowed himself to own it all, but if there is one thing he can’t allow himself to take, it’s this. The pressure of his half bite leaves a purple stain on Taeyong, fortunately soft enough to be confused with a simple hickey. But alas, the omega noticed it, hands already grazing the spot, trying to fill the tiny dents Youngho has left. 

“Youngho, what did you-”

“We’re late,” the alpha interrupts, getting up before Taeyong can see his wide eyes and his lack of belief before what he almost did.

“Did you just try to…” 

Taeyong’s inside churns in an abnormal way, not because of what Youngho tried, but because of what he didn’t. He can feel in the alpha’s silence that he won’t obtain an answer, and he doesn’t dare to look behind him, afraid that he’ll see something he doesn’t like. It isn’t long before Youngho leaves for the bathroom, gets dressed and leaves, abandoning Taeyong under the sheets to think about it. 

  
  
  
  


Something shifted

in their waltz. They used to dance so close, hands intertwined, shoulders to shoulders. But the music changed, into a slower tune, too slow to be considered a rhythm. At first, the omega pinned it on the fact that Youngho is careful because of his pregnancy, but it is not like him to think that Taeyong is fragile. Soon, before Taeyong realizes they're not dancing together anymore, the waltz turns into him twirling on himself, while Youngho stands nearby, observing him as if he is ready to jump in after every twirl. 

The omega can read the insecurities in his eyes, something almost akin to paranoia. There’s something lurking in that ballroom they created for themselves, something Youngho tries to hide frantically. It has something to do with the lingering ghost of Youngho’s teeth on his neck that he often finds himself touching, under the shower or when he is getting dressed. And more than often, he retracts his fingers way too fast, afraid that his constant obsession with it would rub it away. Why didn’t Youngho bite him, what stopped him from making Taeyong his? The question plagues his mind night and day. 

“I am not sick, Jaehyun, just carrying,” Taeyong says one afternoon when the alpha runs after him to another meeting for the day, insisting on carrying his stuff. 

“Your stomach is in the way, we don’t want your papers to be all over the floor again.”

For Taeyong’s defense it only happened once before, and giving the many eyes that saw the incident in the middle of one of Neo Pharmaceuticals corridors, it quickly reached Youngho’s ears. Not to mention him crouching down must have looked absolutely ridiculous. Now that the pregnancy denial has faded little by little, the progress of his state increased. Being blessed with less morning sickness than the usual omega, he is unfortunately cursed by having an overprotective alpha instead. And a wardrobe he wouldn’t be able to fit in soon.

Jaehyun may be a polite and considerate man to begin with, but his courtesy is the result of his fear of being scolded. Same goes for the countless mobsters opening doors for him, watching his every move as if a single gust of wind could break his bones. Kun has been fretting over pregnancy diet and carbs for days on end, refusing to let him skip a single meal, going as far as cutting down his daily coffee intake. But the worst of all has been Haechan. The child is everywhere on him as soon as he steps through the door, asking questions Taeyong isn’t sure he can answer.  _ “Can the baby hear me?”, “Are they coming soon?”, “How soon is soon?” _ . Then he remembers the joyful side of carrying, exhaustion, headache and dealing with a way too curious kid. 

The meeting is nothing extraordinary, the same as every one he’s been attending since he joined. Taeyong has worked hard for Youngho’s peers to finally look at him in a different light. If he is listened to, it is without any side remarks, and if he is obeyed to, it is without second guesses. He tries not to be naive though, even if he likes to think it’s due to his countless hours of work and attempt at authority, it’s mainly because of their new awareness. They respect him because Youngho’s shadow is covering him wherever he goes, and the shape of his body is another signature of that submission. That’s how it is, and he has to get used to it, he is not the only omega optimising an alpha’s power to get what he wants. And for now, he has to make do with it, as long as the men around the table look at him the way he wants to be seen. 

Yet, it is another pair of eyes he wants to catch. If the drug lord’s presence has been elusive the past few days, his glances are being more difficult. The omega has pinned it on the fact that they got busier because of the investigations. The trades have been hidden since then and the sales and exportations stopped. It’s only for a few weeks, they said. Youngho had to bribe and buy the jury for the trials, a crime that, fortunately, allowed them to be off the hook for now. Any sinful move and they’d be deep in the mud. Business has slowed down but Taeyong has heard it is not the first time they had to dodge a bullet, and that soon it would be back to normal. 

It doesn’t help though that Youngho’s retirement plans are on hold, and that Guo is still free to pester them. The omega knows they are just reassuring him because of his own guilt, that this time is different. If any of the new allies they made, or if Guo decides to touch them, then there is not much retaliation they can do while they are still under the police watch. Taeyong had to apologize to Kun for the inconvenience about a hundred times, and had to guarantee him that the Witness Protection Program he betrayed them for went down the shredder. But when Youngho acts like he is not sitting at the same table, he sometimes wishes he thought twice about it. 

“The Chinese ring wants us to ship a new container of armament by the end of this week,” Doyoung informs, stacking his papers to announce that the end of the meeting is around the corner. “It’s going to be difficult to do with the Kim’s shorelines being investigated.”

Taeyong’s guts churn with that piece of information but Doyoung quickly gives him a discreet smile,  _ “Don’t worry, it’s alright”. _ It is supposed to comfort him but the fact that it’s the beta who tries has the opposite effect. Youngho stays stoic, something that the omega can’t grasp, is he avoiding his eyes again or just being professional? 

“Don’t go through the Kims then,” Youngho speaks, “Can you put some agents from customs in our pocket? Divide it in other containers and hide it among the usual pharmaceutical tools.” 

“We can do that, but it won’t be easy,” the beta worries, “The other shorelines are not our territory. You’re literally calling the enemies over, hyung-nim.”

“Then call them,” Youngho shrugs.

It is not like him to make such rash decisions. It is proven by the whispers going around the table, and the men rarely argue with his orders. Taeyong knows something is off, Youngho is not like himself, as if his head is constantly in the cloud and his eyes are trying not to look down towards the ground. He is practically sure it is pressure, the insecurities coming with having one more life to protect, the panic of losing control. And he can’t help but bite his lips, chewing on that guilt that lingers there. If it wasn’t for his bold move, they wouldn’t have to face this. 

“Can’t we ask the Chinese to be patient,” so he decides to grasp the reigns, trying to make Youngho understand that they are a team and that he can take responsibility for his mistakes. “Tell them we are being investigated and that the trades will have to wait.”

“It’s not how it works,” one of the other betas around the table is quick to jump in. “You don’t seem to understand how things work around here yet, or are the hormones messing with you?”

“Johnny,” Taeyong ignores the man, turning to the alpha.  _ Help me here, don’t ignore me.  _ But his silent plea reaches deaf ears and blind eyes. 

_ You thought it would be different?  _ It’s been so long, since he last heard that voice in his head.  _ You don’t belong here, omega. We’re all the same. Love? It was just a fleeting idea, business comes first.  _

How come Jongin’s voice is still so clear when he hasn’t heard it for so long? 

“Doing that would be suicide,” it’s Doyoung again, “When you lose a syndicate trust, you don’t create strangers, you create enemies. It’s better to go with hyung-nim’s plan and hope for the best.”

The finality of that statement puts an end to the meeting, and somewhere an end to that spark that kept Taeyong believing.  _ I told you _ , repeats Jongin’s voice again and again in his brain. But unfortunately for Jongin, even if Taeyong can’t fight his ghost, the omega is not a sore loser, and never once in his life has he gone down without a fight. 

“Taeyong-” Jaehyun calls after him, surprised when the omega storms towards where Youngho’s office is. 

Maybe that beta was right, maybe it’s the hormones acting up, maybe it’s just the lovesick fool inside him. Either way, Taeyong is not just an omega that can be pulled left and right, depending on whoever’s whims. He is smart as much as he is docile, and he has put all of his eggs in one basket, and that basket is Youngho, so there is no way he would lose everything he has built for himself. He cares for his own heart, refusing to let it go through another war again. He knows Youngho cares, he knows he is scared and panicked. And the same way he has been saving Taeyong in the past, it is the latter’s turn to save the man he cares for. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Surprisingly, he manages to not raise his voice when he sees Youngho leaning against the front of his desk, already rolling a joint, eyes tired and hair disheveled by what must have been frustration before he arrived. 

The drug lord looks up, as if he has been expecting the visit. It comes to a point where they know each other by heart, and it scares them both how easy it happens when they both have known each other for such a short time. Youngho has been expecting it, from the way Taeyong so often seeks for him with his eyes, from the way he tried his best to avoid the omega recently because of his own insecurities. 

“Do you feel something’s wrong,” he says, indifferent to the omega’s worried pheromones. He hates the smell of it, it’s sour and bitter, reminding him of exactly why he should end everything as soon as possible, but it’s easier said than done. 

“Aren’t you tired,” Taeyong asks, and the joint finds itself wandering on the table when the omega’s hand comes touching his cheek, forcing Youngho’s eyes to look into his. “Of being hot and cold every time?”

“Am I?” Youngho’s hands come grasping the edge of the table, refusing to touch the omega. Call it self defense or cowardice, whatever it is shows in his false confidence Taeyong deciphers so easily now. 

“Don’t play the question game with me, Youngho. We’re way past that.” 

“You want answers, then?” The drug lord’s expression can’t seem to school into comfort no matter how much Taeyong tries, and it kills him to know that the alpha would rather listen to his demons than to him. “Because I don’t think you’ll like them.”

_ We’re all the same,  _ Taeyong shakes his head to chase away the voice plaguing his mind. Not now, not now… Youngho is different, he is not who he is trying to show, deep inside, there’s that teenager waiting for a hand to take his, for someone to tell him he didn’t have to go through all that, Taeyong just knows. He knows because in that instant, the alpha’s eyes travel to that fading bruise on his neck, the one Taeyong was so scared to erase. 

“Tell me why you stopped, then.” The deep brown eyes quickly jump up to catch his own. “Don’t you want me to be yours?”

If he tries to look for the hushed answers on the alpha’s face, then he is wrong, he finds nothing. Just hesitation and that same old expression Youngho has whenever he wants to manipulate the truth. Taeyong doesn’t want that business-like, practiced mode the alpha is so good at using, he wants the truth. But he won’t find it today, the answer to  _ “Do you truly love me or are you still doubting your choices.”  _ Yet, he still tries to coax it out of the man when his thumb comes caressing underneath his eyes, as if rubbing off whatever hides the answer. 

His attempt goes down the drain when they are cut by the sudden rattling of the door. 

“Come in,” Youngho cuts their moment short when Doyoung opens the door, looking alarmed and breathless, as if he just ran a hundred miles. 

“Hyung-nim, it’s miss Kwon,” he breathes out and they don’t need more to understand. 

It hurts, when the alpha grasps his wrist to get rid of his touch, and Taeyong can just stare at his hand as Youngho sprints for the door. Why is it that every time he is so close to the man, something always comes between them. Maybe it’s what it means to belong to this kind of man. He is never truly yours, never truly anyone’s but his past’s and ghost’s. Sehun has been there and warned him once, this world is dangerous, and Taeyong can only accept that this is the path he chose. He was so blind to believe that love is enough, it may be for normal people, but they are not. 

“I’m coming with you,” he quickly shrugs the thoughts away, remembering that more important matters are at hand. 

“You’re not,” Youngho refuses as he fetches for his car keys, messily looking for his coat on the way. 

“She’s my friend, it’s not yours to decide.”

  
  
  
  
  


An orange hue

paints the sky in the distance when they reach the Kwon’s estate at the start of the night. There wasn’t much talking on the way, both of them nervous and anxious about what they would find at the end of the road, and it doesn’t take long for danger to make itself visible. What used to be the sweet smell of pine and earth is replaced by carbon and smoke. Taeyong has to close the window when they pass through what used to be the gate and is now ashes and grey calcined wood crunching under the wheels. 

“Fuck,” Youngho curses when they park, no trace of the old hanok in sight.

All gone, Taeyong notices when they step out. Acres of lands and forest, gone in a few hours, and by the crackling of smoking wood and steel, as well as the orange fumes in the horizon, it hasn’t been long since the fire has been extinguished. They arrived by the end of it, and as absurd as it sounds, the omega is reassured they didn’t have to witness it all going down. 

The hanok is nothing more than a dark ruin of black coal, a falling palace in the middle of a burnt wood. It pinches all the wrong part of his heart, remembering that only a few days ago, it was majestic as he walked through it, admiring the green hills under the sun. There’s nothing much to admire anymore but the aftermath of a war they might be losing. 

Youngho is assessing the damages when Boah comes rushing out of what is left, followed by another woman, older that Taeyong has never seen before, an alpha. More than the state of her estate, Boah’s face and slouched shoulders is what truly makes the shiver run down the omega’s spine. He has seen her so soft and docile, happy and carefree, never did he think he’d see trails of tears maring her composed face. 

“Youngho,” she cries, falling into the alpha’s embrace. Taeyong thinks that maybe this isn’t his place, that he shouldn’t have come. 

As much as he tries, he can never understand. He may feel for her, but he isn’t like the both of them. He didn’t grow up in this world, his sheltered mind can never measure how much all of this meant to both of them. If Youngho’s face says he is angered, he can’t even begin to imagine how much it is agonizing for the female alpha. This represents sacrifice for the drug lord, his first milestone to becoming who he is today. When they first came here, Taeyong could see how much the place meant to the man, not to mention the amount of investment he puts in it monthly. And it kills the omega to know that he must let the alpha mourn it with his friend and there is nothing he can do when they are both holding each other with hearts that know the same things, lived the same things, things where he doesn’t belong.

He can fight the urge to hold Youngho and tell him it’s ok, because it is not, and also because Boah needs the comfort more than the drug lord does. To her, this is home, this is where her heart is, this is her where business was. It is the same grief in both of them, and Taeyong knows that when Youngho looks at it all, it’s Neo Pharmaceuticals he imagines burning down. 

“Biming sent his men while we were out of town,” Boah finally speaks up when she’s done enough crying. It’s always odd to see an alpha shedding tears, to remember how they can also be the weakest link sometimes. “The men you sent to protect us managed to stop it before the fire crossed out of the estate, but Youngho… the greenhouse, the house, I…”

“It’s fine.” Youngho’s worried tone betrays him. It is not. If Biming managed to find his most secret plantation, then who knows what else he can harm. For someone who has been let down by the Chinese, he still finds the nerve to fight Youngho head first. 

“It’s all I have left, what am I going to do for the kids, Youngho? They still have to go to school and-”

“Stop, listen to me.” The male alpha pats her on the back, detaching himself only to look in her eyes. “We’re going to relocate you where your daughters are. I’ll take care of the allowance, just leave. Don’t stay here.” 

“Lee Taeyong,” said omega is snapped out of his thoughts when the voice interrupts him staring at the pair. “I am sorry we have to meet in such circumstances.”

The woman is standing straight, frame healthy and strict despite the numerous wrinkles painting her face. Taeyong has heard of her before, and couldn't stop himself from searching for her information when he first heard. Madame Kwon is not any face in this field. Forgotten by the younger generation and those who rose to the top, but a woman of power nonetheless. The Kwons are one of the few aristocrat families siding with Neo Pharmaceuticals in exchange of money, but they are one of the oldest syndicates around the country. Their existence served to reassure Taeyong about Youngho’s power over the drug business, even if they are discreet nowadays, their name is still often pronounced among the big ones. 

“I am sorry too,” the omega tries to offer a desolated smile but the matriarch seems less concerned than her grand-daughter. 

“I’ve seen worse before,” she sighs, taking her place next to the omega to observe what’s sadly left of her property. Her tone speaks on behalf of her experience, and Taeyong believes her. Her demeanor and the elegant pattern of her speech oddly reminds him of Youngho. Someone who walked through fire before, so many times that an arson(*) can barely scare them. “Boah is going to be alright, she’s always been sensitive.”

“She’s a mother, after all,” Taeyong defends. That’s one of the only things he can relate to. The unadulterated care and obsession with safety being a parent brings, there is no doubt that Youngho is starting to feel it too. 

“You’re a parent too,” madame Kwon says, glancing for a second at him. They are all thinking the same thing, those whose glances linger too long on him. How much can he take? How much does he need to see to break? After all, he is standing beside Youngho, it’s a given that they’d think that, Junmyeon, Sehun, the Kwons… “Have you ever heard about the five orange pips?”

“In a novel, yes,” Taeyong recalls having read it in a polar before, not really wondering too much about what it means. 

“It’s our daily life,” she sighs, crossing her arms. Taeyong thinks he might have offended her with his ignorance but she says nothing of it. “Old gangs used to send five orange pips to rivals as a threat, then four, then three, then two.”

“Then one,” he questions.

“Oh, no,” she chuckles, her grave voice worrying Taeyong with where her story is going, rolling her eyes playfully at his cluelessness. “Nobody lives long enough to get one pip. The countdown stops with the rival’s death.” 

“What do you mean?”

She can hear from the vibration of his tone that he knows. 

“I doubt Biming or anyone, for that matter, cares about that old legend,” she concludes, eyes now fully on Taeyong as a warning. Not a threat, nothing cold, a warning from someone who’s been a parent and to another one. “Yet, we go by that rule, all of us. Biming, Youngho, me. Our patience has limits, Biming has been threatening Youngho for too long. Isn’t this the third pip?” 

Now that she mentions it, Taeyong’s blood runs cold from the tip of his toes to his throat. The casual gunfights in the city, Yuta’s death, the Kwon’s misery… This is the reality of this world. Lives are nothing but currencies. There was no consideration from Youngho when he used Yoon Danbi to ruin her father, no consideration for Boah’s children when Biming set fire to her properties. This is all a game of who will stand alone on the chess board, and Taeyong remembers well how Youngho plays chess. There is no doubt everyone is doing the same. It doesn’t matter who leaves the board and how, as long as the king survives. 

_ You finally connected the dots.  _ Taeyong bites on his tongue, restraining a “Fuck off, Jongin,” from slipping. 

When Taeyong looks over where the alpha pair is standing, Boah is calming herself, trying to gather in a bag what she can save from the aftermath while Youngho is on the phone. It’s that scene he imagines for his future, that’s how it ends for those who stand too close to the fire.  _ “You should leave, this isn’t where you should be,”  _ Youngho’s words are resonating, confirming Jongin’s voice in his head.

He understands now, not that Youngho doesn’t love him. It’s that Youngho loves him enough to not mate him, not as long as he can disappear from the alpha’s life from one day to another, not when they can lose each other in the blink of an eye the way he lost Yuta. Taeyong can’t even imagine going through that pain again. Goodbyes are so hard that when he meets Youngho’s eyes, when the alpha clearly says into the phone “Call a meeting with Junmyeon, tell him we’re merging,” Taeyong wonders if this is where he should be, if love is really worth the stay, if he is willing to die on that hill…

  
  
  
  
  


**Two years and a month ago**

“You are not eating that?”

Taeyong snaps out of his day dreaming, looking up at his son who is already leaning his entire body over the table to reach for his dessert. There is no need for him to say “go ahead” when the little gremlin is already pulling his plate over. It is one of those rare days when he gets to be out in the sun, enjoying lunch with his son in the city, yet his mind is everywhere but in the moment. 

He can hear Doyoung chuckle from his side, subtly pushing his own plate of cheesecake towards the six years old who doesn’t wait to dig in. He feels like everything has changed but at the same time, everything is the same. Paranoia is raging more than before, every little noise around him makes him jump on his skin, whenever someone is walking too close to their table, or whenever z phone rings. He is expecting for the worst every single time, remembering what he saw a few nights ago, Boah’s life going down in ashes. The only reason he is not gone yet is the constant presence of Youngho’s men around him and Doyoung or Jaehyun’s protective proximity. 

His range of move has also changed since the incident. Everything he does, every place he goes to is immediately reported to the drug lord and every territory that isn’t under Youngho’s watch has been forbidden. It pains him that he would never get to live a life where he isn’t under an alpha’s control, even if he knows that it’s for his own good. Lee Taeyong, forever belonging to a man, forever in the Kims’ vicinity, same place, just different faces. 

“You should eat,” Doyoung says with a subtle tone hinting worry. “You barely touched your plate.”

“I am not really in the mood.” Taeyong shrugs with a practiced smile. 

“Is it because of what happened to the Kwons?” 

Taeyong scoffs, reaching over the table to wipe the disgusting stain of cream on his son’s cheek. Doyoung is always too observant for his own good, but it’s a trait the omega is thankful for. It made a good friend out of the beta, and a very good counselor. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he adds, leaning back in his chair. “Those kinds of things happen. They are strong women, they’ll be back on their feet very soon. It’s not their first loss.”

“Then how many losses do you need to break?” Taeyong doesn’t mean to sound so harsh, especially when Haechan senses the sudden tension and glances between the adults. He dismisses the kid’s curious stare with a small smile, patting the smooth brown hair softly as if to say everything is alright. “How can you live like that?”

“We got each other’s back.” Doyoung says it so recklessly and casually that it scares Taeyong. It takes him back to the moment Youngho and Boah comforted each other, remembering he can never understand how to fight the pressure of living in this world. 

“That’s the problem, Doyoung,” he sighs. “Youngho can’t even touch me without thinking about the hundred reasons why I should be away from him. I’m so scared it’s going to break us again.”

“You know,” the beta hesitates for a second but is encouraged by Taeyong’s full attention. “He’s always been the one in control, the one who protects others and consequently, the one who loses.”

“What do you mean?”

“He gave his mother everything, his brother everything and lost, fought for everything he has, only for Junmyeon to inherit it in the end.” Taeyong starts to understand, and the impending reality washes him with sorrow for the alpha. “He might have used us, but when he took us in, he has never failed once to hold his promise to protect us. Everything he has done never benefited his own well-being. And it’s the same for you. He is always around the corner to save you. Don’t you think it’s starting to be heavy for a simple man?” 

The realization takes time to settle in his brain, but it does. He can barely hear Haechan rambling on the ride back home, can barely hear his own thoughts. But he can understand what has been said when he holds Haechan’s hand so tight in the car that he might have cut the circulation of his blood. If it was his choice to make, he too would have wanted Haechan to be somewhere safe, far from him. 

“Daddy, can I go play in the sea,” said kid asks as soon as they park in the motor court of the estate. 

The question flies over his head, his brain stuck on how beautiful his son looks in spring. Is this the way Youngho sees him? Something so precious that he himself feels too filthy to approach? How can he possibly allow himself to own this angel when everything he touches die? 

The six years old looks at him oddly when Taeyong crouches down at his level to pat his head. This must be how Youngho feels, and Taeyong hates himself for not understanding it sooner. The difference is that Taeyong has someone to protect him, but who is there for Youngho? Who has his back, except his own self? Doyoung is right, it must be heavy for a simple man. 

“You know that I love you, right angel?” 

“Why are you asking that,” Haechan wonders, biting his small lips with nervousness.

“For nothing,” Taeyong chuckles. “I just want to make sure you know. Go change in your swimsuit, I’ll join you.” 

The tiny devil takes off running with a beam, reassured that his father’s concern doesn’t mean he will be scolded for something. The omega gives Doyoung a small nod when he locks the car, silently asking him to keep whatever they talked about a secret. He is about to step inside when an odd sight disturbs his peripheral vision. 

Usually, Youngho’s men would be scattered around the estate, waiting for orders or just keeping watch. Taeyong has unconsciously studied their pattern over the months he has been here. Not to mention their whispers never go unnoticed whenever the omega is around. This time, a bunch is gathered around a door, a few meters away. Unfortunately for Taeyong, it is a way too familiar door. If he isn’t mistaken, which happens rarely, it is the one leading to the basement he has been locked into days ago. 

He has never been too curious, as curiosity leads to your doom especially around here. But his guts are telling him he must look. The bunch of betas seem flustered when Taeyong approaches, avoiding his eyes. Youngho’s men might be strong, but they are bad at keeping secrets, with all the gossiping they are doing and their cowards nature before the omega, it’s a wonder Neo Pharmaceuticals haven’t been outed yet. 

“Is Johnny inside,” he asks. If he used to be afraid of them before, he isn’t anymore. They just remind him of the young staff he used to supervise at Lee Holding. Give them a little harsh glance and they’d shiver in their boots. 

“We can’t tell you, Mr Lee,” one of them boldly tries, having Taeyong rolling his eyes. He just gave the answer. “We can’t let you in.”

“If you don’t move out of my way, I’ll have you all fired in the next hours.”

Of course, his threats are as empty as his confidence. But they’ve seen him beside Youngho and they are aware of the power he has over their boss. You never want to fight against a hormone driven pregnant omega. Especially when it’s your leader’s child they are carrying. 

It doesn’t take long for the betas to scatter and for Taeyong to make his way in. The place is as cold as he remembers, the artificial light of the concrete corridor burning his eyes. The memory makes him shiver, it wasn’t a good day. And he pities whoever has to find themselves in here with Youngho. 

Taeyong doesn’t miss the small trail of blood leading to the slightly ajar door he remembers so well. The sight brings bile in his mouth, he knows that smell, the pheromones of an angry alpha, and the smell of open flesh. When he hears the hushed voices coming from the room and the groans, he is about to turn back on his feet. He has always promised himself to stay blind to the violences around here, and if Youngho is the perpetrator, he is more than glad to stay blind, but what he hears makes him stay. 

“What else did you tell Guo?” It’s Jaehyun’s voice, a tone Taeyong has never heard before. The alpha has always been someone docile and calm in his eyes, someone who can control himself before any situation. 

But when he takes a peek between the opening of the door, he barely recognizes the man. Sleeves rolled up, hair disheveled and sweat maring his frown. Next to him, leaning against the table where Taeyong sat before, Youngho, in the same state, surrounded by other men. Before them all, two betas, both held down on their knees, cuts on their faces and naked upper bodies. Injuries Taeyong would never wish on his worst enemies. He has to restrain from throwing up when he catches what must be an ear bleeding on the floor. 

“H-hyung-nim, I beg of you,” one of the beta pleads before his scream cuts the eerie silence when one of Youngho’s men presses a deep cut on his shoulder with the sole of his shoe. “Please… He threatened my wife…”

“That’s why,” Youngho leans away, beckoning Jaehyun over who hands him what is clearly a pistol, “They say you should never help stray dogs. They always bite you in the most unexpected moment.”

With the subtle raise of his chin, one man pulls out a ka-bar, the blade reflecting the light in Taeyong’s trembling pupils. “The eye,” Youngho orders and in less than a second, the men plant the tip in the victim’s left orb, enough to draw blood and a guttural scream, but not enough to touch the brain. 

“I’m giving you a last chance to tell me what you told Biming,” the drug lord threatens, pulling his sleeves further up his arms. 

This isn’t just a question of betrayal. Taeyong can see it so clearly on his face. Youngho may not know it, but it’s there, in him, that deep grudge follows him. He has been hurt so badly in the past that this is almost a personal purge. That kid in Youngho going by the rule “I won’t let myself be hurt again.” Whatever they did to him on that boat, Taeyong can see it before his eyes. The agony has been so heavy on his shoulder that he can’t find any other catharsis than to reflect it on those who dare touch him again. 

“Fine, if you’re not going to talk,” followed by a gun shot right through the skull.

It’s so merciless Taeyong can feel it through his own skull. To say that a few days ago he was sitting there, where countless men probably faced the same fate. To say that those hands are the same caressing his skin in the most intimate moments.

_ It’s in you, Taeyong.  _ Jongin’s tune comes back again.  _ You’re made to belong to that kind of man, you’ll never find an escape from us.  _

“I can tolerate his little provocations in neutral grounds,” Youngho puts the pistol back on the table when Jaehyun hands him a handkerchief to wipe his hand and face off the splatter of blood. He then turns to the last man alive, the latter cowering under his rough stare. “I can tolerate him burning my plantations…”

He then crouches down to the man’s eye level, pulling a fistful of his hair to make sure they are looking at each other, to make sure he understands that he must listen well to relay the message. 

“Take your little friend’s body with you, and show it to Biming. And tell him that if he ever tries to lay a single finger on my omega again, this is just a quarter of what I’ll do to him. Tell him I’m coming for his empire and that I’ll skin each one of you slowly. Understood?” 

The beta can barely answer clearly when all he can let out when he opens his mouth is blood. Taeyong is on the verge of emptying his stomach on the grey floor, covering his mouth and nose with his hand to keep him from smelling. It is so foul he can almost taste it on his own mouth. He is so focused on staying afloat he doesn’t notice when the door opens on him and he is faced with Youngho standing before him, eyes void of any surprise as if he knew this day would come. 

Jaehyun gasps in the back but Taeyong ignores it, all he sees are all the reasons why Youngho always kept his secrets hidden, all the reasons why Taeyong was always kept at bay from his past. Because this is what they made of him. 

“Y-youngho…” If anyone caught his use of the alpha’s real name, none of them say a thing. 

None of them know what to do in this situation, this isn’t something that should concern them. Youngho raises a finger, beckoning them to leave and they do, rushing away from a situation that might be worse than what they just saw. They don’t want to be there when Youngho loses his shit again. 

“Jaehyun, find who let him in.”

“Understood, hyung-nim.”

Taeyong expects him to say something else, to tell him whatever he saw is just an illusion, that he is not… Jongin. But all he gets is Youngho brushing past him wordlessly.

“Youngho,” he calls, catching the alpha’s wrist. What now? When he is looked at with so much indifference it hurts. “Say something, please.”

The alpha seems to think for a second, something akin to regret almost visible on his traits. It is quickly washed away by his cold demeanor. Taeyong can’t recognize him, can’t even tell if he knows him completely. But what did he expect, honestly? Youngho is a man of danger, and this is what men like him does. And whenever he takes a breath, he remembers that gutural scream he heard a few minutes ago. 

“Did you tell Haechan about Yuta?”

“W-what-”

“You can’t even do something as simple as that,” Youngho scoffs, pulling his wrist away from Taeyong’s grasp. “And you want me to mark you? You want to raise a child with me?”

“It’s unfair.” Taeyong can’t say if the tears have always been there from the start or if they jsut started spilling. “You can’t ask something like that, Youngho I-”

“This is me.” And his defined tone says nothing will ever change that. Everything around him ends up ruined if he doesn’t ruin them himself. That’s the basic occupational hazard in this field. “This is the man you choose to love, if you stay, you can only blame yourself, because this is who I am.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (*) arson: silly but I found it funny cause that's my family name lmao. 
> 
> Here we go! Guys the feedbacks are insane again, whether it's here or on twitter, thanks a lot!! For those who don't understand why TY betrayed, I answered to a comment in the previous chapter explaining it, hope it's clear, I am sorry for being so unclear, I'll try to do better on that aspect from now on, thanks a lot for the comments guys I love them. 
> 
> My twitter, don't hesitate to mention me!: [twt](https://twitter.com/tiana098)


	19. Chapter 19

It’s a scream 

that wakes Taeyong up early in the morning before his alarm rings, forcing him in a sudden sitting position. He reaches for the tickling sensation on his forehead only to discover sweat has embedded his hair. His legs are numb as if he just walked a thousand miles and his panting is the only noise filling his room. He barely hears the waves above his own beating heart and he falls back on the pillow with a huff, not knowing if the scream was his own or the result of his memories playing with his dreams. 

He rubs his eyes, trying to chase away the image of that man begging for his life. It’s hard to do when it’s all he has been thinking about recently. His palm finds the skin of his tummy under his sweat coated shirt just to find some comfort. It does help for a few minutes during which he tries to make his breathing even and the beat of his heart less erratic. 

It would be a lie to say that this is unfair to him. So many things could have prepared him for this, from the moment he got married to the day he became a widow. The countless nights Jongin spent marking his skin with bruises, the whispers in the corridor when someone had to be punished. Everything he has encountered the past seven years should have prepared him for the violence of this world. He knew what was going on behind the walls where his sight couldn’t reach, but he has allowed himself to be too comfortable in his blindness. 

To imagine and to see are different things, no matter how much one tries to anticipate the surprise. Taeyong can’t even blame Youngho for it, because it is as he said. That’s the kind of man he is, and there is no changing that because he has no choice. The omega has witnessed so many times what weakness does when you involve yourself with mobsters. A strong body is not enough, a strong mind is a necessity, and a heart is just an accessory. Sometimes, he finds himself blaming his own legs for taking him where he shouldn’t be, his own eyes for not closing at the right time. 

The walk to the bathroom is as lazy as the shower he takes to blur away the thoughts. When he is sure he doesn’t look like a corpse anymore, he makes his way to the living room where Haechan is already bantering with Kun. Look at him, it came to a point where his six years old son is awake before him. 

“Good morning, Taeyong,” Kun greets, pouring him a cup of tea. 

Taeyong grimaces at the sight of the clear liquid. He could really do with coffee right now, but Kun and his obsession with his health be damned. 

“Hi, daddy!” Haechan’s voice is a bit too loud for his brain but he hides it with a strained smile. 

“Hello, muffin,” he half groans when his sore back hits the chair. “Aren’t you a bit too loud for a morning?”

“He’s always loud,” the beta cuts with a teasing smile. 

Despite their usual banter, Taeyong can see that Haechan has managed to dig a small place for himself in the beta’s heart and life. How to resist when he doesn’t give you the time to adapt? 

Sometimes, when things get too harsh, Taeyong can’t help but think, how long until he can’t protect Haechan from life anymore? That’s a given as a parent. When his heart shatters in a million pieces, he wonders when will his son have to face that aspect of life too? That question is everywhere, from the smallest thing such as stubbing his toe to the biggest turmoils. He reminds himself, while drinking the sugary tea Kun has made, that no matter what he does, there will come a time when Haechan’s laughter will turn to cries, when his giggles will turn to screams and days of silence, it’s inevitable. 

The best favor he can do for his son is to hold his hands through it all and at least try to smooth the rocky path before he can’t anymore. It breaks him inside to know that despite his denial, Youngho is right. There are things that must be done, there are behaviors you must adopt, not to necessarily protect yourself, but to protect others too. 

The thought follows him throughout the day, more than it did the past few ones. Youngho’s elusive presence becomes a habit, accommodating his own cowardice. He skips meetings just because he can’t bring himself to look at the alpha without thinking of the ideas that haunt him. He deliberately forgets greetings when they pass each other by in the hallways, scared that if he opens his mouth, he’d break into sobs. He is scared, terrified of the man he has agreed to hold onto, and more than ever, he is scared of losing him to his fears. 

If Youngho sometimes linger by his door with sorrowful glances into his office for sole company, Taeyong pretends he doesn’t see it. He is not ready to accept the fact that his mind paints the man he loves as a monster. Taeyong knows he is not, he believes it with an unwavering faith. Youngho is not a monster, Taeyong is just a fragile thread playing among rubber bands, unable to snap back into shape if he is pulled too hard and he can only blame himself. 

A knock disturbs his meditation towards the end of the day, he was so absorbed into overthinking again that he didn’t even notice the hours fleeting by. It is Jaehyun, a stack of paper in his hands. Taeyong can see from his expression that he is hesitant, he has been recently careful in his words and actions, as if walking on eggshells around him. 

The omega wants to tell him it is okay, that Jaehyun’s presence triggers less nightmares than Youngho’s, that at the end of the day he just did what he had to do. He was a fool to think that just because Jaehyun is gentle doesn’t mean he isn’t what he is, a mobster, someone who chose the wrong path like so many did. Labelling him -one of his closest friends now- as a bad guy is the last thing Taeyong wants to do. They are all humans, they just happen to be wrong. 

“Those are the last reports for today,” the alpha says, dropping the stack on his desk. The simple thought of doing more work, for once, makes Taeyong dizzy. “... About last time…”

“I’m fine,” it comes out more snappy than the omega would have liked. He doesn’t want an apology or explanations. Things were clear, they did their job, he was in the way. He leans back in his chair with a sigh. “I’m fine, ok?”

“You don’t look like you are,” Jaehyun worries. “We don’t want you to be stressed.” 

“I’m stronger than you think.” He has said that one too many times, to the point it turned into a joke in his head. Maybe he has the wrong definition of what being strong means, maybe he is just lying to himself. Either way, he’ll keep on repeating it to himself until it turns into reality. “What’s left on my schedule for today?”

“Nothing you can’t do tomorrow,” Jaehyun shrugs and Taeyong scoffs at his poor attempt at comfort. The alpha may seem rough on the edge and confident but he has a soft spot for those he cares for. Taeyong is aware that he has a lot of work waiting, but Jaehyun has read the exhaustion on his face.

“Well then, there’s somewhere I’d like to be, can you drive?”

  
  
  
  


The last time he came here, Jongin was still alive. After the man’s death, Taeyong couldn’t find nor the time, nor the courage to come. He was busy fixing his life, but most importantly, he was too ashamed of what became of him to show up. It hasn’t changed much, he still isn’t proud of the things he has done, still isn’t proud of the man he is, but right now, he doesn’t want to be anywhere else. 

Jaehyun walks silently behind him, adapting to the solemnity of the place, too considerate to disturb the peace Taeyong surrounds himself with. The omega knows the way between the rows by heart like a second home. He knows the gravels, knows the trees enclosing the space, knows every name on every tombstone on the way as if each one is a close friend. He squeezes the bouquet of lilies between his fingers, finding courage in the way the paper crinkles loudly as an introduction to what he wants to say. He stops before the last grave at the far edge, the closest one to the empty church overlooking the sleeping souls. 

“Hi.” 

It’s an odd thing to say when you don’t get an answer. It would have been different if he expected it, it’s even odder when he already knew. Last time he came here, the marble had been cleaned, standing out among the other stones like a new stamp on a stained yellowed page. Now it has gathered a bit of dirt and a few stains from the last days of rain. 

Taeyong thought he’d cry again, but grief comes in the most unexpected moment. He has cried too much in the most absurd context, during breakfast a few years ago, in the back of his car on his way home just last week, at three in the morning when silence is too heavy and he mistook the wind for a familiar voice. 

It’s almost sunset, on a weekday, so the graveyard is mostly empty except for the regular church goers, ignoring the bunch of men in black gathered at the gate. Taeyong has specifically ordered them to stay away, this is not the place to argue whether they should obey Johnny or not so they complied without a word. They can pester his private space wherever they see fit but not here. This is the safest place he can be, where protection is already provided by the extravagant statues guarding the marble. 

“It’s been so long, dad.” Indeed, so long that Taeyong has to read the name on the stone again and again to be sure he is at the right place. Or just to make sure that his father did exist at some point. He crouches for a second to place the bouquet on the grave. “There’s so much I want to say.”

Things like I wish you were here to meet your grandson, wish you were here to tell me what to do. But he keeps silent, he often does, conversing in his head is enough. Taeyong never believed in the afterlife, he is a pragmatic man, and he still doesn’t. He has always considered bullshit to think that whoever you lose looks over you somewhere. He is aware that right now, his father is a mass of dirt and bones under the stone, and whatever soul he had left faded with the extinction of his brain and heart. 

But that’s the beauty of human nature, the foolishness, the persistence. He doesn’t believe yet he is here, talking to his own ignorance and stubbornness. Being here is like facing his own denial, admitting his beliefs are as unproven as his judgement over those who have faith and it’s warming somewhere. To know that there is someone you’d fight your own self for. 

“I brought a friend today,” he chuckles, swallowing a sob that almost broke out of his throat. 

Jaehyun almost stumbles when he hears it and Taeyong gives him a teasing smirk. Such a clumsy man in such a rough body. 

“A pleasure to meet you, sir.” 

The sight is a bit comical, someone like Jaehyun bowing for a man he has never met. Grief is such a funny and absurd thing, it’s probably the only thing on Earth that makes you shrink before a stone. 

“There’s someone else I would have wanted you to meet,” and if Jaehyun hears the tremors of his tone or sees the faint smile on his face, he says nothing and steps a few feet back. 

If things were different, Taeyong’s father would be sitting in his study in that old and dusty armchair he could never get rid of, back in their old home, a cigar between his fingers. The omega would be sitting opposite him, on a better and newer couch Taeyong forced him to buy just to give the room a younger look. And he would be smiling with all his wrinkles, the exact same wrinkles the omega will probably sport years from now. He would listen to the stories his son has to tell before telling him he has to get back to work and that Taeyong can stay anyway if it pleases him, and god it would have pleased him. 

_ You would have liked him,  _ Taeyong starts in his mind.  _ He is an alpha, like you and he is very handsome. He loves Sinatra so much it’s all he listens to, you’d think he is allergic to any other form of music. He reads a lot, a very cultured man, it’s impressive. All the things he knows and can teach you, sometimes I believe he is older than he looks. He is very busy, always running left and right, it makes me dizzy sometimes. And his collection of liquor, you would have loved seeing it. Both of you, making me worry about the state of your livers. But the best thing about him is he takes care of me. He has seen horrible things in his life, dad. And he is not very good at coping with it but he does his best, so much it worries me. He reminds me a bit of you… _

It’s only when the wind chimes that it dawns on Taeyong. It’s the circumstances, it’s not the man. It is never the man. All those petty and small details paint such a great landscape of all the things Youngho is. That’s when Taeyong realizes that if things were different, his speech would have stopped there. If things were different, that’s all Youngho would be, all the things he told his father. And truly, that’s all Youngho is, no less, no more. He is not the blood he has drawn, nor the past he runs away from. He is just Youngho, the handsome, stubborn and cultured man Taeyong is deeply enamored with… 

If things were different, Youngho would be sitting with his father in that same study, discussing useless political matters, and his old man would be praising him about his sharp brain. And Taeyong would be smiling like a fool, leaning against the door frame, looking over that scene with deep admiration for the only ones who made his heart beat in this lifetime. Yet, the more he imagines it, the less it makes him dream. Because the most beautiful thing about Youngho is that he comes with his imperfections and demons. And it’s those elements that highlight his qualities and strength. 

It takes a painful breath from him to admit that no matter where he runs to, he can never stay away from the alpha, hands dirty or hands clean. It would break him to think that he let go of those hands, that he left Youngho to deal with it on his own like he has been doing in the past. What Youngho needs is not someone who will clean his wounds and sins, it is someone to share them with. Doyoung’s words replay in his mind.  _ Don’t you think it’s starting to be heavy for a simple man?  _

_ I have to go, but tell Yuta I’m doing fine on my own. It’s just goodbye for now, I love you. _

“He sounds like a good man,” Jaehyun tells him on the way back to the gate, after Taeyong has bothered him with stories of his childhood. 

“He was,” the omega chuckles, “he was also strict and a bit dry with his words. But it helped me shape who I am.”

Jaehyun doesn’t doubt it. He has been working with the omega for a short time, but he can see his father reflecting in his discipline and efficiency. The sun has already set when they reach the gate, they take a bit of time, both silently agreeing that it’s too peaceful a place to leave yet. After all, it has helped Taeyong clear his mind, and maybe more than that. 

He has in mind to head straight back home where Haechan is already probably waiting, pestering Kun with his little games. Youngho’s men gather behind him when he walks out, they have been like a shadow nowadays, never leaving his sight and reciprocatively, he doesn’t leave the drug lord’s sight either. It was disturbing at first, to have so many eyes looking over you, ready to bend at each of your words but now it is reassuring, showing the alpha cares even if he is not around. 

“Ready to go home, now?” Jaehyun opens the door for him, a soft look on his face as if the graveyard imprinted on him, refusing to let him go. 

He is going home every evening, it isn’t something to get ready for, so Taeyong understands that what he means by that is  _ “Are you ready to leave?” _ and truth be told, he is never. He nods, nonetheless. All he wants is to be home, where his loved ones are, and bask in his newfound peace of mind. 

“Mr Lee,” he hears before he can join the comfort of the car.

Taeyong looks behind him, the men quickly surrounding who seems to be a stranger with hostility. The omega recognizes him, or recognizes what's left of the man he met weeks ago. Officer Park cowers at the sight of the men blocking him from approaching Taeyong. He doesn’t look very in shape for a beta who looked so alive before. 

His enthusiasm and will have left his features, leaving the place for eye bags and a pale tired complexion. Hair disheveled and unkempt, clothes wrinkled and a half smile that has seen better days. He looks so worn out that if Taeyong didn’t know better, he would have confused him for a ghost from the graveyard. 

“Let him through,” he orders, more out of pity than will to speak to the man. “How did you find me?”

Officer Park bites his chapped lips for a moment, fingers fiddling with a bunch of folded papers wrinkled in his hands. 

“I’ve been looking for you for days, your uncle told me you often come here so it’s the only place I’ve been waiting at,” he says with a stuttered speech, ashamed of his obvious indiscretion. He then nervously looks around the crowd. “Who…?”

“Nobody you need to know about,” Taeyong shrugs. Even if the man seems submissive, Taeyong stays nervous and anxious, imagining the reasons why the beta is here. “Why were you looking for me?”

He unfolds the papers, before handing them to the omega. His hands are trembling, but not out of fear, they hint at days of stress drinking countless cups of coffees and sleepless nights. Taeyong has heard around that the man has been dismissed from his functions, and he didn’t think much about it before. But when he sees what’s written on the wrinkled page, he guesses why. 

Officer Park hasn’t given up on the case. Going against Youngho’s bribe is certainly what has gotten him fired and in this state. The words read all of his individual investigations, married with circumstantial proofs against Youngho’s  _ innocence. _ Bribing, threats, fund manipulations, nothing Taeyong doesn’t already know. Somewhere, it warms his heart to look at the officer, that once youthful face full of faith for the justice system. It’s appeasing to know that there are still good people on this Earth fighting for what is right. 

“I’m sorry they dropped the case,” Officer Park continues, “b-but I just couldn’t give up. You trusted me with it but unfortunately I got fired after the first trial. I was thinking that with your help, we could open it again…”

But if the beta deludes himself in thinking he has an ally in Taeyong, then he is wrong. The omega who talked to him before is not the same omega he has in front of him anymore. If they met just a day before, or even an hour ago, Taeyong would have pitied his persistence. 

“Officer Park, do you have a family?” Taeyong folds back the papers, pretending he didn’t see anything written on it to the beta’s dismay before handing it to one of the men who immediately understands the implication of his actions. 

“H-huh… Yeah. A wife and a toddler.”

“I see,” Taeyong gives him a practiced and courteous smile. “I’ll send them my apologies.”

_ This is not you,  _ Jongin whispers in his brain. And Taeyong represses him for good, strangling that demon that has haunted him. Enough is enough and he finds himself whispering back,  _ “You never knew me, this is who I am.” _

“Mr Lee?” Officer Park reaches out when the omega turns around to leave but he receives no answer.

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong calls to the alpha when they are isolated next to the awaiting car, “You know what to do, right?”

“Taeyong, you-”

“You remember when you said being a villain doesn’t suit me,” he cuts when seeing the surprise on the alpha’s face. “What’s the use of being good if it’s to make the wrong choices?”

“Alright, we’ll take care of it,” the alpha sighs. He doesn’t have a choice anyway, he would have done so even if Taeyong didn’t mention it. He doesn’t really know what to think of it, but if this is a step for the omega to make things better, then so be it. 

“Check his house when they’re done, I want every backup of his investigations erased along whoever is in the secret.”

_ Who is going to have Youngho’s back? _ The answer is clear now. Taeyong glances into the rearview when the car leaves the curb, catching a glimpse of Youngho’s men surrounding the beta and he quickly wipes away the tear that threatens to spill. He is going to have Youngho’s back, he is going to protect his man no matter the price he has to pay. It’s sad and disgusting to think so, he has to admit, but this life is made of choices, not of people, and Youngho is his choice. After all, that’s the queen’s duty and his side of the chess board has been passive for too long. There’s no going back until Youngho draws the check mate. He’ll ask for forgiveness when he’ll be gone, there is none for him in this life anyway.

  
  
  
  
  


“I don’t usually doubt your plans,”

Junmyeon leans back into the armchair facing his desk, eyebrows raising with impending doubt. “But I’m afraid we’re making a mistake here.”

The drug lord is not affected by his words if his usual indifference says anything. Junmyeon isn’t the type to second guess the alpha, for his ways have always proven to be quite efficient. It’s not that the beta doesn’t want to doubt, it’s that he can’t. There was never a breach before, all plans maneuvered and executed with perfect discipline, Johnny rarely leaves place for mistakes. But this one is in itself a list of a hundred different breaches. Junmyeon can enumerate why this has failure written all over it, and he would still be here tomorrow, doing it. 

“Your approval is the least of my worries,” Johnny says, closing the file in front of him, not in the mood to work on it for now. “I’m not asking for your approval, just for your men’s cooperation.”

“Are you fucking with me, kid?” The beta takes a great kick out of riling Johnny up. They are past the era when the alpha tolerated being called a kid, now that their respective syndicates are on the same eye level, sitting at the same table. But for Junmyeon, he is still that teenager he saw growing up, nothing can change that. “I’m not fucking with the Chinese and less with neutral grounds.”

“When did you start fearing the others so much?” Johnny stands up from his chair, circling a second around his console table for a drink. 

“I would obviously be scared if you lay me a plan so stupid.” 

His comment receives no answer, Johnny leans against the table, more interested in the maroon reflections of his drink than in whatever Junmyeon has to say. It’s pure suicide, to make a shipment from a government based shoreline on neutral grounds. The alpha is obviously calling for any enemies -and they have quite a bunch of them- to slaughter them. It won’t take long for the words to spread, and next thing they know the shipment will be sabotaged. Losing the Chinese’s trust is not even an option when Johnny is trying to retire as fast as possible. 

“Is it because of Taeyong? Is that why you’re not thinking straight?” He finally got the mobster’s attention. Not fully a stare, just the twitch of a lip, but attention nonetheless. “I heard you’re going to be a father soon. More reasons for you to be careful.”

Johnny didn’t think he’d hear the name he has been avoiding so soon. It’s not regret, not guilt, that ball of feeling that’s been stuck in his throat lately. It’s something like worry, unadulterated care and devotion. If he had to turn back time, he wouldn’t change anything that happened, because if Taeyong is going to stand by his side, then he has to fit in. Still, the image of those big eyes filled with unshed tears plague his mind night and day. 

It is not regret, it is the need to reconfort and hold, the need to praise and encourage, to say “Everything will be fine,” but he hasn’t learnt to do that yet. He was driven by anger at the moment, against those who misplaced their loyalty but also against himself for failing to protect and shield. So if Junmyeon is asking then yes, it is because of Taeyong. Taeyong, the people who have been his family for the past years, it is because of them that he makes this reckless decision. 

When the beta faces the long silence, he stands up, patting Youngho on the shoulder with that warmth that says “We are not friends, but we’ve got each other.” 

“I believe you have something up your sleeves, you always do,” the beta reassures, already regretting that he is giving in. Maybe he has been so lonely all his life that his protégé has shaped a caring heart out of his. “But you know mistakes are fatal, don’t you?”

“I’m still alive, ain’t I?” Junmyeon nods at his question. But the price he had to pay to be alive is expensive, and at this rate, he won’t be able to pay anymore. The alpha shrugs the other’s hands off his shoulder before finding his place by the bay window of his office. “Take care.”

It’s Junmyeon’s hint to leave wordlessly, complying but leaving a bit of his concerns behind so they can continue to bother the alpha. When was the last time he looked at the cliff under his window? This same cliff being the exact reason why he chose this side of the town to implant Neo Pharmaceuticals. It was such a pueril and rash decision at the time, yet he made something so big out of it, like he always does. 

And there lies the problem, that mask he is wearing. Pretending everything he does is thought of, only to discover when it’s too late that he only sows misery on his path. He may not show it, not even to himself, but it’s eating him from the inside. Everything he touches ends up in flames, destroyed, whether he tried to do good or bad. Youngho doesn’t meet people, he meets collateral damages. Keeping people at a good distance is the only option for him, his protection won’t be forever, and their only guarantee at surviving is the gap Youngho digs. 

“Hyung-nim,” interrupts his thinking. It’s Doyoung again, who, it seems, always has bad news whenever he crosses the door to his office given the unschooled expression on his face. “Dulwich just called, Haechan is missing.” 

  
  
  
  


It’s raining when Youngho hits the brake,

the sound of screeching tires on the wet asphalt alerting those present at the scene. Just their luck, a missing child under the pouring rain. A few minutes have passed between the alert and his arrival, probably half an hour, he didn’t count after the first traffic light he disrespected. But it is enough for the early stars to paint the dark sky.

The first thing that welcomes his sudden appearance is the sound of Taeyong’s sobs, rivaling with the drops hitting the ground. His tears are the only drizzles that matter to Youngho right now. The omega is uncontrollably sobbing into Jaehyun’s chest, both sheltered under an umbrella as the school staff are scattering around, making calls and panicking. 

Youngho tries to appear calm, thanking Jaehyun with a nod when the other alpha hands him the umbrella before calling his men to gather. There it is, that scent the drug lord despises, Taeyong’s worried state, that bitter smell of pheromones he emanates when pain is taking over his usual sweetness. “Look at me,” Youngho wants to say when the omega doesn’t make a move to lift his head, shoulders trembling from the cold and the violence of his tears. 

“We’re going to find him.” 

Taeyong finally looks up, and something in Youngho punches his chest violently when he is met with the omega’s shivering pupils and red cheeks. Look at him, the ever so eloquent self proclaimed smart ass, losing control over his mouth. In that instant, everything is forgotten, the past days, the past hours, every single thing that carved a distance between them. 

So this is how it’s like to be a parent, Youngho thinks. Feelings of compassion for each other taking over anything else, that indescribable worry for the same person. Love is incredible in so many ways, it hurts you in places you aren’t even aware of, it hurts you in places that are not even inside you but inside another. 

“I- Youngho… Oh dear lord, I…” Taeyong can barely align words without struggling with his breathing pace. “We’ve been looking everywhere, they said he just left, nobody saw a thing, what if someone took him-”

“Hey, darling, look at me,” not such a good idea when the same panic is written all over his face. “I doubt he walked that far with those short legs.”

At least it makes the omega giggle and it’s a small success in itself. 

“Go home, take a rest, I’m bringing him back,” the alpha continues, quickly met with harsh disapproval.

“Are you out of mind? Enough crying, let’s-”

“No, no,” Youngho insists. Taeyong is going nowhere in this state when he can’t even think straight. “You’re the one out of your mind, if you think you’ll roam the street while carrying when anyone can harm you. Go home, you’ll be doing us all a favor, understood?”

It takes a few seconds for Taeyong to finally give a nod, breathing out. There’s nothing as terrifying as knowing your reason to live can disappear one second to the other. Lord knows if the child is even safe. Taeyong wouldn’t be able to forgive himself, wouldn’t be able to live on knowing there had to be a way for him to keep this from happening. That’s the risk of parenthood, failures, the looming knowledge that everything that happens to Haechan in this life is his responsibility. 

He doesn’t expect the sudden soft touch of lips on his wet cheeks, but it’s not unwelcomed, not when he has been craving for a touch. Youngho lingers there for a few seconds, he is not good at dealing with tears, but he can manage a Taeyong. 

“Now, go.” When he pulls back, Taeyong almost makes the mistake to hold onto him, to tell him he has missed him and that he needs him. But it isn’t important for now, everything can wait, Haechan can’t. 

When Doyoung forces a still unwilling Taeyong into the car, Youngho turns to his men and in that second, there’s nothing more he wants than to shoot them all in the head, one by one, including the school staff for letting Haechan out of their sight. His anger will have to wait. 

“Scatter around, what are you waiting for,” Jaehyun yells over the rain and the searches begin, joining the few other men already on the quest. 

Youngho never walked that much in his life and probably never this far, even in the cities he used to roam. But Seoul is big, especially the half residential place Haechan has decided to wander in, wherever he is. He walks the same streets over and over again for an hour, remembering what it’s like to actually run for a purpose. 

The few miles around Dulwich gives them no trace of a small six years old and when Youngho looks at his watch, when he is tired of screaming after his man, when his legs are so numb and the hem of his pants so wet from the puddles, he forgoes the current strategy and jumps in his car. He obviously underestimated Haechan’s willpower to disappear. 

Seocho has never seemed so big than when Youngho drives silently, paying attention to everyone through the rain mosaic disturbing his eyes, at every crossroads, every bus shelter, every corner his sight can reach. For a second he finds himself shaking his head. This is something he promised himself to not do anymore after Jungwoo, to put his heart and devotion on the line for someone. 

Jungwoo was just a child, and Haechan is too, and no matter how much they fuck up in Youngho’s eyes, they need to be sheltered from the world, from that big foolish round world that makes humans out of the nicest little monsters. 

The alpha could have missed it if he had driven a bit faster, but after long minutes of taking the same exit, rounding the same corners, he finally catches it and releases a loud breath he doesn’t know he has been holding. There, under the shelter of a convenience store canopy, that mop of brown hair. Youngho barely cares about the honks behind him when he parks on the curb, he’ll take care of fines later, for now he is too relieved to be minding.

Look at that little devil, slurping on a cup of hot noodle under the artificial light of the convenience store, his small legs dangling against the plastic chair he is sitting on while everyone is worrying to death. 

“Are you the boy’s father?” It is a little woman that bolts out of the store, dressed in a red and blue uniform, addressing him before he can approach Haechan out of precaution. 

He can’t believe a random cashier is more careful than his own men, where is this world going? How to answer her question? Youngho has never thought about it. He fully knows he isn’t the kid’s father, and he has never wanted to be. But he wants them to be something meaningful to the kid, as hard as it is to admit. 

“I am,” he lies anyway to fight the woman’s guard. He’ll lie again and say that telling her that didn’t do something to his heart. 

“Poor kid,” she sighs. “I saw him walking under the rain crying for his dad. I couldn’t help but tell him to wait here until I could get the police.”

“Thank you.” It feels weird to say something he never says, especially to a stranger he just met, but he has never felt this thankful before. He’d let his guard and ego down if it’s for Haechan. “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

“Well, now you’re here, it’s all that matters,” she smiles, giving him a gentle nod before going back inside, but keeping an eye just in case. 

It is truly all that matters. 

“Uncle Johnny,” Haechan calls through a mouthful of burning noodles when he sees the adult approaching. 

He is still a bit wet but Youngho feels reassured seeing the hot packs and towels scattered on the table. He reminds himself to leave a generous tip for the clerk. Through a short second of anger and pure relief, he has to restrain himself to scold the child. The rain and exhaustion probably taught him his lesson. The drug lord takes off his suit blazer under the kid’s questioning gaze and gently drops it around the omega’s shoulders. He has run enough to not feel cold for now. 

“Your father is crying his eyes out because of you,” the alpha scolds half heartedly when he plops down next to the omega, fetching his phone out to alert the others. “Why did you run off if you were going to cry for it?”

Haechan blinks at him once then twice, his cup now empty, small fists tightening the blazer around his frame. Uncle Johnny smells good.

“It was a good idea ‘til I got lost.” 

“You’re not very bright today, are you?”

“I got to eat sausages and noodles,” he shrugs nonchalantly and Youngho scoffs. He isn’t fooling anyone with his false confidence when his eyes are so puffy and cheeks red. The exact portrait of his father. 

“Why would you run off? Under the rain nonetheless.”

Haechan looks like he doesn’t really want to talk about it, eyes casted down. The sight is something Youngho knows he’ll remember his entire life, that small child in a green plastic chair cuddled in his way too big navy jacket. Youngho will remember how he found him, how much he was scared, how the convenience store looked, the smell of the chemical food Haechan has slurped down so fast… He’ll remember it all and maybe, it will be the only image he will see Haechan with as he grows up, only if he is allowed to witness it. 

“Uncle Johnny,” the kid sniffs, tears threatening to spill again. “Why is everyone dying?”

The way Haechan’s little voice breaks at the end pulls the alpha’s guts left and right. He thought he was doing so good before, telling stories and entertaining the kid whenever he had nightmares. But this isn’t a nightmare anymore, this is something he can’t deal with because he himself doesn’t know the answer. People die because that’s life, he doubts it is a correct answer for a child. 

“What do you mean,” he opts on asking instead. Maybe if he makes Haechan talk enough, he’ll get to the answer himself. 

“At school, I hear the teachers speak,”  _ “heard” _ Youngho corrects quickly only to be shrugged. “I heard them ask why uncle Jaehyun is always picking me up, and they said it’s because uncle Yuta died.”

Fate is such a bitch. He used that card against Taeyong a few days ago, accusing him of lacking courage only for that same subject to bite him back in the ass. Being the one to explain it to the kid is the last thing he expected. 

Despite the appearance, Youngho is not that good with words, not when it comes to such subjects. He is a down to earth man, direct and severe with his words, but the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes maybe that’s exactly what Haechan needs. He is a child, still adapting to whatever the adults are conditioning him to. And if he isn’t conditioned to think that death is scary and sad, then maybe Youngho can just speak about his vision. 

Haechan is just like Taeyong, always needing the truth and the truth only. Kids are not looking for sugary words, we’re the one feeding them blindness and lies, they want answers. 

“Well, they die because this world failed to protect them.” Haechan blinks again, his huge gossamer eyes probing more answers out of the alpha. “You watch wrestling matches, right?”

The omega nods eagerly, recognizing a topic he likes, so much that Youngho is afraid that he will miss the point for a second. 

“It’s the same thing, you have to wrestle until someone knocks you down. The game failed you, and you have to leave the ring when you’re too weak to fight anymore.” 

Youngho was wrong to think the kid isn’t very bright today because a little spark lights in his eyes, and that answer seems to satisfy him. 

“Where do we go when we leave the ring?” 

“I honestly don’t know,” the alpha says and he remembers something Taeyong told him once when they both fought a sleepless night.  _ “It takes a lot of courage to admit you don’t know something before a child. And you do it with so much ease.” _ “I suppose somewhere we don’t have to fight anymore. But don’t go thinking it’s a better place, it’s just quieter.”

“So, that means uncle Yuta is lonely where he is?”

“It means he is just resting, sometimes you’re just tired of the crowd being loud. I suppose he is watching you fight your own battles, cheering for you.”

Haechan ponders for a minute, playing with the button on Johnny’s jacket. The latter doesn’t know how fast the gears are turning in that little head, but he can say they are doing their work. The sorrow will never go away, and there will come a time when the child will forget this story like the other ones and fill it with his own philosophy, but that time is still far from now. And until that comes, Youngho is here to entertain his smart little brain, hoping that an older version with Haechan will remember those words and find comfort in them. 

“Thank you, uncle Johnny.” 

He is a bot knocked off his thoughts when the smaller body comes crashing into his arms. He can count on a hand the people he has hugged in this life, he can even list them in less than two seconds, but this little one stays the most memorable one. And somewhere, Youngho finds himself imagining this one piece of happiness will soon turn into two. 

“Anytime, kiddo.”

  
  
  
  
  


By the time Youngho and Haechan comes back home,

Taeyong has already prayed to every god known to humans. Kun has been stressed out of his mind, begging him to just sit down, assuring him that Johnny will find his son and everything will be alright. To which the omega snapped, yelled,  _ “You’re not a father, you don’t understand” _ only to apologize a second later.

Hours have passed during which Taeyong has bit half of his pristine nails off and filled at least five cups of tea with his tears. The heaviness on his mind was such that when the door finally opens and Haechan comes storming in, Taeyong falls to his knees, cradling the small body into his arms, afraid that if he lets go for even just a second, he’d wake up in a nightmare again. 

“I’m sorry, daddy,” the kid murmurs in his chest.

“It’s ok, muffin, you’re safe now,” he replies, tightening his hold with every word that the little omega ends up complaining. Such nerves for someone who just gave him a lifetime worth of grey hair. “Don’t ever do that again, you hear me?”

Even Kun looks like he has been thrown into a rollercoaster. Taeyong feigns ignorance when the beta puts a hand over his ribcage, silently murmuring grateful words. 

“I’m really sorry, daddy,” Haechan pouts, probably not even understanding the heaviness of his actions but it’s fine for Taeyong as long as he isn’t injured or hurt. “Please don’t punish me. Uncle Johnny said you wouldn’t.”

What would that grown infant know, anyway? Speaking of him, Taeyong doesn’t see him anywhere and it only takes him a good look to realize that the jacket wrapped around his son is too big, and smells familiar. He makes a note to himself to think about it later. As soon as his heart has calmed down, he stands up with Haechan giggling in his arms and makes a bee line for the bathtub. He smells like rain and sweat and Taeyong hates it, it reminds him that he has let his son wander in dangerous places. 

“Am I grounded?” Haechan asks sheepishly when Taeyong scrubs the dirt on his skin away. 

“It’s a very tempting option,” the father teases though it holds some truth. But with everything that happened, Taeyong’s own carelessness, his cowardice and lack of attention, he has taken enough punishment for both of them tonight. “Forget about pop-tarts until you turn eighteen.”

“It’s fine,” the kid shrugs, blowing bubbles into his father’s face mischievously. “That’s like in… Soon!”

Yes, soon, for someone who can’t count to ten. 

“But for real, little prince,” Taeyong continues when Haechan is seated next to the sink, the omega’s hands ruffling his hair dry with a soft towel, “Promise me you’ll never stray away again, say you promise.”

“I promise,” the kid answers, finally an adequate expression on his face, fully understanding he is chastised. “I’m sorry again, daddy.”

When Haechan lays in bed that night, Taeyong is reluctant to let him go. He pampers his son with sweet words and pecks on the crown of his head even when he is finally asleep. The omega is somehow traumatized, that if he turns around, Haechan wouldn’t be there. That he could be still out there somewhere, crying his heart out and lost, unable to find his way home. The simple image of it in his head has him anxious.

It’s only when he decides that he is fully relaxed and closes the door to Haechan’s room that he catches a glimpse of that navy jacket on his couch. It smells wonderful, a mix of Youngho’s and Haechan’s scent, a perfume Taeyong never thought he’d love this much, everything he holds dear to his heart. 

He folds it and walks the hallway that separates his quarter and the alpha’s. If his pronostic is right, Youngho should be awake. And it is. He doesn’t even need to reach the end of the hallway, caught in his step by a beam of light coming from the alpha’s personal study. Youngho is indeed fully awake, already showered and dressed in more comfortable clothes, focused on his work under the dim light of the room.

This is exactly what Taeyong has in mind when he imagines a future with Youngho, this, just a man, no other fantasies, no pain, no story. Everything he told his father, this is all he wants. They can be blind to each other’s bloody records, it’s the price to pay for their heart to be clean, and Taeyong is willing to pay it as many times as he has to. 

“Still working, at this hour?” He knocks softly on the door, gently throwing the jacket on the couch facing the desk. 

Youngho looks up from his work, totally unsurprised, having distinguished the omega’s presence by his scent, as usual. There is nothing Taeyong can do that would surprise Youngho except existing. The alpha will always know, even without watching, if he is around. The surprise lies in being right, and suffocating inside whenever his eyes fall on that marvellous face. 

“Fixing some issues,” the alpha says. It’s funny how he pretends to do so when the next second, he shrugs his work aside.

“Thank you for what you’ve done, Youngho,” Taeyong sighs, leaning against the door frame, enjoying how lovely and young the alpha looks when he has his hair unkempt, and skin flushed from the shower. “For finding him and talking to him.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one thanking you?” The drug lord circles his desk, then leans against it, looking right into Taeyong’s eyes. “The words reached me through Jaehyun. Next time you want a secret safe, avoid sharing it with Jaehyun and Doyoung.”

The omega thought that the simple memory of what he has done would make his guts churn, but it doesn’t, not when Youngho is looking at him like that through his bangs, not when he is admired and appreciated for it. What Taeyong sees is not his choices, just the results they have on the alpha and it’s alright. Because they are a team, and they have each other’s back. 

“Come here,” Youngho beckons for him to come closer and Taeyong doesn’t hesitate, especially when the alpha takes both of his hands in his, holding them with so much care. 

“Are we on the same wavelength now,” he asks softly, swooning at the way Youngho raises their hands next to his lips. “Your hands are dirty, mines are too, so do I belong, now?”

The alpha titters at that. He feels sorry Taeyong thinks that, but at the same time he is proud. He has never asked for another omega to look after and to lose again, and life gave him one who is willing to fight too, one who can stand with him on his fragile pedestal and still balance him perfectly. So he does what he deems worthy, with pure undivided attention, he pecks each rosy knuckles on Taeyong’s hands, worshipping every inch of his falanges, loving the blush maring his wonderful face. 

“Every time,” a kiss, “you’ll do something so filthy for my sake,” another kiss, “I’ll clean them for you.”

_ So your sins will be mine. _

“Then do it properly.” 

Taeyong suddenly pulls the alpha closer, nestling in his neck, taking the man aback. It smells wonderful, Youngho’s skin, his entire body, his entire being. It’s so enticing Taeyong finds it unfair that his clothes get to share it more than he does. Those damn stupid and pompous suits. 

“Mate me, Youngho.” 

He has never wanted something so much in his life, never been so sure before. And by the hand settling on his waist, it is reciprocated. Every fear and insecurities that have been there before are all washed away. For a second, Taeyong keeps silent, waiting to see if Jongin has anything to say, any unfounded comments in the back of his mind, but it’s empty, as if the man has never existed in his life, everything is gone, the voices, they went to sleep forever. 

“Right now, without a knot?” The alpha tickles the soft skin of his neck with his nose too, more than ready now to stain it with his stamp. “It’s going to hurt like a bitch.”

“I want it too,” Taeyong answers, already lapping Youngho’s skin with his tongue. “I want to remember that pain whenever I look into the mirror, and remember how much I am willing to hurt for you.”

It happens faster than Taeyong would have liked, but it’s more a matter of distraction than a rush. One of Youngho’s palm against the curve of his thin waist, another one behind his head, two wet licks and then he dives. It’s not a surge of electricity, not a fresh cut rubbed with salt, not the loss of a loved one, no pain comes closer to this one. It’s deep, it’s numbing, so much that Taeyong can’t even feel the blood tickle his skin. But it’s wonderful, Youngho’s bite sinking through his flesh so deeply as if he is trying to kiss his bones, so profoundly nothing can ever erase it. 

“Damn,” Taeyong moans, head dizzy. If it weren’t for Youngho holding him so close, he’d be on the carpeted floor right now. “It fucking hurt.”

The alpha unlatches himself, licking away the blood as best as he can and adding a small kiss for the sake of it. Just because right now, this omega, this beautiful and strong omega is his, forever. He takes long seconds admiring his mark, curved so beautifully along the valley of Taeyong’s skin. Youngho is looking at it for so long he suddenly can’t remember anymore what Taeyong looked like without it, a scar so red and deep on his most prized possession.

“Hurt me too, then,” the alpha orders when Taeyong is finally relaxed enough, gaining consciousness. 

Taeyong’s bite is softer, more a matter of strength than a matter of care, but it is no less deep. It tastes awful in his mouth, Youngho’s blood, but at the same time, it’s a taste he’ll forever remember. The alpha may be strong and tall, but a mating bite is a great rival against those qualities. He groans and shivers, stumbling back a bit against the desk. 

Alas, they failed to keep their resolution, the pain calling for arousal and the ministration ends on the couch, Youngo pounding hard into a moaning Taeyong, making a mess. Sweet words fill the confine of the study when euphoria takes over and Taeyong drools on the cushion whenever his alpha touches that sensitive bundle of nerve inside him. And it only decreases when he is fully knotted, Youngho’s cum spilling in every corner of his intimacy, marking more than just the skin. 

“Aren’t you sleepy,” Taeyong asks when they both lay naked against each other, unable to resist the temptation to touch his neck every second. 

It is real, the mark on his neck, so real and he still can’t believe it, even when he admires his own stamp on Youngho, that hot iron stamp so beautiful under the light, more beautiful than any tattoos the alpha has on his skin. 

“I’m never sleepy, not when I have you in my arms,” the alpha says, fingers playing in Taeyong’s hair. 

“Oh gosh, did I hurt your brain when I marked you?” They both laugh, but truth be told, Taeyong loves every side of Youngho, the cold one, the severe one, the corny one but not the restless one. 

That side that keeps him from falling asleep, that side that forces him to hate himself, that side that is the reason why it took so long for Youngho to find him. And Taeyong is reminded of something.

“Babe, there’s a place I want to take you,” he whispers in the broad chest, strong arms holding him close. “Promise me you’ll follow me.”

He receives no answer and looks up, meeting Youngho’s adoring gaze. 

“Do you know what they say about sinners?” Taeyong didn’t expect that answer. 

“That they go to hell?”

“Exactly,” Youngho replies, pecking his forehead and tightening his hold as if to say don’t let go when he is the one hilding. “You and me we’re bound by hell, that’s where we’ll end up. So there is no worse place than that where you can take me, I’ll follow you anywhere.”

Suddenly, Taeyong can say he doesn’t want to hear  _ I love you’s  _ from Youngho anymore when his unexpected poetry can make his heart beat faster. He pulls his lips in a tight smile, not because he doesn’t like it, but because he doesn’t want to cry right now. He’ll follow Youngho anywhere too, he’ll follow him in the darkest places if he has to. But for now, Youngho needs to trust his lead for him to fight his restlessness. 

“We’re leaving when you’re ready then,” Taeyong hides his face in Youngho’s face, already knowing the alpha won’t like what comes out of his mouth next. 

“Where?”

“Englewood.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go folks! This fanfic is unfortunately coming to an end soon and I am so overwhelmed by all the support you guys brought along. This meant a lot to me, writing this and sharing it with you. It's been almost a year and I didn't expect this to go this far when it was supposed to be a two shots (you guys can tell by the increasing number of chapter each time), even I didn't know I'd take so much pleasure on this adventure. See you in the next chapters sweeties!!!!
> 
> My twt: [twt](https://twitter.com/tiana098)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Hope you liked it!! You can find my writing account on instagram too if you want, I basically only write amateur poetry on there: 
> 
> @prompt_it_up


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